[Anonymous]

Coming to the end of sixth form and I feel like being/feeling ugly has ruined my secondary school experience somewhat.

I have lots of issues to deal with which my parents insist are not but whenever I look at a photograph it seems all to obvious to me. I have had to deal with acne since my early teens, I have a large misshapen head and a 'wonky' jaw because of it. In head on photos my jaw is obviously shifted to one side. I have a high hairline that is uneven on each side of my face and flat thin hair. So I have to wear my fringe long and flat, just sitting there on my forehead. I often look at other people with 'normal' appearances and short hair and wish I could be like them.

As a result I avoid meeting/talking to new people. I only feel comfortable around people I know from before my appearance started to worry me. I rarely make eye contact when talking with people.

But now I want to try and change my feelings about myself for the better. I know I will never not be ugly but I want to have the confidence that other people seem to have. But I cannot, I am always thinking about what other people are thinking of me and it is never positive.

Has anybody who is in or has been in my position got any advice on how to deal with my feelings?

Thanks

(Im male btw)

[Anonymous]

You sound a lot like me a couple years ago and, I'll be honest, obsessively dwelling on your physical appearance and how you think others will percieve you as a result of this will only end up detrimental in the long run.

I did all this from the age of about 15 and my self esteem just plummeted until it became really noticeable and basically ruined my life. I developed social anxiety and did the whole 'avoid eye contact so people won't see how hids I look today' and to be honest rather than helping your situation it just makes it ten times worse because you focus more on your appearance and how unattractive you think you are than on living your life and fulfilling your goals and dreams and you will regret it when you look back.

My self-esteem got so low, when really there was nothing wrong with me physically, that if anyone approached me or showed interest like a normal person I would just brush them off and act compleely uninterested because I was really thinking 'how can you be interested when I look like **** right now' when it just wasn't true.

Basically, and especially as a boy (speaking from a girl's perspective), self-esteem and confidence accounts for waaay more than a couple perceived imperfections and I'm not trivialising your problems at all and saying 'just man up' but you don't want to fall into a trap where you are crippled and disadvantaged by your self esteem when other people probably don't notice the things that bother you.

It's best to tackle it before it gets any worse. I pretty much ruined my life by my warped perception of myself and am trying to fix stuff now when looking back I had my whole life ahead of me and was just a normal teen/ adolescent. I let my self-esteem get the best of me when before I was just your average outgoing, popular teenager. My advice would be to try to ignore and stop obsessing over your physical appearance and just act how you would act if they weren't there before it affects your self-confidence any more. If that fails and you find your still obsessing and not happy with yourself then I think maybe you should go to the doctor and explain your feelings, perception and how it's affecting you life and get them to refer you to a counsellor who could help with your self-esteem and perception issues if you don't improve. Either way it's best to tackle it now because you don't want to get social anxiety or anything else like that although I would try to just work on your confidence in social situations before you try the doctors route as I'm sure you would rather avoid that if you haven't done it already.

Sorry for the long post but I recognise the signs and want to help!

[Freak Out]

I'm struggling with this too, even though I'm "apparently" not as hideous as I feel. I have no idea how to get over it tbh.

[Venomilys]

It's a tough world, you just have to accept who you are as nothing will change that. If you cannot accept who you are you will slowly but surely eat yourself away.

And just so you know, females like confidence (convey that by having lots of friends, be outgoing etc), that is the one truth. I know some very unattractive males who are absolute players, as in, the top dog(s).

[419]

FAKE IT.

[facdroit]

Too bad we live in a world wHere medical procedures cannot alter your appearance.

... oh wait

[A Perfect Circle]

(Original post by facdroit)
Too bad we live in a world were medical procedures cannot alter your appearance.

... oh wait

Good thing we live in a world where cosmetic surgery is free, never goes wrong and is assisted on by leprechauns.

... oh wait

[Lil Piranha]

How old are you? Your bone structure may not have finished changing yet - you don't really stop growing til your early-mid 20s. I was the same at school - my face just looked odd. But my last year at school / first at uni I grew a lot (not in height, I just filled out a bit, lots of subtle changes) and my facial structure, whilst it didn't radically change, is now much more "attractive" or normal than it used to be. I'm not going to win FHMs sexiest woman of the year but I'm not Quasimodo either.

