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Homophobic bullying - your experiences

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    Before people neg me for this, hear me out. This thread has not been created to draw pity - it is a well known fact that bottling up your feelings can make a situation alot worse, and thus I have created this so that those who have recieved abuse can discuss not only how it affected them, but most importantly how they overcame their problems.

    My Story

    My probelms began in year 11. I was, and am still, living in Suffolk, where any kind of diversity is usually not accepted too well. I had come out as homoexual to my parents and closest friends in the summer of year 10 - it was a great feeling, and I felt as though I could finally be myself and start to enjoy my school days a little more. By year 11, pretty much everyone knew I was gay, and most were very accomodating.

    However mid way through year 11 I began to notice a boy giving me cold stares during lessons. He would look me straight in the eyes with a look of sheer disgust, though I didn't understand why. I thought nothing of it, but the situation began to develop. In english one day i was handing out books, and when I came to him he pointed to his crotch and said "do you want some of this bender?". I was initially taken aback, but I just uttered a quiet "no" and carried on. Things were beginning to escalate, and several days afterwards as I passed him in the corridoor he whispered into my hear "I ****ing hate you". I didn't know what to do - none of my friends had been noticing his actions and I was too scared to tell anyone. In short, I felt completely isolated.

    Things reached a climax several weeks later, when I logged onto facebook one night to find a comment from him to another boy saying "Have you seen his (my) profile picture? What a ****ing bent ****". The comment was only the beginning. It had been liked by over 20 boys in my year, and after it followed a 60 comment onslaught of disguting homophobic comments that i don't even wnt to write. I broke down in tears when I saw it. It was completely unprovoked - I had never spoken to this boy or done anything towards him, yet I was being torn to pieces by him and his friends. I just sat alone in my room all night, sobbing and wondering what to do next.

    The next day I drew up the courage to go into school, though I was dreading what would happen. My worst fears came true when I encountered him walking between classes, and he shouted "****ing mincer" right into my face, as his friends followed and just laughed. I felt destroyed. As if his comment the night before hadn't been enough, he felt the need to continue his attack and make me feel even worse about myself.

    Things did improve though. Luckily, I have a brillaint group of friends, who confronted him and basically made him regret the day that he'd ever spoken to me. I was so thankful for everything they did for me, not only in stopping him, but supporting me afterwards and being there for me when I needed them the most. A few weeks later he sent me an apology through facebook. I replied saying "To be honest it's cowardly of you to do this through the internet, and I know you're not being very sincere, but I respect you somewhat for trying to make amends. I just hope that you learn from what you did to me, and don't inflict that kind of abuse upon anyone in the future."

    My only advice is to surround yourself with those who love you the most. In a hard situation, they will always be there and will fight for you no matter what. It was sound heavily cliche, but is genuinely does get better!

    Me? I attained 4 As in my AS exams, and am hopefully off to study Geography at a well respected 1994 group university. He, on the other hand, has been rejected by the military and will remain in Suffolk forever. I walked past him in the street the other day, and he couldn't even look at me as I smirked at him. It does show, that if you persist hard enough, you'll always get the better of a situation
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    I don't really have anything constructive to offer, but this isn't too dissimilar from an article I was reading this morning about a boy named Dominic who experienced homophobic abuse (even though he wasn't gay) and committed suicide. Even more unfortunately, his father hanged himself due to grief.

    So it's remarkable that you've done really well at the expense of the other boy. It's so clear from bullies that they have such low self-esteem, as reflected by his lack of direction in his life. It's so easy to become affected by such revolting bullies and it's reassuring to see people do not let the bullies get the better of them.
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    In most cases when the homophobic bullying has comments like "do you want some of this bender" the person is usually harbouring their own homosexual feelings and are probably gay themselves. They choose to be unnecessarily harsh to people in a position such as yourself as it brings their homosexual tendencies to the forefront of their mind.

