Mental Health Support Society MKVII

Still not sleeping properly Only seem to sleep when at the point of passing out from exhaustion, and even then it's only for 4-5 hours, and the sleep is broken/disturbed. Really sick of feeling so tired all the time.

Considering going back to the GP next week to say I don't think the meds are helping very much. I had a couple of decent days this week, but when I think about it, all the citalopram has really done is make me feel 10x worse and horribly suicidal. I stopped feeling suicidal this past week which made me think it was beginning to work, but now I'm not so sure Really wish I had properly explained how bad I was feeling last time I went.

If I defer my uni place cos I like my new job will it be because I actually do like the job and may have found a job that I can cope and that will build my confidence with or because deep down I am convinced I will fail so why bother trying?

If I defer for a year (assuming they even let me and I don't have to cancel my place there) will I actually go next year?

My friends and family are split over this one which is not helping the decision making process any. I know that nobody here can make the decision either I just wanted to have a moan

good luck with whatever you decide to do

Thanks

Think I have decided that I will put off making the decision until after I have passed my probation period for my job - I could find myself jobless if they decide I am not doing well enough. I am choosing to look at this as being sensible rather than putting off making the choice!

Just woke up after a drug induced sleep so here is what has been happening over the last three days for anyone who cares to read on:

Thursday: Came back to uni after being away for a week and a half, met my friends outside their exam and surprised them by taking them to lunch. Feeling rather jumpy and overexcitable, singing in the street etc. on a kind of high.
Things started to get worse Thursday evening, I went back to my room and stayed there and started to dip into a dangerously low mood where I began to become a danger to myself. Decided to try and sleep on it as sometimes I can wake up in the morning and feel better.

Friday: Woke up feeling even worse, even more a danger to myself, booked an emergency gp appt for that afternoon and then tried to sleep the rest of the day away to get away from the tormenting thoughts. My friend came with me to the drs appt because I nearly cancelled as I was too afraid to leave my room for fear of what might happen or what I might do.
Doctor talked through what was happening, wanted to refer me to the crisis team but that meant heading to the hospital which I didn't want to do so he prescribed me 2mg diazepam to take up to 3 times a day and the numbers of the crisis teams to call if the diazepam didn't work. Took the diazepam straight away and then went home but was dragged out to a bbq (which I had originally organised but cancelled when I felt ****) by my friends and seeing as the pills had started working I went. Came home and took a third diazepam and fell asleep as my escape from the torment once again. Woke up at 3am and took another to get back to sleep again.

Saturday: Woke up feeling even worse didn't want to leave my room, was feeling extremely impulsive and ended up spending way too much on a takeaway that i can't afford and then buying ice creams for the whole flat when the van came round. As the day went on I was getting worse and I was meant to be meeting my friends after their last exam and going shopping and for cocktails but I wasn't answering their calls. I began counting all the pills in my room and laying them next to my bed when I decided it might be tme to call the crisis team. They said they would call me back asap when my friend barged in (the one I hadn't been answering her calls) and saw me in the mess that I was in. She was convinced I had taken them all (which I hadn't) and immediately called my two other closest friends. She wanted to call an ambulance, granted I was rather non-responsive but only because I just wanted them to go and leave me in the pit that I was in and wish for it all to go away. They managed to get my mothers number even though I threw my phone out of the window and called her, she called my dad and he was frantically talking to my friends who told him to come and get me, not that he needed telling. I was so furious with my friends that I tried to run away before my dad came but they tackled me (one of my friends os a rather large guy) and kept me from getting too far. Between all this the crisis team had called and spoken to me, they gave me a number to call whenever and said they would check up on me tomorrow. My friends were just sitting in my room with me stopping me going until my dad got there. They still wanted to take me to A+E and I was happy to let them because frankly I didn't care anymore I just wanted to world to swallow me up so that I could disappear and get away from this hell. Eventually my dad arrived and threw my friends out the room so he could talk to me and with his mind games he eventually forced me to come with him. I had also taken an extra diazepam because the crisis team man had said I could but it still hadn't worked and I had an absolutely horrific headache so we drove home and I got in, got back into bed and took a sleeping pill to escape once more from the worst day of my life.

Sunday: Woke up at 3am again but eventually got back to sleep, woke up this morning and typed this monster of a post. It feels good to type this out, congratulations to anyone who has actually read it. My mum has just come in and told me she has organised a bbq for friends tonight which means I am actually going to have to make an effort and show my face. Oh hey diazepam, please work for me tonight! Got a gp appointment tomorrow back at uni where she will hopefully tell me what we are going to try next to escape from this hell hole.

