[Anonymous]

My new boyfriend is off on a lads holiday in 3 weeks and it's starting to worry me.
I want to trust him, but we've only been together 3 months so I don't feel we've really built that trust yet.

He's going with 3 other single guys and I'm worried it will be a case of "what happens abroad stays abroad". I'm really falling for this guy and it will devastate me if he cheats. They're going to Aiya Napa for a week.

My ex boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me which ultimately ended our relationship, so I feel less trusting of guys in general than I once did (even though I know it's unfair to tar all guys with the same brush).

I won't be able to go on a holiday at the same time or anything so I'm dreading being sat at home imagining all the things he might be getting up to. I doubt ill hear from him whilst hes away either because of the cost of texting, and i dont want to be clingy anyway and ask him to contact me whilst hes on holiday. I'm just scared of what might happen.

[Mr.Zen]

I don't think anyone here can really give you the best answer, because we don't know him. What is he like as a person. If you can say without a doubt that he is genuine, nice, trusting and loyal then I don't think you have anything to worry about. However, I think you are right to have your doubts, as 3 months isn't a long period, and let's face it, lads holidays will almost always result in at least one person getting laid.

[TenOfThem]

Ask him where he thinks your relationship is

He may not consider you to be in a relationship that would preclude sleeping with other women ... at least then you can decide if you can cope with being in a "different place"

If he says he is committed then ... well your insecurities may be a problem

[Anonymous]

(Original post by TenOfThem)
Ask him where he thinks your relationship is

He may not consider you to be in a relationship that would preclude sleeping with other women ... at least then you can decide if you can cope with being in a "different place"

If he says he is committed then ... well your insecurities may be a problem

Well I kind of mentioned in a jokey way that I hope he wasn't planning on getting with other girls and he said I'm the only one for him. I haven't brought it up again as I don't want to seem paranoid.

He's a decent guy. He had a long term relationship for 3 years at uni (I knew him and his gf) and I don't believe he ever cheated on her. I went on many nights out with him in a group when his gf wasn't there and he never showed any interest in other girls. Hes kind of shy about talking to girls and i dont think he'd go out with the intention of pulling. My worry is that on holiday there will be slutty girls throwing themselves at him and he'll just go for it (especially as there may be peer pressure from his mates).

[sophisticated]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Well I kind of mentioned in a jokey way that I hope he wasn't planning on getting with other girls and he said I'm the only one for him. I haven't brought it up again as I don't want to seem paranoid.

He's a decent guy. He had a long term relationship for 3 years at uni (I knew him and his gf) and I don't believe he ever cheated on her. I went on many nights out with him in a group when his gf wasn't there and he never showed any interest in other girls. Hes kind of shy about talking to girls and i dont think he'd go out with the intention of pulling. My worry is that on holiday there will be slutty girls throwing themselves at him and he'll just go for it (especially as there may be peer pressure from his mates).

In reference to the bold....what more do you want?

Also, about not having had time to build trust yet...I think that's complete horse manure to be honest. As far as I can see (and as you've said yourself) your boyfriend hasnt done ANYTHING to give you reason to mistrust him. Therefore, the trust should be there, and it should have been there from the outset of your relationship. Trust is a major component of a relationship, if you're in a relationship with someone you don't trust when they haven't wronged you at all, then I think the problem here is you and your own insecurities, not your boyfriend and not the "slutty girls" in Ayia Napa.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by sophisticated)
In reference to the bold....what more do you want?

Also, about not having had time to build trust yet...I think that's complete horse manure to be honest. As far as I can see (and as you've said yourself) your boyfriend hasnt done ANYTHING to give you reason to mistrust him. Therefore, the trust should be there, and it should have been there from the outset of your relationship. Trust is a major component of a relationship, if you're in a relationship with someone you don't trust when they haven't wronged you at all, then I think the problem here is you and your own insecurities, not your boyfriend and not the "slutty girls" in Ayia Napa.

Well in my previous relationship I remember feeling abit paranoid about things at first but as time went by I trusted my ex more and more and never questioned him. I think having that much trust in my ex, only for him to go and cheat on me, has hurt my ability to trust so willingly again (which yes is down to my own insecurities). My new boyfriend can just be a bit of a "lad" sometimes. I want so badly to trust him though, I'll be seeing him the day before he goes and I think I'm just going to tell him that im putting my trust in him, will miss him and hope he has a good time. Will just be a bit of a hellish week whilst he's away. If he comes back though and hasnt cheated, Ill have complete faith in him from then on.

[Wilfred Little]

(Original post by Anonymous)
My new boyfriend is off on a lads holiday in 3 weeks and it's starting to worry me.
I want to trust him, but we've only been together 3 months so I don't feel we've really built that trust yet.

He's going with 3 other single guys and I'm worried it will be a case of "what happens abroad stays abroad". I'm really falling for this guy and it will devastate me if he cheats. They're going to Aiya Napa for a week.

