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I'm a horrible person.

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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by amyshamblesxx)
    You obviously broke up with him for a reason, and what you've done since has pretty much ruined any chance of getting back together I'd say. If he did take you back, it's highly unlikely things would be the same as they were before. I think you should just move on.
    Thanks x
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by The_Jammy_Witch)
    So why don't you recognise yours? Namely, having a humungous axe to grind and venting out your frustrations on the internet. Come on, there's a reason why you have to be so hostile. I, too, am a disciple of 'tough love' so I get where you're coming from, but there's a limit, you exceed it, thus invalidating the previously valuable content of your post. So, put your money where your mouth is and ask yourself why you need to be so angry.

    Having said all that... OP, you were stupid, you know that. Not to mention less than classy. But you're not a horrible person.

    Look, strictly speaking, you havent done anything morally wrong. You were officially single when you slept with the other guy, and although it was a dumb move, you're treating yourself as though you cheated. Don't be so hard.

    You obviously felt that there were strong enough reasons to break up with him, perhaps you need to remind yourself of what they were. Making mistakes is human. Making the same mistake over and over is worthy of ridicule.

    All you can do is make a fair go for him, telling him what you've told us, and respect his decision - which, yes, will probably and understandably be in the negative.

    You made your bed you gotta lie in it, but take it as a hard lesson learned for next time and move on. Everything's going to be alright.
    Thanks for the reply and understanding. One or two people have said that what i've done is just as bad as cheating, and even one or two of MY friends have said that they would not take back their boyfriend/girlfriend were it them.
    Yeah, I know it was also very unclassy and completely stupid and disrespectful what I did.
    I've also upset the other guy and treated him poorly, just makes me wonder whether I treat people well in general..
    thanks for the reply x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for the reply and understanding. One or two people have said that what i've done is just as bad as cheating, and even one or two of MY friends have said that they would not take back their boyfriend/girlfriend were it them.
    Yeah, I know it was also very unclassy and completely stupid and disrespectful what I did.
    I've also upset the other guy and treated him poorly, just makes me wonder whether I treat people well in general..
    thanks for the reply x
    No, it's not nearly as bad as cheating. When it's over it's OVER - you're 100% a free agent and so is he.

    Would I take my boyfriend back? No. But that's because I wouldn't be able to stand knowing that he'd been in someone else in between me. Not because I'd see it as cheating.
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    (Original post by The_Jammy_Witch)
    So why don't you recognise yours? Namely, having a humungous axe to grind and venting out your frustrations on the internet. Come on, there's a reason why you have to be so hostile. I, too, am a disciple of 'tough love' so I get where you're coming from, but there's a limit, you exceed it, thus invalidating the previously valuable content of your post. So, put your money where your mouth is and ask yourself why you need to be so angry.
    ... and my axe!

    I find myself frustrated with people who have so much potential but just DON'T think their actions through to any sort of consequence. I know A LOT of people like this; people who I would otherwise really enjoy being with. I find myself wishing there was someone who would tell them where they went wrong (of course, I didn't feel it was my place to tell them. If people DO ask what I think, I tell them). The difference here is that opinions were ASKED for by OP. Thus, this is my chance to enact the role of the third person, who only presents ideas, my actions presenting no personal or social consequence for OP, only potential ideas that they can choose to take on board or ignore.

    I imagine there are other people in OP's life who would love to present the ideas, as I stated, to OP but know it's not their place.
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    (Original post by Calpurnia)
    ... and my axe!

    I find myself frustrated with people who have so much potential but just DON'T think their actions through to any sort of consequence. I know A LOT of people like this; people who I would otherwise really enjoy being with. I find myself wishing there was someone who would tell them where they went wrong (of course, I didn't feel it was my place to tell them. If people DO ask what I think, I tell them). The difference here is that opinions were ASKED for by OP. Thus, this is my chance to enact the role of the third person, who only presents ideas, my actions presenting no personal or social consequence for OP, only potential ideas that they can choose to take on board or ignore.

    I imagine there are other people in OP's life who would love to present the ideas, as I stated, to OP but know it's not their place.
    Fair enough. I know how you feel. I see people's brilliant potential too, all the time, and want to shake 'em by the shoulders and yell in their face... for their own good!

    But if I did that, nobody would appreciate it (is the way of the world, unfortunately. Advice: everyone gives it, everyone needs it, no one takes it.), and being overly offensive/scathing on here is the equivalent of yelling in someone's face, in TSR terms. Even if what you're saying is damn straight, no one pays attention if u hurt their pheeeeeelings too much.
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    you broke up with him for a reason, you said you felt things weren't going right etc, its sounds to me as if you are just missing being with him because he was the closest guy friend you had etc.. but give it 6 months and the same reason why just broke up with him, will come and hit you again, ad you will do it again.
    You need to be sure he is the one for you and that you are prepared to commit to him.

    Dont make rash decisions and go begging him to take you back out of your own short term selfish needs, because you will just end up hurting him again if you are not 100 percent sure you want him.

    Explain that you are really sorry and you made a misake and you feel terrible and tht you want time alone to decide whether you can fully commit to him as you dont want to hurt him again, and tell him you dont expect him to wait for you while you make this decision.