Apologies for the long post people, thanks for being there :grouphug:

Just woke up after a drug induced sleep so here is what has been happening over the last three days for anyone who cares to read on:

Thursday: Came back to uni after being away for a week and a half, met my friends outside their exam and surprised them by taking them to lunch. Feeling rather jumpy and overexcitable, singing in the street etc. on a kind of high.
Things started to get worse Thursday evening, I went back to my room and stayed there and started to dip into a dangerously low mood where I began to become a danger to myself. Decided to try and sleep on it as sometimes I can wake up in the morning and feel better.

Friday: Woke up feeling even worse, even more a danger to myself, booked an emergency gp appt for that afternoon and then tried to sleep the rest of the day away to get away from the tormenting thoughts. My friend came with me to the drs appt because I nearly cancelled as I was too afraid to leave my room for fear of what might happen or what I might do.
Doctor talked through what was happening, wanted to refer me to the crisis team but that meant heading to the hospital which I didn't want to do so he prescribed me 2mg diazepam to take up to 3 times a day and the numbers of the crisis teams to call if the diazepam didn't work. Took the diazepam straight away and then went home but was dragged out to a bbq (which I had originally organised but cancelled when I felt ****) by my friends and seeing as the pills had started working I went. Came home and took a third diazepam and fell asleep as my escape from the torment once again. Woke up at 3am and took another to get back to sleep again.

Saturday: Woke up feeling even worse didn't want to leave my room, was feeling extremely impulsive and ended up spending way too much on a takeaway that i can't afford and then buying ice creams for the whole flat when the van came round. As the day went on I was getting worse and I was meant to be meeting my friends after their last exam and going shopping and for cocktails but I wasn't answering their calls. I began counting all the pills in my room and laying them next to my bed when I decided it might be tme to call the crisis team. They said they would call me back asap when my friend barged in (the one I hadn't been answering her calls) and saw me in the mess that I was in. She was convinced I had taken them all (which I hadn't) and immediately called my two other closest friends. She wanted to call an ambulance, granted I was rather non-responsive but only because I just wanted them to go and leave me in the pit that I was in and wish for it all to go away. They managed to get my mothers number even though I threw my phone out of the window and called her, she called my dad and he was frantically talking to my friends who told him to come and get me, not that he needed telling. I was so furious with my friends that I tried to run away before my dad came but they tackled me (one of my friends os a rather large guy) and kept me from getting too far. Between all this the crisis team had called and spoken to me, they gave me a number to call whenever and said they would check up on me tomorrow. My friends were just sitting in my room with me stopping me going until my dad got there. They still wanted to take me to A+E and I was happy to let them because frankly I didn't care anymore I just wanted to world to swallow me up so that I could disappear and get away from this hell. Eventually my dad arrived and threw my friends out the room so he could talk to me and with his mind games he eventually forced me to come with him. I had also taken an extra diazepam because the crisis team man had said I could but it still hadn't worked and I had an absolutely horrific headache so we drove home and I got in, got back into bed and took a sleeping pill to escape once more from the worst day of my life.

Sunday: Woke up at 3am again but eventually got back to sleep, woke up this morning and typed this monster of a post. It feels good to type this out, congratulations to anyone who has actually read it. My mum has just come in and told me she has organised a bbq for friends tonight which means I am actually going to have to make an effort and show my face. Oh hey diazepam, please work for me tonight! Got a gp appointment tomorrow back at uni where she will hopefully tell me what we are going to try next to escape from this hell hole.

Apologies for the long post people, thanks for being there :grouphug:

I gotta get ready to go out, but I will give a longer reply when I can

OH wow that sounds like a horrible experience I'm so sorry you had go through that I know it might not have seemed it at the time but your very lucky to have friends that care so much about you. They were trying to help you and that shows a lot about what sort person you are - attracting those kind of people willing to help you.

I really hope the GP appointment tomorrow has a positive outcome. Please try and tell them everything you told us, even print out the post and take it with you if you are bad at talking or forgetful. I would also recommend taking up their offer of being in contact with the crisis team. They can offer support both over the phone and in person 24/7 which to me sounds like it could benefit you a lot.

As for tonight, I'm sure it will be hard to socialise and be 'normal' but no matter how hard it is, at least it's a distraction from the thoughts and you will be safe. Best of luck and keep us updated!

Just woke up after a drug induced sleep so here is what has been happening over the last three days for anyone who cares to read on:

Thursday: Came back to uni after being away for a week and a half, met my friends outside their exam and surprised them by taking them to lunch. Feeling rather jumpy and overexcitable, singing in the street etc. on a kind of high.
Things started to get worse Thursday evening, I went back to my room and stayed there and started to dip into a dangerously low mood where I began to become a danger to myself. Decided to try and sleep on it as sometimes I can wake up in the morning and feel better.

