[Deyesy]

(Original post by luno)
Thank you . It was nothing special, I just did what any remotely kind person would do. It just sucks that doing the right thing meant that I lost my 'friends' yet they all stayed together. With all their bullying, I guess they deserved each other.

More special than you think trust me. That friend will appreciate what you did more than you can imagine - having been that position before of someone standing up for me in my friendship group 'Friends' that think it's okay to bully people? Luno. You honestly lost nothing.

[d123]

(Original post by ParadoxSocks)
I have absolutely no idea where my moods are so for now I am ignoring them. I'm bouncing from ecstatic running around the house and having an awesome time to not being able to get out of bed. I have a pile of paperwork that really needs completing and packing that needs doing and it's all just ugh.

Good news for the day: Keele are looking past my probable 2.ii and I've been invited to visit to discuss research options and have a tour so that I can start a PhD there next year. I was only asking if I'd be okay with a 2.ii and extenuating circumstances and now my potential supervisor would like to meet me and woo me with their robots. I actually cried this morning. I thought I was academically finished and now I could potentially become Dr ParadoxSocks.

Well done! Hope it all works out, glad you have such good news to share!

[Anonymous]

Gah got a job interview at odeon tomorrow so need to somehow sort myself out for then :/ any clues?

[SciFiRory]

(Original post by ParadoxSocks)
I have absolutely no idea where my moods are so for now I am ignoring them. I'm bouncing from ecstatic running around the house and having an awesome time to not being able to get out of bed. I have a pile of paperwork that really needs completing and packing that needs doing and it's all just ugh.

Good news for the day: Keele are looking past my probable 2.ii and I've been invited to visit to discuss research options and have a tour so that I can start a PhD there next year. I was only asking if I'd be okay with a 2.ii and extenuating circumstances and now my potential supervisor would like to meet me and woo me with their robots. I actually cried this morning. I thought I was academically finished and now I could potentially become Dr ParadoxSocks.

congrats! I hope it goes really well for you and I hope your mood improves and stabilises too!

[d123]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Gah got a job interview at odeon tomorrow so need to somehow sort myself out for then :/ any clues?

I had my cineworld interview shortly after a very bad episode, so I went into it feeling very very low, and very self conscious because of all the marks on my arms. It went well though and I got the job.

Just try to appear confident. Speak up and answer questions, even if it's all an act. It won't be as bad as you expect it to be. Good luck!

(Also, if I can deal with an interview and get the job, anyone can :P)

[Sultana]

(Original post by luno)
Sorry for the late reply! Haha I will become the greatest story teller so that you'll read my year abroad tales :P!

Hope you're ok .

No problem, you been doing anything interesting?

I'm ok thanks, how are you atm?

(Original post by bytail)
Just been e-mailing her, she was alright about it because she assumed the appointment would have been too early for me. Yeah, I'm going to make an appointment, keep having fairly dangerous thoughts Thanks

Make sure you tell your GP about all your thoughts, and if you feel like you can't keep yourself safe go down to A&E. I hope something gets sorted for you soon.

(Original post by luno)
Sorry for all the posts . I should really start to multi quote!

For a while I have been thinking 'what if I were to die tomorrow?' When I think like this all I focus on is the random stuff in my room that my family would need to go through and finding random sad stories

Spoiler:

Show

and a small blade and bandages.

So I've had a massive clear out and got rid of loads of random things I've been holding on to for years.

Spoiler:

Show

Although I couldn't bring myself to throw away the blade .

I don't know what point I'm trying to make. It's just been on my mind for a while.

I'm going to try and sleep now! I really should have been in bed 4 hours ago - I have an early start today .

When I was at my worst, I sorted through all my stuff and chucked most of it out, so that no one else would have to. I regret this majorly now because I don't have anything!

Hopefully you will find the strength to get rid of it soon, I hope you got some sleep in the end!

(Original post by USERNAME.RR)
I'm going to see my therapist today but i'm really confused because she only focuses on my anxiety because I need to be back in school within the next 2 weeks but the thing is a few days ago I started feeling really depressed and I can't see the point in anything and all my motivation has disappeared. This happens on and off yet the only thing that's being dealt with is my anxiety and not my depression, I don't know what to do because it's making things 100 times harder with my anxiety and I feel like I don't know what to do about it!!!!!!!!!!

Have you told your therapist about your depression? It might be helpful if you go in with a list of the symptoms that bother you the most and ask to work on them. Good Luck!

