What do I do? She broke up with me and now I'm stuck in Germany in her room.
The situation goes as, We went out for 11 months before she had to come to Germany for a year studying aboard. The first few months were fine, until after new year where she said I wasn't making enough effort. Which I wasn't. I didn't take it serious enough then, and not long after we had an arguement about it.
This arguement consisted of me having to change my attitude of the LDR. As I was trying to keep busy and be cool with our relationship. But she wanted me to put more effort in and not miss skype calls and such. This caused me to go 180 degrees on the situation, I started messaging her constantly whenever she was on she was to some extent ignoring me. It felt she switched aswell, but she says it's because she gained a life while in Germany.
A few weeks pass and she's come back from Germany, she comes to visit me for Valentines day and I planned a nice day. By the end of the week I start to realise something is up, and that is acting distant. I asked her what was up, it took awhile to get it out of her but she said she was confused with us. She felt I hurt her too much over the months since she came to Germany and it finally burst when we had the previous arguement.
She goes home early, and I feel like we have broken up. I'm heartbroken, trying to solve the issue. I go down 2 weeks later(She had a break from Germany), hardly being eating. I'm so upset that she's still acting a bit distant with me. During her dance class, I decided to us her iPad for the internet and find her emails open from a guy. These emails are graphic in what he is saying to her. She isn't really responding in them though, but has responded during the time I had being staying over. So I'm upset what seems like might be cheating but also the fact she can hardly talk to me but can email this guy.
I threaten to leave as soon as she comes back, she's mortified. She says it's nothing but him being a pervert to her. She fights for me to stay. I do.
As I'm so heartbroken with her being confused on top with this situation. So my man hood turns into girl mode, and I start over analysising stuff.
We start to get a lot better, things are looking good. The only problem started when she went to meet her friend who is doing a year aboard in Washinton, DC. That I make things worse myself, I should of just had 10 days off on my own. But I just felt while she was gone she didn't make enough effort herself, we skyped once and chatted roughly every 2 days over facebook chat. I caused an arguement as soon as she came back as I felt she didn't try hard enough with me compared to the year before when I went to america and skyped every day.
She's back, at her parents and I feel she still doesn't skype enough and text enough. I thought this is what she wanted. When I go down to see her it's all fine but between them times we argue every so often but also have nice skype times. I'm insecure about the relationship, I feel she doesn't "want me", and we won't do them things over skype.
I go see her just before she goes back to Germany, the day before. It was great. But she goes to Germany. I'm sad. She's distant, we talk whenever she is willing which is the period between when she gets home from her friends and her going to bed. This makes me feel I have no control what is going on. I cause more arguements over this, getting upset over her facebooking then going off the next second. But then other nights it's fine, I'm happy skyping with her. It's all good.
We move forward to last sunday, she have a huge arguement over this situation, that I don't feel she puts in enough effort, she tells me she puts in the effort and that I'm just blind. It gets to 2am, she wants to goto bed. I tell her if you goto bed then you're just putting up a finger at what I feel is important. She comes on. I'm happy she did. But she's pissed, she just wants to sleep but I don't like keeping arguements undealt with. But she goes to bed at 3am after I get majorly upset and hang up.
The large arguement continues the next day, when she said we could deal with it in the morning, she goes to town for a walk. I'm a bit grumpy over it. We talk, I promise to change.
I came to Germany yesterday after booking it a month ago to see her, looking forward to a nice weekend. it's all fine at first. But I have this neglicing thoughts, and just wanted to clerify what I need to do to change. It gets turned into another arguement again. This time I think I went too far. I was looking for paper to write my thoughts on as I felt she wasn't listening to me. I find her dairy and read the first entry. It explains how upset she is when she first went to Germany, I feel like old me was a dick. There is other days when I missed skype calls and she's upset but didn't want to say anything. The last entry goes upto november.
She comes back as I'm writing in it, I wrote next to the first entry that these emotions are the emotions I feel at the moment. She is angry I have her diary, I keep hold of it as I didn't realise it was so important to her at the time. I just see it as a way for her to actually listen to me. She comes at me for it, where I stick my foot up to keep her back. She thinks I pushed her away. I didn't. She is about to go over to her friends because of it. I'm upset and don't want her to go. So I took her phone and kept talking. She is upset.
She goes to her friends, but before so says to me that she has already decided what is happening and that what her friend says won't change anything. She comes back after over an hour. She doesn't talk to me, and goes to sleep. I can't sleep without knowing what's going on. She tells me the last 3 months have just being us arguing and says it's over. I don't sleep that night. I try to explain I know what to do now, and that I didn't even get my chance to change.
