[DamnDirtyGrapes]

I'm not going to patronise you with what other people are saying.
I'm in exactly the same boat, although I'm 21.

Sitting in playing an instrument doesn't help...sure it takes your mind off things, but you're still sat in by yourself.
You are NOT weird or unusual for thinking this, you do NOT have to 'get over it'.
It is a terrible painful experience to feel relatively unattractive or that people don't want to spend time with you.

Don't feel bad for thinking this.
Nobody wants to be alone, and constantly having it is unbelievably awful. I'm afraid I can't help with that aspect, but I can tell you that you're NOT unusual or weird for thinking this, you're just a very social and compassionate human being that wants to have companionship, like any sane person.

[mancabouttown]

I would suggest that you identify a couple of things you may enjoy or could help you to overcome this. It may be something like jogging, climbing, a book club or dancing, yes, dancing It's not a blokey thing to do, but there'should be plenty of girls.

[Nidhogg_Rider]

Do you go out much? Maybe you need to go out more often and get some confidence being around new girls, and drum up the courage to approach them. Maybe go out with wingmen/wingwomen to push you into the situations, for a good looking guy your success rates can be astronomical if you just go and approach. Try and go to house parties or social occasions and what not more too? You could even try and ask your female friends to try and hook you up with their friends. Alternatively there's always online dating, but I personally think that's actually more graft than necessary for the payoff.

I dunno, I was just like you at one point, 16 before I got my first kiss, everyone else I was around was well into their prime and I did feel like the odd one out. Things are alright now but I did put in a lot of time and effort to try and improve myself and break out of my shell. Good things happen, but you do have to go out and try and find them, sitting on your tod inside by yourself isn't going to get you anywhere unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Nidhogg_Rider)
Do you go out much? Maybe you need to go out more often and get some confidence being around new girls, and drum up the courage to approach them. Maybe go out with wingmen/wingwomen to push you into the situations, for a good looking guy your success rates can be astronomical if you just go and approach. Try and go to house parties or social occasions and what not more too? You could even try and ask your female friends to try and hook you up with their friends. Alternatively there's always online dating, but I personally think that's actually more graft than necessary for the payoff.

I dunno, I was just like you at one point, 16 before I got my first kiss, everyone else I was around was well into their prime and I did feel like the odd one out. Things are alright now but I did put in a lot of time and effort to try and improve myself and break out of my shell. Good things happen, but you do have to go out and try and find them, sitting on your tod inside by yourself isn't going to get you anywhere unfortunately.

I usually go out quite a lot but it gets a bit depressing when u just hang around with your friends until they start getting off with people, so i've kind of stopped going out much. It's exam time anyway now, so it's probably for the best.

Even if i should be approaching girls more often, aren't they meant to give signals and stuff? I've never seen any signals, except from the really desperate slutty ones.

[masterfulprof]

Be bold. Take lessons from the master. It takes boldness to seize the bull by the horns and wrestle it rather than sitting inside lamenting how unfortunate you are and how miserable it is.

Specifically you have to get more sex, which changes your body chemistry and makes you more attractive to others, but you're not going to get it started with your current strategy.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by masterfulprof)
Be bold. Take lessons from the master. It takes boldness to seize the bull by the horns and wrestle it rather than sitting inside lamenting how unfortunate you are and how miserable it is.

Specifically you have to get more sex, which changes your body chemistry and makes you more attractive to others, but you're not going to get it started with your current strategy.

brb 'getting more sex'

[Malkmus]

(Original post by Anonymous)
People always say that, but how many 19 yr old guys at uni who are supposedly good looking, intelligent and funny have only ever had one kiss (it wasn't even a proper one and lasted about 5 seconds)? What do i have to do??

One of my best friends was completely devoid of experience with females (never even kissed a girl etc.) throughout his time at Uni. He was a really sound guy, reasonably good-looking - trains mixed martial arts so he had a good body and would have been perfect boyfriend material personality wise - he's a really caring, compassionate person and was generally really interesting and full of funny anecdotes when you spoke to him. The only thing that really stopped him ever getting a girlfriend was confidence... well, that and never really trying it on with girls, even if they may have been interested (in my experience, girls rarely like to chase guys) and I know it began to get him down when everyone else he lived with were in relationships etc.

