[swbp]

Basically, i'm in a massive dilemma in whether or not to confront one of my best friends about her university situation.


Last year she didn't work very hard, attained ADDU, yet somehow got an offer of ABB to study drama at a respected university this September. However she has little work ethic - whilst others have been revising this holiday, she admitted to me that she's done nothing in terms of revision. She's so set on her firm option that she's not even put down an insurance offer, and now i'm worried that she'll be really disappointed if she doesn't get in (which is looking very likely right now). Her brother didn't get his grades and is now just bumming around doing nothing with his life, and i'm worried the same will happen to her.

I need honest opinions - should I confront her and tell her how I honestly feel, or is it none of my business?

[slylee]

Let her fail, if she doesn't care, why should you?

Focus on your own education.

[Besakt]

(Original post by slylee)
Let her fail, if she doesn't care, why should you?

Focus on your own education.

Because he is a friend and not a dick.

[dean01234]

I would subtly suggest that they work harder. Telling someone just to work harder might not always work and certainly in my case if someone told me to work more it would annoy me.

you could talk about how much work you have done and then ask how much she is doing and make disapproving noises when she tells you?

If you share any subjects you could try and encourage her to work by revising when she is around ( in free lessons or something )

Its a difficult situation and you should try to do something but you can't live other peoples lives for them and they have to make the decision to work or not...

**** off I deserved a neg for that... Explain.

[TheWorldEndsWithMe]

I'd express my concern and then move on (although this is funny for me to say since I sounds rather like your friend, but maybe did more work).
If she wants to 'throw it away' or whatever then it's her choice and you can't do anything about it other than be a good friend and comfort her if she doesn't get in (easier said than done).

[slylee]

(Original post by Besakt)
Because he is a friend and not a dick.

Stop living in a dream world. He said she doesn't really care, he'll just end up losing a friend if he keeps on and on.

[Besakt]

(Original post by slylee)
Stop living in a dream world. He said she doesn't really care, he'll just end up losing a friend if he keeps on and on.

I'm not in a dream world. He doesn't want to see his friend disappointed or lose a friend. So he should interfere to help her. This seems like an alien concept to you.

[gearoid94]

I used to tell my friend all the time that if she didn't get her act together she wouldn't get into uni, it's what's friends do, cruel to be kind. Her subject was art and she was always so slow with it and never did any work but now she has 2 really good offers which she was extatic about and they're basically unconditional. Be a real friend

[slylee]

(Original post by Besakt)
I'm not in a dream world. He doesn't want to see his friend disappointed or lose a friend. So he should interfere to help her. This seems like an alien concept to you.

I just don't see any point helping people who don't want it. Someone who really wants to attend that uni and has studied hard, could lose out to her.

[0range]

Snitch to her parents anonymously...

[swbp]

(Original post by Besakt)
I'm not in a dream world. He doesn't want to see his friend disappointed or lose a friend. So he should interfere to help her. This seems like an alien concept to you.

I think you can see where i'm coming from. I really care for her, and want her to succeed, but i'm just worried about nagging her and it affecting our relationship. We've only got a few months left together and I don't want them to be spent awkwardly :/

[Besakt]

(Original post by slylee)
I just don't see any point helping people who don't want it. Someone who really wants to attend that uni and has studied hard, could lose out to her.

Man would it suck to be your friend. Some people don't see the long term benefits doesn't mean they don't deserve help.

[Besakt]

(Original post by swbp)
I think you can see where i'm coming from. I really care for her, and want her to succeed, but i'm just worried about nagging her and it affecting our relationship. We've only got a few months left together and I don't want them to be spent awkwardly :/

Just try to talk to her about it approach her as a friend but try not to talk in a condescending manner which is easy to do in this sort of situation.

[Jimbo1234]

(Original post by swbp)
Basically, i'm in a massive dilemma in whether or not to confront one of my best friends about her university situation.


