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Poetry.

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    Silence assassinates social integration
    Which is designated to vocally fertilize an outspoken population
    Control over the masses creates external segregation
    Which results in the world facing horrific devastation's
    Revolutions arising in the Middle Eastern nations
    By exploiting the evil and wicked dictators,
    The people are spared political humiliation
    There’s no turning back from the borders of social deterioration
    Friends become enemies, quickly out of the equation
    Not from deliberation but from the evil roots of financial domination
    Banks declarations of increases in inflation
    Results in the resucitation of a nation’s financial reformations
    These hesitations demoralize a countries reputation
    The world is facing another inauguration
    Replacing the evil with subdued elevation
    Will open pathways to God
    Responsible for all great creations
    He who has faith subsides any villainous persuasion
    Because greed is what fuels excessive aggravation
    Befriending alcohol is a sign of desperation
    So the only way out is this heinous intoxication
    This seems to have become a traditional obligation
    Men lose concentration when a lady lacks sophistication
    This is an indication of our social transformation
    Our forefathers would be disgusted with this moral abrasion










    I swear before oath that this world is nocous
    People are frigthened of the prosperous
    They become deceitful
    Sway to the dark side and become monsters
    The roots of evil destroy legacies
    Obnoxious leaders play populous
    This manipulation is fathomless
    The system sedates our conscious
    It psychologically abolishes promises
    Conflicts turn colossal
    Believers become agnostics
    A thrombus in belief makes us wonder if this world is godless
    The elegance in intelligence
    And the elements of wisdom
    Has led great men to conquer their kingdom
    They fight for their homeland and bleed for their vision
    Secluded by the composition of ethnical schism
    Idealogys of self-entitlement creates culutrised divisions
    Blinded by the darkness
    We the people acquire night vision
    Repression is fundamentally monumented by great scholars and scriptures
    Alas historical inscriptions illustrate that hate is infiltrated by the misconceptions of religion
    An insertion of methodical mindsets scrutanise the procession of peace
    It makes us despise our brothers and sisters
    A distance creates which disintegrates our moral subsistence
    So lets become guerrillas
    Evolutionar revolutionaries
    And destroy the existence of great political influence
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    My main criticism is that a longer phrase is used where a short phrase could suffice - on the page it comes across as overly verbose. However, when I was reading it I could picture it working very well to music - did you write it as if it was hip-hop bars? because in that context, i think it would work very well. The alliteration and rhyme is very reminiscent of that sort of music.

    As far as meaning goes, to present your true meaning to more of your audience, it could be simplified - again, the verbose-ness (if that is a word) has a tendency to obscure meaning in parts. See the first two lines - designated is an unnecessary complication; how do you vocally fertilize a population that is already outspoken? The ideas are good but need to be focused.
    Again though, this problem of meaning is overridden when imagined from a rapper - when said quickly the rhythm created by the assonance and alliteration would be pleasing enough as it is.
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    (Original post by spaceape)
    My main criticism is that a longer phrase is used where a short phrase could suffice - on the page it comes across as overly verbose. However, when I was reading it I could picture it working very well to music - did you write it as if it was hip-hop bars? because in that context, i think it would work very well. The alliteration and rhyme is very reminiscent of that sort of music.

    As far as meaning goes, to present your true meaning to more of your audience, it could be simplified - again, the verbose-ness (if that is a word) has a tendency to obscure meaning in parts. See the first two lines - designated is an unnecessary complication; how do you vocally fertilize a population that is already outspoken? The ideas are good but need to be focused.
    Again though, this problem of meaning is overridden when imagined from a rapper - when said quickly the rhythm created by the assonance and alliteration would be pleasing enough as it is.
    It was initially in hip hop context
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    In that case, you got the scansion spot on - flows like the amazon!
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    (Original post by TaylorGang_4)
    It was initially in hip hop context
    I thought the same. I like it if that's the case, but as a poem it seems a little dense. Still good though!

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