Mental Health Support Society MKVII

Can't believe what's happened to me . Really not feeling good. My dad keeps telling me to go outside and do something . Why can't he shut up?

And then I can't stop thinking about how much fun I had last year . Why can't I make myself feel happy? Why does no one help me? My appointment is on 29 May. I have one exam that day and then the last one the next day. I'm sure I'm going to get hospitalised . A far cry from the amazing time of last year. I sort of feel that I have to make this year go by really well too. If I don't I will have failed

for everyone else

I´m shattered and my neck is really sore. Not sure if it´s stress related.

Can't believe what's happened to me . Really not feeling good. My dad keeps telling me to go outside and do something . Why can't he shut up?

And then I can't stop thinking about how much fun I had last year . Why can't I make myself feel happy? Why does no one help me? My appointment is on 29 May. I have one exam that day and then the last one the next day. I'm sure I'm going to get hospitalised . A far cry from the amazing time of last year. I sort of feel that I have to make this year go by really well too. If I don't I will have failed

for everyone else

So I'm getting really worried, on the verge of crying actually. I'm scared that I have no future. I'm scared that I won't be able to do the jobs I want to do because of the severity of my mental illness. I have ambition but what if that amounts to absolutely nothing? My medical records are there for life and I can't get rid of them.

I feel very much the same as this. I want to be a cop, who the **** would hire a cop with psychosis? I feel like I should never have told anyone about anything, I managed all through school probably depressed so I shouldn't have been such a weakling at uni and just continued to get on with it. But no I was a weak minded pussy and now I have a massive medical record filled with all kinds of ****. "just be honest" they said, yeah where does honesty get you? It gets you ****ed in the ass.


Sorry, rant, not helpful, but I feel the same.

Thanks
Really want more tea but really shouldn't. Today I have had 4 cups and 2 flasks worth.

Maybe it would still be best if someone could gently mention it though.

Just try to remember it's not your fault.

I'm okay and then I'm not, then I'm okay and then I'm not...

I'm okay and then I'm not, then I'm okay and then I'm not...

Oh dear!

Thanks

Saw CAMHS woman in school today. I also found out she is my case manager so I'll be seeing her every week. I'm quite glad about that because she's so lovely She couldn't stop laughing when I told her I play Tetris to distract myself
Instead of seeing her on Friday next week I'll be seeing her on Tuesday because she said she's worried about my self-harm but I think it should be ok. I'm definitely not going into hospital though
Was doing a mock in RE today and I just stared at the paper, genuinely did not know one answer. Bit alarming considering my exam is on Thursday but oh well. My teacher was going on about how close our exam is which was the first time I've felt nervous about exams but it soon passed. So strange how laid back I am about exams when this time last year I spent at least 5 hours a day revising, including school.

How are you today?

I feel the same... I miss the person I used to be. Hopefully life will get better for us soon...

Why does this year have to go really well? There is no shame in resitting etc and it doesn't make you a failure.

I know what u mean with the parents being all worried that you don't go out enough...my parents were the same. Thing is nowadays with the internet, it's not necessarily a bad thing to be indoors a lot; especially if you're an introvert like a (suprisingly) large number of people are. People seem to think being an introvert is a bad thing, but in reality it has many benefits, such as being a lot more thoughtful, considerate, careful and caring for those that are close to you.

A lot of people just don't understand depression and anxiety, they think it's a state of mind, a weakness that can be shrugged off with willpower. It's anything but that, but they just refuse to accept its an illness that is frigging hard to overcome.

When u say "making the year go by really well", what do you mean exactly? You want to excel in your studies or?

Try not to worry about making this year as good as the last, life is a chain of chances, choices and luck; theres only so much you can control, other things you just have to go through. Personally i've had some very rough years in my life, and some much better ones. Don't think too far ahead, i find that if i do at least, that the thought of everything to come is just overwhelming.

Focus on putting one foot in front of the other, moving forward one step at a time. You may fall back or get tired sometimes, but you can always get up, catch your breath and start moving again. Look back to where you used to be, how far you've come, and remember that you can only keep going forward

Glad you will get to see her every week. I guess it is a bit old school.
Ah hope you can figure out something to help with it together. That's great!
Whatever happens happens, just have to remember it's your health that's important right now.

I'm alright, today has been less productive though. Although I did make the snooker t-shirt.

They were totally useless and weren't offering me anything. They said I was 'overly dependant' on services and so stopped giving me appointments unless I was toeing the 'need to be hospitalised' line. I don't understand how I could be 'overly dependant' when not having any support. Really I need ongoing therapy or something to help me cope with life. They just treated me like a clingy and attention-seeking child and took great pleasure in telling me the only reason I was allowed to access services was because my GP liked me and really I wasn't sick enough. *shrug* Basically I think they are just cheap. the social worker there was really unprofessional and just told me to pull myself together, so I stopped going...

Same. I managed all the way up to 17 before I completely broke down. I am such a ****ing weak person. I also now have a massive file on me which will never go away and will be used against me whenever I want to apply for jobs. I want to be a nurse but I know that's not possible now; but I've never wanted any other career really

Thanks

I saw that, it looks great and over-compensates for any work you may not have done today.

Beating myself up about making all of this up, my head is so nice too kind to me sometimes. Also very thirsty but far too tired to go downstairs and make a drink.

Thanks! Will try to convince myself of that.

It's just your mind trying to trick you, there's no way you're making any of it up. Aww can anyone bring you one?

I have had to drop out of doing exams again. Going into my old school today was hellish. The teacher's were very snarky and pretty much blamed me. They said it was my decison not to do the work. I am pretty sure the word descison constiutes an ablity to do otherwise and I couldn't have done otherwise, because I am sick. Walking down the road home afterwards everyone kept staring at me. When I looked in the mirror when I got back I saw why: I looked crazy. I have purple under my eyes from not sleeping and my eyelids are brusined from crying so much. I nearly ODed but ended up chicking out. Even though I still feel wretched I'm glad I didn't. I guess I've just got to go back to rebuilding my life, this time realiseing that despite the fact that everyone else is telling me that I could get better if I tried and wanted to, I can't and I need medication and professional help or something. Unfortnaly I am estranged from all mental health services here. I guess I shall go and try and get some work or something, even though my self esteem is so shot I don't even feel ready to apply for charity shop work in case I screw it up. I really, really really wanted to go to uni this year. Literally my whole life is built around me wanting to study. I am very lonely right now, all my friends are away during term time. I don't think I have ever felt so helpless. At least before I thought that people would help me out and I would get better. Now it feels like this is a long term problem and nobody cares. The teacher at school said it to me:"You're twenty years old, an adult, nobody's going to look after you anymore" The problem is I can't look after myself, and now that nobody cares, who's going to make sure I don't fall through the cracks?

Sorry for this miserable ramble. I feel shot to bits.