[diggy]

Deleted

[Cake Faced Kid.]

In the very beginning of the script - It would probably sound better if you used 'extract', as it's rare to be presented with an overview type of essay, as you've done. Also, don't capitalise 'Family' in the following sentence.

there are a number of the things going on within the house which may cause such tension to arise - You haven't given any examples of tension, so the use of 'such' doesn't make sense. That sentence in general could be reworded, as it's slightly long winded. Maybe something like - 'Family is a prominent theme throughout the play; the audience get the impression that there is underlying tension between the Birlings, as is shown....'

Priestley has highlighted this point because it show’s that all is not what it may seem to be on the surface of things, to the outside world the Birling’s maybe seen as a very successful family and in turn most people would assume that the home life would be just as rich, but there is a secret lingering in the house of Birling and with the Inspector’s arrival the secret will be know to all and it could potentially destroy the family. - This is an extremely long sentence, it needs to be broken up into more concise points. 'Show's' shouldn't have an apostrophe. You should avoid using words like 'things', as they are very general, maybe phrasing it like 'Priestley has used this stage direction because it shows how the Birlings are materialistic, which also refers to Mr Birlings capitalistic views. The lack of 'cosy' and 'homelike' furnishings reveal to the reader that the household is used to show Mr Birlings wealth, and represents the cold atmosphere felt by the Birlings.'

I won't do the whole essay because I have my own revision to do, but my main points are
- make sure your sentences are concise and to the point.
- check punctuation and grammer (say's,), and you shouldn't capitalise themes. Commas are also missing (And on an additional note when Mr....) Try not to use / in your essay, use 'or' instead.

The content isn't bad, but make sure all your sentences are faultless, and your points will come across much better.

[MissDramaTeacher]

May I suggest you remove your essay. I always check essays and a quick google search of your first sentence brings this thread up. Someone could quite easily copy your essay and you are leaving yourself open to plagiarism allegations.

[diggy]

Ok thanks for that feedback this isn't being submitted btw

[pnorm]

What Cake Faced said. I didn't read the essay but as long as you're not waffling and making strong points which you fully develop I'm sure it'll be great.