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Critique my lyrics

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Post on TSR and win a prize! Find out more... 10-04-2014
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    It's batboy. I got banned for a little while because of the profanity of my previous lyrics. In the mean time, I did this one; it tells a little story:

    Preachers’ spreadin’ like leaches,
    **** religion, I’m a belieber in Selena’s anal features,
    Need these nuns to disperse and
    Make room for puns in this verse

    Stuck on-board a sinkin’ ship so
    starts peter panning out of it
    Litters gold with glitter and
    Steps-up his framework like an alchemist

    A depressed melancholic alcoholic
    Starts to frolic
    No longer ridin’ his majesty’s bonnet
    Growls and prowls
    Steps on calamity, shuns it

    Still lonely though
    You can find ‘em grabbin’
    A quick grub at the pub,
    Sub-atomic ice and lube in
    A cold hot-tub while he’s
    Slumbered up

    Aberrant flagelence starts
    Spreadin’ again like diseased
    Homeless tenants on house arrest
    The crest of a pest inked on his chest
    Scared like a priest checkin’ a toddlers assets

    Starts fallin’ back in an overflowing
    Barrel of spit
    Forms an alliance of no guidance
    Makes no attempt to slice the silence

    Fruit punch mixed with crack and sherry takes toll,
    Future recedes like blackberry bold,
    Bulbs take flickering dips
    Lights start dimming and the trigger
    Marks the ending
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    Would Selena be Ms Scott the lissom news lady ?
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    try to be serious. Looking for feedback.
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    There are a few lines I really like actually
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    Guy. Feedback. Bad? Good?
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    Its good but you aint no jay z
    try making the ending a little less crazy
    A few of your lines are outta beat
    I believe bieber has a fetish for feet.

    There. Critism in a rap.

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Updated: April 10, 2012
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