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how many dates before you should discuss exclusivity?

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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hi,

    I was just wondering what you guys think about dating. If youve been dating someone how many dates should you go on before you discuss the idea of exclusivity?

    And how do you know when dating has turned into a relatonship?

    And should sexual activity come before or after you are exclusive?

    thanks
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    We had about 6 dates before we discussed it andhad sexual activity before we were 'exclusive'. I guess you just know when it's progressed. For me it was when he'd introduced me to a large number of his friends, we were seeing each other regularly and just incredibly comfortable in each others company. When he started referring to me as his 'girlfriend' it was a sign things had changed :-p.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    anyone else?
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    Depends on the person, but I don't 'date around' anyway, I prefer to see one person at a time, but that's just me.
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    Two for us :p: Basically because right off that bat neither of wanted to see anyone else. Definitely varies from person to person though!
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    It really depends on the other person. I like commitment but some people I've dated don't. With my current boyfriend, it was 4 months of seeing each other at least twice a week before we committed! With others, it's been a handful of dates, nothing more. As for sex, that usually happens before becoming exclusive. Sex is really important for me, so if they're not up to scratch I probably wouldn't go exclusive with them!
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    It really depends on the other person. I like commitment but some people I've dated don't. With my current boyfriend, it was 4 months of seeing each other at least twice a week before we committed! With others, it's been a handful of dates, nothing more. As for sex, that usually happens before becoming exclusive. Sex is really important for me, so if they're not up to scratch I probably wouldn't go exclusive with them!
    ive been seeing this guy and hes quite a bit older but im a virgin and he doesnt know yet :s
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    It truly depends on the person. For my ex it was about 3/4 weeks after we started 'seeing' each other...but for other guys I've been out with it has been a lot sooner. Some guys get funny about it though, I was dating a guy earlier this year and after our SECOND date he told me we should stop seeing each other as he didn't want a relationship, even though we were waay off that stage...talk about jumping the gun!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ive been seeing this guy and hes quite a bit older but im a virgin and he doesnt know yet :s
    Age is just a number -- what matters is that you have a connection and you both have feelings for each other. He'll probably appreciate the fact that you're a virgin too!
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    No figure really. I don't believe there is any timeline other than what feels right.

    If you must know though, mine have generally hovered around the 6 mark.
    #2

    as i am completely inexperienced, I get quite confused by all this. I would want to leave sex until I was in a comfortable boyfriend/girlfriend relationship for a while, but it seems that sex happens before people even have that discussion or am i getting it wrong?
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    as i am completely inexperienced, I get quite confused by all this. I would want to leave sex until I was in a comfortable boyfriend/girlfriend relationship for a while, but it seems that sex happens before people even have that discussion or am i getting it wrong?
    Exactly the same position here. Tbh i'm scared of sex altogether.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    as i am completely inexperienced, I get quite confused by all this. I would want to leave sex until I was in a comfortable boyfriend/girlfriend relationship for a while, but it seems that sex happens before people even have that discussion or am i getting it wrong?
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Exactly the same position here. Tbh i'm scared of sex altogether.
    Depends on your age. In your mid-20s and onwards, sex during the dating stage, before official relationshipness, is pretty standard. Mainly because people start looking for something more serious, and they want to know whether or not you're worth the commitment - figuring out your sexual compatibility is a part of that. Before that age, you can get into a relationship first without much trouble. No need to be scared or worried about it, these things progress naturally if you're ready for them.
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    Totally context/character dependent but essentially what alawhisp said ^^

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ive been seeing this guy and hes quite a bit older but im a virgin and he doesnt know yet :s
    This was the case with my ex (who was 17, I was 24)

    We didn't rush into sex but we probably did still do it too early, although she assured me at the time that she was ready and wanted it; she's changed her tune more recently

    We saw each other on a regular basis as friends for maybe 6 months, and were then seeing each other as (unofficial) partners a few times a week for 6 months before we had sex (having gone official)

    I don't read too much into when a girl discusses exclusivity or puts out, as standalone issues, however many guys will.. so you should be mindful of that too
    #3

    (Original post by alawhisp)
    Depends on your age. In your mid-20s and onwards, sex during the dating stage, before official relationshipness, is pretty standard. Mainly because people start looking for something more serious, and they want to know whether or not you're worth the commitment - figuring out your sexual compatibility is a part of that. Before that age, you can get into a relationship first without much trouble. No need to be scared or worried about it, these things progress naturally if you're ready for them.
    Don't think there's anything that comes more unnaturally to me than physical intimacy.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Don't think there's anything that comes more unnaturally to me than physical intimacy.
    i would have to agree.

    but why is tsr saying your anionymous poster number 1 when im number 1 lol
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    I'm not sure. Damiam Dame isn't my esteemed or generic artist, thus, I'd have to wait a couple of nights.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Don't think there's anything that comes more unnaturally to me than physical intimacy.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i would have to agree.
    Why? Do either of you have some sort of sexual trauma that has occurred in your past? Or is it just nerves, insecurity and so on? I don't know whether either of you have been in a situation where physical intimacy could naturally occur as something that flowed on from where you were at - i.e. snuggling with a partner, kissing or whatever.

    Might be worth getting some psycho-sexual therapy if you're really that worried about it. Large amounts of tension/fear can be soothed by a supportive and understanding partner though, so don't rush anything just to get it out of the way - I doubt it'd help much. Baby steps with a good guy is the way forward
    #3

    (Original post by alawhisp)
    Why? Do either of you have some sort of sexual trauma that has occurred in your past? Or is it just nerves, insecurity and so on? I don't know whether either of you have been in a situation where physical intimacy could naturally occur as something that flowed on from where you were at - i.e. snuggling with a partner, kissing or whatever.

    Might be worth getting some psycho-sexual therapy if you're really that worried about it. Large amounts of tension/fear can be soothed by a supportive and understanding partner though, so don't rush anything just to get it out of the way - I doubt it'd help much. Baby steps with a good guy is the way forward
    Nerves and insecurity i guess. And i am a guy so it's even worse for me.

    I've been in the position quite a few time but i just cant get past cuddling/snuggling. It's like there's actually a mental barrier stopping me from going further. I convince myself that they'd freak out or something.
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    it rele depends how much u like the other person and how much they seem to like you and what the general chemistry is like between you. For me it was like 4-5 days and that was coz i was/still am totally infatuated with her, but if if youre not sure its better to be sure than get into something you cant get out of

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Updated: April 15, 2012
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