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I am pathetic :(

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Got a question about Student Finance? Ask the experts this week on TSR! 14-09-2014
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon as I have family and know people on here and I don't want them knowing owt about me.

    I feel so pathetic. I am 19 yrs old, (at uni (local) and staying at home) and I have no social life. I have no life at all.

    During my free time, I sit at home, watching telly and eating. I have no friends (but do have acqauintances), and just have nothing to do. I am often feeling low.
    I have no confidence whatsoever, zero confidence. I can't socialise properly.

    I look at myself, and I feel I see this big fat ugly disgusting thing (me).

    Anyway I want to change. I want to have confidence. I want to go out and socialise. I want confidence. I would love undertake activities, feel motivated and good. I would love to take up bodybuilding (I would love to like Dwayne Johsnon or Mark Wahlberg) and going to the gym.


    But, this is problem. My parent is very controlling, ridiculously controlling. It has impacted me so much. I want to go to the gym and work out and feel great. I can't cos of my parents. It is pretty annyoing that I can't do anything.

    I feel so pathetic. I want to do something without pissing my parent off.

    Your parents seem pretty controlling. Just explain to them that you're adult and no longer their baby.

    About the confidence thing.... I used to be exactly like you. There's one key thing to remember: don't care what others think. Do what YOU want to do, say what YOU want to say. Sounds selfish, but hey that's life.

    It may not work for you but I'm just saying what worked for me.

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    (Original post by pr0view)
    Sounds like you parents humiliate whether you stay at home or go so in my opinion your best off leaving so at least your can be independent and begin to build your confidence back up as well as beginning to pursue hobbies like body building. (started myself, very good very good)

    And if you refuse to move away from your parents you can still workout without machines.

    I think the main trick with confidence is just pretending to be. If you act like a boss people treat you like one lmao.
    They really humiliate me and put me down. I feel so bad cos it is horrible.
    If I had money, I would love to pursue independance- not happening.

    I don't feel confident. It is impacting me so much. I do feel pathetic. I have felt on occassion really low.

    Bodybuilding seems to be something, a path where I can feel good about myself.
    How would I workout without machine?
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    (Original post by BarBaBaBaBarBaBaBa)
    Your parents seem pretty controlling. Just explain to them that you're adult and no longer their baby.

    About the confidence thing.... I used to be exactly like you. There's one key thing to remember: don't care what others think. Do what YOU want to do, say what YOU want to say. Sounds selfish, but hey that's life.

    It may not work for you but I'm just saying what worked for me.

    They are controlling. I tried to reason with them but falls on deaf ear. I am stupid and have never made sense to them.

    In fact, It has been on my mind, going to another gym (independant one) and just secretly go there.

    I can think, but it is the doing that counts. I am scared of being humiliated again.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Humiliate me- they let everyone in my family (cousins, uncles, aunties), acquaintances from far back as primary school cos they recognise them to the worker at tesco. They let everyone know how bad of a son I am. It is pretty hard to believe but it is true. They really tell people "oh... is so bad, gone without my permission, worried out of my mind, blah blah blah this or that oerson did something similiar and is now in prison. Am I a bad parent for protecting my son. blah blah blah". It is like why does everyone else need to knw? What have I done that is so bad?

    I help with shopping etc.. .
    Then it sounds as if your parents need to know that you are a responsible adult now and they can trust you and you do know how to be safe on your own.

    Start small, like calling just before you leave work/school and say you'll be back at a certain time and then make sure that you are back at the time you said consistently. With your parents permission, you might be able to join a martial arts club to help with the safety issue. I had to persuade my parents to let me join an MMA club, but now they know that if I go out by myself that I can be safe and I know what to do if I get into trouble, so they tend to be a bit more lenient when it comes to me being on my own.
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    Says someone's replied to me but i can't see it?
    #2

    I'm the same.. I lived abroad for two years, and I loved it, then I had to move back here and return to my old school to do alevels.. the people hate me, I hate them! I live these two totally different lives, the person Ive become, and then my past life! When I go to uni I can finally say goodbye to the old me, and along with it, my anti social side!

    My advice to you, would be to do what you want, not what anyone else or your parents says or whatever.. be your own person, dont worry about others! Maybe get a fresh start somehow, move elsewhere, and become independent, and live your life as you like! OH and another tip, as someone already mentioned - act as confident and as outgoing as you can even if on the inside you want to cry, because people will respect you more. Put yourself out there, try and make friends, but whatever, don't pretend to be someone other than yourself.. thats the problem Im facing now.. and theres no way out of it until I leave school for me!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am an adult. I do wish I had some lee way or some control. My student loan has gone to my parents so no money. It would be so difficult and it is a huge huge step.

    Yep, family is asian. I wish I was not asian. I hate being Asian.
    Don't think that. I'm half Asian and there is nothing wrong with that. I agree, the families are slightly stricter with what you can do, but they do it for your benefit (or so they think!)

    Make the best of every opportunity and try to think positively (: How about trying to confront your parents are asking them for some more lee way?

    Although you have some problems, try and look on the bright side, and you'll automatically cheer up a bit (: Once you have finished uni, you can get your own place, and get your own money. Do you have a job? If not, try getting one to earn some money, so you can become more independent and so you don't have to rely on your parents for money.

    I'm sure there'll be a positive outcome. Good luck! xD
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    (Original post by pr0view)
    Says someone's replied to me but i can't see it?
    It sometimes takes a while for the posts to show (damn the internet connection :rolleyes:)
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    (Original post by lanky2610)
    Then it sounds as if your parents need to know that you are a responsible adult now and they can trust you and you do know how to be safe on your own.