Friday: Woke up feeling even worse, even more a danger to myself, booked an emergency gp appt for that afternoon and then tried to sleep the rest of the day away to get away from the tormenting thoughts. My friend came with me to the drs appt because I nearly cancelled as I was too afraid to leave my room for fear of what might happen or what I might do.
Doctor talked through what was happening, wanted to refer me to the crisis team but that meant heading to the hospital which I didn't want to do so he prescribed me 2mg diazepam to take up to 3 times a day and the numbers of the crisis teams to call if the diazepam didn't work. Took the diazepam straight away and then went home but was dragged out to a bbq (which I had originally organised but cancelled when I felt ****) by my friends and seeing as the pills had started working I went. Came home and took a third diazepam and fell asleep as my escape from the torment once again. Woke up at 3am and took another to get back to sleep again.

Saturday: Woke up feeling even worse didn't want to leave my room, was feeling extremely impulsive and ended up spending way too much on a takeaway that i can't afford and then buying ice creams for the whole flat when the van came round. As the day went on I was getting worse and I was meant to be meeting my friends after their last exam and going shopping and for cocktails but I wasn't answering their calls. I began counting all the pills in my room and laying them next to my bed when I decided it might be tme to call the crisis team. They said they would call me back asap when my friend barged in (the one I hadn't been answering her calls) and saw me in the mess that I was in. She was convinced I had taken them all (which I hadn't) and immediately called my two other closest friends. She wanted to call an ambulance, granted I was rather non-responsive but only because I just wanted them to go and leave me in the pit that I was in and wish for it all to go away. They managed to get my mothers number even though I threw my phone out of the window and called her, she called my dad and he was frantically talking to my friends who told him to come and get me, not that he needed telling. I was so furious with my friends that I tried to run away before my dad came but they tackled me (one of my friends os a rather large guy) and kept me from getting too far. Between all this the crisis team had called and spoken to me, they gave me a number to call whenever and said they would check up on me tomorrow. My friends were just sitting in my room with me stopping me going until my dad got there. They still wanted to take me to A+E and I was happy to let them because frankly I didn't care anymore I just wanted to world to swallow me up so that I could disappear and get away from this hell. Eventually my dad arrived and threw my friends out the room so he could talk to me and with his mind games he eventually forced me to come with him. I had also taken an extra diazepam because the crisis team man had said I could but it still hadn't worked and I had an absolutely horrific headache so we drove home and I got in, got back into bed and took a sleeping pill to escape once more from the worst day of my life.

Sunday: Woke up at 3am again but eventually got back to sleep, woke up this morning and typed this monster of a post. It feels good to type this out, congratulations to anyone who has actually read it. My mum has just come in and told me she has organised a bbq for friends tonight which means I am actually going to have to make an effort and show my face. Oh hey diazepam, please work for me tonight! Got a gp appointment tomorrow back at uni where she will hopefully tell me what we are going to try next to escape from this hell hole.

Apologies for the long post people, thanks for being there :grouphug:

How it going exposing bodily marks and stuff?

No zombie Nut.? Great to hear you've been feeling good though, and I would like to stake a claim for my portion of the winter crumble - is it apple and blackberry, and does it come with custard?

I keep reading on the internet that exposing scars to the sun makes them darker but it's only ever improved their appearance for me. Hopefully it isn't setting me up for skin cancer at a later date or something.

Been a vegetarian for 8 months and my mum just made me eat a fish cake, feel like such a failure. Just adding it to the list of ****ed up things that have happened in the last 3 days, wish I could just crawl up into a ball and disappear. Now I have been dragged home I am out of the crisis team area too so they can't do anything anymore either...

Been a vegetarian for 8 months and my mum just made me eat a fish cake, feel like such a failure. Just adding it to the list of ****ed up things that have happened in the last 3 days, wish I could just crawl up into a ball and disappear. Now I have been dragged home I am out of the crisis team area too so they can't do anything anymore either...

Been a vegetarian for 8 months and my mum just made me eat a fish cake, feel like such a failure. Just adding it to the list of ****ed up things that have happened in the last 3 days, wish I could just crawl up into a ball and disappear. Now I have been dragged home I am out of the crisis team area too so they can't do anything anymore either...

Been a vegetarian for 8 months and my mum just made me eat a fish cake, feel like such a failure. Just adding it to the list of ****ed up things that have happened in the last 3 days, wish I could just crawl up into a ball and disappear. Now I have been dragged home I am out of the crisis team area too so they can't do anything anymore either...