Need to vent - boyfriend has started taking forever to reply.
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Original post by FrigidSymphony
I wish more girls understood this. An entire emotional condition, with underlying causes and subtle implications, cannot be expressed in a single passive-aggressive snipe. If you want us to understand how you feel, you're going to have to explain things.
But I did explain. He then said he understood, and was better with contacting me. Now, for the last two weeks or so it's went back to the way it was before.
If I have already discussed it with him, what more can I say? It just makes me feel like he's not listening/doesn't care enough to be considerate.
On nagging: I merely asked him to let me know if he still wanted to meet up(as he had suggested it), which was met with a response a day later. Then when I respond asking what time and where, he replies over 5 hours later only when I contact him [I]again[/I. It is really annoying, and makes me feel like not bothering at all.
Original post by kat91s
If I ever start failing to text my boyfriend, it's usually for lack of enthusiasm. Even if I'm busy, if I really want to, I will find a few minutes in the day to send him at least a quick message.
Maybe he feels like you're nagging him and that's why you're being met with a lack of response. I would suggest leaving him be and let him contact you when he wants to. In the mean time, think about your exams and make alternative plans to relax and enjoy yourself with friends.
It also sounds like you are not being entirely up-front with him, by not telling him directly how you feel and what you want from him. Just talk about it honestly like a couple.
Maybe he feels like you're nagging him and that's why you're being met with a lack of response. I would suggest leaving him be and let him contact you when he wants to. In the mean time, think about your exams and make alternative plans to relax and enjoy yourself with friends.
It also sounds like you are not being entirely up-front with him, by not telling him directly how you feel and what you want from him. Just talk about it honestly like a couple.
See message I just posted back to 'FrigidSymphony'. Surely that isn't nagging, but just wanting to know what's happening so I can plan my day/get on with studying?
And this is, of course, what's bothering me. I know if I'm not hearing from him it's because he's not enthused enough to contact me, and that's not a nice feeling. I'm still not entirely sure how to communicate this to him? Seeing him in a few hours and still feeling wound up!
you need to stop being so needy to be honest. he's probably not listening because he's heard you say it over and over again and it is driving him up the wall ?. if it's really bothering youmdon't bother..wait for him to contact you.
Original post by KatiePanicPots
you need to stop being so needy to be honest. he's probably not listening because he's heard you say it over and over again and it is driving him up the wall ?. if it's really bothering youmdon't bother..wait for him to contact you.
I last said it once, over 2 months ago! I wish people would understand that I've got major exams coming up, and it's not unrealistic to want my boyfriend to understand that knowing plans in advance would put me at ease.
Original post by Anonymous
See message I just posted back to 'FrigidSymphony'. Surely that isn't nagging, but just wanting to know what's happening so I can plan my day/get on with studying?
And this is, of course, what's bothering me. I know if I'm not hearing from him it's because he's not enthused enough to contact me, and that's not a nice feeling. I'm still not entirely sure how to communicate this to him? Seeing him in a few hours and still feeling wound up!
And this is, of course, what's bothering me. I know if I'm not hearing from him it's because he's not enthused enough to contact me, and that's not a nice feeling. I'm still not entirely sure how to communicate this to him? Seeing him in a few hours and still feeling wound up!
Just out of interest, how often do you usually see each other? How often do you usually contact each other when you're not together?
Do you think it could be that he needs some space and independence? You sound like you like to have him around a lot, and sorry if I've misunderstood, but he might have lost his enthusiasm because he needs a change of air.
Original post by kat91s
Just out of interest, how often do you usually see each other? How often do you usually contact each other when you're not together?
Do you think it could be that he needs some space and independence? You sound like you like to have him around a lot, and sorry if I've misunderstood, but he might have lost his enthusiasm because he needs a change of air.
Do you think it could be that he needs some space and independence? You sound like you like to have him around a lot, and sorry if I've misunderstood, but he might have lost his enthusiasm because he needs a change of air.
I wish had him around more! We live about an hour and a half away from eachother...usually though, we would make the effort 2-3 times a week to see eachother. It's been less frequent though.
Last week it dropped to once, partly because I was ill for ages and then because he had various things going on with friends. To be honest I've went down that exact thought process: I've been thinking that he needs space and independence. I started worrying that this would lead to him to wanting to be single again.
Yet when I saw him after the week apart he said he'd really missed me, and we had a great time together/I feel really loved when together. This week - we were only going to see eachother once again, and honestly, though I'm busy with exams I'm not quite happy with this. So I'm seeing him in a couple of hours time - do you think I should ask if he's feeling like he wants more space/indepenece? Isn't it reasonable to want to see him twice a week at least?
