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How to deal with never feeling good enough?

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Applying to Uni? Let Universities come to you. Click here to get your perfect place 20-10-2014
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    That my problem really.I never feel good enough for people(even really close friends) and I have exams coming up and I beat myself up over every tiny mistake,and never feel satisfied.Its messing me up and it's become a reflex,these exams are really important but these feelings of doubt and 'whats the point? your too stupid anyway,don't even bother ' are really really bothering me,it's affecting my relationships,and my future.
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    there come a time in your life when you have to become selfish. its you and you alone who has to do the exam. friends wont get you into university. they come and go.
    do your best, hope for the best, and then

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZbKHDPPrrc

    Que Sera Sera
    Whatever will be will be
    The future's not ours to see
    Que Sera Sera
    What will be will be
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    (Original post by Multitalented me)
    Seems like you are a little low on self esteem, listen life is what you make of it, don't just try & please others, please yourself first. You're only not good enough if you lose faith in yourself. You're not worthless but just need to have a bit more self belief. Everyone makes mistakes in life it's how you react that determines your true character. As long as you give 100% in everything you do then that's all you can ask of yourself
    Thanks for replying.Everything you said is utterly true but it's going to take some had work to shift these feelings,as I said in the OP,it's become almost like a reflex.
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    Would speaking to one of your teachers be a possibility to improve confidence in your ability? It would be useful to correct those mistakes and improve.

    This period is an extremely stressful time, especially if you are intending on going to university, and there will be niggling thoughts that 'you're not good enough' or 'you may fail this exam'. Just put things into perspective - take a break/deep breath and approach the things you see difficult with a clear mind. Good luck.
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    (Original post by OddThings)
    That my problem really.I never feel good enough for people(even really close friends) and I have exams coming up and I beat myself up over every tiny mistake,and never feel satisfied.Its messing me up and it's become a reflex,these exams are really important but these feelings of doubt and 'whats the point? your too stupid anyway,don't even bother ' are really really bothering me,it's affecting my relationships,and my future.
    Do you know what conditioning is? have you heard of Pavlov's dogs? it's a scientist who rang a bell every time he fed some dogs and after a while he stopped feeding them but continued to ring the bell and they reacted in the same way as if they were being fed i.e. mouths salivating. That's conditioning. You do something so much and so many times that it becomes routine.

    I can type without looking at the keyboard, that's just years of conditioning and typing and muscle memory. You've conditioned yourself or other people have conditioned you to have these feelings of inadequacy. If you want to feel good about yourself, it's going to take a whole lot of conditioning to remove the bad habits of a life time and to replace them with good ones.

    Ghandi said if you can change your thoughts, you can change the world, at least your own world. Everything starts with a thought. The computer you are using now, the chair you are sat on, they all started as a thought in someone's head. They then took action and turned thoughts into reality. Read 'As a man thinketh' for more on the power of thoughts, I think I picked it up for a couple of quid on Amazon.

    The best method I've found for changing thoughts is to read positive inspiring stuff. I've been reading self-help books for years and they have changed my whole way of thinking. That's just through repetition and conditioning. It's the same with anything in life. If you want to build stamina and strength, you need to train. It's the same for thoughts. You need to train your mind. The brain is the most powerful computer in the world but it will only run on the software we feed it. Feed it negative thoughts and limited beliefs and that's the output you will get.
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    (Original post by advent2)
    Do you know what conditioning is? have you heard of Pavlov's dogs? it's a scientist who rang a bell every time he fed some dogs and after a while he stopped feeding them but continued to ring the bell and they reacted in the same way as if they were being fed i.e. mouths salivating. That's conditioning. You do something so much and so many times that it becomes routine.

    I can type without looking at the keyboard, that's just years of conditioning and typing and muscle memory. You've conditioned yourself or other people have conditioned you to have these feelings of inadequacy. If you want to feel good about yourself, it's going to take a whole lot of conditioning to remove the bad habits of a life time and to replace them with good ones.

    Ghandi said if you can change your thoughts, you can change the world, at least your own world. Everything starts with a thought. The computer you are using now, the chair you are sat on, they all started as a thought in someone's head. They then took action and turned thoughts into reality. Read 'As a man thinketh' for more on the power of thoughts, I think I picked it up for a couple of quid on Amazon.

    The best method I've found for changing thoughts is to read positive inspiring stuff. I've been reading self-help books for years and they have changed my whole way of thinking. That's just through repetition and conditioning. It's the same with anything in life. If you want to build stamina and strength, you need to train. It's the same for thoughts. You need to train your mind. The brain is the most powerful computer in the world but it will only run on the software we feed it. Feed it negative thoughts and limited beliefs and that's the output you will get.
    I have heard of Pavlov's dogs and conditioning,in a psychology class I attended.I've never actually tried it out myself,and I have some free time while studying to start putting it into practice,once I look more into it I know that these negative thoughts are getting me nowhere, if anything backwards.I just need to find a mantra,through self help books or just what I can find online.Thanks,I'm willing to try that,it does sound interesting!
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    (Original post by advent2)
    Do you know what conditioning is? have you heard of Pavlov's dogs? it's a scientist who rang a bell every time he fed some dogs and after a while he stopped feeding them but continued to ring the bell and they reacted in the same way as if they were being fed i.e. mouths salivating. That's conditioning. You do something so much and so many times that it becomes routine.

