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Terrified of sex.

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Applying to Uni? Let Universities come to you. Click here to get your perfect place 20-10-2014
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    #1

    I'm twenty and I've never had sex. It just scares me; being naked in front of somebody else and I'm scared that it will really hurt.

    Does anybody have any advice?
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    I was the exact same, I lost mine while I was 20 though
    You just need to learn to relax I did it when I was finally relaxed about it and thought it was the right time.. pity it wasn't the right guy though lol
    It doesn't hurt, don't let people who had bad experiences make you scared!
    #2

    Need to be relaxed and it shouldnt hurt that much, if your not relaxed or calm then yeah it wont be pleasant.
    #3

    im in exactly the same boat except im 21.

    i almost had sex with this guy last night but im paranoid about hiv/stis
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    Once you get truly comfortable with being in the person you love's company than you shouldn't feel so afraid about being naked with them, even though it'll feel a bit weird at first. And it's best to ease into sex and not think 'let's definitely do it today', as it may not work out right then. It'll happen when it does
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    I think most people are nervous about it first time because of all the horror stories but it really is fine. Don't expect anything spectacular the first time, but for me it really wasn't as bad as people made it out to be - it does hurt a bit, which takes away from it, but if it's with someone you love and trust it is a special thing and it is enjoyable. I suppose if it's just a quick, no strings attached thing it won't be that enjoyable.

    It does hurt, but not that much - if it hurt so much people wouldn't go back and do it after the first time! It gets so much better after the first time, but if you use condoms (which is obviously recommended), use lube to reduce the friction or it will hurt more.

    As for being naked in front of someone, this is the reason why you should do it with someone you love and trust, because they'll encourage you and tell you you're beautiful and the worries will melt away before long and you'll feel comfortable. Don't rush into it and try to act confident - if you act it on the outside, it'll help you to feel it on the inside

    As others have said, the most important thing is RELAX. Seriously - if you tell yourself it will hurt then it will because you'll be tense and so you'll tighten up so to speak and it will hurt. If you relax, the pain will be so much less and you'll enjoy it more
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    I think sex is a bit weird myself.
    Just sayin'.
    #4

    Make sure it's at least a nice guy if not someone you really like and trust. Don't do the one night stand with a random guy you met at a club!! When you're kissing and before clothes come off just let him know you're pretty self conscious and to be gentle because you've never let anyone before so... type thing.

    You've got nothing to be scared of. Most people felt exactly the same as you did.

    Few things will make you feel more comforatble with showing your nakie body:

    1)make sure you're nice and clean everywhere. This might sounds a little ott but if you reckon that a particular night will be the one then carry moist toilet tissue and have a little freshen up before things 'get going'
    2)shave
    3)smell good (see 1)

    Because it is your first time it may hurt but less so if you're relaxed. So make sure he knows how you're feeling and that you are a little nervous. 1, 2, 3 will just help you to feel more relaxed as well.

    Don't worry. Just don't let it be someone that's going to use and abuse you.

    Take care sweet
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    just be with someone youre truely comfortable with
    someone who loves you for you, who loves your body and will make sure they take it slow and make sure you enjoy it

    dont be scared - its natural (but use a condom)

    xx
    #5

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    im in exactly the same boat except im 21.

    i almost had sex with this guy last night but im paranoid about hiv/stis
    haha me too.
    I might sound really sad but before i have sex i am going to make my bf have a sti test.
    We were learning about s.t.i. and hiv and it scared me so much
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    Have some alcohol before you start getting down.
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    I agree with what most people have said...but not with the paranoid people worrying about STIs.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    im in exactly the same boat except im 21.

    i almost had sex with this guy last night but im paranoid about hiv/stis
    To all the idiots who are so scared of HIV. In the uk the chances are 0.01% of getting infected after unprotected sex.

    The only real dangers are chlamydia and genital warts - both very easily treated.

    (Original post by Tilly87)
    Once you get truly comfortable with being in the person you love's company than you shouldn't feel so afraid about being naked with them, even though it'll feel a bit weird at first. And it's best to ease into sex and not think 'let's definitely do it today', as it may not work out right then. It'll happen when it does
    Why do so many people insist that sex should only be an act between you and a person you love?

    Honestly, sex is something much like eating. We require it for survival and it's something we all do.

    It does not hurt and it's not unpleasant, even if you don't orgasm its amazing.