    Start small, like calling just before you leave work/school and say you'll be back at a certain time and then make sure that you are back at the time you said consistently. With your parents permission, you might be able to join a martial arts club to help with the safety issue. I had to persuade my parents to let me join an MMA club, but now they know that if I go out by myself that I can be safe and I know what to do if I get into trouble, so they tend to be a bit more lenient when it comes to me being on my own.
    I understand where you are comming from and totally get it. I would love to prove myself to my parent, if I had the opportunity.

    I think I should mention that I said "parent" and I come from single parent household. That together with being Asian - puts me a really difficult position.
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    I can certainly empathise with the sitting at home, watching TV and eating, although I'm not at university yet. I have no idea how I'm not at all overweight.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I understand where you are comming from and totally get it. I would love to prove myself to my parent, if I had the opportunity.

    I think I should mention that I said "parent" and I come from single parent household. That together with being Asian - puts me a really difficult position.
    Ok I'm not having a go at you or anything so please try not to be offended by this...

    "If I had the opportunity". That is a classic sign of you making excuses for yourself. That will be your downfall unless you change.

    Take this example: Thomas Edison as you may know is one of the most famous inventors in the world. A little less well known fact is that he only got 3 months of schooling. Imagine that 3 MONTHS!!!

    Now, imagine if he had said to himself "If only I had had the opportunity to go to school more, I might be able to invent stuff".

    Rant over. I hope I managed to make my point.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I understand where you are comming from and totally get it. I would love to prove myself to my parent, if I had the opportunity.

    I think I should mention that I said "parent" and I come from single parent household. That together with being Asian - puts me a really difficult position.
    Sorry about me keep mentioning parents, I didn't notice the missing s. In what sort of area do you live? - just trying to understand your parent's point of view on if there's a dangerous area nearby they're worried about. I can sort of see that she might be worried about the main focus being bodybuilding - it does have something of a bad reputation what with steroids

    What about if you and your parent agreed to do something together, a common goal to go for? If there's a charity you both support, you could go on a fun run to support that charity, or have some activity to do at the weekend like swimming?
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    (Original post by sherlock holmes)
    Ok I'm not having a go at you or anything so please try not to be offended by this...

    "If I had the opportunity". That is a classic sign of you making excuses for yourself. That will be your downfall unless you change.

    Take this example: Thomas Edison as you may know is one of the most famous inventors in the world. A little less well known fact is that he only got 3 months of schooling. Imagine that 3 MONTHS!!!

    Now, imagine if he had said to himself "If only I had had the opportunity to go to school more, I might be able to invent stuff".

    Rant over. I hope I managed to make my point.
    I got your point loud and clear. For me, it is hard cos I don't want to hurt my parent.
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    (Original post by lanky2610)
    Sorry about me keep mentioning parents, I didn't notice the missing s. In what sort of area do you live? - just trying to understand your parent's point of view on if there's a dangerous area nearby they're worried about. I can sort of see that she might be worried about the main focus being bodybuilding - it does have something of a bad reputation what with steroids

    What about if you and your parent agreed to do something together, a common goal to go for? If there's a charity you both support, you could go on a fun run to support that charity, or have some activity to do at the weekend like swimming?
    Yes, I am from a single parent household. I don't think it is dangerous.
    Bad rep but it is something I want to do. You don't need to take steroids.

    We never do activities together apart going to tesco.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I got your point loud and clear. For me, it is hard cos I don't want to hurt my parent.
    Has your parent not hurt you by preventing you to have a social life, humiliated you and ultimately driven you to feel so depressed that you started this thread???????

    I think that counts as hurtful?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, I am from a single parent household. I don't think it is dangerous.
    Bad rep but it is something I want to do. You don't need to take steroids.

    We never do activities together apart going to tesco.
    Perhaps that's part of the problem, not doing anything together other than shopping at tescos. Your parent might not think that they know you particularly well enough to let you out on your own and know that you will be safe. Perhaps do more together, instead of locking yourself in with a tv, sit down with your parent and talk to each other over tea and biccis. It'll take time, but eventually they'll learn to trust you and you should be able to go to the gym without a problem from them. Cause having a big argument about being an adult does nothing except reinforce the idea that you're a still a teenager having a tantrum
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    make those acquaintances your friends, and make your family your friend/ or at least try to spend quality time with them, that's always a good thing.
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    Have a poo, take your mind off things.
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    (Original post by lanky2610)
    Perhaps that's part of the problem, not doing anything together other than shopping at tescos. Your parent might not think that they know you particularly well enough to let you out on your own and know that you will be safe. Perhaps do more together, instead of locking yourself in with a tv, sit down with your parent and talk to each other over tea and biccis. It'll take time, but eventually they'll learn to trust you and you should be able to go to the gym without a problem from them. Cause having a big argument about being an adult does nothing except reinforce the idea that you're a still a teenager having a tantrum
    Apparently visiting tesco is enough as a family activity- remember my parent saying that once in response.
    I am at home 24/7, the obv know a lot about me. I don't even have a personality or a hobby or anything. I don't know what I am. If I don't explore the big wide world and know what I like and don't like, how will I know.
    I haven't given them anything not to trust me.
    I am tired to trying to keep my parent happy all the time, even keeping myself unhappy so that my parent can feel that they have power, feel secure.
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    (Original post by sherlock holmes)
    Has your parent not hurt you by preventing you to have a social life, humiliated you and ultimately driven you to feel so depressed that you started this thread???????

    I think that counts as hurtful?
    It is hurtful. I don't know what to do or say.

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