Now I'm stuck in her room until my return flight on Sunday evening, in Germany. She's staying at her friends. What do I do?
This arguement consisted of me having to change my attitude of the LDR. As I was trying to keep busy and be cool with our relationship. But she wanted me to put more effort in and not miss skype calls and such. This caused me to go 180 degrees on the situation, I started messaging her constantly whenever she was on she was to some extent ignoring me. It felt she switched aswell, but she says it's because she gained a life while in Germany.
A few weeks pass and she's come back from Germany, she comes to visit me for Valentines day and I planned a nice day. By the end of the week I start to realise something is up, and that is acting distant. I asked her what was up, it took awhile to get it out of her but she said she was confused with us. She felt I hurt her too much over the months since she came to Germany and it finally burst when we had the previous arguement.
She goes home early, and I feel like we have broken up. I'm heartbroken, trying to solve the issue. I go down 2 weeks later(She had a break from Germany), hardly being eating. I'm so upset that she's still acting a bit distant with me. During her dance class, I decided to us her iPad for the internet and find her emails open from a guy. These emails are graphic in what he is saying to her. She isn't really responding in them though, but has responded during the time I had being staying over. So I'm upset what seems like might be cheating but also the fact she can hardly talk to me but can email this guy.
I threaten to leave as soon as she comes back, she's mortified. She says it's nothing but him being a pervert to her. She fights for me to stay. I do.
As I'm so heartbroken with her being confused on top with this situation. So my man hood turns into girl mode, and I start over analysising stuff.
We start to get a lot better, things are looking good. The only problem started when she went to meet her friend who is doing a year aboard in Washinton, DC. That I make things worse myself, I should of just had 10 days off on my own. But I just felt while she was gone she didn't make enough effort herself, we skyped once and chatted roughly every 2 days over facebook chat. I caused an arguement as soon as she came back as I felt she didn't try hard enough with me compared to the year before when I went to america and skyped every day.
She's back, at her parents and I feel she still doesn't skype enough and text enough. I thought this is what she wanted. When I go down to see her it's all fine but between them times we argue every so often but also have nice skype times. I'm insecure about the relationship, I feel she doesn't "want me", and we won't do them things over skype.
I go see her just before she goes back to Germany, the day before. It was great. But she goes to Germany. I'm sad. She's distant, we talk whenever she is willing which is the period between when she gets home from her friends and her going to bed. This makes me feel I have no control what is going on. I cause more arguements over this, getting upset over her facebooking then going off the next second. But then other nights it's fine, I'm happy skyping with her. It's all good.
We move forward to last sunday, she have a huge arguement over this situation, that I don't feel she puts in enough effort, she tells me she puts in the effort and that I'm just blind. It gets to 2am, she wants to goto bed. I tell her if you goto bed then you're just putting up a finger at what I feel is important. She comes on. I'm happy she did. But she's pissed, she just wants to sleep but I don't like keeping arguements undealt with. But she goes to bed at 3am after I get majorly upset and hang up.
The large arguement continues the next day, when she said we could deal with it in the morning, she goes to town for a walk. I'm a bit grumpy over it. We talk, I promise to change.
I came to Germany yesterday after booking it a month ago to see her, looking forward to a nice weekend. it's all fine at first. But I have this neglicing thoughts, and just wanted to clerify what I need to do to change. It gets turned into another arguement again. This time I think I went too far. I was looking for paper to write my thoughts on as I felt she wasn't listening to me. I find her dairy and read the first entry. It explains how upset she is when she first went to Germany, I feel like old me was a dick. There is other days when I missed skype calls and she's upset but didn't want to say anything. The last entry goes upto november.
She comes back as I'm writing in it, I wrote next to the first entry that these emotions are the emotions I feel at the moment. She is angry I have her diary, I keep hold of it as I didn't realise it was so important to her at the time. I just see it as a way for her to actually listen to me. She comes at me for it, where I stick my foot up to keep her back. She thinks I pushed her away. I didn't. She is about to go over to her friends because of it. I'm upset and don't want her to go. So I took her phone and kept talking. She is upset.
She goes to her friends, but before so says to me that she has already decided what is happening and that what her friend says won't change anything. She comes back after over an hour. She doesn't talk to me, and goes to sleep. I can't sleep without knowing what's going on. She tells me the last 3 months have just being us arguing and says it's over. I don't sleep that night. I try to explain I know what to do now, and that I didn't even get my chance to change.