    Basically, I bet that guy is a closeted homosexual.
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    sticks and stones.
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    Haters gonna hate I s'pose.
    I've never had any homophobic abuse, but I've only told a handful of people.
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    (Original post by Roxas)
    In most cases when the homophobic bullying has comments like "do you want some of this bender" the person is usually harbouring their own homosexual feelings and are probably gay themselves. They choose to be unnecessarily harsh to people in a position such as yourself as it brings their homosexual tendencies to the forefront of their mind.

    Basically, I bet that guy is a closeted homosexual.
    I honesty, he definately wasn't. He was just creepy though :/
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    (Original post by Roxas)
    In most cases when the homophobic bullying has comments like "do you want some of this bender" the person is usually harbouring their own homosexual feelings and are probably gay themselves. They choose to be unnecessarily harsh to people in a position such as yourself as it brings their homosexual tendencies to the forefront of their mind.

    Basically, I bet that guy is a closeted homosexual.
    Whilst I and pretty much everyone on here agrees that this bullying is disgusting, this "homophobic people are usually gay themselves" rubbish really needs to stop. I'm sure a few homophobes are closet gays, but there are plenty of them who are just bigoted. It's a silly argument. It's like saying a BNP member is secretly black :rolleyes:

    Homophobia is far more prevalent in certain countries and eras, such as Muslim countries, or in the UK, say, before 1970. Are you seriously saying there are far more gays in Muslim countries? Or in this country prior to the onset of liberalism? Probably not.
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    Ugh. Hate it. I'm not gay myself, but I've had to support a few of my friends as they 'came out'. The first one to come out in my year was quite camp, and people would say 'are you gay?' until he had enough and finally said 'yes'. To begin with, people would say things like 'oh, fancy giving me a blowjob? Bender' but he just ignored it and eventually they stopped.

    The worst one was when one of my friends texted me during maths saying 'don't tell anyone, but I think I might be bi'. Somehow, someone managed to intercept the text and announced to the class that '*name of friend*'s gay - Steph just told me' which not only made him feel like crap because he had witnessed the other friend coming out, but because he felt he couldn't trust me. I managed to explain what happened, but people in the class were horrible to him and eventually I asked if I could move to sit next to him. He's got ADHD and Asperger's as well, which, when added to the piss-taking that everyone was doing, made for a horrible experience for him: people would make snide, sarcastic comments that he couldn't decipher because of his autism, and it got to the point where he nearly hit one of the people that was being horrible to him. I felt like hitting them myself. I'm just glad that most of those morons left. Tolerance in sixth form is a load better though, they've managed to get over it.

    On a related note, this song <3 When the names are read out, it really hits home how horrible some people can be about it.
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    (Original post by barnetbuzzzz)
    Whilst I and pretty much everyone on here agrees that this bullying is disgusting, this "homophobic people are usually gay themselves" rubbish really needs to stop. I'm sure a few homophobes are closet gays, but there are plenty of them who are just bigoted. It's a silly argument. It's like saying a BNP member is secretly black :rolleyes:

    Homophobia is far more prevalent in certain countries and eras, such as Muslim countries, or in the UK, say, before 1970. Are you seriously saying there are far more closet gays in Muslim countries? Or in this country prior to the onset of liberalism? Probably not.
    There probably are more closet gays in Muslim countries, because they can't be open about it.

    I agree with your first paragraph entirely though.

    And for what it's worth, I personally think coming out in school is a bad idea. Kids will be kids and if you're different, prepare to be targeted.
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    Oh no this is not what I wanted I am not good with computer
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    luckily where i live the people are very accepting... that said there are no guys out of the closet... i think they might be slightly more unaccepting/passing nastiness off as "banter"


    OP i am so sorry what happened to you... that is just heartbreaking to read... i mean that... some people are so disgusting..

    it does sound to me like that boy is trying to supress homosexual feelings... that's not a negative or positive comment, but psychologists have discovered a lot of people who are most vocal with their homophobia are actually trying to deny and deflect their own feelings... his "i ****ing hate you" comment seems to correlate with this.. on the other hand he could be very deluded and religious... a bit of the psychopath... no offence to military people on here but him applying to the military backs up this because apparently a lot of people like psychopaths/sadists try to get in the military..