    The only problem is how you have psyched yourself up.
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    For myself it's important it is with the right person, not a disrespectful dishonest user or game-player.

    Having major surgical scarring myself, if I'm going to get naked with someone, respect is pretty damned important - someone disrespectful who will gossip in an immature way behind my back is an absolute no-no.

    I fail to sympathise with views which say respect or integrity aren't that important. Having sex with someone is pretty intimate and by its nature involves a large extent of trust. Nothing damages trust more than dishonesty or game-playing. A disrespectful sexual partner has the potential to lead to a lot of mental and emotional hurt.

    So I'd suggest finding the right person (not necessarily a life-partner but certainly not just any old user either), not just losing it to whoever for the sake of it. Having sex should also be a personal decision and NOT the result of peer pressure or trying to be "cool". Nobody is a "loser" for not having experienced it.

    Oh and finally, forget about religious zealots who judge premarital sex as a sin, not just for themselves but judgmentally imposing their standards on everyone. They are brainwashed and deluded.

    Nothing wrong with a bit of "do it yourself" too to find what floats your boat.



    P.S. The hell was that worthy of a neg for?
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    If you're so scared your probably not ready. Everyone is ready in their own time, don't feel pressured to start because you are 20.
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    you just need to find a person who you feel comfortable with. that's very important. if you think of having sex with just any person, it is pretty weird. but when you love someone it just comes naturally. it does hurt, i'm not gonna lie, but it passes.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm twenty and I've never had sex. It just scares me; being naked in front of somebody else and I'm scared that it will really hurt.

    Does anybody have any advice?
    awww bless you!

    well dont be scared of sex far from it, once you've taken the plunge (no pun intended) it's quite the opposit! just find someone you're comfortable with, it doesn't have to be someone your in a relationship with either.

    obviously the first time maybe use lube, take it slow and do it with someone you know and trust.

    as for the whole 'being naked with someone', you know you dont have to be compleatly naked first time!? when i first slept with my current bf (but he wasn't the first person i'd slept with) i kept my tank top and/or bra on throughout, he didn't mind cause i was so good at everything else :P but as i got more comfortable with him i didn't mind being my naked self with him

    hope this helped x

    edit: and it doesn't always hurt first time, personally it felt a bit errmm odd but not painfull
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm twenty and I've never had sex. It just scares me; being naked in front of somebody else and I'm scared that it will really hurt.

    Does anybody have any advice?
    Trust me, its no biggie. Bit of an anti-climax to be honest, i lost it when i was 15 and hav'nt felt proud/bad either way.... just make sure you feel safe, comfortable and relaxed with whoever you're doing it with. Trust me, it gets better and its quite instinctive... Dont let fear taint it.
    #6

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm twenty and I've never had sex. It just scares me; being naked in front of somebody else and I'm scared that it will really hurt.

    Does anybody have any advice?
    the first time i had sex, i was really nervous. there was a point where we were kissing and i just knew what was going to happen next, but the most important thing for me was that it was with someone i really liked and trusted.

    the first time we tried it didn't work - i got nervous and just kind of froze up - it wouldn't go in but he was so kind and when i felt upset he just made me feel better. then the next time i felt myself getting nervous again, but then i looked at him and realised i did want to do this.

    kissing also helped to distract me, it makes me feel all dizzy and relaxed! it helps to play around beforehand for as long as you need - when it's dry down there it won't feel nice. i can't remember it hurting the first time, i found condoms were actually good because a lot of them have lube which makes it smoother.

    if it's a guy you like, then you can talk to him. it feels like an awkward thing to bring up, but when i just said to my boyfriend 'i'm scared', he then made an extra effort to be gentle with me. we've now been together 2 years

    good luck. and have fun!
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    (Original post by ArcaneAnna)
    Why do so many people insist that sex should only be an act between you and a person you love?

    Honestly, sex is something much like eating. We require it for survival and it's something we all do.

    It does not hurt and it's not unpleasant, even if you don't orgasm its amazing.

    The only problem is how you have psyched yourself up.
    we don't require it for survival, wtf. if we did, how would priests, nuns, etc. be alive o.O not everyone does it, some people choose not to. you can always mastubate.

    it does hurt in your first time, and it can be really boring sometimes, depending on your mood and your partner.


    it's not about psyching yourself up either, it just an insecurity that most of us have before having sex for the first time. it's completely normal.

    i do not condemn casual sex, but if you do it with someone you love it is much better and much more meaningful.

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