[superwolf]

(Original post by ParadoxSocks)
Naww, that sounds pretty awesome to be honest! I spent the night accidentally nudging my girlfriend and she kept snarling (which was a little weird I think) so your night sounds much better!

Snarling sounds hot.

[ByronicHero]

Regrets. Sigh.

[ParadoxSocks]

(Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
about the snarling!

Hope you sleep better tonight

I'm back at my girlfriend's parents house so sleeping is a little easier (less to be distracted with!) so hopefully tonight will be better. Hope you get some good sleep too!

(Original post by superwolf)
Snarling sounds hot.

Well you'd think that wouldn't you? A couple of nights ago I accidentally touched her shoulder and she shouted a string of swear words in my face while still being entirely asleep. She then rolled over and continued snoring. I WAS PETRIFIED.

[SciFiRory]

(Original post by luno)
Yeah, she's amazing . I know she would want to know. We've been best friends since we were children and she is one of the few things that are keeping me going. I know she would also be upset that I haven't mentioned anything at all.

But I don't want to sound pathetic or attention seeking... I often think what would I say to her or a doctor but it just feels awkward and I just feel like I'm whining and moaning and nothing in particular. I also think if I tell her I would start distancing myself from her.

I want her to get better and counselling is helping her so much and I don't want her to worry about me when she needs to be focusing on herself.

I think in regard to speaking to anyone I'm going to see how my placement abroad works out... I'm hoping it'll be amazing and the change I need. But if it isn't I'll definitely speak to someone.

The weird thing is I've never had a problem like that in shops before . I guess I subconsciously prepare myself for leaving the house. I always have notes on my phone about what I'm doing or who I'm meeting and on the day I always give myself plenty of time to get ready. I think next time I unexpectedly have to go out, if I can, I will wait for a bit.

Thank you for replying . Sorry to read to read about you going to A&E and stuff. You said you don't want to post what triggered you but if you ever want to talk about it, I (and many other lovely people on this thread) are just a PM away .

talking to a friend who cares about you about these things doesn't make you pathetic or attention seeking at all, quite the opposite, it takes a lot of courage to talk to anyone about these things, but if they are supportive and there for you then it's definitely worth it and it sounds like your friend would be

hopefully she will yeah, but im sure she would want to know so she can support you as well!

well, hopefully it works out really well for you and stuff yeah

ah okay, well maybe just try and make sure you are mentally prepared a bit better in future then? and notes on your phone for what you need to do sounds like a really good idea too!

no worries, always happy to offer an ear or any support I can to people here and thanks, that means a lot to know people are here

[SciFiRory]

(Original post by bullettheory)
Thanks, I'm trying to work on it because it really strains any relationships I have. But luckily my girlfriend really understands me and if I panic and text her lots she just accepts it and doesn't get mad.

I spoke to a psychiatrist today (although not my consultant, so I couldn't ask for some leave to go to DBT, but when I mentioned it to the doctor, he said he doubted that I would get it...). We spoke loads about the shadows and how they communicate with me and my "paranoid" ideas that there is a plot to kill me because I am possessed by the devil, and other things. They are going to increase my quetiapine again, and he said that it is a possibility that I have Bipolar or Schizophrenia alongside my BPD, not sure how to take that, especially as I do not think I am psychotic, but whatever. Don't have any choice in my meds anyway, due the section so nothing I can do...

How is everyone? Sorry I haven't been replying much, Internet in here is dire!

ah, it's good your girlfriend is understand then!

hopefully they can figure out ways to help you and you feel better soon mate!

