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I'm a horrible person.

I broke up with my first boyfriend of 3 years because since i'd been living far away for a job, I felt like it had changed for the worst and there were not many opportunities to be intimate, I wondered if I had lost my attraction for him a little and I still loved him as a person, but that spark had gone.. and if was time to move on and maybe we should just be friends.
Not long after we broke up I slept with a guy who I had started liking, which I know was terrible because it was so soon after the break-up, and I completely regret that we slept together,
My boyfriend was absolutely devastated, I knew how much i'd hurt him and thought i'd been stupid to break up with him the first place. The other guy told me he really likes me and wants to be with me, and how beautiful I am, how alike we are, etc, and I told him it was wrong we slept together, I had to make it right with my boyfriend and we had to forget each other. I feel though that he will soon realise what a horrid person I am and he'll begin to resent me.
He was very sad about this but seemed to understand, and we haven't spoken since. I feel terrible for what i've done to my ex boyfriend, because he is honestly the nicest person i've ever met. I feel even worse because the guy I slept with wasn't someone I had picked up in a club or something, we had talked a lot, we got on well, and I thought he was really nice.
Now i'm wondering if it can ever be right again with my boyfriend. A couple of mutual friends have told him to never get back with me, and that if it was their boyfriend/girlfriend, then they would not take them back.
I am wondering if it could ever be normal again with my boyfriend, I know we had so many great memories, we got on really well, and did most things together, he was my life. I am worried if we got back together then it would be difficult for us to be normal and people might try to persuade him to not be with me again, or he might change his mind, which I couldn't blame him for.
I keep thinking what i've done to such a nice person and wondering if I even deserve another chance. He did nothing wrong. He is extremely forgiving and I'm just wondering how it could ever be right again, I feel disgusting and like I don't deserve him ever again... he doesn't deserve any more hurt at all.
I know sometimes things just run their course but I don't understand why I did this to such a nice person. I see friends who are engaged/living with their boyfriends and how committed they are, and I feel like I will never amount to that.

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Reply 1
No you're not a horrible person :smile:


YOU'RE A ******* IDIOT.


Jesus, perhaps you should consider taking a break from relationships while you get yourself together. Your mutual friends are right, he shouldn't take you back; he punch you in your stupid face.

I'm sorry, it just makes me sad that people can be so unthinkingly dumb. You broke up with him so you could sleep with someone else, realised it wasn't what you wanted, now you want to crawl back like the slimy little loser you are.
Reply 2
The question is do I even deserve my boyfriend again or can he just find better? Could it ever be normal again and stronger, it's all a mess that i've made...
Reply 3
Original post by Calpurnia
No you're not a horrible person :smile:


YOU'RE A ******* IDIOT.


Jesus, perhaps you should consider taking a break from relationships while you get yourself together. Your mutual friends are right, he shouldn't take you back; he punch you in your stupid face.

I'm sorry, it just makes me sad that people can be so unthinkingly dumb. You broke up with him so you could sleep with someone else, realised it wasn't what you wanted, now you want to crawl back like the slimy little loser you are.


I know.. :frown:
i completely understand you.
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous
i completely understand you.


Why?
Original post by Anonymous
Why?

you aren't an idiot, you just made a lot of dumb decisions all at once.
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
you aren't an idiot, you just made a lot of dumb decisions all at once.


Yes that's for sure :frown:
Original post by Calpurnia
No you're not a horrible person :smile:


YOU'RE A ******* IDIOT.


Jesus, perhaps you should consider taking a break from relationships while you get yourself together. Your mutual friends are right, he shouldn't take you back; he punch you in your stupid face.

I'm sorry, it just makes me sad that people can be so unthinkingly dumb. You broke up with him so you could sleep with someone else, realised it wasn't what you wanted, now you want to crawl back like the slimy little loser you are.

Shut up, everyone makes mistakes sometimes and there's no reason to be that harsh.

And OP, you've messed it up with both of them. I guess you'll just have to move on.
Reply 9
Original post by forgetamine
Shut up, everyone makes mistakes sometimes and there's no reason to be that harsh.

And OP, you've messed it up with both of them. I guess you'll just have to move on.


Thanks for the reply x
Original post by forgetamine
Shut up, everyone makes mistakes sometimes and there's no reason to be that harsh.

And OP, you've messed it up with both of them. I guess you'll just have to move on.


Perhaps the fact that so many people make mistakes like this, I mean, just look through this forum, renders the fact that MORE people keep making the same mistakes utterly ridiculous. People who refuse to think ahead even a little and consider their actions and the bigger picture are people I can confidently state ARE idiots.

Whether or not they stay idiots is up to them; the first step is recognising their problem :smile:
Original post by Calpurnia
Perhaps the fact that so many people make mistakes like this, I mean, just look through this forum, renders the fact that MORE people keep making the same mistakes utterly ridiculous. People who refuse to think ahead even a little and consider their actions and the bigger picture are people I can confidently state ARE idiots.

Whether or not they stay idiots is up to them; the first step is recognising their problem :smile:


Yeah, because you're perfect and you always do everything right. I bet you don't.

