Terrified of sex.

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we don't require it for survival, wtf. if we did, how would priests, nuns, etc. be alive o.O not everyone does it, some people choose not to. you can always mastubate.

I think they were referring to the survival of the human race.

Original post by hannaaahlima

it does hurt in your first time, and it can be really boring sometimes, depending on your mood and your partner.

Doesn't always hurt. My first time certainly didn't.

Reply 41

Jar of Hearts

Jar of Hearts advice on losing virginity:
1. Get suitably drunk first
2. Do some stretches
3. Wear pretty underwear so you feel at your sexiest
4. Have I mentioned be drunk?
5. Lights off. or a lamp.
6. Be all "THIS GUY WANTS TO BANG!!! because i am looking fine today. and i will bang. we shall bang. we shall bang together. It might hurt but it will get far far far better in future."
7. Sit and smile because you just banged.

In all seriousness, you will be nervous. But it will be ok because he shall be considerate. Make sure he knows that you're a virgin or else he'll try dive in there and that just will not work.

Reply 42

SubAtomic

Original post by ArcaneAnna

To all the idiots who are so scared of HIV. In the uk the chances are 0.01% of getting infected after unprotected sex.

The only real dangers are chlamydia and genital warts - both very easily treated.

Add pregnancy to that then I'd agree a little more.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 43

littleone271

Original post by Anonymous

I'm twenty and I've never had sex. It just scares me; being naked in front of somebody else and I'm scared that it will really hurt.

Does anybody have any advice?

Right... how you're visualising the whole thing... it isn't like that. I'd had sex with my first boyfriend 3 or 4 times before I'd let him see my boobs.. let alone my lower regions.. Sex is better when you're comfortable with being naked and it stops it being quite so restricted but for some people it takes a little while to build up to that.

It will probably hurt a little bit but if you use tampons and masturbate before you start having sex with somebody then you'll have an idea of what to expect. All women are different. Some experience quite a bit of pain (probably mostly because they aren't doing it right in my opinion) and some experience none at all. I think most of us fall somewhere in the middle though. The key to making it as pleasureable as possible is making sure it's with somebody you can relax with. Providing you're relaxed and you take your time then it shouldn't be a painful experience.

If you know it's with the right person and you're maybe just a little bit nervous then try having a glass of wine or two beforehand to loosen you up a little (excuse the pun). Obviously don't get drunk.

I know you might feel like you're weird for being a virgin whose scared of sex at your age because these days most people lose their virginity before 20 but don't worry about it. Screw everyone else, wait til you're in a situation with somebody you feel comfortable with and whose willing to take things at your pace. Just believe me when I say that sex is nothing to be scared of at all and you shouldn't ever let your nerves surrounding sex rule your relationships or stop you from getting close to guys you like.

Reply 44

hannaaahlima

Original post by ArcaneAnna

So...how do we reproduce exactly?

If making babies isn't a necessity for survival, same as food and water, I must be some type of idiot?

Pain during 1st time: 50/50 - there is only the slightest little bit of pain if the hymen is still intact (majority of girl will have broken theirs well before having sex for the first time). Rest of the pain comes from what you're expecting, being too tense etcetera. Hence when I was talking about the state of mind, this is what I was on about.
If you think it'll be **** and horrible and hurt - then it will. If you look forward to it and anticipate an amazing experience - you'll love it. It's all in the head.

Why would you have sex if you're not in the mood? I would never have sex unless I'm in the mood. There is absolutley no point. Unless, of course, you're a couple desperate for a pregnancy.

People cannot handle the truth.

you said sex was necessary for survival, not reproduction. sex does not necessarily result in reproduction. so i think you are talking about the survival of humanity, not individual survival.

i've never met anyone who hasn't felt pain. even if your hymen is broken, it is virtually impossible not to feel pain the first time you have sex. it's just a fear we all have to get over.

Reply 45

ArcaneAnna

Original post by SubAtomic

Add pregnancy to that then I'd agree a little more.

Implants, iud/ius, pill ... shall I keep going?

Original post by hannaaahlima

I'm really confused now. So according to you...reproduction is not a survival necessity?

Yet again, I stress about the pain - it only hurts because that's what people EXPECT, they're too tense and not enjoying themselves. If you get this whole concept of pain out of your mind, relax and enjoy the ride - it will not hurt. It's completely and utterly all in your head.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 46

Jakeh

Original post by ArcaneAnna

Yep but people are naive as usual.

Reply 47

Anonymous #11

Original post by ArcaneAnna

What about herpes? Also extremely common - 70% of people in the UK have hsv-1 and 12% have hsv-2 - and can be passed through genital-genital or oral-genital contact in the absence of symptoms. Condoms offer little protection against it, it isn't tested for in UK sti tests, it is highly stigmatised (if unnecessarily) and you carry it for the rest of your life.

Reply 48

ArcaneAnna

Original post by Anonymous

As you said it's highly common (although I'd say oral more so than genital), hard to prevent and as far as I know there's no treatment at the moment...
However, many people can go their whole life without symptoms - for the unlucky ones that do break out, I believe it's painful but not lethal.

The reason I said that chlamydia and warts were the worst ones - they're highly common and can also cause long term damage if left untreated.
The other std/sti's that are lethal or chronic have a fairly low prevalence in the population.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 49

fitou

Anna is right; there's no point in any sexual activity if you don't want to, so why bother worrying about it? You're only going to hurt yourself if you force yourself into it.

Reply 50

alice4thamoon

Original post by hannaaahlima

i've never met anyone who hasn't felt pain. even if your hymen is broken, it is virtually impossible not to feel pain the first time you have sex. it's just a fear we all have to get over.

But quite a few people on here have said they felt no pain. Several people I know said they didn't feel any.

Reply 51

medbh4805

Original post by ArcaneAnna

Rape is not sex.

wtf are you on about? I never mentioned rape. Consensual sex can still be awful, it just depends who you're with. Can you not understand this? :lolwut:

Reply 52

ArcaneAnna

Original post by medbh4805

wtf are you on about? I never mentioned rape. Consensual sex can still be awful, it just depends who you're with. Can you not understand this? :lolwut:

No, I can't. I can't understand why anyone would have consensual sex if they're not enjoying it?
If you ever have been in that situation, and before you ask yes I have, you very simply say no and stop.

As I said before, the only sex that you may not enjoy that I understand is when a couple are trying to concieve - hence have a routine, timetabled sex. However, even this is still pleasurable, albeit not at the time, since they may end up concieving.

I thought you were talking about sex without consent.