[QUOTE="Anonymous;37448202"]But I did explain. He then said he understood, and was better with contacting me. Now, for the last two weeks or so it's went back to the way it was before.
If I have already discussed it with him, what more can I say? It just makes me feel like he's not listening/doesn't care enough to be considerate.
On nagging: I merely asked him to let me know if he still wanted to meet up(as he had suggested it), which was met with a response a day later. Then when I respond asking what time and where, he replies over 5 hours later only when I contact him again[/I. It is really annoying, and makes me feel like not bothering at all.
Can I just ask, are all men like this or something? I think the majority of them are just born inconsiderate. I love my boyfriend a lot, and I know he loves me too, but he's exactly the same and always has been. Although he's done at lot worse than that.
We now live together, one evening he says he's going out to see a friend for a couple of hours and he'll see me around 10 or 11. Ok cool. 11 comes and goes. But I'm not worried. But then it got later and later. Basically, he didn't get home until 5:30 in the morning. By this point, it was light outside, and he'd been gone without a word since 6 the previous evening. I must have rang him a stupid amount of times, texted him number of times, and he never once got back to me to let me know if he was ok, or what the hell was going on.
I honestly believe men are generally just lazy and inconsiderate. It doesn't make them bad, it just seems to be the way they are. I don't know of one man that isn't like this. None. Not young or old. They're all seem to be the same.
The sheer amount of girls that write on thestudentroom asking what they should do because their boyfriend basically doesn't get back to them is ridiculous.
Basically, there isn't an answer anyone on here can give you, it could be any number of things or nothing at all. If you talk to him about it, he'll probably tell you. But I doubt its anything you did wrong, most likely he's just being thoughtless.
If I have already discussed it with him, what more can I say? It just makes me feel like he's not listening/doesn't care enough to be considerate.
On nagging: I merely asked him to let me know if he still wanted to meet up(as he had suggested it), which was met with a response a day later. Then when I respond asking what time and where, he replies over 5 hours later only when I contact him again[/I. It is really annoying, and makes me feel like not bothering at all.
Can I just ask, are all men like this or something? I think the majority of them are just born inconsiderate. I love my boyfriend a lot, and I know he loves me too, but he's exactly the same and always has been. Although he's done at lot worse than that.
We now live together, one evening he says he's going out to see a friend for a couple of hours and he'll see me around 10 or 11. Ok cool. 11 comes and goes. But I'm not worried. But then it got later and later. Basically, he didn't get home until 5:30 in the morning. By this point, it was light outside, and he'd been gone without a word since 6 the previous evening. I must have rang him a stupid amount of times, texted him number of times, and he never once got back to me to let me know if he was ok, or what the hell was going on.
I honestly believe men are generally just lazy and inconsiderate. It doesn't make them bad, it just seems to be the way they are. I don't know of one man that isn't like this. None. Not young or old. They're all seem to be the same.
The sheer amount of girls that write on thestudentroom asking what they should do because their boyfriend basically doesn't get back to them is ridiculous.
Basically, there isn't an answer anyone on here can give you, it could be any number of things or nothing at all. If you talk to him about it, he'll probably tell you. But I doubt its anything you did wrong, most likely he's just being thoughtless.
Original post by kat91s
Just out of interest, how often do you usually see each other? How often do you usually contact each other when you're not together?
Do you think it could be that he needs some space and independence? You sound like you like to have him around a lot, and sorry if I've misunderstood, but he might have lost his enthusiasm because he needs a change of air.
Do you think it could be that he needs some space and independence? You sound like you like to have him around a lot, and sorry if I've misunderstood, but he might have lost his enthusiasm because he needs a change of air.
It's also worth mentioning that we had a fight a few weeks ago, and I noticed his declining attention (when we are apart) after that. But after the fight he got in touch to say he was sorry/I thought we resolved it...and he's been fine when we were together. So I don't get it, but this is when I noticed the change.
Original post by Anonymous
I wish had him around more! We live about an hour and a half away from eachother...usually though, we would make the effort 2-3 times a week to see eachother. It's been less frequent though.
Last week it dropped to once, partly because I was ill for ages and then because he had various things going on with friends. To be honest I've went down that exact thought process: I've been thinking that he needs space and independence. I started worrying that this would lead to him to wanting to be single again.
Yet when I saw him after the week apart he said he'd really missed me, and we had a great time together/I feel really loved when together. This week - we were only going to see eachother once again, and honestly, though I'm busy with exams I'm not quite happy with this. So I'm seeing him in a couple of hours time - do you think I should ask if he's feeling like he wants more space/indepenece? Isn't it reasonable to want to see him twice a week at least?
