[Anonymous]

OK, here's the deal. I'm the most insecure person there is. I feel like a total loser all the time, even without reason. Many people think I'm not shy and I talk quite a lot. But then again, when I'm with people that I don't know or don't get along well, I don't talk. Err, at all.

I would like to just 'come out of the closet' as a very shy and quiet person, because that's what I really am. The constant pretending that I'm not that shy, that I'm actually just hard and cold and independent, it's really wearing me out. The problem is, I feel like that if I just take off my mask, I will just break down. Seriously, I'm not hard, I'm so SOFT that I don't think I would be able to take it. All the criticism, stressful encounters with new people, etc.... I think I have some sort of a social anxiety, because I can't survive social situations without pretending to be easy-going and confident. In reality, I am none of those.

This really is like a dead end street. I don't want to pretend anymore because it's exhausting and wrong, but I don't want the whole world to see how nervous and unsociable I really am.

And what I fear the most, is that no one will ever want me as his girlfriend. Let's face it, there are millions of more confident and appealing girls out there...

[SepticArt]

99% of everything about me is fake... I put on this brave face of confidence, independence and positiveness towards life. People come to me when they have problems because they think I'm a really good person to talk to because they think I'll be able to give them hope etc. It's weird because half the time I don't really know what I'm talking about but it always seems to work out for me

I used to feel worn out pretending to be someone I'm not but I quite enjoy it now and it's become the new me... I don't even have to try to be this other person I just up naturally from the moment I wake up.

[Anonymous]

I'm exactly the same.

[senator88]

You must not be shy if you are able to act like that anyway (or you wouldn't be able to do it) ? What's the difference?

[Burt]

There's nothing wrong with not talking to strangers. I think it's a British thing, because from what I've gathered we're one of the only countries with a stigma attached to social interaction with strangers.

How about your friends? Do you feel you can be open around them and act like yourself? That's what I look for in my friends, they allow me to act like the biggest idiot with no fear of how they'll judge me - I guess that's what friends are for, allowing you to be yourself. I'm sure if you act like yourself your friends will have no problem accepting it, it's not like being shy or nervous is a crime. It's just a common personality trait.

I'm no expert though and won't know you nearly as well as the people you're close to will, talk to them and let them know how they feel. I know as you said, you're shy, but it'll really help. Trust me, if you have a meaningful conversation about how you feel - you'll get a lot out of it.

If you really feel it's a big issue though, I'd recommend getting into acting/theatre/drama and so on. I do absolutely loads of it and know it really helps with my confidence, interpersonal skills, teamwork and so on. Even if it doesn't, it's still normally great fun.

Maybe you worry about what other people think too much, I guess it comes down to that overused cliché; just be yourself.

[jumpingjesusholycow]

You seem like you have a lot on your mind and don't have anyone to be 'yourself' around.

If you ever fancy a chat, just PM me

[Dragonfly07]

I think that how you are now is your natural state. You said so yourself, you'd feel weird if you acted shy.

The only reason it feels fake is probably because of your anxiety of what others think of you, which is the only thing you need to get rid of. Once that's done you won't need to pretend and whatever you are will come out. You sound like a person who likes to express herself.

[Mickimus]

Edit

[g_star_raw_1989]

Just be yourself, it is really that hard? You cant be that shy if you're really good at pretending you're not?

[dulciemae]

I bet 60% of people that clicked on to this thread thought it was about a guy that pretended to get 'hard' lol.

In a serious response to your question though, I'm the same too. No one knows how insecure I am really, I even put on a front to my best mate most of the time, she'd just tell me to shut up and man up haha.

Wish 'learning to love yourself' was really that easy. And there's someone for everyone though. Someday you, I and thousands of other people feeling the same will realise that.

[hypercaine.]

Was expecting a chav saying hes bored of trying to act 'hard' in front of his mates so I guess ill be going now, no lolz to be had.

[SepticArt]

Trust me keep up the brave face and it will grow on you... I've been doing it for about 4 years now and now from the moment I wake up I just adopt this fake person but it works a charm... I have loads of friends, I'm positive towards life and I enjoy every second of it... but only because I'm putting on this fake person. Infact I don't remember how to be the person I used to be

[Ras17]

(Original post by dulciemae)
I bet 60% of people that clicked on to this thread thought it was about a guy that pretended to get 'hard' lol.

In a serious response to your question though, I'm the same too. No one knows how insecure I am really, I even put on a front to my best mate most of the time, she'd just tell me to shut up and man up haha.

Wish 'learning to love yourself' was really that easy. And there's someone for everyone though. Someday you, I and thousands of other people feeling the same will realise that.

Seems I'm one of them

[sarah124]

[fishdontsmell]

I agree, being yourself is so hard, because every time I have tried it, it has backfired on me. At least if people judge your "fake" character, it doesn't hurt so bad. So it seems like it is always better to have a shield up.

If it is any consolation, I think most people have some form of armour, and are more soft and squishy inside, like a crab or a lobster. You could perhaps try confide to your closest closest closest friend, and approach the topic tentatively, and if you don't like their replies, you could just laugh it off.

Oh and don't worry about the girlfriend thing.

[vee.k]

(Original post by dulciemae)
I bet 60% of people that clicked on to this thread thought it was about a guy that pretended to get 'hard' lol.

In a serious response to your question though, I'm the same too. No one knows how insecure I am really, I even put on a front to my best mate most of the time, she'd just tell me to shut up and man up haha.

Wish 'learning to love yourself' was really that easy. And there's someone for everyone though. Someday you, I and thousands of other people feeling the same will realise that.

I meant to like this but yeah, there's totally a lot more more people who feel that way too!

[andi2036]

Almost everyone has a bit of extrovert and introvert, you just need to find the right balance

Also think about it positively - at least you have learnt how to 'fake it'. Many shy peple would love that skill! You just need to 'level-up' and learn how to turn it off and on too!

Try to let yourself have a rest from pretending every so often, maybe have a quiet night in rather than go out if youre feeling mentally drained. If you find you need to be a little more quiet when youre with your friends, thats fine! Everyone has quiet days where they dont want to talk much. If im being quiet and my friends ask me whats wrong I usually just say im tired and no more is said.

Do try not to worry about finding a boyfriend! When I met my boyfriend I was *so* shy and thought no one would never want me, but he did and weve been together for 4 years now (I was 16 when I met him). I truly believe there is someone for everyone and I know plenty of shy girls with boyfriends who love them anyway.

[Lewk]

Interesting to hear that from an 'outgoing' person (as you appear to others anyway), but I think you need to meet someone who you can be yourself around. Maybe try 1 to 1 friendships rather than group friendships? I hate friendship 'circles'.

[Antiaris]

I remember being in a similar-ish position as yourself, to do with using a 'mask.'

It was weird. I found that the mask wasn't actually taking more energy, but was simply more destructive. It took a lot more energy simply being me, but then releasing the pent up energy felt a lot better. Maybe instead of slipping off the mask you should push through it with all of your energy.

//My 2 pence.

[Formerly Helpful_C]

You don't need to alter your 'personality' too drastically at once, otherwise it might be too large a shock for some. I used to be loud and, I suppose, obnoxious when I was younger. For some reason or another, I felt like I had to always be the centre of attention, but the problem with that is it becomes a self-perpetuating cycle. Usually, this stems from your life at home. I don't know your situation, but it may be worth considering if that's the case.

To change your 'personality', all you have to do is take small steps. Why not form (if you haven't already) a close group of friends and just "hang out" with them? This would enable you to slowly become more distant from other people whilst not being a complete outcast.