[Anonymous]

Since the new year, I've been seeing an older guy (past university age). I'm really happy being with him, and obviously like him to stay over and hang out with me and that. Unfortunately my flatmates seem to have a massive problem with it (I live in halls) but none of them will explain to me exactly what that is.
He's a lovely person, he's never in their way and he's always made an effort to be friendly with them, but for some reason they won't accept him and are shunning me.

I was never very close with the majority of my flatmates, but it still hurts that I don't feel like I can participate in flat nights out, or even go into the kitchen without conversation stopping. The girl who was my best friend here up until now barely talks to me. Despite the agreement we had that everyone would put in money to buy group presents for people at birthdays - which I have always done - no one did anything for mine. When I told them I thought it would be better if I lived with other people next year they were openly relieved.

Basically my question is: is it worth making an effort to try and rebuild the friendships or at least try and get us to a point of less awkwardness, or should I just give up? I don't know if I want to be friends with them any more, but then I would rather the last few months of uni be more bearable than at present.

Thanks

[ratherchloe]

Can't you ask one of them what the problem is?

[senator88]

They don't seem like nice people if you ask me :/ I guess you could try and talk to them. Failing that, the only thing you can do if you don't want it to be awkward is to continue to be nice to them...it should only be awkward on their part, then, if they are rude

[jumpingjesusholycow]

For whatever reason, it seems like they don't want to be your friend. Don't take it to heart, some people at uni just get weird and/or cliquey like that. It's just how it is so don't force yourself to be more chummy than you need to be. Just be civil, throw the odd smile, make conversation when it feels natural and otherwise form your own friends outside of their circle.

[Anonymous]

I can relate to this as in the being ignored on your birthday, nights out etc. It was only half of the people I lived with though so wasn't that bad. The question I asked myself, and you should to, is that do you REALLY want to be friends with these people? Having to make such an effort to be around them when they are so rude?

Its just what I asked myself anyway, and I decided to just ignore them really. I myself wouldn't want to have friends like them as they aren't friends really

Just how I saw it for myself really-not trying to say my approach was the best or anything

[eff01]

Dude, they seem like dickheads to me, if they can't accept the fact that you are happy with your boyfriend, then they are not friends worth having. Best way is to confront your flatmates, ask them directly what the issue is. You have nothing to lose, it's not as if they are going to stop talking to you as not being horrible they are already kind of doing that, so go for it. Be confident and confront them.
Hope it all works out.

[emclme]

Maybe something has happened that you are not aware of, or maybe they feel awkward around your new boyfriend for some unknown reason. If I were you, I'd ask your ex-best friend what the problem is, otherwise you're always going to wonder what it was. At least if you find out you have something to either sort out or bitch about. I suppose that once this awkwardness has passed you might be able to rekindle some friendships but if it were me, I'd be pissed off that they all joined together to hate you, so maybe it would be better if you moved out, made a fresh start?

[HoneyFlux]

its the fact that you have a boyfriend. its always easy to gang up to the girl who's got the guy. are your flatmates all single?...if yes, then its definitely cos u got a man. its jealousy.

[Pandabär]

Is he living in the flat they pay for, rent-free? If he's not paying rent and is eating their food and using their electricity and heating, I can see why they could be annoyed at his freeloading.

If not, move on and find nicer friends- it's not long untill the end of term anyway, so don't let it get you down.

[TrueUnitedFan]

Seriously, i would tell them to do one. If you haven't done them anything wrong and they are acting like that, you should wash your hands of them.

I think it's really bad also, that you've contributed to everyone's birthday and no one did so for yours. Seriously get rid, don't even think of trying with them, not them acting like that.

[iSoftie]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Since the new year, I've been seeing an older guy (past university age). I'm really happy being with him, and obviously like him to stay over and hang out with me and that. Unfortunately my flatmates seem to have a massive problem with it (I live in halls) but none of them will explain to me exactly what that is.
He's a lovely person, he's never in their way and he's always made an effort to be friendly with them, but for some reason they won't accept him and are shunning me.

I was never very close with the majority of my flatmates, but it still hurts that I don't feel like I can participate in flat nights out, or even go into the kitchen without conversation stopping. The girl who was my best friend here up until now barely talks to me. Despite the agreement we had that everyone would put in money to buy group presents for people at birthdays - which I have always done - no one did anything for mine. When I told them I thought it would be better if I lived with other people next year they were openly relieved.

Basically my question is: is it worth making an effort to try and rebuild the friendships or at least try and get us to a point of less awkwardness, or should I just give up? I don't know if I want to be friends with them any more, but then I would rather the last few months of uni be more bearable than at present.

Thanks

Some people do act awkward because they're homophobic.