Last week it dropped to once, partly because I was ill for ages and then because he had various things going on with friends. To be honest I've went down that exact thought process: I've been thinking that he needs space and independence. I started worrying that this would lead to him to wanting to be single again.
Yet when I saw him after the week apart he said he'd really missed me, and we had a great time together/I feel really loved when together. This week - we were only going to see eachother once again, and honestly, though I'm busy with exams I'm not quite happy with this. So I'm seeing him in a couple of hours time - do you think I should ask if he's feeling like he wants more space/indepenece? Isn't it reasonable to want to see him twice a week at least?
Considering you live about one and a half hours apart, I'm surprised you have time to see each other 2-3 times a week! I lived 2 hours away from my boyfriend last year, and the travelling does take up time and energy. We managed once a week, but often it was less.
I think you should just talk to him about it and get a direct answer. Guys tend to come back happy as larry if you give them a bit of space and freedom. It doesn't mean he wants to be single, but if you let him have that space once in a while he will enjoy his time with you more. It sounds like he still loves spending time with you so don't worry.
Original post by kat91s
Considering you live about one and a half hours apart, I'm surprised you have time to see each other 2-3 times a week! I lived 2 hours away from my boyfriend last year, and the travelling does take up time and energy. We managed once a week, but often it was less.
I think you should just talk to him about it and get a direct answer. Guys tend to come back happy as larry if you give them a bit of space and freedom. It doesn't mean he wants to be single, but if you let him have that space once in a while he will enjoy his time with you more. It sounds like he still loves spending time with you so don't worry.
I think you should just talk to him about it and get a direct answer. Guys tend to come back happy as larry if you give them a bit of space and freedom. It doesn't mean he wants to be single, but if you let him have that space once in a while he will enjoy his time with you more. It sounds like he still loves spending time with you so don't worry.
See when you say talk to him: do you mean ask him if he wants more space/independence? Or ask why he's been contacting me less?
Original post by PlanetTea
Can I just ask, are all men like this or something? I think the majority of them are just born inconsiderate. I love my boyfriend a lot, and I know he loves me too, but he's exactly the same and always has been. Although he's done at lot worse than that.
We now live together, one evening he says he's going out to see a friend for a couple of hours and he'll see me around 10 or 11. Ok cool. 11 comes and goes. But I'm not worried. But then it got later and later. Basically, he didn't get home until 5:30 in the morning. By this point, it was light outside, and he'd been gone without a word since 6 the previous evening. I must have rang him a stupid amount of times, texted him number of times, and he never once got back to me to let me know if he was ok, or what the hell was going on.
I honestly believe men are generally just lazy and inconsiderate. It doesn't make them bad, it just seems to be the way they are. I don't know of one man that isn't like this. None. Not young or old. They're all seem to be the same.
The sheer amount of girls that write on thestudentroom asking what they should do because their boyfriend basically doesn't get back to them is ridiculous.
Basically, there isn't an answer anyone on here can give you, it could be any number of things or nothing at all. If you talk to him about it, he'll probably tell you. But I doubt its anything you did wrong, most likely he's just being thoughtless.
We now live together, one evening he says he's going out to see a friend for a couple of hours and he'll see me around 10 or 11. Ok cool. 11 comes and goes. But I'm not worried. But then it got later and later. Basically, he didn't get home until 5:30 in the morning. By this point, it was light outside, and he'd been gone without a word since 6 the previous evening. I must have rang him a stupid amount of times, texted him number of times, and he never once got back to me to let me know if he was ok, or what the hell was going on.
I honestly believe men are generally just lazy and inconsiderate. It doesn't make them bad, it just seems to be the way they are. I don't know of one man that isn't like this. None. Not young or old. They're all seem to be the same.
The sheer amount of girls that write on thestudentroom asking what they should do because their boyfriend basically doesn't get back to them is ridiculous.
Basically, there isn't an answer anyone on here can give you, it could be any number of things or nothing at all. If you talk to him about it, he'll probably tell you. But I doubt its anything you did wrong, most likely he's just being thoughtless.
I feel for you, that must've been so frustrating.
Especially when you largely get into a relationship because you think 'what a considerate/caring person he is', then something like that happens. And I know, I agree, it's ridiculous the amount of questions you get on here about this kind of thing!
I will just need to ask him.
Original post by Anonymous
See when you say talk to him: do you mean ask him if he wants more space/independence? Or ask why he's been contacting me less?
Everything - whatever you're feeling, just be honest.