(Original post by SciFiRory)
GP appointment, upped meds to max dose, therapy at least another 6-8 weeks away and they said might be better off seeing CMHT again but they just fobbed me off last time.

feel just...empty...not really living life atm at all, ive barely left my bed in what must be close to a month now, feel like im just alive because I am, I don't do anything really, appetite comes and goes, motivating self to do anything at all is nearly impossible, barely washing or anything. just lie here alone in bed, nothing really holds interest either, it all just feels pointless.

don't know what to do right now, don't feel able to talk to my mum as I don't wanna upset her and stuff and she has to work anyway.

don't know what future if any I have ahead of me, don't really care if I wake up when I close my eyes or not.

just so utterly flat and sad atm

sorry this is just train of thought, don't even expect a reply, just need to put words done on the screen, though right now things dont even feel real, just feel kinda numb.

gonna try to sleep and see if that helps or something like that, idk.

hope other people are well.

Hopefully the med change will make a difference for you, you're on venlafaxine? (sorry if I'm wrong ) I didn't really notice a difference til I went up to 300mg so this might be the change you need. They also sometimes give quetiapine as well which is meant to make your AD work better so that might be something to think about. (I would not recommend going on quetiapine, its a nasty drug, but as things are so bad atm you might benefit from it.)

[SciFiRory]

(Original post by Sultana)
Hopefully the med change will make a difference for you, you're on venlafaxine? (sorry if I'm wrong ) I didn't really notice a difference til I went up to 300mg so this might be the change you need. They also sometimes give quetiapine as well which is meant to make your AD work better so that might be something to think about. (I would not recommend going on quetiapine, its a nasty drug, but as things are so bad atm you might benefit from it.)

yeah, hopefully, really need something to help right now tbh ah okay my GP didn't mention that, said he might refer me back to CMHT if no improvement in two weeks time, idk, thank you for the reply.

(Original post by bytail)
I know the feeling Hopefully the med increase will have some effect

---

Got a phone call from my head of year earlier, asking me to come in later to see the therapist as they're "worried about [me]". This concerns me. If I tell them I've been feeling suicidally low, I get the feeling they might do something, i.e. insist I go to A&E. Do not want.

Made an appointment with my GP but I can't see him until next Tuesday

So sick of this ****.

hopefully yeah, thanks!

---

sorry to hear you have been feeling so low, hopefully the GP can help and hopefully they don't make you do anything you aren't okay with

[Anonymous]

(Original post by luno)
I understand the feeling that no one knows the 'real' you .

If you don't want to mention anything at work, do you have any friends or family you can talk to about it? It might also be a good idea to see your GP and find out about getting a counsellor. Knowing that you have people in your life who know the 'real' may make your shift a little easier because you can always speak to them outside of work. I hope that makes sense!

I hope things work out for you! I also hope you work things out with your mum .

Also please try and get some sleep!

I have mentioned conselling to my doctor before but I might push it a bit more at my next tablet review. I've got far on my own but I think I need a bit of guidance.

Sleep evadided me all night and now I feel crappy, I think I'm getting a cold, it's super annoying.

Thanks for reply it's always reassuring to know people get it.

[Anonymous]

On more leave from hospital, wooo.
Really surprised I'm allowed home to be honest, I've had a rubbish few days and attempted suicide less than 24 hours ago.

I hope everybody is doing better than me

[d123]

(Original post by Anonymous)
On more leave from hospital, wooo.
Really surprised I'm allowed home to be honest, I've had a rubbish few days and attempted suicide less than 24 hours ago.

I hope everybody is doing better than me

Hope you enjoy your leave, and really hope things start looking up for you soon

[bytail]

(Original post by Sultana)
Make sure you tell your GP about all your thoughts, and if you feel like you can't keep yourself safe go down to A&E. I hope something gets sorted for you soon.

I will do, having a meeting with the therapist before I see him so that I can write everything down. Thanks

(Original post by SciFiRory)
sorry to hear you have been feeling so low, hopefully the GP can help and hopefully they don't make you do anything you aren't okay with

Hopefully! Just feeling incredibly sick of it all to be honest

(Original post by Anonymous)
On more leave from hospital, wooo.
Really surprised I'm allowed home to be honest, I've had a rubbish few days and attempted suicide less than 24 hours ago.

I hope everybody is doing better than me

Really hope things get a bit better for you soon, sounds like you're having a horrendously rough time at the moment How long are you on leave for?

[ViceVersa]

(Original post by ParadoxSocks)
Good news for the day: Keele are looking past my probable 2.ii and I've been invited to visit to discuss research options and have a tour so that I can start a PhD there next year. I was only asking if I'd be okay with a 2.ii and extenuating circumstances and now my potential supervisor would like to meet me and woo me with their robots. I actually cried this morning. I thought I was academically finished and now I could potentially become Dr ParadoxSocks.

Gawd, that's amazing! I hope Keele will be just as awesome with me too post-results. Fingers crossed! So happy for you.

