18 pregnant and want to go UNI!

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Hi hun,

Im 22, and have a 16 month old daughter. I left at the end of the first year when I was 3 months pregnant. I was going to go back in September 2011- and I easily could of done, but i had a change of heart what I wanted to do in a course so have been doing distance learning since September and hoping to start THIS September.

Im not going to lie- its very, very tough. I have a teething baby at the moment so work has been none existent for the past 3 days- and im falling behind. I'm fortunate that I am very close to my family and I am still in touch with my ex boyfriends parents so they are quite helpful with regards to childcare so most of the time if I have a deadline I need to meet and my daughter clutching on to my legs I can ring someone up to come help look after her while I concentrate on my work.

You need a strong support network, but it is definitely do-able- after a year or two. Have a look at the open university and other online degree providers to see if what you want to do can be done online- it will save you money, and make your life a lot easier.

It is very important that a baby has a mother to bond with at first- VERY important. And if worse comes to worse (lets touch wood it doesnt) and baby ends up ill- there isn't much chance you could cope emotionally doing a course and coping with a poorly baby.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 61

NYprincessmaddie

Also, please feel free to PM me at anytime :smile:

. I understand how you must be feeling at the mo- and happy to listen if you want to talk!

Reply 62

Zyyz

Get an abortion you silly women

Reply 63

SFsucks

From what I can see you really only have two options.

1. Go to uni part time a few years after having the child, when your child stars play school.

2. Have an abortion and go to uni full time this year.

I can not see any other sensible option.

Reply 64

zaliack

I'd recommend that you put it off for a year. I'm a young father and I'm definitely glad my daughter was born during college instead of uni. Besides the obvious problems of falling asleep in class and adapting to a new and hectic life style, you've also got to think of some problems which can occur after the birth. For example, my daughter was born with a heart defect - we pretty much spent her first week in hospital, went home, and then a month later she had to have heart surgery. Hopefully nothing like that would occur, but if it did then you wouldn't want to be stressing out with that and exams. When your baby is a year old though, it definitely gets easier as s/he will be into a routine of sleeping/eating, and University would much be easier to cope with.

However, you are only around one month, correct? If so, continue with the plan to go to University. I don't mean to scare you or anything, but there is a possibility of miscarriage particularly in the first trimester, and if that were to happen you may be reminded of it throughout the year out, so it's probably best to continue on with the plan until around the second trimester.

Good luck with everything :smile:

Reply 65

katyness

Original post by ITGIRL

Yes Love, university is extremely easy and you will cope just fine. :confused:

Is this what you want people to say?

Are you even in the correct mind state cause you seem like you're incapable of thinking rationally.

Of course I'm not suggesting it is not possible, of course their is a 1% chance. However if you are going to lower tier university then you might actually find more people like you....

To be honest you need to take time out and re think life....

EDIT: Why neg me? My opinion is justified would you prefer i say she should have abortion???

It won't let me rep you :/

Reply 66

EffieFlowers

I know someone who had a baby during her 3rd year which is the intensest.
It is definitely possible, especially if you have a strong support network. You'll have to have a lot of dedication though, and you'll have to accept the fact that you aren't going to do as good as you normally would have. A lot of mothers suffer from sleep deprivation, which is bad enough for a normal student, let alone a mother who has the massive and time consuming responsibility of raising a little one.

But then, many mothers have full time jobs as well as having a child, yes they are older and have a lot more money (presumably) and can take maternity leave, but you've got the great advantage of living with a supportive family (presumably) which will help a lot.

Just remember to give the baby the time and attention it needs, I know of a young mother who had a baby at 18 (she's now 3) and she only worked part time, but they baby literally went no where, she still doesn't go hardly anywhere. She didn't go to play school, she does not know how to socialise with other little ones. I just feel like she's not being made the most of! So you'll have to ask yourself whether your child will have the best, most enjoyable start in life as possible.

And finally, congratulations!!

Reply 67

Miracle Day

Original post by Iron Lady

Original post by Cyclone33

My thoughts exactly. :s-smilie:

It's custom to say 'congratulations' when you find out someone's pregnant.

Reply 68

EffieFlowers

Original post by Zyyz

Get an abortion you silly women

So wrong.

Reply 69

NYprincessmaddie

Original post by Cyclone33

It's expected for some people to have that reaction. 18 and pregnant don't sit well together.

