Mental Health Support Society MKVII

It's just an awkward situation tbh. My GP is one of the practice partners, so I'm worried if I see someone else they'll say "Dr ___ wants you to wait until he gets back" My mum thinks he's really good so wouldn't like me to see someone else. I've already seen 3 doctors at my practice so I'm running out of GP's to try anyway. It's just difficult and I don't really know what to do about it. Wasn't keen on the GP I saw this week

[warning: rant]
FFS.

20 years of experience has taught me that arguing with my mum is an entirely pointless exercise and only leads to 1000% times more frustration in the end but when she scoffs at me when I walk into the room with some berries in a "my God, are you eating again?!" way, despite the fact that all she's seen me eat today (and all I have eaten today) is a chicken breast, I come so close to just screaming at her to stop being such an utter ****.

I've been spending as much time as possible round my friends house to get away but when I leave I get this hollow feeling because her parents are both so nice and they do so many things as a family.

Everything I do in this house is met by disapproval from her. I need to "go outside and get some fresh air more" despite the fact that I walk to town and back with her for two hours every ****ing day because she either doesn't talk to me or has a go if I don't go with her and help.

I ask everyone in the house if they'd like a cup of tea when I'm making one but she only ever makes one for herself. It sounds pathetic but I thought rather than list everything she does hideously as a parent/ person I'd just put the thing that typifies her - narcissistic and selfish.

She's raised two children who have major food issues and she tells me at least once a week how it used to hurt her that her mother favoured her male siblings over her then is snappy with me all day until my brother comes in when suddenly she wants to hear all about his day and everything he says is funny and engaging.

None of my school friends used to believe me when I'd try and talk to them about her because she was always so lovely to them.

She even takes offence when the ****ing budgie doesn't land on her. All that tells me is that he has taste when choosing human company.

I've tried to be compassionate when she tells me (for the 500000th time) all the "terrible" things that have happened to her in her life (most of them pretty typical tbh - I've been bullied at school worse than she was) but it doesn't seem to make any difference. She still tells me the same stories again and again and she doesn't get any closer to moving on from them.
Of course, when I have a problem, I'm "oversensitive" and need to get a grip.

I'm so ****ing tired of it. I'm trying to go med-free and stress is one of the main things along with sleep and diet that I need to get a handle on.
URGHHHHHHH.

Also...

On more leave from hospital!

I've been feeling a lot more positive over the past week or so but now I'm home my mood has dropped, not sure why.

Hope everybody is OK

Im stressing about money, which is silly as I earn at least 100 a week which should be enough to live on for me yet im panicking

I don't know your living arrangements, but I hope 100 will be enough for you to get by on for as long as you need to

I live at home... its really stupid to worry ah well.

Trying to break out of this crappy cycle where I feel depressed about being single, and then am probably staying single because I'm depressed, is so bloody difficult. I really wanna escape these feelings

I imagine if you're living at home you can keep your expenses really minimal if you need to? It's not stupid to worry, it's natural, everyone does it

Trying to break out of this crappy cycle where I feel depressed about being single, and then am probably staying single because I'm depressed, is so bloody difficult. I really wanna escape these feelings

So I'm heartsick, family are doing my nut in, skint, am looking for a job and the only way I'll get out of this house for good is a coffin.

So this is a low. A huge low.

!

I know the feeling, but you are a wonderful person so I am sure you will meet someone!

Thanks . I've been having this idea for a while of saving up some money then going to do a bit of travelling across the world for a bit, to help me stop getting obsessed over being single and hope the experience would help me get over my depression and do some general "finding myself". But sometimes I have doubts about whether it's even a good idea or not, and whether I should just keep trying to go to uni, even though I don't really feel like studying at the moment.

Argh, it's annoying having to make all these decisions in life when I'm such a horribly indecisive person, lol.