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Keeping an independant social life when you have a GF

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    My GF and I have been going out for just over a year. She's not from this country so doesn't have a lot of friends (she has some in London and who she works with but not really a dependable social life).

    We've spent almost every weekend together since we started going out.

    The problem is that I find it hard to do things I used to do, like go round a mates for the night to chill with other male friends (i.e. not a girl-type atmosphere) because I feel bad blowing her out on a Friday or Saturday night.

    Also when we go to pubs with friends she takes aaaages to drink, so when everyone wants to move on to a different place, it puts me in a difficult position where I'm trying to hurry her up without pissing her off and trying not to look like my GF is difficult and I'm under the thumb.

    For example, my friend has invited me round tonight to chill with friends I haven't seen for a while (all guys) but I've arranged to see the GF (as with every Friday night). Now I feel really awkward - I'd like to see my GF, but at the same time I haven't seen my friends for ages and would be cool to do that. But I know if I go to my friends, my GF will have nothing to do.

    Help!
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    I should also say that if I took my GF to my friend's she really wouldn't enjoy it & would probably just sit in silence.

    I'm not painting a good picture of her here - yes she can be difficult (very difficult) but she's lovely & sweet.
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    Could you ask some of your close female friends to have a girls night and just watch a film with her ?
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    (Original post by Spoogle)
    Could you ask some of your close female friends to have a girls night and just watch a film with her ?
    I don't have a massive amount of female friends - 1 close, but quite selfish & lazy (so probably wouldn't do that), another that really gets on with my GF but is very busy... It's tough!

    She's going to start living with me in a month's time so I'm thinking it'll probably be easier then, since we'll be seeing each other every day & we'll both probably welcome a break from each other from time to time...
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    it sounds like a vicious circle you spend so much time with her because she doesn't have a lot of friends or other things to do but due to spending so much time with you shes not going to develop them :/
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    You might love your girlfriend and want to spend time with her, but it's important that you spend time with your friends too. I don't think you should let your girlfriend down tonight because you did promise to see her, but maybe tell her that you haven't spent time with your friends for ages and would like to see them sometime. If she's a decent girlfriend, she won't mind - she has to understand that you have friends as well and you can't (and shouldn't) spend all your time with her.

    I guess it's difficult if she has few friends but I'm sure she could manage a Friday night to herself in the future or maybe go out and make some of her own friends.

    You could always suggest that she comes around to meet your friends and it's up to her to decide whether she wants to or not.
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    Seems like the best option is to get her some female friends so she can socialise with other people whilst you are chilling with your guy mates.

    One of the worst things a guy can do is bring his girlfriend on a guys night out or even to a mates house. It totally ruins the whole atmosphere for you and your mates, sounds awful but it's true.
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    (Original post by Rascacielos)
    You might love your girlfriend and want to spend time with her, but it's important that you spend time with your friends too. I don't think you should let your girlfriend down tonight because you did promise to see her, but maybe tell her that you haven't spent time with your friends for ages and would like to see them sometime. If she's a decent girlfriend, she won't mind - she has to understand that you have friends as well and you can't (and shouldn't) spend all your time with her.

    I guess it's difficult if she has few friends but I'm sure she could manage a Friday night to herself in the future or maybe go out and make some of her own friends.

    You could always suggest that she comes around to meet your friends and it's up to her to decide whether she wants to or not.
    The problem is that we make these plans in like the middle of the week... Whereas other plans prop up on the day, so I can't ever really see a time I can do it without blowing her off....
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    (Original post by Foghorn Leghorn)
    Seems like the best option is to get her some female friends so she can socialise with other people whilst you are chilling with your guy mates.

    One of the worst things a guy can do is bring his girlfriend on a guys night out or even to a mates house. It totally ruins the whole atmosphere for you and your mates, sounds awful but it's true.
    Exactly... It makes it a different night... Like you're at your parent's house...
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    Maybe you need to gently steer your girlfriend towards more hobbies, where she can meet friends? Language classes, book clubs, salsa lessons, evening classes, gym classes... somewhere to meet new people!
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    Does she have any hobbies ? By the sounds of it she's not in any clubs.
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    Congratulations, you are whipped.
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    I doubt she'd expire if you let her have an evening to herself. Heck, she might even want an evening where she can sit and watch a film by herself or something. We all need "me" time. You shouldn't feel like you have to spend all your time with your girlfriend. I'm sure she'd understand that you'd like to see your friends as well. If I had a boyfriend I'd be happy for him to hang out with his friends, I wouldn't want to take him away from them.
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    It's too late to do anything tonight. You're in trouble if you cancel on her this late notice. I understand where you are coming from, mine can be just as difficult, she gets in a mood if I go out with friends instead of staying in to skype. I don't think she would mind if you told her well ahead of time that you were going out with your friends or whatever.
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    (Original post by Steezy)
    Exactly... It makes it a different night... Like you're at your parent's house...
    But at the same time you don't want to tell her this because she'll probably take it the wrong way and get upset. Basically you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

    Just do what other people have suggested and try and get her into some hobbies and push her out her comfort zone a bit so she can make some friends. It probably be a little easier when you move in together like you said.
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    (Original post by Tokyoround)
    It's too late to do anything tonight. You're in trouble if you cancel on her this late notice. I understand where you are coming from, mine can be just as difficult, she gets in a mood if I go out with friends instead of staying in to skype. I don't think she would mind if you told her well ahead of time that you were going out with your friends or whatever.
    The problem is that I don't get this type of notice from my friends....
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    (Original post by Steezy)
    The problem is that I don't get this type of notice from my friends....
    Yeah tbh after I wrote that, I realised that guys generally don't plan stuff and instead just spontaneously go out or meet up. :dontknow:
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    (Original post by Steezy)
    The problem is that I don't get this type of notice from my friends....
    Why not ask your friends in advance to make some plans for next weekend. Then when your girlfriend asks you in the week about the weekend you can say you have already made plans with friends.
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    maybe next week don't make plans with her and then you be the one that asks your friends to do something. (to make sure its not a waste if they don't plan anything)
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    I'm sure she'd understand and is perfectly capable of keep herself amused for, say one or two nights per month, while you socialise with friends.

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Updated: April 13, 2012
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