Just don't be accusatory. Think about how he's going to hear what you're saying. Girls don't nag, not purposefully, but often that's how guys hear it.
You complain about not having enough time for exams and needing to plan everything out and then you spend 5 hours on here (yesterday + today, posting at c. 30 minute intervals) whining about your boyfriend
Original post by Anonymous
and also, you're right about exams but this obviously distracts me...and as a boyfriend he should know this and be understanding! I think I'll lay off making plans with him until they're over after this.
I know! I totally understand...but guys can be complete dumbass's and they won't always necessarily think whats going on in your mind
and how did you know he was talking to other people on fb? :s Avoid saying to him, 'I know you were talking to x, y and z,...' because this would probably make him a bit mad and you'd seem slightly stalkerish...As I said, just focus on your exam stuff and don't make seeing him your priority. Try mend things properly in the summer, and maybe give each other a bit of a break. Like you said in your first message ^^^, it was him who was making a lot of the effort to begin with. In relationships, people eventually loose a bit of there spark..so maybe having this kinda of a break would regain it...?Where is your role in the relationship? he did all the wooing, wasn't it your turn to make him feel wanted? rather than just expecting expecting expecting? you have exams, so get organised, you tell him when you are free to meet up and what you want to do, and ask him if it fits with his plans. You expect way too much
to be honest the point at which bfs stop texting regularly or you're waiting a long time consistently between plans and messages is usually about the same time that the relationship begins to wind down/fail. iv noticed this pattern with my exes. might be a bad sign . i think you shouldn't confront him with it until all your exams are out of the way so you can deal with it all in a less hysterical way.
sounds very cynical i know, but if i know one thing about men its that they more often then not cannot be dealing with whiney, stressed out girlfriends on the phone. if they are at a tipping point in whether they want to continue the relationship or not this usually sways it.
sounds very cynical i know, but if i know one thing about men its that they more often then not cannot be dealing with whiney, stressed out girlfriends on the phone. if they are at a tipping point in whether they want to continue the relationship or not this usually sways it.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by kat91s
Everything - whatever you're feeling, just be honest.
Just don't be accusatory. Think about how he's going to hear what you're saying. Girls don't nag, not purposefully, but often that's how guys hear it.
Just don't be accusatory. Think about how he's going to hear what you're saying. Girls don't nag, not purposefully, but often that's how guys hear it.
Original post by bone-machine
to be honest the point at which bfs stop texting regularly or you're waiting a long time consistently between plans and messages is usually about the same time that the relationship begins to wind down/fail. iv noticed this pattern with my exes. might be a bad sign . i think you shouldn't confront him with it until all your exams are out of the way so you can deal with it all in a less hysterical way.
sounds very cynical i know, but if i know one thing about men its that they more often then not cannot be dealing with whiney, stressed out girlfriends on the phone. if they are at a tipping point in whether they want to continue the relationship or not this usually sways it.
sounds very cynical i know, but if i know one thing about men its that they more often then not cannot be dealing with whiney, stressed out girlfriends on the phone. if they are at a tipping point in whether they want to continue the relationship or not this usually sways it.
Quoting both to update kat91s and to ask for thoughts from 'bone-machine'.
I spoke to him and at first he said sorry (begrudgingly). When I said I felt he could me more understanding, he said he felt like he was being 'told off' which is exactly how it felt to me too! I explained about it being a stressful time, that he might be busy but it takes a minute to type a message and hit send. He seemed to come round as I pointed out he could've given me a call at some break between what he was doing, walking down the street (etc), there must've been some window of time? At this point he seemed to be listening, then nodded and said he was sorry and that he definitely should've been in touch.
(kat91s) I then went on to ask if he was needing space and even as I started to say it he started laughing, saying 'not at all!'
Things aren't easy just now. I've got a new job coming up, which is going to cause a shift and he's just been offered the opportunity to go abroad with his line of work for a couple of months. It's going to change the dynamics of the relationship for sure. I said I was a little worried about it (although excited for us both) and he said he was going to 'need' me on during that time.
bone-machine, after talking to him I don't understand why he acts like this if he doesn't apparently want to wind the relationship down? He's asked me to phone him tomorrow to make plans later, in the week which I will do - but I will be putting exams as top priority from here on out.
Original post by Teabo
The worst part of this is he probably doesn't have a clue that he's actually doing it. Go and talk to him. Communication breakdown, it's always the same.
You think your funny with your led zeppelin lyrics lol
Original post by 'bob'
You think your funny with your led zeppelin lyrics lol
Heh, I just find myself agreeing with Robert Plant.
Original post by Teabo
Heh, I just find myself agreeing with Robert Plant.
He is the man.
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