Since we all graduated from Uni a couple of years ago, he met his first girlfriend at 21 who he now lives with and couldn't be happier. The point is, some people just find it difficult to find girlfriends/partners for a variety of reasons even if these reasons aren't immediately apparent... doesn't mean you're consigned a life alone, just means it might take a while for something to happen.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Malkmus)
One of my best friends was completely devoid of experience with females (never even kissed a girl etc.) throughout his time at Uni. He was a really sound guy, reasonably good-looking - trains mixed martial arts so he had a good body and would have been perfect boyfriend material personality wise - he's a really caring, compassionate person and was generally really interesting and full of funny anecdotes when you spoke to him. The only thing that really stopped him ever getting a girlfriend was confidence... well, that and never really trying it on with girls, even if they may have been interested (in my experience, girls rarely like to chase guys) and I know it began to get him down when everyone else he lived with were in relationships etc.

Since we all graduated from Uni a couple of years ago, he met his first girlfriend at 21 who he now lives with and couldn't be happier. The point is, some people just find it difficult to find girlfriends/partners for a variety of reasons even if these reasons aren't immediately apparent... doesn't mean you're consigned a life alone, just means it might take a while for something to happen.

Do you happen to know how he dealt with being nervous (or in my case, scared) about having sex for the first time?

[Anonymous]

(Original post by masterfulprof)
Be bold. Take lessons from the master. It takes boldness to seize the bull by the horns and wrestle it rather than sitting inside lamenting how unfortunate you are and how miserable it is.

Specifically you have to get more sex, which changes your body chemistry and makes you more attractive to others, but you're not going to get it started with your current strategy.

Also, I don't want to just settle for some desperate slag in a club just to 'get more sex'. I just can't make myself do that. So what else am i supposed to do?

[Malkmus]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Do you happen to know how he dealt with being nervous (or in my case, scared) about having sex for the first time?

No, I think he'd be too embarrassed to talk about that. He briefly outlined how they got together - he basically walked her back home, she asked him to come in for a drink and he ended up staying the night (all quite stereotypical! ) so I imagine even if they didn't have full sex, he probably ticked a few things off the list! I wouldn't have been that surprised if they slept together that night tbh as I think they already knew each other as more than just casual acquaintances.

I mean, everyone is/was nervous about having sex the first time. You just kind of deal with it. I think I had only had sex with 1 or 2 people by the time I was 19 and the first time I was definitely at least a bit tipsy - it was a girl I wasn't going out with, who I knew reasonably well. I was never particularly precious about "the first time" so perhaps that made it easier for me and having a few amber nectars probably took the edge of my nerves. Even though next morning I expected for it was just a one-off, we actually ended up going out for a couple of years on the back of it. I'm not saying this what you should, just that things can kind of just sprout out of nothing.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Malkmus)
No, I think he'd be too embarrassed to talk about that. He briefly outlined how they got together - he basically walked her back home, she asked him to come in for a drink and he ended up staying the night (all quite stereotypical! ) so I imagine even if they didn't have full sex, he probably ticked a few things off the list! I wouldn't have been that surprised if they slept together that night tbh as I think they already knew each other as more than just casual acquaintances.

Well the bold bit basically happened to me (that was my most recent opportunity, 2 months ago). After a date she invited me back to hers, but i still couldn't get the courage to do anything sexual so nothing happened even though i dtayed the night. After that, i'm just scared of getting in that situation again because it felt awkward at the time and crushingly disappointing afterwards.

[kittenxa]

Wait until you finish uni. Not being funny or anything, but you don't want a girl getting the way, especailly when the first few months of a relationship are pretty full on. It isn't a race anyway, my brother is in his mid-20's and he's still a virgin. No one is going to laugh at you for being a virgin and if they do they're not worthy of your presence. When you do find a girl you like, go at your own pace and get to know her first before doing anything. Call me old fashioned, but your first time should be with someone special.

[DamnDirtyGrapes]

I think he's not concerned with having sex, he's concerned about the fact he (not to sound insulting), keeps getting rejected and isn't successful with the opposite sex.

No Sex is just a by product of this.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by DamnDirtyGrapes)
I think he's not concerned with having sex, he's concerned about the fact he (not to sound insulting), keeps getting rejected and isn't successful with the opposite sex.

No Sex is just a by product of this.

No you're wrong, I don't keep getting rejected. Every one of the few times i've had the courage to ask a girl out, she's said yes. It's just that i rarely feel i have the opportunity because the signals aren't there, plus i'm just not particularly confident with these things.

Also i'm reluctanct to do it because every time i've dated a girl, it's fallen apart when she can't work out why i haven't tried to be more physical (because i'm scared). Since physical intimacy is inevitable whenever you date someone, i'm not too keen to come up against that barrier again.