    I can type without looking at the keyboard, that's just years of conditioning and typing and muscle memory. You've conditioned yourself or other people have conditioned you to have these feelings of inadequacy. If you want to feel good about yourself, it's going to take a whole lot of conditioning to remove the bad habits of a life time and to replace them with good ones.

    Ghandi said if you can change your thoughts, you can change the world, at least your own world. Everything starts with a thought. The computer you are using now, the chair you are sat on, they all started as a thought in someone's head. They then took action and turned thoughts into reality. Read 'As a man thinketh' for more on the power of thoughts, I think I picked it up for a couple of quid on Amazon.

    The best method I've found for changing thoughts is to read positive inspiring stuff. I've been reading self-help books for years and they have changed my whole way of thinking. That's just through repetition and conditioning. It's the same with anything in life. If you want to build stamina and strength, you need to train. It's the same for thoughts. You need to train your mind. The brain is the most powerful computer in the world but it will only run on the software we feed it. Feed it negative thoughts and limited beliefs and that's the output you will get.
    Don't listen to this person, conditioning has been pretty much written off by modern psychology. And for the love of whatever, don't go reading self-help books. They're completely removed from reality and written by swindlers preying on the weak-minded.

    Just go see a therapist or talk to your friends about your problems.
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    (Original post by kristol90)
    Don't listen to this person, conditioning has been pretty much written off by modern psychology. And for the love of whatever, don't go reading self-help books. They're completely removed from reality and written by swindlers preying on the weak-minded.

    Just go see a therapist or talk to your friends about your problems.
    I do agree self help books can be a load of rubbish,however conditioning can be helpful,if you use it's basic components of retraining the mind from,in my case negative thought processes to more positive processes it can actually work.
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    of course those books can be a lot of rubbish, but I think what advent2 meant could be more generally seen in the line of "try to find something that inspires you to work with your own mind"... I think ultimately you need to find an approach/a technique which helps you to be more independant and self reliant...this can be seen first with a therapist, like kristol90 advised, or with a teacher, book, whatever...but in the end it is you who has to be working with and on the problem and doing this work will in itself give you more confidence!!!
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    Once I bought a book by Paul McKenna on how to sleep better, the end result was that I slept worse staying up listening to his sexy voice. But that's besides the point...
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    at least you had a "positive reason" for not sleeping
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    I have the same problem... but in the end its easiest to just stop comparing yourself to other people.
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    (Original post by OddThings)
    I do agree self help books can be a load of rubbish,however conditioning can be helpful,if you use it's basic components of retraining the mind from,in my case negative thought processes to more positive processes it can actually work.
    What if the problem is more complex than just negative thought processes? Don't you think there's a deeper underlying problem causing these thoughts?

    You could possibly suppress these thoughts, but a) this is going to deplete your willpower, meaning that by 5pm you'll be all cranky and have no motivation to do anything else besides watching X Factor or whatever and gorge on chocolate icecream. b) It doesn't actually solve the problem.

    So if you want to actually help yourself get the **** off the Internet and talk to a real person, preferably a professional. Which you probably won't do, unless you're the first person in the history of everything to listen to the advice or others, because hey, what do they know?
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    learn to make your own goals and be happy with what you have. you will never be happy if you always compare yourself to others; there will always be someone more clever/pretty/interesting/famous than you, or at least they'll make you feel that way. Life is short so make the most of it. Talking over this sort of thing with a best friend, parent or sibling always helps I find x
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    (Original post by kristol90)
    What if the problem is more complex than just negative thought processes? Don't you think there's a deeper underlying problem causing these thoughts?

    You could possibly suppress these thoughts, but a) this is going to deplete your willpower, meaning that by 5pm you'll be all cranky and have no motivation to do anything else besides watching X Factor or whatever and gorge on chocolate icecream. b) It doesn't actually solve the problem.

    So if you want to actually help yourself get the **** off the Internet and talk to a real person, preferably a professional. Which you probably won't do, unless you're the first person in the history of everything to listen to the advice or others, because hey, what do they know?
    I understand your reasoning here,and yeah not everyone in history has listened to the advice of others,however I have spoken to friends and family and I'm getting through it,I turned to here first as I had read about people who had felt similar to me,and didn't want to talk to friends first as we are all under strain at the moment.
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    I feel like that most of the time, I use it as a motivator to work harder.
    When life gives you lemons accept the challenge silently and get on with the task in hand, no one likes a complainer.
    Everyone loves a good moan but I'm one in the past who will admit to doing it too often.

    Because it's only going to get harder my friend, you need to say bring it on, some people live naturally easy lives but they don't achieve what others could, they don't have the motivation to work hard or the metal to face difficult decisions and hard truths.
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    (Original post by kristol90)
    Don't listen to this person, conditioning has been pretty much written off by modern psychology. And for the love of whatever, don't go reading self-help books. They're completely removed from reality and written by swindlers preying on the weak-minded.

    Just go see a therapist or talk to your friends about your problems.
    All I know is that when I do loads of press ups, my arms get conditioned and are stronger.

    When I read positive inspiring stuff, it conditions my mind to think more positively. I don't care what modern psychology says because it has worked for me.

    As for self-help books, some books may be like that but not all of them. Reading Ultramarathon man by Dean Karnazes inspired me to sign up for my first marathon. Reading 'Fear-the friend of exceptional people' by Geoff Thompson inspired me to overcome my fears.

    'How to win friends and influence people' by Dale Carnegie changed my whole way of dealing with people. The American billionaire Warren Buffet advocates that book. If you don't believe me, search for the video on youtube where he is singing its praises.

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