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Advice on this guy

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    I already made a post slightly related to this, here goes. Thank you for the patience for those who bother to read. I've become infatuated with this guy at this point

    I started seeing this guy a while ago. I liked him right away and he appears to be interested in me. As soon as we managed to get each others details, he contacted me the same evening to ask me out the next night. We went on a great first date at a restaurant. I haven't been on too many proper dates unfortunately, I can say by far this was the best one. He was talkative, interested and gentlemanly. He felt me up a little bit after when we kissed, but didn't pressure me for sex. He texted me the same night, and at least once a day after. Sometimes asking to meet up, other times just asking how I was.
    He invited me to dinner with his close friends. He seemed often a bit nervous and awkward around me, often just gazing into my eyes, but he's confident around his mates. I know he broke up with someone not too long ago - he's a relationship person and has several serious relationships behind him. When we've had sex, it's been great. He seemed really overwhelmed and told me our first night together was the best of his life. He's super cuddly, holds me all night and can lie with his head on my stomach for hours.

    Unfortunately I've given him a hard time more than once. The last guy I dated turned out horrible. We were on and off for years, I was a bit young and naive and the guy was hot and cold, didn't make things exclusive and also refused to let me go and got jealous. I had my share of that "ambivalent man" and I'm very vary of it now. It doesn't make things better that these two guys are slightly in the same social circle and are similar in many ways. I know it's unfair to take that out on the next person you're dating, but hey, we all act based on our experiences. I confronted him a couple of times about not getting back to me soon enough and once about a text message which was a bit ambiguous. He did his best to assure me nothing was wrong, to the point where he in the end said he cares about me and "if you refuse to trust me, what can I do!!". However we made up and all that. I figure if I enter things with every guy labeling him an *******, I'll never get anywhere with anyone.

    I'm not a very emotionally open person - it takes time for me to open up for someone. This has sometimes caused guys to question whether I like them. I am aware of this, so I make sure I reply to him and see him when I can.
    I am..well, physically attractive. I was an underwear model for some time. Combined with being a bit shy, I am sometimes worried that guys want to be with me for the wrong reasons. I don't dress sluttily or anything, but I have quite a 'doll face', blonde hair and am innocent-looking and I am worried guys can see me as a trophy only. Perhaps that's just my paranoia, I don't know.

    He works a lot, the time I've spent with him in London he's both been working for his family's company an finishing his masters at the same time. However, he made a lot of time for me whenever he could. I suppose I didn't appreciate that enough at the time, as I missed him if we didn't see each other for two days.
    We've never discussed where "it's going". I think while he was in London he wasn't seeing anyone else. Sometimes I saw him every night and other nights I went out with friends and he'd text me, "where are you?". I don't think he'd had the time to see any other girls, as he spent most nights with me.
    He's very affectionate and seems like he just doesn't get enough cuddling. He can lie with his legs tangled into mine all night and even if we're having dinner with friends, he's always holding my hand. He's said a couple of things I've been curious about, like how to say "I love you" in my native language (I'm not English btw). However, a lot of guys say stuff like this to girls all the time..

    Now he's back in Paris (where he's from). I knew he'd go back eventually, the time in London was an exchange with uni, and now he's finished and working full time. I know he was looking for a job in London, and a part of me was wishing he'd get one and stay (he always said he wanted to). But obviously his options are better back home.
    One of the last nights I saw him, we were lying in bed and he told me he would miss me when he went back. I didn't say anything, he said "you know I leave Friday". I said "I know". It was as if it didn't hit me until then. I got out of bed and left the room for a bit. When I came back he asked me if I was okay. I said I'm fine, he said are you sure, I said yes. We were silent for a while and he said "I really like you". The next night we were just watching a movie. He said he was worried about me forgetting about him, I assured him I wouldn't.
    I didn't get to say goodbye the last night before he left. He left me a longer message on fb saying I must know he would miss me and that he hopes to see me soon and that he'd be back in London in two weeks. He added that I must come to Paris to see him and that his place and he is "all mine".
    He went on holiday for a week and was back in Paris Wednesday. He wrote to me on Thursday asking how I was and saying he missed me. I haven't heard anything since, that's two days ago.

