[22hami]

My daughter is going to Sheffield uni in September and to be honest I'm worried sick about how she will cope. All way through school she has not had many friends and is very shy and even now at 18 she does not have a social life, a proper home bird. She is such a pretty girl . She is hoping to board because she thinks it will do her good but I'm apprehensive about it. So what I would like to know how does a shy hard to mix person become more outgoing and enjoy her uni years. Any ideas?

[ziziii]

i have a friend dealing with a similar issue, only her mother apparently insists that she share a flat with someone outgoing, in order for her to 'overcome' her shyness. now i'm not at all sure if this is the right approach, but i just hope it helps to visualize things, and demonstrate that there are loads of other people like that too! so nothing to worry about, the people your daughter meets in uni will probably be as diverse as the people around anywhere else, and she'll meet tons of new people, of which a few she is bound to get along with.

i myself am, for a guy, perhaps on the shy side, but am also definitely looking forward to moving out to university as something of a new start! and in any case, good luck for your daughter, as these are big decisions.

[Indian_Prince]

She'll meet people like her and find the right group of people, dont worry about it, there are many others like her going to uni, plus alot of people are shy at the start of uni, its a whole new enviroment for most, and then everyone just settles in

[Origami Bullets]

Uni will be a completely fresh start for her, and living in halls will help to stop her being such a homebird.

She won't know anyone - and neither will anyone else - and will have to talk to people - her new flatmates, her new coursemates etc., and that will help her get over her shyness.

Encourage her to join a society, too. It's an excellent way of meeting other, like-minded people who she can get along with. The sports which are mixed and tend to attract the more 'laddy' sorts may not (or may) be for her, but something course / cause based may be more her thing.

[Smack]

(Original post by 22hami)
My daughter is going to Sheffield uni in September and to be honest I'm worried sick about how she will cope. All way through school she has not had many friends and is very shy and even now at 18 she does not have a social life, a proper home bird. She is such a pretty girl . She is hoping to board because she thinks it will do her good but I'm apprehensive about it. So what I would like to know how does a shy hard to mix person become more outgoing and enjoy her uni years. Any ideas?

Halls will definitely do her good; no question about that.

University is such a social place, especially when you're in halls, that it's quite an easy process to go from shy and unsociable to sociable with a social life. There are many more people like your daughter at university too so there's nothing to worry about.

[heyimbored]

Generally speaking, being in halls makes for easy friend making, even for the shyest of people. There was someone in my flat last year who was very shy, people would literally not see him for days at a time, but he was still friends with everyone, and would still be asked if he wanted to go out most of the time.

As everyone's in the same situation, it's not hard to make friends, so don't worry.

[Beebumble]

Well I sound a lot like your daughter and am planning to move out for university later in the year. Remember any worries you have will rub off on her. How I explained it to my Mum was I have to move out at some point. Why not now? Where I'll be with plenty of other people in the same boat.

[Waterstorm]

Well if you want her to overcome her shyness, the worst thing you can do is reinforce it even more by repeatedly thinking/saying she is.

But regardless of that, uni is such a massive new experience for people where they learn a lot about themselves and improve a lot. She'll make friends easily living in halls, nobody knows anyone- and they all want to get to know each other.

[meow444]

(Original post by 22hami)
She is hoping to board

Hehe this cracked me up.

It's so sweet that you are such a caring mother that you would go to the trouble to post on a message board about this. Don't worry though she will be absolutely fine. The more you shelter and protect your daughter, the more shy she will become. There is a huge mix of people at uni, and she will meet people she clicks with, I'm sure, and she will have a great time most probably. It must be hard to let her go, but you do need to give teenagers space to grow and develop into adults, you know?

[willbee]

(Original post by 22hami)
My daughter is going to Sheffield uni in September and to be honest I'm worried sick about how she will cope. All way through school she has not had many friends and is very shy and even now at 18 she does not have a social life, a proper home bird. She is such a pretty girl . She is hoping to board because she thinks it will do her good but I'm apprehensive about it. So what I would like to know how does a shy hard to mix person become more outgoing and enjoy her uni years. Any ideas?