    Poor guy.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by enigma1122)
    you broke up with him for a reason, you said you felt things weren't going right etc, its sounds to me as if you are just missing being with him because he was the closest guy friend you had etc.. but give it 6 months and the same reason why just broke up with him, will come and hit you again, ad you will do it again.
    You need to be sure he is the one for you and that you are prepared to commit to him.

    Dont make rash decisions and go begging him to take you back out of your own short term selfish needs, because you will just end up hurting him again if you are not 100 percent sure you want him.

    Explain that you are really sorry and you made a misake and you feel terrible and tht you want time alone to decide whether you can fully commit to him as you dont want to hurt him again, and tell him you dont expect him to wait for you while you make this decision.

    Poor guy.
    Thanks, I know how heartless i've been
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    (Original post by Calpurnia)
    I don't need to shoot up heroin to realise I made a mistake then QQ about it.

    I KNOW it's stupid.

    I am aware of the potential regret I would feel.

    So I don't do it.


    You'd be surprised how long you can go without making retarded mistakes if you just apply a little foresight. Though I appreciate some people want to live in their own crap little drama/tragedy.
    This, don't sleep around until you're confident the decision to break up was the right one. How would you like it OP if your ex had been the one to sleep with someone else?

    He may be forgiving but even forgiving people have their limits.

    My advice is lay off relationships for a couple of months and get over your ex, and let him get over you.
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    why are so many ppl on this thread anoymous??
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I broke up with my first boyfriend of 3 years because since i'd been living far away for a job, I felt like it had changed for the worst and there were not many opportunities to be intimate, I wondered if I had lost my attraction for him a little and I still loved him as a person, but that spark had gone.. and if was time to move on and maybe we should just be friends.
    Not long after we broke up I slept with a guy who I had started liking, which I know was terrible because it was so soon after the break-up, and I completely regret that we slept together,
    My boyfriend was absolutely devastated, I knew how much i'd hurt him and thought i'd been stupid to break up with him the first place. The other guy told me he really likes me and wants to be with me, and how beautiful I am, how alike we are, etc, and I told him it was wrong we slept together, I had to make it right with my boyfriend and we had to forget each other. I feel though that he will soon realise what a horrid person I am and he'll begin to resent me.
    He was very sad about this but seemed to understand, and we haven't spoken since. I feel terrible for what i've done to my ex boyfriend, because he is honestly the nicest person i've ever met. I feel even worse because the guy I slept with wasn't someone I had picked up in a club or something, we had talked a lot, we got on well, and I thought he was really nice.
    Now i'm wondering if it can ever be right again with my boyfriend. A couple of mutual friends have told him to never get back with me, and that if it was their boyfriend/girlfriend, then they would not take them back.
    I am wondering if it could ever be normal again with my boyfriend, I know we had so many great memories, we got on really well, and did most things together, he was my life. I am worried if we got back together then it would be difficult for us to be normal and people might try to persuade him to not be with me again, or he might change his mind, which I couldn't blame him for.
    I keep thinking what i've done to such a nice person and wondering if I even deserve another chance. He did nothing wrong. He is extremely forgiving and I'm just wondering how it could ever be right again, I feel disgusting and like I don't deserve him ever again... he doesn't deserve any more hurt at all.
    I know sometimes things just run their course but I don't understand why I did this to such a nice person. I see friends who are engaged/living with their boyfriends and how committed they are, and I feel like I will never amount to that.
    I don't think you're a horrible person. It seems to me as though you've got to a point in your life where your not sure what you want. Its a difficult time. You haven't done anything wrong, honestly. Have you got anyone you can really trust with this and ask advice from? And older person maybe?

    I think maybe you should try and give it a little time, give yourself a break, when you have some space to really think you might realise what it is you want. Then you can deal with what you want from there.

    And also, I know it might not feel like it, but what his friends think isn't important in the end. He will do what feels right for him, and if their good friends they'll mind their own beeswax if you two decide to get back together.

    All I can say is -as much as you'll probably here this a lot - things will work out, whatever happens. You will be alright, and you will be happy.

    Good luck, I really hope things are clear soon for you
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Studentus-anonymous)
    This, don't sleep around until you're confident the decision to break up was the right one. How would you like it OP if your ex had been the one to sleep with someone else?

    He may be forgiving but even forgiving people have their limits.

    My advice is lay off relationships for a couple of months and get over your ex, and let him get over you.
    Thanks for the reply x
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by PlanetTea)
    I don't think you're a horrible person. It seems to me as though you've got to a point in your life where your not sure what you want. Its a difficult time. You haven't done anything wrong, honestly. Have you got anyone you can really trust with this and ask advice from? And older person maybe?

    I think maybe you should try and give it a little time, give yourself a break, when you have some space to really think you might realise what it is you want. Then you can deal with what you want from there.

    And also, I know it might not feel like it, but what his friends think isn't important in the end. He will do what feels right for him, and if their good friends they'll mind their own beeswax if you two decide to get back together.

    All I can say is -as much as you'll probably here this a lot - things will work out, whatever happens. You will be alright, and you will be happy.

    Good luck, I really hope things are clear soon for you
    Thanks for the reply

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