[Ben,]

Evening/Morning everyone.

Can't believe it's taken me so long to find this seemingly amazingly supportive thread, reading through some of the posts on here as really helped a lot, like finding the words to explain how I'm feeling; something that I am really bad at. Anyway, at the moment I'm on a 2 week holiday in Canada, and stupidly chose not to take my pills with me. Guess I figured that being on holiday would act like an adequate substitute for them. This was a magnificently daft mistake. I've told 4 of my friends about my condition (depression+anxiety) but, I don't know, seems like they can't really understand what I'm going through. Like the overriding theme of advice is to 'man up'. If it was that easy I would have already done it wouldn't I?!

So yeah. That's me. Hey.

[bytail]

(Original post by Ben,)
Evening/Morning everyone.

Can't believe it's taken me so long to find this seemingly amazingly supportive thread, reading through some of the posts on here as really helped a lot, like finding the words to explain how I'm feeling; something that I am really bad at. Anyway, at the moment I'm on a 2 week holiday in Canada, and stupidly chose not to take my pills with me. Guess I figured that being on holiday would act like an adequate substitute for them. This was a magnificently daft mistake. I've told 4 of my friends about my condition (depression+anxiety) but, I don't know, seems like they can't really understand what I'm going through. Like the overriding theme of advice is to 'man up'. If it was that easy I would have already done it wouldn't I?!

So yeah. That's me. Hey.

Hello!

How are you doing without your pills? I understand how frustrating it can be when friends don't really "get it"; one of mine is always telling me things like "you can change things if you really want to, you just have to think positive!" She means well, bless her. Perhaps try asking them to read the MIND page on depression? I asked my friends to give it a look-through and it helped them understand a few things

[Ben,]

Well I've been on them for about 2 months, so I think my bodys still getting used to them, if that make sense. I can still tell that I'm feeling worse than I would be though. Just worried about what I'll be like at the end of the 2 weeks.

And yeah, that's exactly what my friends are like, love that they're trying to help me though. Thanks for that page, will definitely use it

[ViceVersa]

(Original post by kahinalouise)
I like the new avatar
Hope your doing okay, haven't talked to you in ages.

Aw thanks

It has been a while indeed. I'm okay hun, how have you been? x

[Nut.]

Down to 100mg of quetiapine... Another appointment on Monday where it'll either be cut to 50mg... or removed entirely.

And of course the most important thing in all of this - my mood has stayed stable. My sleep quality has actually improved, and quantity decreased.
Although I'm also painfully aware that this time last year I was doing very well also until October, so still not getting ahead of myself.

CMHT are asking what I think about my diagnosis - psychiatrist seemed to imply that if I wasn't on medication that it couldn't be bipolar, because bipolar requires lifelong medicating. I think they're leaning towards BPD, presumably on the advice of the Norwich team, which I still strongly disagree with.
Still, at the moment I'm sort of at the attitude of "I don't give a **** what my diagnosis is as long as you aren't pumping me full of medication". Not the most sensible of stances perhaps, but I'm sure it will soften with time.

Update:
Yep, just got the letter through... "likely diagnosis of emotionally unstable personality disorder". And apparently I'm 'anxious' about my brother moving out for his new job... when I said no such thing, and when indeed I feel no such thing.
Ah, **** 'em with their incorrect labels.

[avhhs]

(Original post by Deyesy)
It's really quite hard to explain but there are times where you feel as though you can do absolutely nothing to change your situation or your mood and you see no way out of the mood but still want to exist? So in a sense you're imprisoned by it? I hope I'm making some sense

I get that feeling too

(Original post by Nut.)
Down to 100mg of quetiapine... Another appointment on Monday where it'll either be cut to 50mg... or removed entirely.

And of course the most important thing in all of this - my mood has stayed stable. My sleep quality has actually improved, and quantity decreased.
Although I'm also painfully aware that this time last year I was doing very well also until October, so still not getting ahead of myself.

That's excellent

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my HTC Wildfire S

[Noodlzzz]

(Original post by Nut.)
Down to 100mg of quetiapine... Another appointment on Monday where it'll either be cut to 50mg... or removed entirely.

And of course the most important thing in all of this - my mood has stayed stable. My sleep quality has actually improved, and quantity decreased.
Although I'm also painfully aware that this time last year I was doing very well also until October, so still not getting ahead of myself.

CMHT are asking what I think about my diagnosis - psychiatrist seemed to imply that if I wasn't on medication that it couldn't be bipolar, because bipolar requires lifelong medicating. I think they're leaning towards BPD, presumably on the advice of the Norwich team, which I still strongly disagree with.
Still, at the moment I'm sort of at the attitude of "I don't give a **** what my diagnosis is as long as you aren't pumping me full of medication". Not the most sensible of stances perhaps, but I'm sure it will soften with time.

