[Anonymous]

Hi guys, was wondering if I could get a perspective from people who are in a similar situation to that of the people I'm living with.

Basically, a couple of my housemates have been diagnosed with clinical depression. It sucks for them because it really seems to have affected their lives, and I care about these guys so I want to do whatever I can to help. The issue is though, the house is becoming somewhat unlivable. Basically they just don't do washing up, and the result is we have a kitchen piled high with plates and stuff going off... bins overflowing... etc.

I tidy up after myself and occasionally tidy up after them to an extent, but with final exams and coursework round the corner I don't really have time to tidy the kitchen regularly to such a massive extent. I do periodically ask (politely) if they can clean up after themselves but the results are limited.

I want to add, please don't think that I'm pointing the finger or moaning in any way. Whilst I know I can never understand what it's like to be suffering depression, I totally appreciate what they're going through is tough which is why things are happening as they are. I just want to find a way to approach the issue that will work for both of us, because the state the kitchen's in is really, really getting me down. I often feel disgusted whenever I step inside it, and have taken to staying at my girlfriend's quite regularly as a consequence.

I apologise if anything I have said here has come across as offensive in any way, that was not my intent at all and will be the result of little knowledge or understanding about the illness. I would appreciate any suggestions you guys might have from the perspective of people suffering similar issues.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi guys, was wondering if I could get a perspective from people who are in a similar situation to that of the people I'm living with.

Basically, a couple of my housemates have been diagnosed with clinical depression. It sucks for them because it really seems to have affected their lives, and I care about these guys so I want to do whatever I can to help. The issue is though, the house is becoming somewhat unlivable. Basically they just don't do washing up, and the result is we have a kitchen piled high with plates and stuff going off... bins overflowing... etc.

I tidy up after myself and occasionally tidy up after them to an extent, but with final exams and coursework round the corner I don't really have time to tidy the kitchen regularly to such a massive extent. I do periodically ask (politely) if they can clean up after themselves but the results are limited.

I want to add, please don't think that I'm pointing the finger or moaning in any way. Whilst I know I can never understand what it's like to be suffering depression, I totally appreciate what they're going through is tough which is why things are happening as they are. I just want to find a way to approach the issue that will work for both of us, because the state the kitchen's in is really, really getting me down. I often feel disgusted whenever I step inside it, and have taken to staying at my girlfriend's quite regularly as a consequence.

I apologise if anything I have said here has come across as offensive in any way, that was not my intent at all and will be the result of little knowledge or understanding about the illness. I would appreciate any suggestions you guys might have from the perspective of people suffering similar issues.

Depression can make simple things like doing the washing up, cleaning your room and even taking a shower incredibly difficult. Everything seems like a massive task which will take a lot of energy to complete when you're feeling really low. But obviously, although these guys are ill, it isn't entirely fair for them to be leaving their rubbish in a shared area such as the kitchen. One thing you could suggest is that they use disposable plates/cutlery? That way they could just throw everything out when they're done eating rather than having to wash it up. Otherwise it might just have to be a case of you sitting them down and explaining that you understand how difficult things are for them at the moment but you'd really appreciate it if they could make more of an effort to tidy up after themselves - it could be that they simply haven't noticed the state of the kitchen, or haven't thought that it has been causing you an issue, as in their minds it probably doesn't look "bad enough" to warrant cleaning (I know it sounds odd, but when you're depressed, you can leave things for weeks and weeks without thinking they're causing any problems ).

Hope that's of some help, and I hope you can come to some sort of agreement with them Good luck with your exams!

[fleur de lis]

Hi guys,

Just to say thanks to those of you who have been in contact about your concerns with regards to the depression soc and moderation coverage in Mental Health. We're still reviewing the results from the recent survey that we did with you guys and trying to work out the best solution. We'll also be taking on board your comments from this thread and the tail end of the last thread with regards to the name of the society and the conditions/people it caters for. Ideally we want to be able to provide a place or places for everyone to talk about mental health issues, whether that is depression (in its various forms and severities) or other mental health conditions. We also recognise that different people use this thread for different purposes and there is a need to try and cater for each purpose. It's just a case of working out what the best way of doing all of this is Your comments and suggestions are all really helpful and we'll definitely consider them.