[d123]

Need to go to the GP soon. Really don't want to.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by d123)


Hope you enjoy your leave, and really hope things start looking up for you soon

Thanks

(Original post by bytail)
Really hope things get a bit better for you soon, sounds like you're having a horrendously rough time at the moment How long are you on leave for?

Thanks
About 8 hours or so.

[d123]

Okay. Right. Still have no idea what I want to say to the GP but I'm going anyway. Will try and fill you all in when I'm back.

[kahinalouise]

(Original post by d123)
Need to go to the GP soon. Really don't want to.

good luck

[avhhs]

Today it was announced that there will be a sort of Prom for the Year 12s! But not many people were enthusiastic

Anyway, it's happening somewhere that I can see from my house! So no problems getting home (even though I don't drink ). Do hope it's not a shambles. That place they've chosen is tiny.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my HTC Wildfire S

[superwolf]

Grr, over the word limit by only 123 words.

(Original post by Sultana)
Well, I am quite tempted to throw all my toys out the pram over this, but I've decided that's probably not the most productive option. My friends think I'm being less mature and more burying-my-head-in-the-sand, but no matter how childish this may be, I want a relationship with my family. Hopefully with a bit of time I can get my issues under control and things can get sorted.

I have very reasonable rates, I accept cider and baked goods as payments...

Yay for idiotic indepedence costing us years! Its so hard accepting that you can't solve things yourself. Glad you managed to ask for help in the end though.

EMDR sounds scary as **** to me! It also seems a bit nonsensey; apparently the person who discovered it was walking in the woods making funny eye movements as she wandered or something and realised how incredible(!) it was. But it does seem to give some good results, so I suppose its worth a try! (If anyone here has any experience with this and doesn't mind sharing, I would love to hear your thoughts on it...)

Any progress on the family/mum front?

Yeah, I took far too long going about getting help for my depression. Still, there's no point in regretting things in the past too much, when we've got the whole present and future to screw up live like normal people in too!

It does seem a little odd yeah, but it does look like it gets decent results, so I reckon you should give it a whirl, and then regale us with tales of how totally ****ing bizarre it is. I hope the process isn't too upsetting/stressful though - but you seem pretty strong so I'm sure you can deal with it.

(Original post by d123)
Best female friend's birthday today. I say best. We've not spoken properly for a while because she decided to take offence to something I said. But I thought we'd be okay. Just heard from my new flatmate, who's in our group of friends, that she texted him inviting him out for a meal tonight to celebrate.

I've not been invited.

So now I feel really, really ****. Everyone I care about doesn't give a **** about me and I'm not important to anyone. I mess everything up and can't even hold down a proper friendship. At least my best male friend wasn't actually deliberately ignoring me, I've established that, but I still know he doesn't care about me half as much as I care about him. I genuinely feel right now as though I don't matter to anyone.

You matter to all of us. It's hard when it seems like your friends don't care about you as much as you do about them, although be careful that sometimes the depression can make you see things a little skewed (not saying that that is the case with you, just something to be aware of). Remember that you're worth caring about, so don't just put up with it if people treat you badly.

(Original post by kahinalouise)
Last week hasn't been so good,
I have been only been absent once in the few weeks but my head of year told me that I would have to look for another sixthform/college for next year as I'm supposedly still on contract/report, I just broke down and cried because I put so much effort into pretending that I was fine.

I went to a uni trip on Friday, I had a panic attack on the train and someone kept tapping my shoulder but people in my year said no one was. Then I couldn't find my way out, my whole year just left me behind, I don't remember getting out but I must of done eventually. The problem is that my year is going up London two days this week by underground to do some uni related things,and I'm really not looking forward to it. I can't see myself going to uni in just over a year with the way everythings going.

Then my dad is going away for a few months, the good thing is that I get to escape all his abuse but at the same time I have to become a 2nd parent to my little brother, I have to pick him up from school and look after him whilst keeping up with my work, I should be used to it by now I guess.

To top it all off, I have a meeting with some early intervention people, my psychiatrist, head of year, school counsellor and mum, with all them people there I can't see it going well.

I thought I would post al this here because then I wouldn't have it all going round inside my head.

How is everyone else doing today

That all sounds really stressful. Do you have anyone around you who you feel is on your side and that you can trust? Sounds like you could really do with having someone on your side to support you and maybe argue your case with some things (it's sometimes helpful to bring someone in when you've got meetings you're stressed about, or don't feel that you can express yourself on your own).

Really hope life gets easier for you soon, and remember that things like having to change college can sometimes actually work out for the best - I know that I've looked back and thought I'd probably have been a fair bit better off leaving school a couple of years early and going to the local college instead.