Update:
Yep, just got the letter through... "likely diagnosis of emotionally unstable personality disorder". And apparently I'm 'anxious' about my brother moving out for his new job... when I said no such thing, and when indeed I feel no such thing.
Ah, **** 'em with their incorrect labels.

A fair few of us on this thread have been there. Know how it feels to not identify with your diagnosis But awesome news about the meds!

[Nut.]

Don't know if anyone in this thread will know this or not, but when the BPD symptom says

"makes relationships quickly, but easily lose them"

does it mean that people actively fall out with the person? Like have arguments or push them away?

I'm going through the RCPsych 'leaflet' (as they call it) - mainly because I resent being told that my personality is likely 'wrong' - and the symptoms:

-impulsive
-find it hard to control your emotions
-feel bad about yourself
-often self-harm, e.g. cutting yourself or making suicide attempts
-feel 'empty’
-make relationships quickly, but easily lose them
-can feel paranoid or depressed
-when stressed, may hear noises or voices

don't really add up:
-I'm not impulsive in the slightest, except for the two times when I've been "hyper" for a week or so. I'm actually trying to become more impulsive after realising that my mum is extremely anxious and has to plan everything meticulously, and it's something that I've picked up on a little.
-I wouldn't say I find it hard to control my emotions - I don't argue or fall out with people. I'd go as far as to say I'm extremely diplomatic, especially when you consider my parents. When I was a child and a young teenager I would have screaming and extremely stressful arguments with them. Now I keep my cool, agree with what they're saying, take myself out of the situation and chill out.
-I feel bad about myself when I'm depressed. Obviously.
-I haven't SHd since February, and before that I hadn't done it for four years.
-I feel empty only when depressed.
-I don't make relationships quickly, and I don't lose them easily either.
-I feel paranoid and anxious sometimes when I'm depressed.
-I've only heard voices to the extent of hearing my name once or twice when I've been alone, but walking along the road, so there is a lot of background noise.

Maybe I'm deluded, narcissistic, blinkered or blinded, but to me, my symptoms say 'depression'. I'm "well" aka more or less symptom-free for 7-8 months of each year, and depressed, anxious etc. for 4-5 months, with maybe a month or two of that where I'm really, dangerously suicidal.

[avhhs]

Great. I've got a headache

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my HTC Wildfire S

[LostHorizons]

Feeling very low at the moment. I'm starting to get back to the stage where I genuinely don't see the point in getting up in the mornings, and just sleep as much as I can because I don't have the motivation to actually do anything.

[Nut.]

(Original post by avhhs)
That's excellent

Thanks

(Original post by Noodlzzz)
A fair few of us on this thread have been there. Know how it feels to not identify with your diagnosis But awesome news about the meds!

Yeah it sucks a bit.
Although I can't tell if they are actually getting me wrong, or if my own insight is nowhere near as good as I thought it was.
Seeing them again on Monday so I guess I can just raise my points then.

[d123]

(Original post by Deyesy)
I take I'm not the only one who feels as though they're imprisoned by their head/mind?

I've been there. It can be quite scary - you can be having all these horrible thoughts and you KNOW they aren't you, not really, but it's impossible to escape from them and it's hard to see a way out. Telling 'voices' or 'thoughts' or whatever you want to call them or however you experience them to just **** off doesn't seem to work.

You're not alone, I promise. I know you want to be right now, but we're all here for you if that would help. Things will get better, I promise you. I don't know exactly how, or when, but they will.

[superwolf]

****ing nightmare NHS, meds run out tonight and no doctor will see me.

[d123]

(Original post by superwolf)
****ing nightmare NHS, meds run out tonight and no doctor will see me.

Is there a walk in centre you can go to or something?

[The_Lonely_Goatherd]

(Original post by superwolf)
****ing nightmare NHS, meds run out tonight and no doctor will see me.

That's outrageous. How come? Have you tried getting hold of your psychiatrist?

Another 1,500 words of dissertation done So bored though

[d123]

(Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
That's outrageous. How come? Have you tried getting hold of your psychiatrist?

Another 1,500 words of dissertation done So bored though

Well done! Very proud of you

[The_Lonely_Goatherd]

(Original post by d123)
Well done! Very proud of you

Thanks hun! How's your day going so far? My mum is taking me out for tea again as a treat/motivation

[d123]

(Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
Thanks hun! How's your day going so far? My mum is taking me out for tea again as a treat/motivation

My day's been good. Just got a phone call from a friend who said I have to come and socialise soon because everyone misses me, which was nice

[ViceVersa]

Mum brought up some really **** things from the past and from very early this year in an argument. Still, it's reminded me of how strongly I feel about her and how she won't be in my life in future. Funny that all my siblings said the same thing, you'd think she'd remember that she and my dad are the problem. Could be worse though.

[22KT22]

Social services are a bunch of ****ers!


Wish i could run and hide