I know some of you have also been concerned about the speed at which post reports are being dealt with and the moderation coverage in H&R in general. All of our mods are volunteers and do their very best, but they can't always be online to see and deal with things immediately. We do have processes in place to make sure very serious and urgent stuff gets flagged to us quickly so we can deal with these ASAP but I know sometimes we are not as quick as you would all like. We're in a tricky position at the moment in that we're a bit low on coverage anyway, and it's also exams season which means that many of the mods are tied up with revision. We're reviewing our coverage at the moment to try and work out the best solution both for the short term and the medium to longer term to make sure that we can cover the area and get to things as quickly as possible.

Please bear with us for just a little while longer while we work things out. I'm hoping to be able to come back to you all after the weekend with an update. Hope that's all OK - if you have any further questions or comments about any of this, please feel free to post in Ask an H&R Moderator where either myself or one of the team will be happy to chat to you.

Hope you all have lovely weekends!

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Depression can make simple things like doing the washing up, cleaning your room and even taking a shower incredibly difficult. Everything seems like a massive task which will take a lot of energy to complete when you're feeling really low. But obviously, although these guys are ill, it isn't entirely fair for them to be leaving their rubbish in a shared area such as the kitchen. One thing you could suggest is that they use disposable plates/cutlery? That way they could just throw everything out when they're done eating rather than having to wash it up. Otherwise it might just have to be a case of you sitting them down and explaining that you understand how difficult things are for them at the moment but you'd really appreciate it if they could make more of an effort to tidy up after themselves - it could be that they simply haven't noticed the state of the kitchen, or haven't thought that it has been causing you an issue, as in their minds it probably doesn't look "bad enough" to warrant cleaning (I know it sounds odd, but when you're depressed, you can leave things for weeks and weeks without thinking they're causing any problems ).

Hope that's of some help, and I hope you can come to some sort of agreement with them Good luck with your exams!

Thank you for the advice. I must admit it's been an ongoing issue for quite some time (and something I've raised several times), so I think they're well aware of how much I hate it (I must confess there's been times when I've been somewhat less polite about the state of it - I've been living with these guys for 2 years so a lot of stuff can happen in that time, but I love them to bits really), but it's a recurrent problem. I'm sort of tempted to just stick it out since I'm moving out in about 2 months anyway, but I just wanted to see what people's thoughts were.

[superwolf]

Could anyone give headunderwater a text/phone to see if she's alright? Could be nothing but I'd feel better if somebody checked for me.

[ViceVersa]

(Original post by superwolf)
Could anyone give headunderwater a text/phone to see if she's alright? Could be nothing but I'd feel better if somebody checked for me.

I called AND texted her. She later texted me a while ago saying she's sorry and seemed to be saying goodbye. Her sister has been contacted.

[avhhs]

Wow. First time I'm here today and can't believe what's happened . I don't want our community to split up .

Anyway, been ok today, and seem to have got my motivation to revise back!

Hope everyone has an excellent evening

[superwolf]

(Original post by ViceVersa)
I called AND texted her. She later texted me a while ago saying she's sorry and seemed to be saying goodbye. Her sister has been contacted.

Got hold of her on skype now.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Webberino)

How are you?

