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Ex boyfriend crushed my self esteem...

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Got a question about Student Finance? Ask the experts this week on TSR! 14-09-2014
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    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Everyone is beautiful in their own special ways.

    In any case, you need no-one to tell you how beautiful you are. In time you will learn to love what you have.
    As difficult as it might feel right now, you can move on from a guy like that.

    He is not worth the effort dear.
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    (Original post by darkxangel)
    send it to me, i'll be blunt. he might have just said that because he thought that you felt that way, rather than that being actually true?
    You promised to be blunt, so I've sent them to you. Thank you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I need some help picking myself up at the moment. I basically just discovered that my boyfriend of about a year (now ex) has been cheating on me, and sleeping with my 16 year old sister's best friend during the latter part of our relationship. I'm 19 myself, and I've never felt so terrible about myself before. When I confronted him about this, he was quick to admit to it. He was also quick to subsequently break up with me. He told me I had been lucky to get into a relationship with him at all, because I was 'ugly' and 'who would have my any way'.

    Now, I'm not a softie, and I really don't give a **** about him at all, having discovered this. But there is -one- scar that I really can't seem to remove, and that's the malicious attack on my appearance. I feel very ugly, under-appreciated and unwanted. I can't help but wonder whether he's right, 'who would have my any way'? The fact that no boys seem interested in me whatsoever is doing nothing but confirming this...I just don't know what to do. I'm finding myself looking at other girls and wishing I was as beautiful as them. I know I'm not 'great' in the looks department, but I never really thought I was bad enough to be coined 'ugly' either.

    I don't know what to do. Please give me advice, are there ways I can make myself better looking? Perhaps makeup routines, skincare regimes? I'm starting to feel like there really is something wrong with me...please help. And I'm sorry if this sounds very trivial, but it -was- my first ever relationship, which has made it all a very scarring ordeal. I just need some help with self-improvement, and ways I can pick myself up and move on with my life.

    You seem very analytical, in a good way and also very interesting. He however sounds like a total asshat, it is never good when a relationship (esp. a first relationship) ends in cheating I know I speak from experience, however I realised that I am alright looking and have a personality that I am happy with. Once you have this realisation it is great and I bet you will have it. Surround yourself with people who like you for you and who won't backstab you and things should look up soon, best wishes.
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    what a pig. who would want a pig like him?
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for this. Oh god I feel like crying. The thing is, it's not just my appearance, I'm also of oriental descent. His mother is Finnish and she hated me. She believes in this preservation of the white race thing, and basically wanted him to be with a white girl. I'm 'white' complexion-wise, but I'm eastern by ethnicity. It's hard to feel beautiful when you have the added weight of coming from a part of the world which doesn't exactly have representatives in Hollywood or TV ads. There's a sort of message that seeps through the media sometimes, i.e. that you're not beautiful unless your western-white/black. Because there just aren't any Arabs/Indian girls that are famous for their looks. I'm definitely over thinking this and I feel like I'm becoming delusional, but I can't help agonising over pictures of his previous girlfriends, and wishing I had their beautiful blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes. I know I must sound stupid, but he was a nice guy and I'm sure that my own inadequacies may have ruined our relationship too. It always takes two to tango, and we were together for so long. I don't know, and I'm sorry for typing out such a sob story. I'm just struggling to accept myself. There are so many things I wish I could change, and my appearance has recently become one of them.
    first of all his mother is a racist.There are many people that find Asian women beautiful and particularly exotic.Beauty is so subjective and remeber, most people want what they can't have. Think of all those white/blond/blue eyed girls that go to the tanning salon every other day and hate their white complexion.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for this. Oh god I feel like crying. The thing is, it's not just my appearance, I'm also of oriental descent. His mother is Finnish and she hated me. She believes in this preservation of the white race thing, and basically wanted him to be with a white girl. I'm 'white' complexion-wise, but I'm eastern by ethnicity. It's hard to feel beautiful when you have the added weight of coming from a part of the world which doesn't exactly have representatives in Hollywood or TV ads. There's a sort of message that seeps through the media sometimes, i.e. that you're not beautiful unless your western-white/black. Because there just aren't any Arabs/Indian girls that are famous for their looks. I'm definitely over thinking this and I feel like I'm becoming delusional, but I can't help agonising over pictures of his previous girlfriends, and wishing I had their beautiful blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes. I know I must sound stupid, but he was a nice guy and I'm sure that my own inadequacies may have ruined our relationship too. It always takes two to tango, and we were together for so long. I don't know, and I'm sorry for typing out such a sob story. I'm just struggling to accept myself. There are so many things I wish I could change, and my appearance has recently become one of them.
    What?

    Whole of Bollywood pretty much...and India has won Miss World the second most times.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    x
    Wait what? You said you are Oriental then you go on about Bollywood and Indians, Now, I never read through the entire thread but from your OP your ex was a douche and so was the mother, I think you should stop being so insecure about your appearance and be proud of your heritage.
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    Hey OP
    You deserve better and i feel he was only trying to shift the blame on you when it's all his fault. If you are comfortable with it send me a photo and i'll be blunt about it as well. I'm sure you are better, inside and out, than the trash that was your ex bf.
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    (Original post by Deep456)
    What?

    Whole of Bollywood pretty much...and India has won Miss World the second most times.

    she meant in the western world there aren't many indian actresses/models etc. so many people think their ugly over here-or at least in my experience.
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by darkxangel)
    she meant in the western world there aren't many indian actresses/models etc. so many people think their ugly over here-or at least in my experience.
    Yeh, this is what I was getting at! I may have an eastern ethnicity, but I'm British by nationality. So my first and most important identity is my western one, and yet there remains a sort of stigma against girls who are clearly not western by appearance? Something along those lines.
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    (Original post by Casius)
    If you were ugly, he wouldn't have gone out with you in the first place. He's just stung that you found out about his whole cheating affair.
    OP, please read this post and realise it's the truth.
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    (Original post by darkxangel)
    she meant in the western world there aren't many indian actresses/models etc. so many people think their ugly over here-or at least in my experience.
    That's because the Indian/Arab culture is a lot more conservative, nothing to do with being good looking.

    I don't know who you mix with but that's wrong on so many levels. My experience is people find them more exotic and hence better looking.
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    (Original post by Deep456)
    That's because the Indian/Arab culture is a lot more conservative, nothing to do with being good looking.

    I don't know who you mix with but that's wrong on so many levels. My experience is people find them more exotic and hence better looking.
    I didn't mean it in that way , but it's more of a case of 'she is pretty, but she is indian..... i don't know how to explain it. And yh the reason why not many asian girls are famous here is because culture/religion.

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