OP didn't cheat on her boyfriend, she just slept with someone else she liked. She might regret it now but it doesn't make her be an idiot. Sometimes it's hard to think ahead, especially after a break up when you're emotionally messed up and so you just end up doing things like that. You can't always do everything right but as long as you learn from your mistakes and try to avoid the same thing happening in the future you're certainly not an idiot.
Original post by forgetamine
Yeah, because you're perfect and you always do everything right. I bet you don't.

OP didn't cheat on her boyfriend, she just slept with someone else she liked. She might regret it now but it doesn't make her be an idiot. Sometimes it's hard to think ahead, especially after a break up when you're emotionally messed up and so you just end up doing things like that. You can't always do everything right but as long as you learn from your mistakes and try to avoid the same thing happening in the future you're certainly not an idiot.


I don't need to shoot up heroin to realise I made a mistake then QQ about it.

I KNOW it's stupid.

I am aware of the potential regret I would feel.

So I don't do it.


You'd be surprised how long you can go without making retarded mistakes if you just apply a little foresight. Though I appreciate some people want to live in their own crap little drama/tragedy.
Original post by Calpurnia
I don't need to shoot up heroin to realise I made a mistake then QQ about it.

I KNOW it's stupid.

I am aware of the potential regret I would feel.

So I don't do it.


You'd be surprised how long you can go without making retarded mistakes if you just apply a little foresight. Though I appreciate some people want to live in their own crap little drama/tragedy.


Ok Mr. Perfect, great for you that you're always doing everything right. I still think your insults are inappropriate and just show how immature you are.
Are you sure you want to get back with this person? I know everyone has their doubts and regrets, but you really need to think this one over.

You aren't a horrible person. Sometimes, relationships just have to end. Sleeping with someone you knew quite soon after sounds like quite a silly mistake, but it isn't the worst you could do.

Of course his friends will be telling him never to get back with you, they are trying to boost his confidence and make him feel better about himself.

I would suggest taking some time apart for now, figuring out how to better yourself on your own. If you still miss him later on, then I'd say give it a shot. Don't expect him to come running back straight away, sure, he may never come back at all, but if you're going to regret just leaving him behind, then go for it. Good luck. :smile:
Reply 15
Original post by weetabixmonster
Are you sure you want to get back with this person? I know everyone has their doubts and regrets, but you really need to think this one over.

You aren't a horrible person. Sometimes, relationships just have to end. Sleeping with someone you knew quite soon after sounds like quite a silly mistake, but it isn't the worst you could do.

Of course his friends will be telling him never to get back with you, they are trying to boost his confidence and make him feel better about himself.

I would suggest taking some time apart for now, figuring out how to better yourself on your own. If you still miss him later on, then I'd say give it a shot. Don't expect him to come running back straight away, sure, he may never come back at all, but if you're going to regret just leaving him behind, then go for it. Good luck. :smile:

Thanks :smile:
Reply 16
Thing i'm even more disgusted by is that this wasn't some random guy I picked up in a club o something...
Original post by forgetamine
Ok Mr. Perfect, great for you that you're always doing everything right. I still think your insults are inappropriate and just show how immature you are.


Whatever, it doesn't matter if I'm perfect or not, this isn't about me, it's about OP and their decision making. It should be irrelevant what other people do. If you're gauging the success of your actions based on other people's behaviour (if everyone does it, it's fine), then you're destined to live a daft life full of regret and self-loathing.

What's the problem with striving not to be a moron?

How is it preferable to have to go crying to a bunch of other morons so they can reassure you that you're not the worst person in the world.

OP has obviously recognised their mistake, and based on this, should be willing to make some changes to avoid feeling like this in future. As I said, this isn't difficult to do :smile:
You obviously broke up with him for a reason, and what you've done since has pretty much ruined any chance of getting back together I'd say. If he did take you back, it's highly unlikely things would be the same as they were before. I think you should just move on.
Original post by Calpurnia
Perhaps the fact that so many people make mistakes like this, I mean, just look through this forum, renders the fact that MORE people keep making the same mistakes utterly ridiculous. People who refuse to think ahead even a little and consider their actions and the bigger picture are people I can confidently state ARE idiots.

Whether or not they stay idiots is up to them; the first step is recognising their problem :smile:


So why don't you recognise yours? Namely, having a humungous axe to grind and venting out your frustrations on the internet. Come on, there's a reason why you have to be so hostile. I, too, am a disciple of 'tough love' so I get where you're coming from, but there's a limit, you exceed it, thus invalidating the previously valuable content of your post. So, put your money where your mouth is and ask yourself why you need to be so angry.

Having said all that... OP, you were stupid, you know that. Not to mention less than classy. But you're not a horrible person.

Look, strictly speaking, you havent done anything morally wrong. You were officially single when you slept with the other guy, and although it was a dumb move, you're treating yourself as though you cheated. Don't be so hard.

You obviously felt that there were strong enough reasons to break up with him, perhaps you need to remind yourself of what they were. Making mistakes is human. Making the same mistake over and over is worthy of ridicule.

All you can do is make a fair go for him, telling him what you've told us, and respect his decision - which, yes, will probably and understandably be in the negative.

You made your bed you gotta lie in it, but take it as a hard lesson learned for next time and move on. Everything's going to be alright.

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