(Original post by wanderlust.xx)
Hmm, I understand. I had a rough time at school and especially sixth form, and I've met some really nice people at university even though I haven't really connected with more than one or two.
Before I give some concrete advice I think it might help if you had a bit of a background on me:
In first year I really wanted to just be normal. I wanted to go to university and have some normal experiences and feel like I'd lived my life a little. I did, to a certain extent, even though I was commuting.
Second year was a little more chilled, and I focused on my degree.
Third year I realised that focusing on my degree just wasn't working, and I was increasingly worried that not being able to network and talk to a huge range of people was going to severely hamper by job seeking ability. So I tried to expand my comfort zone - I ran for the student council and I ran a workshop, taught second years and just tried to 'come out of my shell'. After all that I still
felt weird. I still wanted to just sit in my room and watch a movie rather than go out to the SU, and I still rather wanted to just chill with a group of 3 people rather than sit there with a bunch of acquaintances.
So, thinking that I was still abnormal and an absolute weirdo, I moved out. For the first time in my three years. My line of thinking was, 'if I can't handle uncomfortable situations how am I going to function after university?' So I've been at uni for about 4-5 months now, and I tried everything student life has to offer - going down the pub, the SU, etc etc. Honestly? I still feel like I'm on the outside of society, looking in on all the people who seem perfectly happy and content with their friends.
My flatmates are extrovert too, like yours, and what made it worse was that two of them are going out, another is their best friend, and one other bloke they got on really well with moved out, and guess who got his room? Yes, I did. There was an expectation to be just as cool as he was - to get on with them just as much as he did. It was mortifying. All the while I kept thinking, "no, this is good for me, it'll increase my resistance to awkward situations."
After all this soul searching, this constant chase of being "normal" and sociable, now I just don't give a ****. I just stopped caring about what other people perceive of me, and how I might come across at a job interview. If my parents, whom I love dearly, as well as my close friends have managed to see the good in me, then why am I trying to show it to the rest of the world? The people who know me, the people WORTH knowing, know my strengths. The same goes for employers, I've realised - some I just won't gel with, others I will. There's no point trying to 'fit the mould of society' because somewhere out there, somewhere, there's someone JUST like you who feels the SAME way as you and sees the greatness in you that you yourself are blind to.
Yes, I'm still scared I might end up a loser with 12 cats and no job, living with my parents, but the likelihood is I won't. Hell, you already have a boyfriend and clearly you have friends, so you're already a few steps ahead and obviously there's nothing wrong with you. If there was then you wouldn't have a boyfriend and your family and friends would be virtually non existent.