[osama2]

hi guys my teacher said that this was a C grade piece of work.
can you please read this and mark it out of 15. this is AQA English literature and is on Of Mice and Men. the question was:
How do you think Steinbeck uses the character of Candy in the novel as a whole to convey important ideas about society at that time? (15) (PART B)


Steinbeck uses all of his characters in his novel to symbolise or represent a certain part of society in 1930’s America. It is his representation of what life was like in that era. Although one character stands out from the rest which is Candy or the others from the ranch like to call him “the swamper”.
Steinbeck writes “his dog is his company and his equivalent of a friend” suggests that he is incredibly lonely as his only friend is a dog, an animal. The key word in this quote is “equivalent” because it has two meanings. Steinbeck is telling us that he is treated the same way as the dog. And I could go as far to say that maybe they even both share the same status which is minute or even nothing. He describes the dog’s movements “his ancient dog lifted his head and peered about, and then got painfully back to his feet to follow” this mirrors Candy in almost every way as Candy has been described as a “cripple” in the novel. In my opinion Steinbeck is trying to make us imagine and think about the intense difficulty old people had to face in this harsh, unforgiving society. In addition even though he is old he is expected to work as hard as everyone else if not harder because he knows that soon enough he will get fired as his weak limbs won’t be able to deal with the amount of strenuous physical work he has to do in the ranch.
Furthermore when crook’s sneers at the idea of owning their own place, his answer shows the comfort he gains from his new friends and the end to loneliness, “we gonna do it....me and Lennie and George”. This scene shows us a completely different side of Candy, an intimate side full of hopes and dreams. This reveals that although Candy is facing discrimination over his age and disability he is still able to look beyond the obstacles. Steinbeck is trying to show us that everyone in this society had a dream; although some couldn’t fulfil them previously, they still had them. Steinbeck reinforces this when Curley’s wife insults him he says “We got friends, thats what we got”. Candy shows her his authority or more so his dignity and tells her the importance of friends.
In conclusion Steinbeck uses Candy to highlight the discrimination which was being faced by elderly, “crippled” people who had to work for their entire lifetime. Furthermore America wasn’t a welfare state which was the reason for them working at such a late age. He uses dreams to show how he did have ambitions but his age and the economic downfall (1929 wall street crash) diminished his goals of doing so.
/15
THANKS A LOT! please give a mark out of 15!

[Arekkusu]

Christ above, that's a C?

[osama2]

do you think that should be below a C . please dont say! im aiming for an A* and my teacher gives me a C for this! im so annoyed but i dont know whether it was me or her strict marking?

[HotfireLegend]

It's a bit short to be perfectly honest. I'm sure those more knowledgeable in English can tell you the other 'flaws'.

[Iqbal007]

(Original post by osama2)
hi guys my teacher said that this was a C grade piece of work.
can you please read this and mark it out of 15. this is AQA English literature and is on Of Mice and Men. the question was:
How do you think Steinbeck uses the character of Candy in the novel as a whole to convey important ideas about society at that time? (15) (PART B)


Steinbeck uses all of his characters in his novel to symbolise or represent a certain part of society in 1930’s America. It is his representation of what life was like in that era. Although one character stands out from the rest which is Candy or the others from the ranch like to call him “the swamper”.
Steinbeck writes “his dog is his company and his equivalent of a friend” suggests that he is incredibly lonely as his only friend is a dog, an animal. The key word in this quote is “equivalent” because it has two meanings. Steinbeck is telling us that he is treated the same way as the dog. And I could go as far to say that maybe they even both share the same status which is minute or even nothing. He describes the dog’s movements “his ancient dog lifted his head and peered about, and then got painfully back to his feet to follow” this mirrors Candy in almost every way as Candy has been described as a “cripple” in the novel. In my opinion Steinbeck is trying to make us imagine and think about the intense difficulty old people had to face in this harsh, unforgiving society. In addition even though he is old he is expected to work as hard as everyone else if not harder because he knows that soon enough he will get fired as his weak limbs won’t be able to deal with the amount of strenuous physical work he has to do in the ranch.
Furthermore when crook’s sneers at the idea of owning their own place, his answer shows the comfort he gains from his new friends and the end to loneliness, “we gonna do it....me and Lennie and George”. This scene shows us a completely different side of Candy, an intimate side full of hopes and dreams. This reveals that although Candy is facing discrimination over his age and disability he is still able to look beyond the obstacles. Steinbeck is trying to show us that everyone in this society had a dream; although some couldn’t fulfil them previously, they still had them. Steinbeck reinforces this when Curley’s wife insults him he says “We got friends, thats what we got”. Candy shows her his authority or more so his dignity and tells her the importance of friends.
In conclusion Steinbeck uses Candy to highlight the discrimination which was being faced by elderly, “crippled” people who had to work for their entire lifetime. Furthermore America wasn’t a welfare state which was the reason for them working at such a late age. He uses dreams to show how he did have ambitions but his age and the economic downfall (1929 wall street crash) diminished his goals of doing so.
/15
THANKS A LOT! please give a mark out of 15!

I honestly would complain and ask for another teacher to review his marking because that seems at a much higher level.

[CheekiiMonkii]

It's short... but nowhere near a C... you clearly have potential... improvements could be made then and there.. but a C??

Dude... you better prove your teacher wrong! GO FOR IT! x

[tehforum]

Yeah, very harshly marked.

12/15?