I'd give it a couple of years and see if you grow into your face. Your hairline can be concealed by hairstyles - go to your hairdresser and talk to them about it rather than just cover it with your fringe - they may have some more creative ideas which you might like. Go and see a GP about the acne, they should be able to prescribe you some topical lotions or creams which will help. With your jawline, I'd definitely recommend a visit to an orthodontist, or at least have a word with your dentist. There are corrective braces which can fix jawlines - I used to have a massive overbite when I was 10/11, I had some removable braces that brought my jaw forward into line - maybe you could look into that?

In short, you're not stuck with this, and there is plenty you can do if you don't want to wait and see how it turns out. So stop dwelling on it and make some appointments!

[facdroit]

(Original post by A Perfect Circle)
Good thing we live in a world where cosmetic surgery is free, never goes wrong and is assisted on by leprechauns.

... oh wait

Excuse me for forgetting the h.

Oh wait don't excuse me, eat a sock

[yothi5]

Post up a picture.

[Soph(:]

Well unless you don't change your opinion on yourself others will probably continue to view you in this way. If your going to uni or something use that as a chance to change and to care less what people think! At the end of the day if they judge you on your appearance and don't wont to be your friend or something ridiculous like that, their clearly not worth knowing.

[brendonbackflip]

Most people feel ugly at some point. Just look at particular celebrities (Portia Di Rossi comes to mind for me) who have suffered from extreme lack of confidence. At the end of the day, ugly is nothing more than something invented by yourself, because everyone's idea of ugly is subjective to opinion. Keep in mind the person you are speaking to is too busy assesing their own flaws to assess yours.

[enigma1122]

you have to stop thinking what other people are thinking of you and think about other people, focus on other people and show them you are intersted in them, then the confidence will just come. CBT will help with this, google it (cognitive behavioural therapy)

[im so academic]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Coming to the end of sixth form and I feel like being/feeling ugly has ruined my secondary school experience somewhat.

I have lots of issues to deal with which my parents insist are not but whenever I look at a photograph it seems all to obvious to me. I have had to deal with acne since my early teens, I have a large misshapen head and a 'wonky' jaw because of it. In head on photos my jaw is obviously shifted to one side. I have a high hairline that is uneven on each side of my face and flat thin hair. So I have to wear my fringe long and flat, just sitting there on my forehead. I often look at other people with 'normal' appearances and short hair and wish I could be like them.

As a result I avoid meeting/talking to new people. I only feel comfortable around people I know from before my appearance started to worry me. I rarely make eye contact when talking with people.

But now I want to try and change my feelings about myself for the better. I know I will never not be ugly but I want to have the confidence that other people seem to have. But I cannot, I am always thinking about what other people are thinking of me and it is never positive.

Has anybody who is in or has been in my position got any advice on how to deal with my feelings?

Thanks

(Im male btw)

At least you're not a female as us females have it a lot worse!

All you have to do is get rich and fake confidence, and they'll be a lot of attractive girls (although golddiggers) who would love to **** you.

[Profesh]

I'm a hell of a lot better-looking than I was at 18, and a hell of a lot better-groomed than I was at 21. Give it time.

Oh, and lest I forget: http://www.acne.org/reviews/

[restoration]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Coming to the end of sixth form and I feel like being/feeling ugly has ruined my secondary school experience somewhat.

I have lots of issues to deal with which my parents insist are not but whenever I look at a photograph it seems all to obvious to me. I have had to deal with acne since my early teens, I have a large misshapen head and a 'wonky' jaw because of it. In head on photos my jaw is obviously shifted to one side. I have a high hairline that is uneven on each side of my face and flat thin hair. So I have to wear my fringe long and flat, just sitting there on my forehead. I often look at other people with 'normal' appearances and short hair and wish I could be like them.

As a result I avoid meeting/talking to new people. I only feel comfortable around people I know from before my appearance started to worry me. I rarely make eye contact when talking with people.

But now I want to try and change my feelings about myself for the better. I know I will never not be ugly but I want to have the confidence that other people seem to have. But I cannot, I am always thinking about what other people are thinking of me and it is never positive.

Has anybody who is in or has been in my position got any advice on how to deal with my feelings?

Thanks

(Im male btw)

Give it time I always thinks males are more attractive as they age a little bit beyond teeenagehood or even towards the end of teenagehood. It's all about confidence too, you can control how you look through what you wear and stuff, I used to have no confidence it brought down how I looked and was quite a geeky looking teenager lol compared to harry potter actually, by the time I got to sixth form though I had started to change how I looked and have become more and more content with the way I am as I can't change it but I could change how I dress and come across and that makes me feel better looking I dress quite casually and just look "normal" I guess. Besides beauty is in the eye of the beholder you yourself might think your ugly but there's bound to be someone that finds you attractive...