(Original post by tweedletallie)
I called the surgery to check if they had any appointments to see the doctor and it turns out she's left, so I think I'll wait until after I've called the counsellor and seen them before going back to the doctors to begin the nightmare of finding an understanding GP. I have a rather alarming number of friends with depression, so we're all sort of banding together in between various appointments as a support group type thing which should help.

Ooooh guinea pigs I'll have to find Wheek and begin bribing her.

Thanks for the reply sweetie, you're a spectacularly helpful person

Fair enough. With switching to a new GP, if you felt comfortable with it you could try asking one of the receptionists at the surgery if there's a particular doctor more known for being good with mental health issues - I know some people have had problems with PG receptionists, but the ones that I've dealt with (a lot, and they all ended up knowing my name/DOB off by heart ) have been really nice, and I'm sure would be willing to help out.

You could dress yourself up as a mistreated guinea pig, then she'll take you in and you can live amongst her furry friends, snuffling about, eating carrots, and free of mental health issues forever!

Glad I could help a bit.

(Original post by SciFiRory)
really getting kinda fed up of being so tired all the time, have no energy for much of anything right now. feel kinda numb at the moment as well, like nothing seems to make me feel much of anything, tried like all the stuff I normally enjoy doing and just feel nothing from it, like no enjoyment and things don't hold my interest at all. only thing I really feel atm is sad, and trying to combat bad thoughts right now is incredibly hard, just feel kinda drained I guess, need to feel something or do something that makes me happy but I don't really see that happening anytime soon. not even sure who to talk to, get really wound up and paranoid about people atm, feel like people only pretend to like me and don't want to talk to me and stuff, just really insecure about things I guess, everything just feels kinda pointless and empty really. sorry I doubt this even makes sense or that people even care, but just needed to write things down I guess.

Silly Rory, you know we care. Don't listen to the depression, you've met a few of us from the society by now, and we all think you're great (and I bet people you know from real life do too, unless if they're a bunch of total numskulls ). I know how tough it is being pretty isolated and stuff, but this won't last forever, you'll be able to get on with your life soon, and until then you've got stuff like camping to look forward to.

(Original post by Spoonman)
Anyone else find it depressing that your parents are grown up and now it's time to go off into the outside world and leave them to watch repeats of Neighbours until they die?

If that's what your parents want to do, then that's up to them (although a little encouragement to keep more active in life wouldn't go amiss). My mum's in her late fifties, and still plotting to run away to South America for a year. And she's got a friend in her seventies who up until a couple of years ago was still taking trips to the Antarctic. People make their own choices, just unfortunately often it's quite difficult to get out of a rut (not impossible though).

(Original post by bytail)
Why is it that I can be surrounded by a group of close friends and still be fantasising about suicide? What the **** is wrong with me? Really not feeling very stable at the moment

It's not a good thing of course, but I wouldn't say that uncommon. I had that same problem quite a lot in the past, and felt pretty guilty about it, especially when it happened around my sister. But it's not your fault in reality - it's part of being mentally ill, and just one more reason to make sure you're doing all you can to try and get better.

(Original post by Riku)
I'm so annoyed, I just don't feel I'm making progress. I keep saying things will change today, I'll do something differently but somewhere along the way I end up with a spltiting headache and feeling ready to throw up. I said I'd get to bed at a good time tonight and it hasn't happened, then I have to cut things short the enxt time I see friends or family because I want to get to bed on time. It's like I gain my motivation to live and then it just disappears again, I get too scared. I'm just becoming a mess and it's really all my fault now.
Doesn't help I have absolutely nothing meaningful to do with summer, least not until results are out tomorrow. But during the semester I was always complaining about the workload making me lose sleep/time to see friends (being an obsessive-compulsive perfectionist). I can't win :/
On top of this I don't like all this weight-gain from binging, I understand I was in a low range before but it's really bugging me.
I'm caught right betwen health anxiety and recklessness from depression/eating disorder and it's horrible, they're both extremes but I feel like the health anxietyw as a form of protection

Sorry you're feeling so bad. It's good at least though that you're expressing how you feel and not just hiding it all away. What kind of help are you getting just now? Any therapy/exercises to help your mood/thought patterns that you could be doing?

Can you think of any former hobbies/things you'd like to take up that could help you keep busy and feel like you're doing something worthwhile? Personally I do a bit of baking (possibly not the best idea with an ED though I'm guessing?), and some craft things - actually making stuff helps me feel like I'm doing something with a point to it, and also I can give the stuff away to my friends to show that I appreciate them. A project like fixing up an old car/bike could also be good.