Last year she didn't work very hard, attained ADDU, yet somehow got an offer of ABB to study drama at a respected university this September. However she has little work ethic - whilst others have been revising this holiday, she admitted to me that she's done nothing in terms of revision. She's so set on her firm option that she's not even put down an insurance offer, and now i'm worried that she'll be really disappointed if she doesn't get in (which is looking very likely right now). Her brother didn't get his grades and is now just bumming around doing nothing with his life, and i'm worried the same will happen to her.

I need honest opinions - should I confront her and tell her how I honestly feel, or is it none of my business?

a) Confront her as she will fail the degree if she is lazy
b) What the hell would she do with a "drama" degree. Just get to not go on the basis of pissing away £40k.

To do nothing makes you a bad person as you put your feelings ahead of her future.

[Iron Lady]

Just subtly inform her that the next few months are very important and it's short term.

Alternatively, wouldn't it be good on results day to have a 'told you so' attitude?

[Chapeau Rouge]

She knows she should be doing work, you nagging her isn't going to make her do anything. I had a similar situation with my best friend during A Levels, she didn't do any work until the last month, spent about two days on her coursework so by then she was already going to get a crap mark. She did really badly in her A levels and decided to take a gap year, re-do her A- Levels and it was an incredibly good thing for her, she grew up a lot, got a job that now can support her during the uni holidays and got to to do some travelling and figure out what degree she really want to do.

What I'm saying OP is let her decide her own path. My friend learnt from her mistakes and became a stronger person because of it, it is not your place to nag or judge if you would do something differently.

[Besakt]

(Original post by Jimbo1234)
a) Confront her as she will fail the degree if she is lazy
b) What the hell would she do with a "drama" degree. Just get to not go on the basis of pissing away £40k.

To do nothing makes you a bad person as you put your feelings ahead of her future.

The only reason for going to university is not to increase your chance of a job at the end.
Maybe she enjoys it and is interested in it.

[Jimbo1234]

(Original post by Besakt)
The only reason for going to university is not to increase your chance of a job at the end.
Maybe she enjoys it and is interested in it.

Well I hope daddy is ****ing loaded because who can afford to spend £40k on a little interest and 3 years of their life?
Stop lying to yourself and just admit that uni is about interest AND a career when it has such a large price tag.

[pyroclastic_blast]

(Original post by swbp)
Basically, i'm in a massive dilemma in whether or not to confront one of my best friends about her university situation.


Last year she didn't work very hard, attained ADDU, yet somehow got an offer of ABB to study drama at a respected university this September. However she has little work ethic - whilst others have been revising this holiday, she admitted to me that she's done nothing in terms of revision. She's so set on her firm option that she's not even put down an insurance offer, and now i'm worried that she'll be really disappointed if she doesn't get in (which is looking very likely right now). Her brother didn't get his grades and is now just bumming around doing nothing with his life, and i'm worried the same will happen to her.

I need honest opinions - should I confront her and tell her how I honestly feel, or is it none of my business?

A lot of universities have 'high' offers like ABB but accept a lot lower, which is likely considering that she got ADDU and they still gave her a place. Thus if she fails to get the grades she could still gain a place.

On a side note: don't worry about her. Failing could be the best thing for her as while bad in the short term it could motivate her to work harder in future. This is a good age/ point in your life to learn the hard way about the consequences of not working and she could really gain from the experience and become more motivated.

[Besakt]

(Original post by Jimbo1234)
Well I hope daddy is ****ing loaded because who can afford to spend £40k on a little interest and 3 years of their life?
Stop lying to yourself and just admit that uni is about interest AND a career when it has such a large price tag.

Student loans exist and based on the current system she will only have to pay back if she earns enough. It's not about how much you borrow but how much you earn that determines how much you pay back if she gets a job that is not very high paying she may not even pay it back.
Spending three years of your life on something that interests you and you enjoy is three years well spent in my eyes.
Well that's a matter of opinion and the price tag shouldn't put anybody off applying to university unless it's for a second degree because of how it is funded and you pay it back.

I don't want to get into debate about the useful/uselessness of a degree. So I'm just going to leave it at that.