    unfortunately homophobia is still strong in this country, though that said, so is acceptance of homosexuality, it's on the increase.. which is something to be grateful for.. and something to fight for too. unfortunately in other countries, specifically muslim/african/asian countries... homophobia is still very very strong.. i don't really know how to describe how unjust it is...
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    (Original post by Bellissima)
    luckily where i live the people are very accepting... that said there are no guys out of the closet... i think they might be slightly more unaccepting/passing nastiness off as "banter"
    My cousin is still in school and she tells me there's a few guys out as gay in her school, which I thought was surprising.

    I left school 10 years ago, back then if you came out as gay it'd have been very bad for you I think.
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    (Original post by Wilfred Little)
    There probably are more closet gays in Muslim countries, because they can't be open about it.

    I agree with your first paragraph entirely though.

    And for what it's worth, I personally think coming out in school is a bad idea. Kids will be kids and if you're different, prepare to be targeted.
    Have you ever been to pakistan? It was weirdly full of men walking around holding hands in public places when I went, and no one even seemed to glance, which is not what anyone would really expect of a muslim country
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    the bully clearly wants op's cock
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    (Original post by Wilfred Little)
    My cousin is still in school and she tells me there's a few guys out as gay in her school, which I thought was surprising.

    I left school 10 years ago, back then if you came out as gay it'd have been very bad for you I think.
    it's surprising... there was a guy in the year above me and it was pretty much known that he was gay.. but he never "came out" publicly... but i think he may have to his friends (that said he wasn't in that kind of "lad" group of friends... you know the guys i mean).. that's about it as far as gay guys go in my age group..

    it's weird because there are like 5 lesbians and 3 bi girls

    i think the guys in my year... they are nice people in general.. but i know a few who would pass some homophobia off as banter
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    (Original post by SuperFantasticB)
    Have you ever been to pakistan? It was weirdly full of men walking around holding hands in public places when I went, and no one even seemed to glance, which is not what anyone would really expect of a muslim country
    it's the same in other countries round that area... like you see police officers doing that and stuff.. i'm not sure what it's all about because homosexuals are persecuted in these countries... but i think it's mainly seen as platonic hand holding... part of the culture...
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    (Original post by Wilfred Little)
    There probably are more closet gays in Muslim countries, because they can't be open about it.

    I agree with your first paragraph entirely though.

    And for what it's worth, I personally think coming out in school is a bad idea. Kids will be kids and if you're different, prepare to be targeted.
    Yes that's definitely true, but the point I was trying to make was that homosexuality is pretty much equally prevalent among all societies, yet some societies are clearly more homophobic than others, so it's wrong to suggest that homophobes are usually closet gays.

    Yes it does depend on the school, if a pupil feels he/she is gay then it would be sensible to judge the atmosphere in that school before coming out. I went to a boys' grammar school, we were a pretty intelligent bunch so when one boy came out in Year 10 he received very little bullying, also it would make sense not to come out in the younger years (7-9) as bullying is worse then I reckon. By Year 10 most kids have grown out of that sort of thing.
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    (Original post by Bellissima)
    it's the same in other countries round that area... like you see police officers doing that and stuff.. i'm not sure what it's all about because homosexuals are persecuted in these countries... but i think it's mainly seen as platonic hand holding... part of the culture...
    Yes, hand-holding between two people of the same sex is seen as perfectly acceptable in many countries where homophobia is pretty bad. I have a Nigerian friend who says homophobia is very bad over there, when he came to England when he was about 7 years old, he would try holding other guy's hands as he thought it was normal but then other kids would laugh at him and tell him he was gay. Just different cultures.
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    I don't know anyone who is gay, SO, I can't comment!
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    Used to have this one guy sing "you're a dyke, you're a dyke" over and over to various nursery rhyme tunes. To be honest, it wasn't so much offensive as just plain annoying.

    http://youtu.be/ZR5vgqnxtxg?hd=1

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