Thanks for supporting me when I was worried about my own eating by the way - fortunately I got put back on the right antidepressants, and once I started feeling better with my depression my eating habits went back to being more normal.

(Original post by d123)
How reliable is BMI as a method for finding out if you're underweight? Apparently I only need to lose 4 more pounds before my BMI is classed as underweight And as I've lost my appetite again, this is looking possible to happen. You can see my ribs and my hip bones stick out more than they should, though I still think my upper arms and thighs aren't very small at all.

If you're worried, it might be worth mentioning to your doctor, or making an appointment with the nurse. It's not necessarily a problem being thin, but if you've been losing weight and might continue doing so then you might be best off being monitored, to be sure that it doesn't drop low enough to start causing you physical problems (plus it might not be mentally healthy for you either).

(Original post by d123)
I'll ask my friend next time I talk to him. He's often good at being honest if I make it clear it's important.

I'm not sure if I would mind if I put on weight or not I think part of me likes having lost weight, I'm not sure how to explain it, but at school, I was always kind of average. I was never fat, I've never been bigger than a size 10-12, but I wasn't ever one of the girls who would get called hot or hit on. And that has happened more often, I feel more attractive for being skinnier.

I also think part of it is that knowing I don't weigh much is a sign that everything that's happened this year is taking a physical toll on me as well as a mental one, and part of me finds that vaguely reassuring Don't know how to explain it exactly.

Know exactly how you feel on that point - in a way it can feel comforting to have physical evidence that you're ill, that you're not just making a fuss over nothing with being mentally ill (an idea that unfortunately is pretty easy to pick up when you feel like crap, don't trust your own thinking or get negative ideas from society/people around you). It's not healthy though, and it's important to remember that you do need to strive to get better - it can feel easier just to let things get worse, and even take a sort of pleasure in seeing how ill you can look/become, but trust me it feels a whole lot better if you're able to break out of this cycle, and start making actual measurable progress (presently I'm working on getting physically fitter, after the massive toll my last big bout of depression took on my physical health. Nothing big, just trying to get back to being able to walk more than a few miles without getting tired, that kind of thing).

(Original post by Wheek)
How did I manage to sleep/lay in bed for days/weeks on end this time last year?

Its only 9.30am and already I am bored and want to do something. Gotta love prozac and therapy for getting me to the point where I can function like a semi normal person but I'm now not sure how to fill in my spare time now.

I suppose its a good thing that I now bored rather than depressed and not functioning, however there are only so many times I can hoover the flat before I wear out the hoover/carpet!

Sounds like you need to branch out into new activities/hobbies (or get back into old ones). You seem pretty passionate about your guinea pigs, so is there anything you could do related to them? Like building/improving their play area (I've no experience with guinea pigs, but I assume they like exploring/playing and stuff to an extent?), seeing if there are any local/national organisations you could get involved in (do you get guinea pig shows/competitions like you do with dogs?). There's also plenty of other stuff you could try out - learning a language, doing arts and crafts, taking up a sport... Maybe start out small so it's not overwhelming, but once you find something you can get into you might find that it makes a marked improvement in your mood.

p.s. Can I has a picture of your guinea pigs? At the moment I'm feeling major urges to get a small pet (especially a rat/hamster or suchlike), but unfortunately it's completely unfeasable for me.

(Original post by Sabertooth)
Ergh, I'm meant to have sports practice tonight. I haven't been in 2 months as I've been too scared to go. I am absolutely 100% terrified of going. Everytime I step on the ice all I can hear is all the other guys laughing at me; an hour of constant laughter and nasty comments really hurts. Everytime I get the puck I mess up because of all the negative comments, I play like **** and I'm sure everyone there hates me. Why would anyone like the guy who always ****s up when they pass to him? They don't. I do NOT want to go but my girlfriend is trying to force me. She said she'll come with me and watch but that's just going to make things worse, I'll **** up in front of her and she'll think I'm useless.

I'm thinking of going to the gym now, lifting something way way too heavy and hurting myself badly so I don't have to go tonight. I can't think of any other way out.

I hate what a coward I am.

I hope you managed to go and that it went alright. Your girlfriend's trying to help, and it is definitely good to keep trying at stuff you used to enjoy. And I doubt she'd think you're useless - she loves you too much for that ( too much mushy stuff).

Hope you've bought those barbecues, we need to arrange a time to meet up.

(Original post by bullettheory)
So ****ing bored and I feel like ****. Quetiapine, mirtazapine and zopiclone couldn't give me a good nights sleep last night. I've seen Ella in the hospital, the shadows are everywhere and controlling everything and telling me to do weird things like dig a whole in the garden, which I did but I couldn't get too deep, I don't get the point. My new CPN is on holiday, if I get discharged I have no idea how to cope. I am seeing the consultant later so I will see. I want out of here, but I know if I do get out I will be unsafe. So I don't know. It's a ****ing mess. My mum was like "if you get out and seem odd we will just take you back", so they don't think I can do it. I can't, I really can't. This is just ****ing silly. Why can't I just get over this?!