    I don't know where to go from here. I really like him and I hate myself for not setting things straight before he left. I think I like him so much I won't be able to deal with a 'casual thing'. Paris is only two hours away by train but between his intense working and my studies, I suspect I wouldn't see him too much. And I want to resist trying to see him 'as much as I can'. I think for now, if it won't be a relationship, it has to be nothing. I'm thinking go on with my life, date other guys, wait for him to contact me again or come to London and then set things straight? How have people dealt with this before.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Oh God wall of text..Sorry guys. Just felt like it needed details
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Anyone?
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    It sounds like he is really into you to be honest. If he is coming to see you soon, then I see no trouble in pursuing a relationship with him. He obviously means a lot to you, and you to him. I had a similar situation to you. I met this girl who was an exchange student, we instantly clicked. Spent almost everyday together.

    A month ago she had to go back to her home country, so it was hard on the both of us, both we both decided to carry on with our relationship.
    I went over to see her 2 weeks ago, and I can proudly call her my Fiancee.

    Stick with it. Go for it! Ask yourself if you'd regret letting it go
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    Maybe a TL;DR at the bottom? :ninja:
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    i think he does really like you and wants a relationship himself, he can't make it anymore obvious to be honest! but because you're quite distant and don't show your feelings much maybe he's slightly confused? so he's not being straight out with you, but i think if you make it more obvious i don't see why you guys wouldn't make it official. you both seem really into each other
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Welsh.Dude)
    It sounds like he is really into you to be honest. If he is coming to see you soon, then I see no trouble in pursuing a relationship with him. He obviously means a lot to you, and you to him. I had a similar situation to you. I met this girl who was an exchange student, we instantly clicked. Spent almost everyday together.

    A month ago she had to go back to her home country, so it was hard on the both of us, both we both decided to carry on with our relationship.
    I went over to see her 2 weeks ago, and I can proudly call her my Fiancee.

    Stick with it. Go for it! Ask yourself if you'd regret letting it go
    Congratulations!
    Now you're giving me ideas. Not that I don't have some already. (Our children would be soo cute)
    I'd definitely regret it if I never even made it clear how much I like him. But I'm doubting for two reasons; firstly, I'm 21 and still an undergrad, he's 26 and working. I always look for guys slightly older, but there is a chance he'll see me as too young for something serious. (Neither of us are from environments were people marry/get engaged at 22/23, we're both from cities and most girls I know my age plan on marrying at around 30). I'd look for someone to date for a while, and if things go well, take it further.
    He says he feels older than he is and he is always talking admirably about his older brother who's married with a baby (seems like he considers this the ideal life). One of his other brothers is married too. I know a lot of guys assume that girls as young as 20-22 are still looking to be 'free'.
    Also, although he said he hopes to see me soon and invited me over etc., it felt a bit like he said 'goodbye' when he left. I was thinking if he genuinely wanted to be with me, wouldn't he have made sure I know we would 'continue things' before he left?
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    If he invited you over I don't think it's goodbye. He's seem taken with you. Normally with guys some of the most important things to them are those which are left unsaid. He didn't say goodbye and invited you over might be him seeing if you'd still go for a LDR with him.

    Maybe he thought you did know things would be continued so he saw no need to re-assure you. Skype or call him and find out! You'll only pull your hair out imagining the worst case scenarios
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Welsh.Dude)
    If he invited you over I don't think it's goodbye. He's seem taken with you. Normally with guys some of the most important things to them are those which are left unsaid. He didn't say goodbye and invited you over might be him seeing if you'd still go for a LDR with him.

    Maybe he thought you did know things would be continued so he saw no need to re-assure you. Skype or call him and find out! You'll only pull your hair out imagining the worst case scenarios
    He said he'd come back to London soon so I'm kind of waiting for a notice on that. When he's here I'll have to talk to him. It'll be a bit awkward, because I know if he wants to see me, he'll expect sleeping over and cuddling and all that, but I'll have to initiate meeting for a drink or dinner outside so we can talk 'soberly'. If it turns out he doesn't want to date me for real, I don't want to sleep with him again. Not to punish him, but simply because it'll make me miss him for ("goodbye-sex" has no positive effect for women..).
    I don't know.. I believe him when he says he misses me, but I fear this time apart can make him fall for someone else - I suspect he gets infatuated easily. And he's an attractive guy, well off and popular, he has options with women. Of course I do have options with men, but I don't fall for someone often..
    #2

    (Original post by Welsh.Dude)
    It sounds like he is really into you to be honest. If he is coming to see you soon, then I see no trouble in pursuing a relationship with him. He obviously means a lot to you, and you to him. I had a similar situation to you. I met this girl who was an exchange student, we instantly clicked. Spent almost everyday together.

