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Cheated

I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now. He's lovely and honestly the love of my life, absolutely everything a girl could ask for. We are best friends as well as a couple and have a solid relationship (we've been through a lot together).

I cheated on him twice in the past couple of weeks with the same guy. This new guy is genuinely a nice guy, really easy-going, well-mannered and lots of fun. We have a lot in common. We met in a club and I didn't plan on sleeping with him but it happened. The next time we met up, he confronted me about my boyfriend but said he didn't mind, it was down to me. That time I actively cheated on my boyfriend -- I wanted to go home with this new guy and sleep with him.

I feel torn in two. I love my boyfriend, but I'm attracted to this new guy. I know what I did was wrong, but he's irresistible. My bf has been quite absent lately too; he's away at the moment but he doesn't try and message me that often and I feel neglected. It's like the intensity of our relationship has died down and we seem to just be best friends.

I'm just so confused. I don't know what to do. I don't want to tell my boyfriend that I cheated because I'm scared of losing him. But I can't stop seeing this other guy, it's like he has a hold on me. He's fascinating!

What should I do? Please, no trolls. I'm really upset.

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you don't deserve your boyfriend.. you get on so well with him and yet you cheated? I really don't understand people who do that, especially after a year when he fully trusts you! Tell him the truth! Its up to him if he walks away or not
Reply 2
Leave your boyfriend and tell him the truth. If you really 'love' him then it's the least you owe him.
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now. He's lovely and honestly the love of my life, absolutely everything a girl could ask for. We are best friends as well as a couple and have a solid relationship (we've been through a lot together).

I cheated on him twice in the past couple of weeks with the same guy. This new guy is genuinely a nice guy, really easy-going, well-mannered and lots of fun. We have a lot in common. We met in a club and I didn't plan on sleeping with him but it happened. The next time we met up, he confronted me about my boyfriend but said he didn't mind, it was down to me. That time I actively cheated on my boyfriend -- I wanted to go home with this new guy and sleep with him.

I feel torn in two. I love my boyfriend, but I'm attracted to this new guy. I know what I did was wrong, but he's irresistible. My bf has been quite absent lately too; he's away at the moment but he doesn't try and message me that often and I feel neglected. It's like the intensity of our relationship has died down and we seem to just be best friends.

I'm just so confused. I don't know what to do. I don't want to tell my boyfriend that I cheated because I'm scared of losing him. But I can't stop seeing this other guy, it's like he has a hold on me. He's fascinating!

What should I do? Please, no trolls. I'm really upset.


Oh you're 'upset' are you? Your boyfriend is the one who has a right to be upset.
It's pathetic to try and make excuses by saying how 'neglected' you feel. If you felt neglected, you should have spoken to your boyfriend about it rather than going off with some other guy.
You should tell your boyfriend, grovel for forgiveness if you want to be with him. If he (rightly in my opinion) decides to break up with you then you should accept it as being your own fault and get on with your life.
Perhaps next time you should think twice before doing something so despicable?
Reply 4
You don't love your boyfriend. If you did, you wouldn't cheat. You may care for him but you cannot love him. I understand how you feel because I have been in a similar situation. You need to do the right thing by him and end it. It's best you can do it because you can't undo your actions. This will be a learning curve. I can tell you're very upset about. You can move on from this and become a better person. That starts with confessing to your boyfriend. I would move on if I were you because I don't think you relationship with your boyfriend can recover from this.

As you can see, this is quite an emotive topic on TSR and people will come out with replies which sound harsh. I don't believe you're necessarily making excuses (as I don't know the whole story). I don't think you'd posting this if you didn't regret it. But you need to have a stronger character and do the right thing. Facing the consequences is the only action that will make you learn from your experiences. You will have to face potentially losing your boyfriend when you tell him.
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous
What should I do? Please, no trolls. I'm really upset.


I don't know what you were expecting other than a barrage of abuse tbh. People really don't like cheaters, generally.
Original post by Anonymous
I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now. He's lovely and honestly the love of my life, absolutely everything a girl could ask for. We are best friends as well as a couple and have a solid relationship (we've been through a lot together).

