[Anonymous]

My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me in February. While I was devasted at the time, now that I've had space away from him I'm kinda glad it happened. We moved in together too fast and we had different ideas of how our relationship should work. If anything, I really resent the fact that he walked away rather than wanting to try and fix things.

We've talked about it since. He still wants to be friends because he doesn't want me out of his life. I do not want to be friends because that would hurt too much. He has said he wouldn't rule out getting back together in the future, just a relationship isn't for him right now (I hate him saying things like this, it gives me false hope). I have said that we could maybe try things again when we didn't live together anymore (I currently am staying back home, my things are still in our flat and the contract runs out at the end of June). But then he's said he couldn't know how he might feel about that even though he hopes he can feel differently about things one day.

I just want him back. I've cut out all my previous exes and gotten over them pretty quick. And I know I need to do it with him. But this is just so different. I've been on loads of dates since and I'm not just interested at all. Without sounding stupid, he's the one for me. And I know deep down he feels similar. But he just doesn't think things can be fixed for the time being. I just wanted to rant really

[leukybear]

whats meant to be will always be..just be patient cause you never know what can happen in the future...things only fall apart so that new and better things could fall in place

[The_Jammy_Witch]

Usually I am a disciple of Never Go Back, Tough Love etc.

But if you really want this one, then you need to consider why you broke up in the first place - his contributions AND yours, and you need to re-create yourself so that your contributions wouldn't be an issue anymore, were you to get back together.

Come on, whatever problems existed during the relationship will still be there if/when you go back. To think otherwise is falling into the trap of doing things exactly the same, and expecting different results. For the output to be different, you yourself must change the input.

However, all of this is futile if he's not even interested. You say he feels similar deep down, but is that really so? A 'relationship isn't for him atm'... doesn't that translate into 'I want to have some casual fun now'?

At the very least, it certainly translates as 'I don't want a relationship with YOU.'

So, why chase down a guy who has had the opportunity to be with you and to make it work, when he wasn't interested in fixing things? Maybe his reasons for not trying hard enough for you are totally justified - depending on the nature and scope of that contribution of yours - but nonetheless, there can be no denying that every day when he could be choosing to make a go of it with you again, he is choosing not to. It is his choice. He's not some child who cannot distinguish what is good for him - he's a guy who made the choice that you/your relationship wasn't worth it anymore.

So the real question is... how much more rejection can you take? When he says he doesn't rule out getting back together in future, how can you possibly know that that doesn't mean 'I'll keep you sniffing around whilst I see what else is available'? You can't know that to not be the case. And I highly suspect it.

You know when I started this reply I thought I'd make a break from my usual doom 'n' gloom verdicts, but... I changed my mind. Maybe because the real doom and gloom would be for you to try and chase back a guy who doesn't want you, instead of working on your own life and aspirations until someone else (someone even better than your ex) does, someone who is going to see you and want you and jolly well hold onto you for all it's worth.

Maybe getting over it wouldn't be so doom and gloom after all, in the long run. And who knows.

Maybe your ex will notice once he realises you don't care anymore. Wouldn't that be ironic.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for your replies. Jammy Witch: that's exactly what I needed to be told, thanks!