    A month ago she had to go back to her home country, so it was hard on the both of us, both we both decided to carry on with our relationship.
    I went over to see her 2 weeks ago, and I can proudly call her my Fiancee.

    Stick with it. Go for it! Ask yourself if you'd regret letting it go
    I thought there was a ****ing bug on my screen.
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    i would give it time and see what happens first, don't rush into a decision that you might regret afterwards if your unsure
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He said he'd come back to London soon so I'm kind of waiting for a notice on that. When he's here I'll have to talk to him. It'll be a bit awkward, because I know if he wants to see me, he'll expect sleeping over and cuddling and all that, but I'll have to initiate meeting for a drink or dinner outside so we can talk 'soberly'. If it turns out he doesn't want to date me for real, I don't want to sleep with him again. Not to punish him, but simply because it'll make me miss him for ("goodbye-sex" has no positive effect for women..).
    I don't know.. I believe him when he says he misses me, but I fear this time apart can make him fall for someone else - I suspect he gets infatuated easily. And he's an attractive guy, well off and popular, he has options with women. Of course I do have options with men, but I don't fall for someone often..
    Don't wait for him to come back. Give him a message now. Honestly, the waiting game will put negative thoughts in both your heads. Don't wait for him..make the move

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I thought there was a ****ing bug on my screen.
    Dude...there is a bug on your screen
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    He sound like hes into you. Go for it!
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    (Original post by Welsh.Dude)
    Don't wait for him to come back. Give him a message now. Honestly, the waiting game will put negative thoughts in both your heads. Don't wait for him..make the move
    Actually last time we spoke on fb chat (Thursday) it ended with my question (nothing serious, just "did u start work in paris?"), so the ball is kind of in his court..
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    It is, but maybe if you call him and just talk for a bit and bring up where he thinks you both stand? At least you'd know that way
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Welsh.Dude)
    It is, but maybe if you call him and just talk for a bit and bring up where he thinks you both stand? At least you'd know that way
    I feel like this conversation is best done in person. We haven't talked much on the phone, we either meet or text (perhaps he's not a phone person, neither am I).
    I suppose I just wanted some opinions, in case it was obvious that it either was not going anywhere or that he appeared to like me. I can't describe it, but my gut feeling gets me a bit anxious that he has gone back to his 'daily life' and is seeing other girls in Paris and see me as a nice little London love story, but nothing more. There is nothing I can do about it atm either way. He has me fb message which he can reply to. I never initiate contact if there is an unresponded message already. When there is a distance between us, having him initiate is one of the few ways I can determine his interest.
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Zara<3)
    i think he does really like you and wants a relationship himself, he can't make it anymore obvious to be honest! but because you're quite distant and don't show your feelings much maybe he's slightly confused? so he's not being straight out with you, but i think if you make it more obvious i don't see why you guys wouldn't make it official. you both seem really into each other
    He talked about how it's annoying that he must leave all behind in London, with work etc. And he added "and leaving you too..."
    I dunno, he said he isn't good with good-byes. I don't like the feeling that it is 'a good-bye'. I'm not doubting that he wants to see me again, but you know, for what?
    I was the one to ask a question in the end of the last chat, so it's basically up to him to get back to me. He seems so sensitive but I'm afraid whether he genuinel cares. If he's the type who completely 'falls out of it' when we are not physically together for a while.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He talked about how it's annoying that he must leave all behind in London, with work etc. And he added "and leaving you too..."
    I dunno, he said he isn't good with good-byes. I don't like the feeling that it is 'a good-bye'. I'm not doubting that he wants to see me again, but you know, for what?
    I was the one to ask a question in the end of the last chat, so it's basically up to him to get back to me. He seems so sensitive but I'm afraid whether he genuinel cares. If he's the type who completely 'falls out of it' when we are not physically together for a while.
    well only time will tell you if he's one of them people who "falls out of it" because of not seeing you often..over time see how he is with you, whether he makes an effort or not to chat to you, whether he seems as fond of you as he did when you spent time together
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    this lad sounds like a top bloke..you sound like a nice person yourself.. wile awkward position for both of uz. i would give advice but i'm a disaster with girls lol.. best of luck
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    Interesting, open, self-aware foreign guy falls for cold, distant, emotionally part-available Brit chick who throws up barricades and roadblocks when there aren't even reasons to do so.

    Where have we seen this story before?

    It always ends the same way, too.

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