Partner has beaten me up, and I try to make him stay with me. ????
Jo is qualified youth worker with years of experience, working at Against Violence and Abuse. Jo will be on TSR from the 26th March talking to those that have any questions about the subject in our dedicated Q&A. Please read our opening post for more information.
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- Anonymous poster #1
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Partner has beaten me up, and I try to make him stay with me. ????My partner and I have had a few fights end up a little physical, I have broken 2 bones, and he raped me twice in one night.
But he has said today he doesn't want to be in a relationship any longer - yet I am the one wanting him to stay (I know I deserve better, and a relationship without any violence or fear), yet I am crying, and wanting him to stay with me.
I'm not sure why, If I go back to before I met him, if you told me the situation of our first bad fight I would have said I would leave and not thing twice about it, yet I seem to be defending him, when even he can't do that
Not sure why I am doing it, or how to stop defending him in my own mind, Just feeling very confused and lonely at the moment from all these thoughts -
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Re: Partner has beaten me up, and I try to make him stay with me. ????Hi
Thanks for your message, i am really glad you were able to talk about this on here.
Firstly i want to reassure you that the way you are feeling is totally normal. It is quite common in these situations to love someone still but hate their behaviour.
It sounds like the relationship has been very violent, the fact that you have been raped and had broken bones really concerns me. Have you spoken to anyone about this before?
There are many reasons why some people want to stay in abusive relationships, a common one is still loving someone or being scared to be on your own. It is also common to defend the person who is abusing you and many victims will blame themselves (even though it is never their fault).
From an objective opinion, i would not want you to stay in this relationship. It is not safe and you deserve to be treated with love and respect. I am not surprised you are feeling confused and lonely though. Can you talk to anyone about this? Friends or family? If not, there are some great support organisations out there. This link has a lot of info on about some of them:
http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help
I am sure that in the future you will meet someone who will treat you properly and with respect, but right now we need to help you move on safely from this relationship. I really want to encourage you to talk to someone, especially about the rapes as this can have long term effects on you. If you are in London the Havens are great, and if not there are brilliant rape crisis centres around the country.
Please take care and come back to chat if you need to,
jo