Now I'm stuck in her room until my return flight on Sunday evening, in Germany. She's staying at her friends. What do I do?
Scroll to see replies
I think that, overall, you've messed up. You sound incredibly needy and constantly wanting attention - not even letting her enjoy Washington for 10 flipping days without giving her a hard time!
You also appear to drag arguments on and on and on into the small hours - there's no end! Where does it end?
She's right to break up, and you need to basically sort out your own overhwelming need so that you don't mess up the next relationship. As I see it, she obviously cares about you and tried to make it work, but you just keep wanting more and more.
All you can do is occupy yourself in Germany for the next couple of days - go out and explore or whatever - and when you come back, really try to stop expecting girls to make your life okay.
You also appear to drag arguments on and on and on into the small hours - there's no end! Where does it end?
She's right to break up, and you need to basically sort out your own overhwelming need so that you don't mess up the next relationship. As I see it, she obviously cares about you and tried to make it work, but you just keep wanting more and more.
All you can do is occupy yourself in Germany for the next couple of days - go out and explore or whatever - and when you come back, really try to stop expecting girls to make your life okay.
Bit awkward.
But seems like you are both angry at each other. You both resent eachother somewhat. And that can be difficult to push aside, once there's resentment there. Reading her diary might've been a bit much. It seems you are both trying to make each other feel bad, make yourselves the victim.
What you do is really up to what you want. Do you want her back? Apologise, start thinking about working things out from scratch, say these all to her, no point in her keeping the resentment. Try to be civil, calm and rational. Be caring towards her.
But if she is still having doubts, and you still feel like you're in the right, then just wait it out, go home, give each other some space. At least it's all out of your system now.
But seems like you are both angry at each other. You both resent eachother somewhat. And that can be difficult to push aside, once there's resentment there. Reading her diary might've been a bit much. It seems you are both trying to make each other feel bad, make yourselves the victim.
What you do is really up to what you want. Do you want her back? Apologise, start thinking about working things out from scratch, say these all to her, no point in her keeping the resentment. Try to be civil, calm and rational. Be caring towards her.
But if she is still having doubts, and you still feel like you're in the right, then just wait it out, go home, give each other some space. At least it's all out of your system now.
I just asked her to come round so I could aplogize.
She came, and I apologized for everything I did since she went to Germany. She says she forgives me but she can't forget about what happened last night with the diary.
I stressed that I wanted to in a start things from scratch, but that too her wouldn't work as she won't of forgotten. I said I didn't want to resent her anymore and that I know I was in the wrong now from what was said here.
I told her I love her and if she forget's I'll forget everything aswell, She cried a lot. So did I, she said she doesn't know what the future will hold. We then hugged and kissed good bye.
I know that I just have to wait and hope, but accept that it's probably over. I see her on sunday before I get my train as I don't know where to get the train tickets from.
She came, and I apologized for everything I did since she went to Germany. She says she forgives me but she can't forget about what happened last night with the diary.
I stressed that I wanted to in a start things from scratch, but that too her wouldn't work as she won't of forgotten. I said I didn't want to resent her anymore and that I know I was in the wrong now from what was said here.
I told her I love her and if she forget's I'll forget everything aswell, She cried a lot. So did I, she said she doesn't know what the future will hold. We then hugged and kissed good bye.
I know that I just have to wait and hope, but accept that it's probably over. I see her on sunday before I get my train as I don't know where to get the train tickets from.
Original post by The_Jammy_Witch
I think that, overall, you've messed up. You sound incredibly needy and constantly wanting attention - not even letting her enjoy Washington for 10 flipping days without giving her a hard time!
You also appear to drag arguments on and on and on into the small hours - there's no end! Where does it end?
She's right to break up, and you need to basically sort out your own overhwelming need so that you don't mess up the next relationship. As I see it, she obviously cares about you and tried to make it work, but you just keep wanting more and more.
All you can do is occupy yourself in Germany for the next couple of days - go out and explore or whatever - and when you come back, really try to stop expecting girls to make your life okay.
You also appear to drag arguments on and on and on into the small hours - there's no end! Where does it end?
She's right to break up, and you need to basically sort out your own overhwelming need so that you don't mess up the next relationship. As I see it, she obviously cares about you and tried to make it work, but you just keep wanting more and more.
All you can do is occupy yourself in Germany for the next couple of days - go out and explore or whatever - and when you come back, really try to stop expecting girls to make your life okay.