For idiots like yourself, yeah it does.

Im only 22 and I have a daughter, and guess what- she was planned. I was in a very happy relationship with my fiance and we decided the time was right. Unfortunately (and is with life) things went wrong and we had to break up.

But guess what? I have a lovely little girl. Sometimes she is a nightmare, but I am getting no better pleasure out of bringing up this little person and would do it again 10x over.

Plus, i'm safe in the knowledge that I'm not going to bring her up to be a idiot like your parents did so well with you. Applause to them.

Reply 70

EffieFlowers

Original post by slylee

People come and go, few do anything that contributes to the world, she can kill that baby and have another in 4-5 years and there would be 0 difference.

You're looking from a purely demographic point of view, it's not like that in real life.

Reply 71

Alexandra's Box

The title of this thread sounds like one of those BBC3 documentaries.

Reply 72

Zyyz

Original post by EffieFlowers

So wrong.

Why?

Reply 73

Iron Lady

Original post by Miracle Day

It's custom to say 'congratulations' when you find out someone's pregnant.

Yes, if you're married and an appropriate age with a career.

Then again, I've never met a teenage mother so I don't know how people react.

Reply 74

EffieFlowers

Original post by Jeester

Get an abortion and have an awesome time at uni?

That's a ridiculous thing to day. An awesome time at uni? Are you referring to the oh so crazy student lifestyle? Freshers and eating cornflakes from the box? Grow up a bit. :redface:

If you are referring to having an awesome time learning then I apologise. But I doubt you are.

Reply 75

Dominic101

Original post by Iron Lady

Yes, if you're married and an appropriate age with a career.

Then again, I've never met a teenage mother so I don't know how people react.

So housewives get no congrats?And 50 year old moms?

Reply 76

zaliack

Original post by Iron Lady

Yes, if you're married and an appropriate age with a career.

Then again, I've never met a teenage mother so I don't know how people react.

There's nothing wrong with having children when not married.

What is the 'appropriate age'?

How would you define a career? I wouldn't define working in a supermarket as a career, but I would classify university as a start of a career.

Reply 77

Kazbian

Original post by balloon_parade

Also, if you take a year out, whether you intercalate or defer then when the baby is a little older, you could always use some of your time volunteering in the field you want to work. This will bump up your experience for job prospects when you graduate, especially as psychology is so tough. Just like one afternoon a week or something?

Use the time wisely, this will show your dedication to your chosen career path.

I agree with this. I'm studying Psychology and I'm volunteering alongside uni for these reasons. If you have a year out now, then this would be a great time to do some volunteering/work experience, even if it's just one day a week.

There's no rush to go to uni. Plenty of people go in their 20s and I think you should take a year out given your situation. It's not like it'll be a wasted year. You'll be able to dedicate some time to your baby and maybe gain a little volunteering/work experience (or just save some money if you get/have a job).

I wish the best of luck. :smile:

Reply 78

freakygirlhere

I know someone who was in a similar position; they had their baby during first year, and similarly the father was still around and willing to help her to continue with her degree. Though she did attempt to go back, with the time you need to take out to recover, heal and bond before and after the birth she had missed too much to be able to just step back into her first year. She chose to defer her year and start again in first year in the next academic cycle as not only was she behind on work, but she also realised that a newborn really does need its mother in its early development and the father was financially unable to quit work to look after their son whilst she was at uni (which was very local to where she was living anyway). She is now back on her original course but has changed to part-time so she can keep up and still make the most of her son, boyfriend and social life.

Any offers you may currently hold can be deferred for a year with little to no problem, and though you may not realise now you would find it incredibly hard to keep up with your studies as well as give birth and care for your baby. Taking a year out will only give you the chance to grow as you take on this new role and experience a year out of education for once, so don't be under the impression that you wouldn't be able to get back into it or are any worse a person for deferring - thousands of people who take gap years for various reasons are proof that it can be done.

Good luck with it all, and I hope your parents embrace the situation and look at the positives that'll come out of it.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 79

NYprincessmaddie

Original post by Iron Lady

Yes, if you're married and an appropriate age with a career.

Then again, I've never met a teenage mother so I don't know how people react.

There is no appropriate age, you will never be fully ready to have children.

However, there is an appropriate attitude. I suggest you grow up and change yours if you ever hope to bring up a child properly.