Online dating - what a useless waste of time.

Original post by Anonymous

I've been using OkCupid and it's the same. I've messaged a few saying "Hi how're u doing" and i got no reply. Should i persist?

women will never reply if you say that. Women on dating sites don't reply anyway unless you're white, look like you're in a gym 24/7 and earing major cash.

Reply 22

Original post by Anonymous

I've been using OkCupid and it's the same. I've messaged a few saying "Hi how're u doing" and i got no reply. Should i persist?

OkCupid I personally found crap for my area :dontknow:

. When I got said messages, I instantly went to the blokes profile - if I found them boring, I didn't bother replying (as I don't like leading people onto false hope). For me personally, quirky messages, messages that made me laugh, always got my attention, or messaging me with something that actually related to my profile - shows that you've taken the effort to find out more about me. Those are what I use to take into consideration before even responding back to a message. ''Hi how are you?'' is too generic! If you want interest, be different, quirky and you'll get responses.

Reply 23

Original post by jblackmoustache

women will never reply if you say that. Women on dating sites don't reply anyway unless you're white, look like you're in a gym 24/7 and earing major cash.

I take it you've had bad experiences?????? I am female, and I have never ever judged someone on their race, income or body whilst online dating!

Reply 24

Original post by Anonymous

I have been lurking on a famous online dating site for the past two months now. (It's not that I'm socially awkward, it's just that my job prevents me from mixing in with new folk day in day out.) In that time, I've only seen 15 people that have captivated me - and therefore I messaged - but only one replied, and even that was an "argument" because of her use of the word "deserve".

(Nearly) no one on that has the decency to reply to anything! :frown:

They just read, delete, or even just read and leave it there. I don't get what the difference is - in real life if someone had propositioned would you just ignore them, or would you kindly inform them to fsck off?

This has kinda made me more determined to find someone in the real world!

(What are your opinions of this?)

1. Firstly, you must realise that this is NOT something limited to just "women"

The first time I sent out job applications, I sent out a batch of 10.

Out of those 10, ONLY 3 had the DECENCY to reply to say that they had as much received my applications (though of course, they had no available vacancies so would put my letter on file for the next 6 months)

Quite simply, when engaging in correspondence with people who you have NEVER met in real life before, the "normal" rules of engagement do not apply. They do not owe you anything, including a reply. Have you felt compelled to respond to every single piece of correspondence you have received?

2. The prettiest women get a number of emails per day, especially in big cities. Even the less good looking ones will get mail on a semi-regular basis. Them replying just to say "no" will be, quite frankly, a waste of their time. They have absolutely nothing to gain by replying - and as I explained earlier in 1, the "common decency" principle breaks down in any communication which is not carried out face to face.

3. Many of the guys on online dating sites are *****. No ways around it. Not the majority, surely, but a quite vocal minority. A reply from a woman can lead to a guy thinking he has a CHANCE, and thus sending numerous emails because of this flawed idea. Other guys, even worse, will openly abuse them for turning them down, or saying that they're not their type

4. In the online dating world, no reply means "not interested" This is simply how things work. They expect that you will interpret it as such

Reply 25

Stevo112

So girls respond more to money...

Righto i'm going to do an experiment!!!

*gets out suit*

Reply 26

Original post by jblackmoustache

women will never reply if you say that. Women on dating sites don't reply anyway unless you're white, look like you're in a gym 24/7 and earing major cash.

I've got quite a few replies on POF, and I'm black and was a student, and while I'm not skinny, I'm not massively built either.

It is what you put into it. If you select your targets wisely it will drastically increase your chances.

E.g. if you email those who've viewed you, you'd probably get between 50-75% success rate. Of course those who cold call will not get such good results, but you can drastically increase this by tailoring your emails and making them interesting

Reply 27

Original post by dgeorge

E.g. if you email those who've viewed you, you'd probably get between 50-75% success rate. Of course those who cold call will not get such good results, but you can drastically increase this by tailoring your emails and making them interesting

This.

I'm female and it worked for me - making messages personal, different from the norm, you'll get a reply!

Reply 28

Original post by Anonymous

This.

I'm female and it worked for me - making messages personal, different from the norm, you'll get a reply!

Yes. While I agree, the problem is that this doesn't ALWAYS happen, and it is quite possible that a guy can send half a dozen personal well crafted emails and still not get a reply.

Reply 29

Original post by dgeorge

Yes. While I agree, the problem is that this doesn't ALWAYS happen, and it is quite possible that a guy can send half a dozen personal well crafted emails and still not get a reply.

As weird as this is, I always found the blokes I did not find attractive, were the one's who just sent the message of ''Hi how are you?'', whereas those who sent a message which showed interest and were different, those were the 1s that I was attracted to. I am a black girl, and I had messages from men of all races, and I didn't pick and choose. If I liked the bloke, the message was interesting, a message was returned - simple! Maybe im just too nice, polite? lol

May I ask, what race are you?