Everyone is trying to make friends, so it is much easier to make friends. People are more mature and less judgemental. If she makes an effort with the people she lives with, they will return the gesture and chances are she'll befriend some of them. If I were you I'd encourage her decision of staying in halls. If she doesn't she won't make half as many friends. She'll miss most of the freshers experience. My mum spent her first weeks in a B&B and still regrets it to this day. I don't think you being apprehensive is helpful. Support her and encourage her if you really want what's best for her.

The great thing about uni is that there are so many people and thus so many potential friends. And if she's pretty she's likely to make some. Don't worry about her, I'm sure it'll be fine. Uni is generally where people who didn't enjoy school come into their own and I'm sure with your daughter it'll be no exception. The decision to board is necessary though. It is vital really if she has struggled a bit with making friends. This way she'll sort of be forced into making friendships. It sounds bad, but it's good really.

[Kenan and Kel]

Well, this is a TSR first.

[22hami]

(Original post by Waterstorm)
Well if you want her to overcome her shyness, the worst thing you can do is reinforce it even more by repeatedly thinking/saying she is.

But regardless of that, uni is such a massive new experience for people where they learn a lot about themselves and improve a lot. She'll make friends easily living in halls, nobody knows anyone- and they all want to get to know each other.

Thanks for your reply, you are so right about me thinking that she will never become outgoing because I do tell her how shy she is and I think she believes it more because I am always telling her, if that makes sense. I feel loads better now after reading all the replys I have got.

[22hami]

(Original post by Beebumble)
Well I sound a lot like your daughter and am planning to move out for university later in the year. Remember any worries you have will rub off on her. How I explained it to my Mum was I have to move out at some point. Why not now? Where I'll be with plenty of other people in the same boat.

Thanks, you are right what you say my worries have rubbed off on her, but I am changing the way I'm thinking about uni now.

[22hami]

(Original post by Kenan and Kel)
Well, this is a TSR first.

Is it really a first? I feel a fool now

[22hami]

(Original post by meow444)
Hehe this cracked me up.

It's so sweet that you are such a caring mother that you would go to the trouble to post on a message board about this. Don't worry though she will be absolutely fine. The more you shelter and protect your daughter, the more shy she will become. There is a huge mix of people at uni, and she will meet people she clicks with, I'm sure, and she will have a great time most probably. It must be hard to let her go, but you do need to give teenagers space to grow and develop into adults, you know?

Well I must say you are all saying the same, I need to get a grip and let her go.

[maxcartwright]

please don't force her to go out, some people just like their alone time. she may well be shy, but actively making her be outgoing will not help ( i know from personal experience)

[Esiuol]

(Original post by 22hami)
Is it really a first? I feel a fool now

Nah, I've seen parents asking about how they should help their kids on here before. Don't worry about it. =)

[Hannah-A]

She should know that Uni will be a fresh chapter in her life and in effect she can start again. No one knows about you, what you're like and people in general will be friendly if your friendly too. Everyone is in the same boat and most likely do not know many people. Uni's a great opportunity to make your friends for life, tell her to let go of her anxiety and not to be worried what anyone thinks.

All the best.

[Minerva]

(Original post by 22hami)
Is it really a first? I feel a fool now

I very much doubt it

Parents always worry about their kids - for every mother worrying about their shy child, there'll be another thinking, "s/he keeps talking about what a fantastic social life s/he's going to have at uni; when will s/he ever get any work done?"

I think what's been said about trying not to project your anxiety on to your daughter is really important. Not everyone has a ball in Fresher's week (whatever they might say) and some people do take a term or two to settle in to uni life. But they generally do, and have the time of their lives, in the end.

[22hami]

(Original post by Hannah-A)
She should know that Uni will be a fresh chapter in her life and in effect she can start again. No one knows about you, what you're like and people in general will be friendly if your friendly too. Everyone is in the same boat and most likely do not know many people. Uni's a great opportunity to make your friends for life, tell her to let go of her anxiety and not to be worried what anyone thinks.

All the best.

Awww thanks