This, it sounds like you don't give her room to even breath, and god bless her that she even put up with it for as long as she did, the resentment crap also didn;t help, sounds like she really cares about you though.
Apologise for smothering her and inform her that you guys both need space, her to relax and you to regain some perspective (You went from one extreme to another).
It's just logic. If totally getting up in her grill and fighting isn't solving things, the only other option is to get out of her face and not fight.
Original post by Studentus-anonymous
This, it sounds like you don't give her room to even breath, and god bless her that she even put up with it for as long as she did, the resentment crap also didn;t help, sounds like she really cares about you though.
Apologise for smothering her and inform her that you guys both need space, her to relax and you to regain some perspective (You went from one extreme to another).
It's just logic. If totally getting up in her grill and fighting isn't solving things, the only other option is to get out of her face and not fight.
Apologise for smothering her and inform her that you guys both need space, her to relax and you to regain some perspective (You went from one extreme to another).
It's just logic. If totally getting up in her grill and fighting isn't solving things, the only other option is to get out of her face and not fight.
Cheers, Sounds like good advice. She said herself we need space. But doesn't know what the future will hold. Just gotta get through these few days until I fly back. She does seem like she cares about me, just that I seem to be **** at LDRs.
Is it wrong to not want her to do anything with anyone? In the case we get back together. Like I do wonder how I'd cope with her getting with someone while we're split. As that was one of the main reasons I wanted to keep the relationship together when she left for Germany. As when we first started going out I said I didn't want to carry on when she went to Germany. But as time got closer to it, I fell in love with her and couldn't let her go, so arranged a meal to tell her. I'm going off on one.
Cheers.
Original post by midlandsman
Opened this up for a short, sweet yarn but instead got War and Peace. Any chance of a tl;dr bro?
We had have being arguing for a few months, we had a big one last sunday. Then I came to see her yesterday. And caused an arguement, which lead into me emotionally hurting her.
oh dear oh dear :| this makes me cringe just reading it and makes me feel uneasy, its obvious you love each other but the arguments and everything else has totally f***d it up!..the loves still there, whether the relationship can be saved or not is debatable but on your part, you need to give her space now and let her gather her thoughts and see whether she wants you anymore or not and if she's willing to make it work, the more you try and smother her and beg the more she will repel from you
Original post by Zara<3
oh dear oh dear :| this makes me cringe just reading it and makes me feel uneasy, its obvious you love each other but the arguments and everything else has totally f***d it up!..the loves still there, whether the relationship can be saved or not is debatable but on your part, you need to give her space now and let her gather her thoughts and see whether she wants you anymore or not and if she's willing to make it work, the more you try and smother her and beg the more she will repel from you
oh dear oh dear :| this makes me cringe just reading it and makes me feel uneasy, its obvious you love each other but the arguments and everything else has totally f***d it up!..the loves still there, whether the relationship can be saved or not is debatable but on your part, you need to give her space now and let her gather her thoughts and see whether she wants you anymore or not and if she's willing to make it work, the more you try and smother her and beg the more she will repel from you
So I shouldn't contact her at all?
Original post by Anonymous
So I shouldn't contact her at all?
Tell her that you will give her time and space to think about things, apologise again, and then give her time and space to think about things.
Original post by Goody2Shoes-x
Tell her that you will give her time and space to think about things, apologise again, and then give her time and space to think about things.
I aplogised again for not realising that last sunday was so close for being the ending point but the fact I said I can change she didn't. And sorry for not having the chance to change before I came over.
She asked if she wants to go for lunch tomorow, and maybe let her show me around the city before I get my train. I don't know if I should as I don't want her to think it's the last time we will be together, but I also think that her doing so will give her a nice end which maybe better for giving her space. thoughts?
go with her and don't talk about the problems of the relationship, make sure the days nice and its not stressed out by talking about your problems, it will get her mind off things and will also remind her of the good times you both have, after when she drops you off tell her how much you love her and that you'll be waiting but you're going to give her the space she needs and will respect whatever decision she comes to
Original post by Zara<3
go with her and don't talk about the problems of the relationship, make sure the days nice and its not stressed out by talking about your problems, it will get her mind off things and will also remind her of the good times you both have, after when she drops you off tell her how much you love her and that you'll be waiting but you're going to give her the space she needs and will respect whatever decision she comes to
I feel she has already made her decision, For now atleast. But the rest I will do. I don't want to think if I say I'll be waiting for her, she'll be thinking of me as a back up but I doubt anything will happen so soon, but I also don't want her to think I am not there for her. Hence I said was that if she forgets I'll forget (All the issues I brought up again and again) But part of me wants to also say I will remember everything I did wrong for her so I know I won't make the same mistake.