I think my mood lifted a bit today but it's back down now though.
Saw another person from CAMHS today about my medication and she clearly hadn't read my file, she didn't know a thing about me. Obviously I don't expect her to know me like nurture or anybody but having a bit of an understanding of what has been going on instead of me having to tell the whole story for the millionth time would be more than useful and much less horrible for me. But anyway, even though my sleep is shocking on it, my dose is being increased on Monday. Yay!
I got a copy of the letter the urgent response CAMHS lady wrote to Shelly (which hopefully means I'll still see her at some point! ) and nurture yesterday. Was rubbish seeing it all written down and knowing it was on about me. A section of it was talking about how smartly I was dressed in my uniform, shyness and my lack of eye contact
Starting to be a third wheel in my friends group again. They're all talking about transport to the leavers do (which I haven't been asked to join in with) which isn't nice. 90% of the time when we're going from a lesson I'll still be packing my stuff up and they'll just leave me by myself yet I wait for them. Sounds childish of me to be offended but it really bothers me. I'd sit by myself but then it comes back to the whole teasing thing.

How are you?

----------------

I like the DepSoc as it is, nice mix of people. Would be gutted to see any of you go leave.

[avhhs]

Something I wrote to try and motivate myself

Hope everyone is happy

[Anonymous]

Can I ask for some advice about how you let your family and close friends know you were depressed? I've lived away from my family for a year or so and although I was affected before, my depression has worsened since then. I keep in touch via phone calls and emails but I've found it impossible to bring up...any suggestions? I thought about calling them when I'm really upset but I don't want to worry them as they can't travel to see me easily. I'm not the most open with my family anyway

[rmhumphries]

Another friend back home created a facebook and didn't look to add me. I know how distant I am from those I was friends with back home, but it doesn't stop it hurting whenever I find another thing that shows that.

[kahinalouise]

hello, i know I am late but it's a new thread
how is everyone today ?
why on earth am i cleaning my room and organising everything into piles according to subject at 4:30 in the morning when i have to wake up at 8.

[SciFiRory]

(Original post by kahinalouise)
hello, i know I am late but it's a new thread
how is everyone today ?
why on earth am i cleaning my room and organising everything into piles according to subject at 4:30 in the morning when i have to wake up at 8.

hi im okay thanks, my sleep pattern being crazy cause of my mirtazapine still so im just gonna take it when I want to sleep iv'e decided

hehe, I do things like that as well, I completely re-organised my bedroom last night at about 3am! I don't have to wake up though!


----


I want to contact the local MIND charity help with my depression, but I'm really anxious about doing so, has anyone here had much experience with them? might help to know other people have had good experiences of contacting them for me to get myself to actually go! thanks and for any replies in advance

[kahinalouise]

(Original post by SciFiBoy)
hi im okay thanks, my sleep pattern being crazy cause of my mirtazapine still so im just gonna take it when I want to sleep iv'e decided

hehe, I do things like that as well, I completely re-organised my bedroom last night at about 3am! I don't have to wake up though!


----


I want to contact the local MIND charity help with my depression, but I'm really anxious about doing so, has anyone here had much experience with them? might help to know other people have had good experiences of contacting them for me to get myself to actually go! thanks and for any replies in advance

your lucky , nope but i wish you good luck with it , let us know how it goes

[SciFiRory]

(Original post by kahinalouise)
your lucky, nope but i wish you good luck with it , let us know how it goes

thanks won't be till Tuesday at least though, weekend then bank holiday!

today I am gonna watch sport and try not to think about anything much tbh!

I hope things with you are good?

[Delain]

(Original post by SciFiBoy)
I want to contact the local MIND charity help with my depression, but I'm really anxious about doing so, has anyone here had much experience with them? might help to know other people have had good experiences of contacting them for me to get myself to actually go! thanks and for any replies in advance

I had counselling with Mind last September-November and it really helped me to deal with a lot of my issues and residual anger. They are very understanding and considerate people and do an immensely valuable service. The wait list is usually about 4-6 weeks and they insist on sending you a leaflet to explain the service which you have to read before they will see you but at least that gets the ball rolling. They call you in for an initial assessment with a counsellor (not the one will you will be seeing usually) and talk to you about your experiences, why you want counselling etc, then put you on the wait list. Often you can get your proper counselling appointment quicker if you are more flexible on times/days and if they get a cancellation so it can be less than the wait time they give you. Usually the sessions last around 50 minutes and they will give you up to 10 sessions. If you are unhappy with your counsellor for any reason, they have no problem with you changing and seeing another one and you can specify if you want a male or female counsellor if this makes you feel more comfortable.