[osama2]

(Original post by HotfireLegend)
It's a bit short to be perfectly honest. I'm sure those more knowledgeable in English can tell you the other 'flaws'.

i know its short. but i told her to take in to consideration that the actual piece would be a bit longer. Dont forget i only have 22 minutes to write this!

[Id and Ego seek]

Maybe she was too lazy to give it a proper marking, so she just slapped the mark of average on it.

Shouldn't be a C in terms of quality.

[osama2]

(Original post by CheekiiMonkii)
It's short... but nowhere near a C... you clearly have potential... improvements could be made then and there.. but a C??

Dude... you better prove your teacher wrong! GO FOR IT! x

thanks a lot i realllllly appreciate it! and yes i will and when i get the grade i deserve i will throw that result sheet at her face

[CheekiiMonkii]

(Original post by osama2)
thanks a lot i realllllly appreciate it! and yes i will and when i get the grade i deserve i will throw that result sheet at her face

Make sure you get a mate to video it :P x

[patrickinator]

I think i might know who that teacher is....

[STFU]

A*

[shyamshah]

It is worth a lot more than a C, I have written a C piece of work and this was a lot better than that was.

[racheatworld]

Definitely not a C, and I studied Of Mice and Men for GCSE.

What I would be careful of is writing in the first person so much, like "in my opinion". It sounds much better to write that "it is clear that Steinbeck is trying to make us, as the reader, feel" instead of "in my opinion, Steinbeck...".

Also, you could expand on a few points there. Why has Steinbeck chosen to mirror the dog's movement to be like Candy's? Is it just because Candy is old like his dog? Or does the slow movement and the fact that he "painfully back to his feet" show how Candy has no enthusiasm left for life, as he has given up on all of his dreams due to being almost trapped in the ranch for most of his life?

Overall, definitely not a C. You drew up the themes of discrimination and you've used external knowledge about the Wall Street Crash to see why Candy ultimately does not achieve his dreams. I think your teacher was harsh, but it won't be an A*.

[osama2]

(Original post by patrickinator)
I think i might know who that teacher is....

ur not alone. theres always that teacher in every school unfortunately

[Booyah]

[To me that seems like a B considering length, Yeh sure I have taken 22 minutes timing into consideration, I wouldn't worry about getting a low mark it just spurs you on to do a better essay, I would say you missed out a point about his dog, society seems to be unchanged but to the individual having something so precious taken away from you really does affect you (as he lay silently whilst other people played cards), however society shows to pull on a brave face i.e. Slim. Just a little interpretation I made up on the spot... Would be nice to see what your teacher thinks of that Haven't seen that book for nearly a year now... I am kinda happy :P

[osama2]

(Original post by racheatworld)
Definitely not a C, and I studied Of Mice and Men for GCSE.

What I would be careful of is writing in the first person so much, like "in my opinion". It sounds much better to write that "it is clear that Steinbeck is trying to make us, as the reader, feel" instead of "in my opinion, Steinbeck...".

Also, you could expand on a few points there. Why has Steinbeck chosen to mirror the dog's movement to be like Candy's? Is it just because Candy is old like his dog? Or does the slow movement and the fact that he "painfully back to his feet" show how Candy has no enthusiasm left for life, as he has given up on all of his dreams due to being almost trapped in the ranch for most of his life?

Overall, definitely not a C. You drew up the themes of discrimination and you've used external knowledge about the Wall Street Crash to see why Candy ultimately does not achieve his dreams. I think your teacher was harsh, but it won't be an A*.

thanks for the feed back much appreciated and i will take everything on board for the exam! so would you say it was worth an A?

[codle]

If you want to boost the grade up, try to sound a bit more sophisticated. E.g., "In my opinion Steinbeck is trying to make us imagine" - try to avoid using "I" as it sounds a bit basic... Maybe try "It could be argued that Steinbeck is trying to encourage the reader to imagine". You're still making the same point but it sounds better, and a marker is more likely to subconsciously think that it's at a higher level.

I thought the points you made were really good though good luck in your exams

[examination]

Sorry but I agree with teacher...I would give it a 7/8 out of 15. I don't know what level of difficulty AQA is (higher than A levels or around about GCSE's?) Firstly, the essay as a whole could have been written in a better way. Maybe avoid using phrases like 'this tells us this' and instead write 'this would imply that...' Also, I personally would never use first person or words like 'us' in an essay. Instead, you could write 'The reader is left feeling/Steinbeck attempts to show the reader...'

Secondly, I think you haven't really answered the question. In the main, you have simply described Candy's key traits and supported it with quotations. Only in the conclusion do you start talking about 'important ideas about the society' which is actually the central focus of this essay. There has to be a constant reference to what the questions asking. Maybe you were along the right lines in that discrimination was a significant part of society at that time but there are other things you could have looked at. For example, you could have had a paragraph on the economic problems (which you briefly mentioned) and how due to his disability and age, it would be very difficult for him to overcome such economic problems. In this way you are integrating information about the society and Candy's character. Basically, you need to expand A LOT on the issues you mentioned in your conclusion.

Those are the 2 main things which I would change: using more sophisticated language and actually answering the question. But keep in mind that this is what I personally would do. Everyone has a different opinion. I am currently doing Advanced Higher which is equivalent to A level. From what I have learnt, a 15 mark essay should generally be around 2 pages if its hand written and roughly a page and a bit for typed up. I can't really tell how long your one is since its on tsr but it seems a bit short. Hopefully you find my comments constructive. Like I said, I'm unsure what level AQA is so maybe some of my comments are irrelevant. Good luck!