I cheated on him twice in the past couple of weeks with the same guy. This new guy is genuinely a nice guy, really easy-going, well-mannered and lots of fun. We have a lot in common. We met in a club and I didn't plan on sleeping with him but it happened. The next time we met up, he confronted me about my boyfriend but said he didn't mind, it was down to me. That time I actively cheated on my boyfriend -- I wanted to go home with this new guy and sleep with him.

I feel torn in two. I love my boyfriend, but I'm attracted to this new guy. I know what I did was wrong, but he's irresistible. My bf has been quite absent lately too; he's away at the moment but he doesn't try and message me that often and I feel neglected. It's like the intensity of our relationship has died down and we seem to just be best friends.

I'm just so confused. I don't know what to do. I don't want to tell my boyfriend that I cheated because I'm scared of losing him. But I can't stop seeing this other guy, it's like he has a hold on me. He's fascinating!

What should I do? Please, no trolls. I'm really upset.


Here's a bright, mature idea: the next time you have problems in your relationship, why don't you talk about it? Not spread-your-legs-for-someone-else about it.

You're so deluded. I stopped bolding the contradictory parts of your post about halfway because it was absolutely mind boggling that you actually believe your own bs!

What are you playing at!

So, so you slipped and fell and another guy ended up with his rod in your clunge, did he? Get a grip. Sex doesn't just HAPPEN - it takes intention, planning, and low status aforethought.

'Cant stop seeing this other guy' - what a load of rubbish, as if you have no choice, you poor baby. Grow up. You are abolsutely choosing to do a poo from a great height on your unfortunate boyfriend, who I hope dumps you for being so easy.

How can you be so cold. Your boyfriend's been with you a whole damn year of his life - why does he deserve this? I suppose you think you can play a violin on here, sing a Rihanna song and generally not have to step up and take responsibility for your own lame decisions.

You should be ashamed, not only for being cheap as chips, but for being thoroughly disloyal and giving the rest of us women a bad name.
PS - oh, and I'd tell you to confess, but I don't think you have the balls.
Reply 8
Original post by Lucia.
You don't love your boyfriend. If you did, you wouldn't cheat. You may care for him but you cannot love him. I understand how you feel because I have been in a similar situation. You need to do the right thing by him and end it. It's best you can do it because you can't undo your actions. This will be a learning curve. I can tell you're very upset about. You can move on from this and become a better person. That starts with confessing to your boyfriend. I would move on if I were you because I don't think you relationship with your boyfriend can recover from this.

As you can see, this is quite an emotive topic on TSR and people will come out with replies which sound harsh. I don't believe you're necessarily making excuses (as I don't know the whole story). I don't think you'd posting this if you didn't regret it. But you need to have a stronger character and do the right thing. Facing the consequences is the only action that will make you learn from your experiences. You will have to face potentially losing your boyfriend when you tell him.


Thank you. I understand that what I did was wrong but if people are just gonna blast me then why bother replying? I have a lot going on right now. My boyfriend played me for a good six months before we even started dating but I kept through it, although I'm not resentful. Nothing defends cheating, I know that. I just feel completely torn in two because I love my boyfriend but at the same time I'm interested in this other guy. If I wasn't upset I wouldn't post, you're right. It's taken a lot for me to write the post in the first place. Thank you for your advice. I guess I'll tell him when I next see him, I can't do stuff like this on the phone or whatever, has to be face to face. Thank you.
The reason why I'm angry is not to do with the cheating itself (I'm not condoning it) but the fact that you state that you love him and care for him.
You don't because you wouldn't do what you have just done.

I don't even know you but in a odd way, I feel disappointed in you. Not gonna bother bashing you but please confess to him and then leave him.
He doesn't deserve you.
Also, as Lucia rightly said, this will be an important learning curve in life for you. Become a better person and change!

:sigh:
(edited 11 years ago)
Reply 10
hmm i for one personally do not like cheaters. I do not see what is so good about it and frankly there are no excuses. Of-course the other guy does not mind. He is getting sex after all.

Anyways, here is a question for u. And be honest with urself.

If ur bf was in the situation u mentioned above and made a post like urs would u forgive him? I highly doubt it.
Tell your boyfriend.

Or leave him.

He doesn't deserve this.

I cheated too (Although I was in an unhappy relationship. I didn't tell him, but I know I had to leave at that point)
I've been through a similar situation recently, and it is horrific. Life is complicated and people on TSR often see in black and white.