Hope this helps you. ^_^

[Webberino]

(Original post by Delain)
Thanks for your support, that's really nice of you to say.

I just had a call about a part-time job. It's for 6 months, 12 hours a week but the hourly rate is pretty good. It'd fit in well around my Open University course too.

That sounds really great! Well done!

(Original post by Anonymous)
I think my mood lifted a bit today but it's back down now though.
Saw another person from CAMHS today about my medication and she clearly hadn't read my file, she didn't know a thing about me. Obviously I don't expect her to know me like nurture or anybody but having a bit of an understanding of what has been going on instead of me having to tell the whole story for the millionth time would be more than useful and much less horrible for me. But anyway, even though my sleep is shocking on it, my dose is being increased on Monday. Yay!
I got a copy of the letter the urgent response CAMHS lady wrote to Shelly (which hopefully means I'll still see her at some point! ) and nurture yesterday. Was rubbish seeing it all written down and knowing it was on about me. A section of it was talking about how smartly I was dressed in my uniform, shyness and my lack of eye contact
Starting to be a third wheel in my friends group again. They're all talking about transport to the leavers do (which I haven't been asked to join in with) which isn't nice. 90% of the time when we're going from a lesson I'll still be packing my stuff up and they'll just leave me by myself yet I wait for them. Sounds childish of me to be offended but it really bothers me. I'd sit by myself but then it comes back to the whole teasing thing.

How are you?

----------------

I like the DepSoc as it is, nice mix of people. Would be gutted to see any of you go leave.

Hope it lifts again soon.
That must have been frustrating! Hopefully the side effect will calm down soon. Do you take it in the morning or evening?
Would be great if you still got to see her! Can be hard seeing it written down
I think I'm getting even worse at eye contact.
That sucks. Nah, it's perfectly understandable, stuff like that would happen to me too and would upset me. I hope they start treating you better soon.

Alright thanks, found out my sem 1 exams have been delayed which is a huge relief! Should be really happy but feeling a bit meh, think maybe I feel like I have to punish myself for messing up the first exam. Like was thinking about the things mentor said but then decided I don't deserve to feel confident, but didn't feel like I could say it. I don't think I'm making much sense now.

[SciFiRory]

(Original post by Delain)
I had counselling with Mind last September-November and it really helped me to deal with a lot of my issues and residual anger. They are very understanding and considerate people and do an immensely valuable service. The wait list is usually about 4-6 weeks and they insist on sending you a leaflet to explain the service which you have to read before they will see you but at least that gets the ball rolling. They call you in for an initial assessment with a counsellor (not the one will you will be seeing usually) and talk to you about your experiences, why you want counselling etc, then put you on the wait list. Often you can get your proper counselling appointment quicker if you are more flexible on times/days and if they get a cancellation so it can be less than the wait time they give you. Usually the sessions last around 50 minutes and they will give you up to 10 sessions. If you are unhappy with your counsellor for any reason, they have no problem with you changing and seeing another one and you can specify if you want a male or female counsellor if this makes you feel more comfortable.

Hope this helps you. ^_^

ah, thanks that sounds good, I just think it would be good for me to have someone I can talk to about things, do they prefer if I call them or go to where they are based do you know? I am very flexible on dates/times atm so hopefully this helps with counselling times is very helpful so thank you!

[Delain]

(Original post by SciFiBoy)
ah, thanks that sounds good, I just think it would be good for me to have someone I can talk to about things, do they prefer if I call them or go to where they are based do you know? I am very flexible on dates/times atm so hopefully this helps with counselling times is very helpful so thank you!

Not a problem at all, always happy to pass the good word on. You can do what is easier for you, call them or go in, they are happy either way.