Reply 30

Anonymous #4

Original post by Anonymous

OkCupid I personally found crap for my area :dontknow:

So what should i say then? Can you give examples? My profile photo is really ugly btw, it's just my large oversized forehead dominating the whole shot

Reply 31

Online dating just isn't worth the hassle. Royal waste of time. The women on there are rude and awful. It's a land where only the very few get all the women

Original post by Anonymous

This.

I'm female and it worked for me - making messages personal, different from the norm, you'll get a reply!

It's VERY hard for a guy to do this. Especially when all the women are so goddamned boring and don't even write a decent profile. How can you make a message very different from the norm when she just simply states 'shopping', 'going out' and 'meeting friends'?

Looks and cleavage is the currency on dating sites and thats that.

Original post by dgeorge

I do try this. Still doesn't work. You can tailor your message and make it as interesting as you like, but if she desn't like your face or body then the deals off.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 32

Original post by Anonymous

So what should i say then? Can you give examples? My profile photo is really ugly btw, it's just my large oversized forehead dominating the whole shot

My profile consisted of wit, sarcasm, basically a personality - that alone, the blokes used to their advantage and would reply with something along those lines, which 9 times outta 10, made me lol. I didn't give away too much about myself, often leaving things 'hanging', which made blokes interested to write to me, asking more about things. My advice would be to sift out the girls/women who are blatant time wasters, and you'll eventually find someone who is genuine. Just read their profile - if they have written a good personal statement, then use that to your advantage (unfortunately it is one part that many people sell themselves short on - don't complete properly, but it's there for a reason!). And then go from there . . . .

As for a picture, I'd say include about 3-4, show a bit of personality, you in different places and etc - it'll show that you're not boring, you actually have a personality. Don't include pictures of yourself half naked - big turn off and it gives the impression you're just there for one thing.

Original post by jblackmoustache

I know it's hard for blokes (the blokes I have spoken to have said the same thing), but keep trying - someone will eventually catch your attention. You just gotta sift through the bad eggs to find the golden nugget!

Reply 33

Original post by jblackmoustache

. . Looks and cleavage is the currency on dating sites and thats that.

I had one picture on my profile; a picture of me smiling, happy in an exotic location. I had a top on, and cropped trousers, I had no cleavage on show, nothing provocative, just me as a normal individual. I did not want to give blokes the wrong impression, as the min. you show flesh, you've more or less blown it!!!!

Reply 34

Kage

Oh yeah, on POF, a female mate of mine gets around 20 or so replies in her inbox, or more a day.

I've been on POF myself as a guy, and also Skout. Both of which are useless. Certainly no messages from girls without making the effort myself.
Same girls all the time which doesn't help.
You send messages. You don't get much back, or no interest at all, and no replies.
Or you have a chat for a few messages and then they refuse to respond.

Makes me feel stupid for being on them because of course, girls don't send messages to guys first, so you have to reply to them, and of course, this makes you "just one of those guys" that have annoyed her today in her inbox, because she simply can't filter through them all.

Its because they get so much male attention. They certainly aren't looking for anything serious a lot of them. They just want to as its been put, get chatted up, without any adverse effects, and of course, plenty of guys there that will do that for them (and of course myself that have on occasion sent messages), so why would they chat to you? Profile pictures says it all for a lot of them out there.

Profiles of a female either just state "ask me" which is pretty common, or don't mention much to reply to at all so you end up being a common one, just stating "hi" as you can't put much else.
Best to ignore any that don't state much.

I also find a girl with good looks is a minority on sites like that. If their are girls with good looks, they usually know it, because their inbox is probably full to the brim already.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 35

Original post by Anonymous

I catch interesting people all the time, but they never reply and there is nothing more soul destroying than seeing someone's visited your profile who you've messaged but didn't reply. That's like saying 'hi' and she just sticks her nose up at you and doesn't say anything.

If I judged women by online dating then I'd be hating them right now.

I'm deleting my profile :mad:

Those bitches ain't ****. Skanks ain't worthy of my attention.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 36

Original post by jblackmoustache

Online dating just isn't worth the hassle. Royal waste of time. The women on there are rude and awful. It's a land where only the very few get all the women

It's VERY hard for a guy to do this. Especially when all the women are so goddamned boring and don't even write a decent profile. How can you make a message very different from the norm when she just simply states 'shopping', 'going out' and 'meeting friends'?

Looks and cleavage is the currency on dating sites and thats that.

I do try this. Still doesn't work. You can tailor your message and make it as interesting as you like, but if she desn't like your face or body then the deals off.

Of course you won't get EVERY one....but having signed up as a female as an experiment the VAST majority of mails were daft one liners. An interesting email won't assure you a reply, but I can tell you that it as sure as hell makes a GREAT difference

Reply 37

Original post by jblackmoustache

Those bitches ain't ****. Skanks ain't worthy of my attention.

I think I must be in the minority, because I always replied to whoever wrote me a message, it's manners! lol

Maybe delete your profile for a lil while, and then go back to it? :dontknow:

That's what I did and it worked!

Reply 38