It seems to me that however much you like your boyfriend (and I can only go on what you've said here), that relationship was probably nearing its end. I don't know what would have happened if you had communicated with him about how you were feeling - for all I know you didn't even realise you were feeling it until it was too late.

What you need to do now is work out what you want from this situation. Do you want to stay with your boyfriend or go with the new guy? If you stayed with your boyfriend, would you tell him, or would you hope he would never find out? Would the new guy tell him, if you did nothing? If you left your boyfriend, would you tell him why? Do you even want to go out with the new guy? There's nothing you can do until you've decided.

As for me, I went with the new guy and told the boyfriend. I know it might be hard to believe from where you are, but it is so, so much easier to get the hard stuff out of the way than just sit and hope it'll go away by itself. It won't. There's no point telling you that you shouldn't have done it - you know you shouldn't have, but it's done now. All you can do now is try and make the best of what you have. For what it's worth, I'd do whatever you decide to do quickly. Dragging it out will only make it oh so much more painful for everybody. Trust me.
Reply 13
Original post by Anonymous
I've been through a similar situation recently, and it is horrific. Life is complicated and people on TSR often see in black and white.

It seems to me that however much you like your boyfriend (and I can only go on what you've said here), that relationship was probably nearing its end. I don't know what would have happened if you had communicated with him about how you were feeling - for all I know you didn't even realise you were feeling it until it was too late.

What you need to do now is work out what you want from this situation. Do you want to stay with your boyfriend or go with the new guy? If you stayed with your boyfriend, would you tell him, or would you hope he would never find out? Would the new guy tell him, if you did nothing? If you left your boyfriend, would you tell him why? Do you even want to go out with the new guy? There's nothing you can do until you've decided.

As for me, I went with the new guy and told the boyfriend. I know it might be hard to believe from where you are, but it is so, so much easier to get the hard stuff out of the way than just sit and hope it'll go away by itself. It won't. There's no point telling you that you shouldn't have done it - you know you shouldn't have, but it's done now. All you can do now is try and make the best of what you have. For what it's worth, I'd do whatever you decide to do quickly. Dragging it out will only make it oh so much more painful for everybody. Trust me.


I didn't realise how things were getting, how I was feeling about my boyfriend, until it was too late. I usually cling to my morals, no matter what the temptation is, but something made me stop caring about them, as bad as that sounds.

The new guy doesn't know my boyfriend, nor will they meet because of different social classes etc. I know I should tell him. I probably will because the guilt is eating away at me. I'll just have to beg for forgiveness because he's amazing. The new guy is alluring, irresistible and extremely nice, but I don't think that there would be much of a future, although he's pretty much in love with me. He's actually smitten. I want to be with my boyfriend. What I did was a terrible mistake, I can't stop beating myself up about it. I like this new guy but I know who my heart truly belongs to.

I'm already feeling the pain of it being dragged out right now, so I know what you mean. I'm going to sort it out in the next couple of days at the very latest because it's destroying everything. Thank you so much for your advice. I'm glad someone can sympathise with me. Thank you.
I'd bust a cap in your ass if i saw you. Bitch please, get the **** off tsr or you gonna snap yo **** up. You have to come clean.

gangas gonna gang
Original post by DontBeJelBeReem
I'd bust a cap in your ass if i saw you. Bitch please, get the **** off tsr or you gonna snap yo **** up. You have to come clean.

gangas gonna gang


Definitely this. Best response by far. :biggrin:
Original post by PraxxtorCruel
Definitely this. Best response by far. :biggrin:


Lol praxxtor i love you and i've only known you for about 20 minutes. Thank you thank you, cheating isn't good, especially when it happens to you :frown:
Reply 17
”If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one. Because if you really loved the first one you wouldn't have fallen for the second” Johnny Depp
****ing hate cheaters. Either you love him or you don't, if not then get out, if you do love him stop dropping spreading your legs each times mr perfect comes along. FYI you've done it once you'll do it again.

basically i think you're a whore.
Hi OP,

There's a lot of abuse on here, and I can totally understand all the negative reactions, obviously. Cheating is an awful thing to do. I've always been so against cheating; I grew up in a house where my Dad had several affairs and in the end my Mum had a bit of a fling with someone else out of hurt I think, and I always vowed that it was something I would NEVER do EVER. But guess what? I did, last summer. & it is the worst thing I have ever done, without a doubt, and I don't think anything will ever top it.