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Do you have a named nurse or someone you feel comfortable talking to on the ward? They've got a lot of experience with mental health issues, and they might be able to suggest something that'll help.

It's not your fault that you 'can't just get over this', no more than it's anyone else's fault being mentally ill. You're doing really well at working on things to get better like your DBT, keep going with that and remember that it should start helping you soon.

(Original post by FuzzySheep)
Thank you I think I will make the appointment but I know he's really busy so it will be hard to get an appointment. GP is an idea too, thank you. I'm pretty much just using alcohol atm to make it stop, urgh.

Thank you for your help, I hope you're doing ok?

Let us know how getting an appointment for him/your GP goes, it's good that you're taking control and seeking help. Watch out with the alcohol, but I do understand why you're using it (just make sure it doesn't get to be a problem in itself).

(Original post by d123)
Kitchen is mostly tidier now. Just got the floor to sweep/mop and the tiles on the walls.

But I just got an email to say I've won a £30 Amazon voucher from uni so I'm off into campus to pick that up! Filled out a careers survey AGES ago and there was a draw.

You buy us all cake to celebrate?

(Original post by Moroseblight)
Just posting to let the thread know I not only survived my degree, I got a high 2:1 for my overall classification.

Thanks for helping me through some bleak times, guys! <3

Awesome, really happy for you. That's a great achievement and you should be really proud of what you've done.

(Original post by Idle)
Body seems to be falling apart these days

We could try sticking you back together with glue?

(Original post by Sultana)
I'm feeling better now, just shaky and tired, my friend got home and has helped ground me. Now I'm wrapped up warm in a duvet with a mug of hot chocolate and I'm about to watch Scott Pilgram vs the world

Thank you by the way, how are you this evening?

Scott Pilgrim! Have you read all the books (if not, I think I have a couple of them on my computer)?

[superwolf]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Major Major Major Dilemma

Basically some of you know how worried, anxious I was cos party I did not have a job. I felt like a failure.

I did well in the assessment day yesterday and got called for an interview. My biggest worry is that it is in Bristol and the salary is 16-18 k a year. I would be on my own without any support or financial assistance other than my salary (that will be taxed, student loans plus my 10 k debt and need to provide my family with some money an'all). I am feeling worried as to whether I should go or not cos I wont have enough to surrive on.



I am so not sure what to do.

I'd go for it. It can be scary moving somewhere new and having to cope with stuff on your own, but it can also mean real progress for you - several times I've moved to a new city or even country, and found the experience really good for me. There's no absolute guarantee that it'll work out for you of course, but that's no reason not to try.

(Original post by Anonymous)
After years of dealing with depression, I finally built up the courage to go see a doctor today. I was incredibly nervous and when I started explaining why I was there, I totally broke down and didn't manage to say everything I planned to. He made me fill in a form (as I expected), although I think this idea is a bit pointless because I knew the 'right' answers and since I was in such a state, I found it hard to concentrate. He then gave me 3 options: exercise, counselling or medication.

Basically the point I'm trying to make is that in general, I knew more about depression than the doctor. I thought that the doctor would be able to fix me, but although he was a nice guy, he didn't seem to have a clue :/ hopefully counselling will find me an answer....!

Well done taking that first step. It might not seem like much now, but it can lead on to your getting proper help and starting to get better.

(Original post by d123)
Things don't sound good, but I really hope they improve for you.



I was going to see the doctor today but I'm going to go tomorrow instead. I need to get my head clearer first, and work out exactly what I need to say.

Thanks. I have generally been feeling better these days, just sometimes when I think about it I do get upset and frustrated - these past few years I've been trying hard on and off to get better, and work on ways to stop things getting worse again in the future, but even when I get a decent GP or psychiatrist who wants to help me with that it still always turns out that their hands are tied, and that other parts of the system just won't listen to them/me.

Hope the doctor goes/went well.

(Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
Wow, your local mental health provisions need to sort themselves out. It's ridiculous that you're being treated like this

Why do you have to be putting pressure on people? Shouldn't your psychiatrist be doing that?

Have a big hug

Not good yeah. But unfortunately I don't think my experiences are that unusual. They take too long responding when I'm going through a crisis, and then half the time when I finally get seen I'm better enough that they decide they don't have to treat me. And that's me put back on the shelf until the next time everything falls apart.