[SciFiRory]

(Original post by ParadoxSocks)
When I struggle to sleep I really struggle. Last night felt like every bit of my body hurt or ached or itched. I just didn't feel comfortable at all. Dropped off eventually. Wanted to reply to you last night but didn't want to wake my gf with the typing

How are you doing? I saw that you were in hospital! Hope you're feeling better now and hopefully I'll get chance to catch you on skype soon

****

Sorry for anyone that's replied to me and I haven't replied back to. Also, thanks for all of the pos rep about the phd thing! You guys are awesome! Hope to be back properly soon but for now I hope you're all doing okay *hugs*

ah that really sucks might be worth talking to your GP to see if there is anything you can do/take to help with that? and that's okay, just so long as we know you are okay

better for now, start of the week was pretty bad and I hated being in hospital, but price I paid for being stupid really I guess, for now though my mood isn't too bad and if it does drop I have number for the crisis team now at least! and cool

[superwolf]

(Original post by ParadoxSocks)
Well you'd think that wouldn't you? A couple of nights ago I accidentally touched her shoulder and she shouted a string of swear words in my face while still being entirely asleep. She then rolled over and continued snoring. I WAS PETRIFIED.

I went through a phase a few months back of shouting swearwords in my sleep and waking myself up. I've also been known to wake up halfway through a nightmare of someone attacking me, and courageously defend myself by scratching the person next to me hard on the nipple.

[d123]

(Original post by superwolf)
I went through a phase a few months back of shouting swearwords in my sleep and waking myself up. I've also been known to wake up halfway through a nightmare of someone attacking me, and courageously defend myself by scratching the person next to me hard on the nipple.

Ha, bet they enjoyed that :P

[ParadoxSocks]

(Original post by superwolf)
I went through a phase a few months back of shouting swearwords in my sleep and waking myself up. I've also been known to wake up halfway through a nightmare of someone attacking me, and courageously defend myself by scratching the person next to me hard on the nipple.

Jesus Christ. Not sharing a room with you again unless you wear mittens or something

(Original post by SciFiRory)
ah that really sucks might be worth talking to your GP to see if there is anything you can do/take to help with that? and that's okay, just so long as we know you are okay

better for now, start of the week was pretty bad and I hated being in hospital, but price I paid for being stupid really I guess, for now though my mood isn't too bad and if it does drop I have number for the crisis team now at least! and cool

Yay for crisis team! Sucks that it had to go that far but at least you've got them now.

I keep making appointments at the doctors but don't ever seem to actually go. Need to request somebody to actually drug me now I'm not allowed anti-depressants. I also need to get my back sorted out before I just end up slumped in a pile somewhere.

[SciFiRory]

(Original post by ParadoxSocks)
Yay for crisis team! Sucks that it had to go that far but at least you've got them now.

I keep making appointments at the doctors but don't ever seem to actually go. Need to request somebody to actually drug me now I'm not allowed anti-depressants. I also need to get my back sorted out before I just end up slumped in a pile somewhere.

yeah, but hopefully it will help!

maybe ask your gf to take you to the doctors to make sure you go? how come you can't have anti-depressants? hopefully your back will be better soon!

[avhhs]

(Original post by Noodlzzz)

---------------------------

Errrr went for a coffee with an old friend from college. She ended up telling me how her friend was suicidal and how she thought it was attention seeking, how one of the girls in sixth form who ended up in a psych ward for bipolar was 'an absolute freak'. I just sat there thinking about my 6 admissions in the last 6 months and how I've been suicidal. I actually was wanting to tell her beforehand that things aren't ok, but I guess stigma is a bitch.

She's horrible

[ParadoxSocks]

(Original post by SciFiRory)
yeah, but hopefully it will help!

maybe ask your gf to take you to the doctors to make sure you go? how come you can't have anti-depressants? hopefully your back will be better soon!

She dragged me to counselling this week kicking and screaming. Don't think she had the fight to get me to my doctor's appointment too

Mirt eventually sent me loopy and trigged a manic episode and I went a little off the deep end so now I have a massive label whenever the doctor looks at my records so I don't have the same thing happen again. That goes along with my eating disorder label (yet I was still given orlistat) and my alcohol warnings. Fun times

Wouldn't be so bad but at the time the doctor essentially said that all they can do now is sit and watch until I implode. She shrugged off a second manic episode and just told me to check with them before getting pregnant as the hormones could send me loopy too. Really wasn't helpful.