8 months on and I still feel dreadful. It made me feel suicidal. I've messed up at university quite a lot because I've felt so hung up over my actions. Whilst you cannot expect sympathy for this, as I know that is not what you are doing, because you are the one that has commited the "crime", I understand that actually, it is a pretty hard thing to go through. Whilst you have actively made a decision to go and sleep with this guy, this has only happened once at the moment. At this point, you are not having an affair. So what I would say to you is make a decision NOW: do you want to be with the other guy? If so, you have to break it off with your boyfriend. If it is that you just feel like this was a blip and you want to be with your boyfriend, you have another decision to make - tell him or not. Most people would say tell him, but in my experience, if you are genuinely incredibly sorry for it and vow for it never to happen again, I would say don't - it causes so much heartbreak, and if you really feel like the other guy is not what you want then it is not worth causing your boyfriend all that hurt.

What I will say to you is are you sure you're as happy with your boyfriend as you say you are? Usually, it takes something pretty weighty for people to cheat. In my case, things were pretty bad with my boyfriend. I had been besotted with him, and then all of a sudden when he got a new job he changed, he boasted about all the girls at work who fancied him, started doing things to impress them, and then I had a bit of a breakdown during my exam period, and he completely failed to be there for me, even telling me that he was embarassed of me, but that he didn't want to break up with me as I would only keep trying to get back with him and it would be "really ****ing annoying". That completely broke me. I felt angry whenever I thought of it for a good 6 months after, and I couldn't forgive him. Unfortunately, instead of being the strong person I should have been and going on a break or something then, I carried on, putting more into the relationship desperately trying to make it change because I had been so sure about us before, whilst a friend of mine was there for me the whole time, and yeah, the worst moment of my life eventually happened. I was weak, and did the disgusting thing that I will never ever forgive myself for.

After that, I didn't tell my boyfriend what happened, but I told him all the things I was feeling before the incident and said that I wanted a break. I just hate myself for letting it get to the stage that it did before I was strong enough to say what I needed to say - I was so scared of losing him that I didn't dare defend myself, until I did something that makes me no longer ever able to feel like I am worthy of him. I am now thinking about going into counselling as I still detest myself for what happened, and feel like there's so many things muddled in my head. I adore my boyfriend, he means the world to me and we have come a long way in the last 6 months, but I don't know if I will be able to stay with him for ever knowing what I have done and knowing that I don't deserve him. You need to work out whether you'll be able to live with the guilt if you do stay with him and keep it to yourself. People think not telling your partner about these things is the easy way out, but in truth there is no easy way out, admitting to your mistake is selfish in the respect that it makes you feel better, keeping it quiet is selfish in the respect that you're not providing your partner with a piece of honesty - I think the easiest is to cut and run, end things with your boyfriend without telling him about what happened. You just have to make a decision and make it fast; if you can, I would say talk to someone older about it, they usually have the best advice.

I disagree with those who say that if you cheat, you can't love your partner. I certainly still did love my partner, the problem was that there was a lot of confusion and resentment thrown in there that I should have confronted when it first stemmed, rather than ignoring it and hoping it would fix itself. I hate myself for what I did, and for not telling my boyfriend, although I felt it was the best thing to do, and all I can do now is vow to be completely honest about everything that's going on in my head with him from that point on. I still feel like a complete and utter piece of ****, as most people on here will think I am too, but I feel like I have to just be the best person I can be from now on and try and correct my mistake, hopefully eventually being able to put it behind me one day.

One last thing: everyone goes on about the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater". Try and get that out of your head. It is hard, and you will probably feel like you will never trust yourself not to do this again. But I know I am absolutely determined NEVER to let anything like this happen ever again. You made a massive mistake - all you can do now is to learn from it, and try and live the rest of your life as best as you possibly can, being good to other people at all corners, but to try and look at life realistically, and see potential hazards like this one coming - act to correct them before you fall into them again.

Good luck, and as much as you will, rightfully, hate yourself, try not to be too unforgiving to yourself. Oh, and I know I am going to get seriously negged for this, but the OP wants advice, and while I am completely disgusted with myself and always will be, I wanted to try and give some advice to someone who I felt I might be able to help.

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