He did try, but because they're so stretched then people like the CMHT have really strict criteria for who they'll take on - I was probably bad enough a month or two ago, but since they took so long bothering to assess me they didn't see me when I was really bad (and they won't put me on their books for when I most likely crash and burn again, because they don't work like that). And the psychiatrist I've been seeing is a locum, so I'm being switched to someone else soon.

Thanks for the hug, I hope you're doing alright just now.

(Original post by Squaresquirrel)
Heya guys, sorry I ahvnt been very active I got floored by an absolutely rotten cold. Will hopefully post a bit more over the coming days. Im still cirrently under home treatment but we are looking to discharge on tuesday so things are improving, plus its my bday on friday woooo haha. Hope everyone else is doing well!!

Really glad to hear things are improving - hope the cold does too. Will try and remember to wish you a happy birthday on Friday, but if not (abysmal memory ) then have one now.

(Original post by Sultana)
That is terrible, your MHT need to sort themselves out. That is crazy bad to be treating you like that, surely its actually in their interests to help prevent a crisis?

You're at uni at the moment? (sorry if I've mixed you up) Is there any support you can access from them? I'm being given a mentor to see every week; not just about academic stuff but any issues, so that sort of thing might be a possibility?

Hate how rubbish mental health provisions are in this country, you get very little help leading to a crisis situation, needing lots of services which all disappear the minute they think they're risk assessments are covered.

You'd think, yeah. To be fair I have been treated better in the past - I saw a CMHT up in Edinburgh for a while who were fairly decent, even saw a psychologist regularly for a while, and I've had plenty of good GPs and psychiatrists, it's when they try and refer me on for further support that it all goes wrong. Once got assigned a CPN - saw her once, then a week later was admitted to hospital and she didn't visit/even make contact the entire time I was in there.

Yeah I'm at uni. I asked about a mentor before, but dickhead SAAS refused to fund one for me. I'm applying for DSA though, and fingers crossed I'll get one through that.

It ****ing sucks, right? Also completely stupid - if they put more funding and effort into preventative treatment, I bet the situation would get a whole lot better when it comes to people getting properly ill.

(Original post by neversurrender)
I got my first year results back yesterday. Not far off a 2:1 for the year which, given the circumstances, I am quietly pleased with (I went through a period where I was barely turning up to lectures). Definitely need to get my arse in gear next year but at least I can now stop stressing about what's been and gone.

Awesome!

(Original post by Anonymous)
i swear people treat me badly cos im ugly. i have the kinda face that make babies cry. or maybe, it's because im a mumbly, anxious person, but even when i try to fake confidence i swear people still look a me like a piece of **** before i have even opened my mouth. its not fair ii always try to be nice to people lol.

I've had problems with people treating me like crap or even just point blank ignoring me when I say something too - what's helped me is just focussing on myself, and people who actually seem worthwhile (like the people in this society ). It sounds like you might have poor self-esteem - you don't have to turn into the most confident person in the world, but it's good to like yourself, and realise the positive attributes that you have. I'm sure there's plenty of advice out there on improving self-image, a couple of things that helped me were to make changes in my life that pushed me more (I worked as a teaching assistant for a year, which gave me a lot more self-confidence), as well as just learning not to care about the opinions of idiots and realising that actually I'm not a bad or inferior person (just a bit of a weirdo ).

And ugliness is not something any decent person should give a crap about. Besides which, it's really subjective. For instance a friend of my sister's had a facial disfigurement (serious enough to require surgery), but he still had a girlfriend, and yes although he looked unusual personally I'd still say he looked attractive. Plus he was a really nice person (except when playing Settlers of Catan ).

(Original post by bullettheory)
What meds are you on right now? Maybe mirtazapine in combo with something else will have a bigger effect for you?


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Clomipramine (tricyclic antidepressant). I think I'll do a bit of online research on drugs combinations - in the past agomelatine combined with olanzapine has worked a bit for me, although the olanzapine with clomipramine didn't seem to have any additional effect. Might see if agomelatine can be used with clomipramine though. Apart from those three, every single other drug I've tried (must be over a dozen) has either done nothing or had unbearable side-effects. Still, we shall see...

How are your own meds doing? Helping/causing problems?

(Original post by luno)
Today was a blast from the past - I saw four people from secondary school and, apart from one person who looked at me, none of them even acknowledged me.

I've moved on from school but I found it triggering. Especially since one of the people used to be in my friendship group. She must have saw me first because when I turned around and saw her walking past she looked in the opposite direction, most probably to avoid me.

It's pathetic but it reminded me of things that happened in my last year of school. Spoilered because it's boring.

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I had a friendship group of 5 people. 3 used to bully the other person and I stuck up for him. Because of that they started to bully me. In the end we fell out and they blamed me, all because I stuck up for myself and my friend.

