[Anonymous]

im 21 and planning to lose my virginity soon with my guy mate..

problem is i have vaginismus- my vagina tightens at anything going near it.
i also have a low sex drive- but i really wanna lose my v plates.


should i get totally drunk before we do anything?
how can i make myself want sex more?

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
im 21 and planning to lose my virginity soon with my guy mate..

problem is i have vaginismus- my vagina tightens at anything going near it.
i also have a low sex drive- but i really wanna lose my v plates.


should i get totally drunk before we do anything?
how can i make myself want sex more?

why don't you see your gp? also, how do you know if you have vaginismus if you haven't had sex?

[Pappillon]

Why are you in such a hurry? Especially if you have that condition surely it's even more important that you are relaxed? And surely you would be more relaxed with a partner that you trust and have deeper feelings for than just a mate.. Are you attracted to this guy? If not it will feel really strange doing it with a friend won't it??

You probably will regret it it you aren't ready..

[isawsparks89]

If you're worried about it hurting because of your vagina/it being your first time, then invest in some lube.

This probably isn't for me to say but you sound very eager about losing virginity - are you sure you're doing this for the right reasons? "how can i make myself want sex more?" also makes me wonder if you're actually wanting this yet...you can't force yourself to want sex, you'll regret it later if you're doing it just for the sake of doing it and not actually wanting it. I can't lecture you, of course, just would advise you to revise if/why you want to.

I also think you will regret losing virginity 'totally drunk', a drink or two might ease your nerves though and relax you

[Anonymous]

(Original post by isawsparks89)
If you're worried about it hurting because of your vagina/it being your first time, then invest in some lube.

This probably isn't for me to say but you sound very eager about losing virginity - are you sure you're doing this for the right reasons? "how can i make myself want sex more?" also makes me wonder if you're actually wanting this yet...you can't force yourself to want sex, you'll regret it later if you're doing it just for the sake of doing it and not actually wanting it. I can't lecture you, of course, just would advise you to revise if/why you want to.

I also think you will regret losing virginity 'totally drunk', a drink or two might ease your nerves though and relax you

im fed up of being a virgin and if i lose it then maybe my sex drive will increase when i know what im misssing out on

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
im fed up of being a virgin and if i lose it then maybe my sex drive will increase when i know what im misssing out on

But it depends on who you are with, the amount you are attracted to them, the trust etc. I also think that the first time you have sex really isn't the best so unless you are really attracted to that person and are in a relationship with them you might be put off from trying it again for a while lol

[unprinted]

I am going to join the chorus suggesting that this is not the time. It will help greatly if real desire comes first, which doesn't seem to be the case here.

If you are determined to be sexual with this friend, then I would suggest you rule intercourse out until you are able to enjoy yourself with him. You know that things going near your vagina cause a reaction, so have a deal that there is going to be no penetration, including by fingers, until you say otherwise. That still leaves a lot of activities to try to see if you enjoy them.

Once you are happy being sexual with someone, then - with you in control of what happens when, which suggests that you don't want to be drunk - you can experiment with having something inside you. With lube.

If you do not get to that point and are not happy with being sexual with him, attempting to lose one of your virginities is not going to be a happy experience for either of you.

[xXHolly_90Xx]

Don't just lose it with a friend, you'll probably regret it when you finally have a boyfriend then wished you never gave it up with someone you have no feelings for

Losing it just to be able to say you aren't a virgin isn't a good reason for having sex!

Being drunk would probably relax you more but he might not find it so attractive if you are drunk lol

and I also doubt that you have vaginismus, you wouldn't know until you try having sex

[Anonymous]

(Original post by xXHolly_90Xx)
Don't just lose it with a friend, you'll probably regret it when you finally have a boyfriend then wished you never gave it up with someone you have no feelings for

Losing it just to be able to say you aren't a virgin isn't a good reason for having sex!

Being drunk would probably relax you more but he might not find it so attractive if you are drunk lol

and I also doubt that you have vaginismus, you wouldn't know until you try having sex

a) i do have feelings for this friend.
b) i dont want to do it to say im not a virgin, i just want to have sex!
c) he suggested i got so drunk i passed out.
d) i have vaginismus because i cant be fingered, cant use tampons and spoke to doctor about it already.

[xXHolly_90Xx]

(Original post by Anonymous)
a) i do have feelings for this friend.
b) i dont want to do it to say im not a virgin, i just want to have sex!
c) he suggested i got so drunk i passed out.
d) i have vaginismus because i cant be fingered, cant use tampons and spoke to doctor about it already.

Then thats maybe worse..? your feelings would probably get stronger if you had sex and he might not be wanting a relationship. Id wait tbh, believe me, sex really isn't great outside of a relationship. ONS don't feel that great!

Being with a guy who is willing to have sex with you while you're passed out drunk is pretty worrying!

Fair enough about the vaginismus then, I'm not an expert lol

[sheepy18]

It will be the biggest mistake of your life. Don't be an idiot, wait until you're in a relationship and take your time to relax and hopefully get around your condition. Him waiting for you to pass out is plain creepy.

[unprinted]

(Original post by Anonymous)
c) he suggested i got so drunk i passed out.

A huge sign not to go near him, that.

[isawsparks89]

(Original post by Anonymous)
im fed up of being a virgin and if i lose it then maybe my sex drive will increase when i know what im misssing out on

I think that if being a virgin is that much of an issue for you as it clearly seems to be, then I think you're seriously doing it for the wrong reasons

I also think that if this guy is telling you to be basically rat-arsed, he can't have your best interests in mind. How is it even very important to be drunk, why must you be drunk? I understand that you care for him, but it doesn't sound like he cares for you if he's telling you to be drunk on your first time. Wait until the right person comes along who shows some compassion.

You don't have to wait til you're in a relationship necessarily, but you deserve way better than a guy who is obviously objectifying you. Especially as you sound quite sensitive about the whole situation, it would be terrible if you ended up not remembering anything and you getting hurt.