Sorry I keep making so many posts, just an outlet of being trapped here.
She just came round to get an Umbrella before going to town as it looks like it will rain. It was awkward for me. But 10 minutes later I saw her walking passed the building with her friend, she's staying at, and she looked up at the window. But I don't know if she saw me.
get a grip please? she obviously loves you, she's still making such an effort with you, asking to show you round and actually allowing you to stay at hers while she stays elsewhere? she cares for you and the loves blatantly there, be optimistic! but also take a step back and allow her to have the space she needs
Original post by Zara<3
get a grip please? she obviously loves you, she's still making such an effort with you, asking to show you round and actually allowing you to stay at hers while she stays elsewhere? she cares for you and the loves blatantly there, be optimistic! but also take a step back and allow her to have the space she needs
She came round to get her lunch and drop off a fan she bought. She stayed and we watched Graham Norton. I told her that, I was sorry for the dairy, and for wasting our time together and said I wanted to get work through things if she does, which she said she can't promise anything and for me to not wait around. I told her I love her, which she didn't respond. I also said was that I want to make good memories tomorrow and she's going to come round for about 1pm and were going to go around then food.
Do I need to refrain from trying to hug/touch her hand when we meet tomorrow? Do I just act like a friend? This won't just friend zone me will it?
BUMP
Any advice?
Any advice?
****ing hell. NEEDY ALERT! Chill out man, give her time and space. LDR's don't work if either of you don't understand the fact that it's impossible to be in contact at all times. You don't have to Skype every day. As long as you speak every now and then to let the other know that you've not forgotten about them, things will be cool. Stop putting so much effort in, because you've made it impossible for her to equal your effort level, and you'll always be unsatisfied with what she's doing. Chilllll.
Give her a few days without contacting her, let her anger dissipate and talk to her again when you can both be rational. Apologise for how you've behaved, explain that if she doesn't wanna give things another try then you understand, but you know where things have gone wrong and you'd appreciate a 2nd chance to make things right.
Give her a few days without contacting her, let her anger dissipate and talk to her again when you can both be rational. Apologise for how you've behaved, explain that if she doesn't wanna give things another try then you understand, but you know where things have gone wrong and you'd appreciate a 2nd chance to make things right.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- My ex girlfriend cheated on her newly boyfriend with me
- How to stop missing someone who isn't good for me
- Should i breakup
- Is my ex- girlfriend in a rebound relationship?
- Am I being manipulated or is she genuine?
- Thought I was over my ex but I'm not
- This girl still wants to b friends when i know she talks **** about me
- I kissed my ex’s friend.
- I love him
- I don't think my mother can handle me going to Uni
- What's the craziest thing that's happened at your school?
- Did she like me?
- Reconnecting with ex
- Matching with Ex’s friend on Hinge
- Relationship Problems… Help
- Sharing a room with a sibling
- Boss flirt wished me all the best without replying back to my request of references
- 3 years have passed
- Just broke up with my friend whom i was friends with over 6+ years. please give me so
- Me and my partner have been arguing more and more.
Latest
Last reply 4 minutes ago
Official: Queen's University Belfast A100 2024 Entry ApplicantsLast reply 7 minutes ago
Should I send TMUA to LSE? (Maths, Stats and Business)Last reply 7 minutes ago
year 13 gyg journal : trying not to become an academic victim 🤡📖Last reply 8 minutes ago
Official London School of Economics and Political Science 2024 Applicant ThreadLast reply 10 minutes ago
Natwest apprenticeships 2024Last reply 12 minutes ago
Official University of Bath Offer Holders Thread for 2024 entryLast reply 12 minutes ago
Edexcel A-level French Paper 3, IRP/Speaking (9FR0 03) - 2024 [Exam Chat]Last reply 15 minutes ago
November 2023 Illegal Migration Intake Unit - Intake Response Team - Immigration OffiLast reply 19 minutes ago
yet to receive a woodhouse interviewLast reply 19 minutes ago
Official University of Sheffield Offer Holders Thread for 2024 entryTrending
Last reply 15 hours ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 1 week ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 1 week ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceTrending
Last reply 15 hours ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 1 week ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 1 week ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choice