At the time I didn't care because I didn't want to be friends with mean people but after they all blamed and ignored me, I couldn't help thinking 'am I a bad person etc?'. So I left school without my friends and it hurt so such to go from having a group of friends and thinking I was going to have an amazing summer with them before college to having no one.

I was feeling low before today but being reminded about school just makes me feel worse.

Hope everyone is ok .

You're awesome. Far too many people do what's easy rather than what's right, your friend was really lucky to have someone like you looking out for him.

(Original post by luno)
I don't have any experience with this, but would seeing your doctor be able to help with getting seen sooner? My family GP once told my sister that if the relevant person is contacted by your GP, they have to push things forward.

Apologies if that is completely wrong!

I hope things improve jumphug:.

Unfortunately not - the time I waited two months for an emergency psychiatrist appointment I had two separate GPs making referrals and it did nothing. It can be worth trying of course, but there's no guarantee that it'll work.

Thanks.

(Original post by luno)
Sorry for all the posts . I should really start to multi quote!

For a while I have been thinking 'what if I were to die tomorrow?' When I think like this all I focus on is the random stuff in my room that my family would need to go through and finding random sad stories

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and a small blade and bandages.

So I've had a massive clear out and got rid of loads of random things I've been holding on to for years.

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Although I couldn't bring myself to throw away the blade .

I don't know what point I'm trying to make. It's just been on my mind for a while.

I'm going to try and sleep now! I really should have been in bed 4 hours ago - I have an early start today .

Had those same thoughts too (thankfully not recently). Remember that they are just thoughts, and absolutely don't guarantee anything that might happen.

(Original post by bytail)
I've been having similar thoughts and I can only attribute them to guilt

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Been feeling fairly intensely suicidal these past few days, and keep thinking about how things would play out. Looking around and knowing that every item would be a reminder... not a nice thought.

Well done on clearing some things out, hopefully you'll find the strength to get rid of those last few items soon. Sleep well

Sorry you've been feeling so bad too.

(Original post by SciFiRory)
GP appointment, upped meds to max dose, therapy at least another 6-8 weeks away and they said might be better off seeing CMHT again but they just fobbed me off last time.

feel just...empty...not really living life atm at all, ive barely left my bed in what must be close to a month now, feel like im just alive because I am, I don't do anything really, appetite comes and goes, motivating self to do anything at all is nearly impossible, barely washing or anything. just lie here alone in bed, nothing really holds interest either, it all just feels pointless.

don't know what to do right now, don't feel able to talk to my mum as I don't wanna upset her and stuff and she has to work anyway.

don't know what future if any I have ahead of me, don't really care if I wake up when I close my eyes or not.

just so utterly flat and sad atm

sorry this is just train of thought, don't even expect a reply, just need to put words done on the screen, though right now things dont even feel real, just feel kinda numb.

gonna try to sleep and see if that helps or something like that, idk.

hope other people are well.

Just wanted to reiterate that we all love you lots.

(Original post by bytail)
Got a phone call from my head of year earlier, asking me to come in later to see the therapist as they're "worried about [me]". This concerns me. If I tell them I've been feeling suicidally low, I get the feeling they might do something, i.e. insist I go to A&E. Do not want.

Made an appointment with my GP but I can't see him until next Tuesday

So sick of this ****.

I reckon it's best to use your own judgement in cases like this. I try and be as honest as possible when it comes to my actual doctors, but with uni I do hold a bit back if I think they might take steps I'd rather avoid (and since I'm honest with my actual doctors, I don't think this is such a bad thing to do, just practical).

(Original post by ParadoxSocks)
I have absolutely no idea where my moods are so for now I am ignoring them. I'm bouncing from ecstatic running around the house and having an awesome time to not being able to get out of bed. I have a pile of paperwork that really needs completing and packing that needs doing and it's all just ugh.

Good news for the day: Keele are looking past my probable 2.ii and I've been invited to visit to discuss research options and have a tour so that I can start a PhD there next year. I was only asking if I'd be okay with a 2.ii and extenuating circumstances and now my potential supervisor would like to meet me and woo me with their robots. I actually cried this morning. I thought I was academically finished and now I could potentially become Dr ParadoxSocks.

Dr ParadoxSocks! That would be awesome.

(Original post by Anonymous)
On more leave from hospital, wooo.
Really surprised I'm allowed home to be honest, I've had a rubbish few days and attempted suicide less than 24 hours ago.

I hope everybody is doing better than me

Hope it helps to get out for a bit, and that you do improve soon. We're all rooting for you.

[Anonymous]

i need a job and finding it a nightmare to concentrate on application forms :'(