[superwolf]

(Original post by d123)
Ha, bet they enjoyed that :P

That's the price you pay for sleeping with me.

(Original post by ParadoxSocks)
Jesus Christ. Not sharing a room with you again unless you wear mittens or something

I could put socks on my hands.

[ParadoxSocks]

(Original post by superwolf)
I could put socks on my hands.

Acceptable

[SciFiRory]

(Original post by ParadoxSocks)
She dragged me to counselling this week kicking and screaming. Don't think she had the fight to get me to my doctor's appointment too

Mirt eventually sent me loopy and trigged a manic episode and I went a little off the deep end so now I have a massive label whenever the doctor looks at my records so I don't have the same thing happen again. That goes along with my eating disorder label (yet I was still given orlistat) and my alcohol warnings. Fun times

Wouldn't be so bad but at the time the doctor essentially said that all they can do now is sit and watch until I implode. She shrugged off a second manic episode and just told me to check with them before getting pregnant as the hormones could send me loopy too. Really wasn't helpful.

ah, well maybe you should ask her anyway if you are struggling to go yourself!

sorry to hear that! maybe they can try something else that might help you though?

that's pretty crap, sounds like a **** doctor tbh

[badbodydouble]

Hey
I've never posted in this thread before although I must admit I have been lurking for a few weeks...
I just feel like I need to get this out, I hope it's alright for me to post this here.
I think need to book myself a doctor's appointment now I'm off college for the summer holidays because I've been feeling like absolute s*** for too long and I can't deal with it much longer. I don't always get suicidal but there are times when I feel like I can't take everything and don't imagine myself having a future.
I get myself so worked up over the smallest things (for example getting junk emails to the email account that I rarely give out) and I make myself worry to the point that I feel physically sick and my body becomes all skew whiff and I end up dashing to the toilet... sorry if tmi.
I end up having arguments with my parents at least once a week, although I have done for years and years and years. My behaviour has never really improved, however last year and earlier this year I used to go on crazy episodes and kick everything around me and scream and end up sitting in the middle of the floor crying my eyes out, but I don't any more. I just end up sulking to my room and (still) crying my eyes out whilst my parents are more than likely sat in the lounge bitching about how much of a cow I am.
My parents always tell me "you can change your behaviour" however if I could, I wouldn't still be behaving the way that I am.
I have been open with them about me feeling low in the past and I have mentioned that I've felt suicidal (although never tried anything) but they haven't made any attempt to get me help, with my behaviour or regards to how I'm feeling.
...I'm really sorry for rambling, I didn't want to post too much, I would put this under a spoiler but I'm not that sure how to on my phone.
Thank you for reading this if you have, I really appreciate it.
If I can help anyone or if anyone just wants someone to talk to, I'm always here.
So to sum that up... I think a trip to the doctors is in order, I don't know what to expect but I just feel like I need to tell someone how I'm feeling...
Thank you.


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[avhhs]

(Original post by superwolf)
I went through a phase a few months back of shouting swearwords in my sleep and waking myself up. I've also been known to wake up halfway through a nightmare of someone attacking me, and courageously defend myself by scratching the person next to me hard on the nipple.

[avhhs]

Feeling horrible right now, but no idea why. Everything seems crap. Pouring down with rain here.

[d123]

(Original post by superwolf)
That's the price you pay for sleeping with me.



I could put socks on my hands.

I'll have to bear that in mind then :P

[Sabertooth]

I think the gym's paying off.

Was in tesco (terrified as usual but trying very hard to act normal), the girl at the checkout kept looking over at me as I was packing so I smiled at her and said hi. She asked if I have a girlfriend so I said yeah then she asked what sport I play, I replied and she told me she liked my arms.


The urge to jump up and down screaming **** YEAH was almost overwhelming but somehow I just about managed to hold it in. Someone found me attractive!!! ....er....I think.