My ex boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me which ultimately ended our relationship, so I feel less trusting of guys in general than I once did (even though I know it's unfair to tar all guys with the same brush).

I won't be able to go on a holiday at the same time or anything so I'm dreading being sat at home imagining all the things he might be getting up to. I doubt ill hear from him whilst hes away either because of the cost of texting, and i dont want to be clingy anyway and ask him to contact me whilst hes on holiday. I'm just scared of what might happen.

My honest opinion is I'd be worried.

If he's with his single friends for a week or two, getting drunk and surrounded by women, I would worry.

I don't know why people do this to their partners. Another example of "I'll do what I want" instead of trying to compromise. If I had a girlfriend there's no way I'd go on a lad's holiday. It's disrespectful.

[little_wizard123]

(Original post by Wilfred Little)
My honest opinion is I'd be worried.

If he's with his single friends for a week or two, getting drunk and surrounded by women, I would worry.

I don't know why people do this to their partners. Another example of "I'll do what I want" instead of trying to compromise. If I had a girlfriend there's no way I'd go on a lad's holiday. It's disrespectful.

Are you serious? So are you saying that you have to go on holiday with people of the opposite sex instead?

'Do what' to their partners, exactly? Go on holiday and enjoy themselves? If you can't trust your partner not to cheat, then there's really no point in being in the relationship. It's like saying don't let your partner go to uni, or something

Surely you'd be insulted if your girlfriend refused to let you go on a holiday because she thought you might cheat?

[Wilfred Little]

(Original post by little_wizard123)
Are you serious? So are you saying that you have to go on holiday with people of the opposite sex instead?

'Do what' to their partners, exactly? Go on holiday and enjoy themselves? If you can't trust your partner not to cheat, then there's really no point in being in the relationship. It's like saying don't let your partner go to uni, or something

Surely you'd be insulted if your girlfriend refused to let you go on a holiday because she thought you might cheat?

lol

But why Ayia Napa? If it was a holiday based around sightseeing or doing something other than getting ****faced and partying it'd be different.

I know what goes on in party islands, I'm not having people telling me they are only going there to do this and that, or to dance and drink.

If the OP trusts him or not, it won't stop him from cheating, it just means she won't be worried when he's away. I'm just being honest. If you want to do the party island thing then you're entitled but it's not as innocent as people claim.

Go through the relationships forum, it's filled with scenarios such as "I got drunk and accidently cheated".

For what it's worth I think the OP should really have discussed boundaries before this so the situation didn't arise.

[Alpharius]

Look, all I can say is you either trust him or you don't.

If you trust him, this shouldn't be worrying you.

If you don't, why the **** are you with him? Whats the point?

In my eyes, love has always equaled trust. No trust, no respect, no love.

[little_wizard123]

(Original post by Wilfred Little)
lol

But why Ayia Napa? If it was a holiday based around sightseeing or doing something other than getting ****faced and partying it'd be different.

I know what goes on in party islands, I'm not having people telling me they are only going there to do this and that, or to dance and drink.

If the OP trusts him or not, it won't stop him from cheating, it just means she won't be worried when he's away. I'm just being honest. If you want to do the party island thing then you're entitled but it's not as innocent as people claim.

Go through the relationships forum, it's filled with scenarios such as "I got drunk and accidently cheated".

For what it's worth I think the OP should really have discussed boundaries before this so the situation didn't arise.

Maybe they booked the holiday before they got together? You know, partying can just be drinking, dancing and having a laugh with friends. It's not as innocent; no, but it's not a 'he will definitely cheat' answer either.

obviously. It's not going to be filled with 'I love my boyfriend, he's so great' threads is it?

Personally, I'd consider my girlfriend's feelings if I booked a place like this with a bit of a reputation as I wouldn't want to worry her, but equally I know that she would have no reason not to trust me (like with the OP) and any insecurity is down to her and not being caused by myself. I don't think this guy should be made to cancel his holiday because the OP is too insecure.

[cat_in_the_hat]

I think it's fair enough that you're a bit worried, but if he has told you that you're the only one for him etc then all you can do is trust him. You know you can't control what goes on there, so just try to relax. Make sure you see a lot of your friends that week to take your mind off what he's doing. Also have you talked about communication while he's away? Getting texts and maybe a phone call every few days might make you feel better.

[tinman1]

He may not intend to cheat but when he's drunk 20 cocktails and is being offered it on a plate it may be a different story. I totally see why you're uneasy about it but there's nothing you can do but wait for his return and head for an immediate date with Jez Kyle and his lie detector.

[Birdman1234567]

(Original post by Wilfred Little)
My honest opinion is I'd be worried.

If he's with his single friends for a week or two, getting drunk and surrounded by women, I would worry.

I don't know why people do this to their partners. Another example of "I'll do what I want" instead of trying to compromise. If I had a girlfriend there's no way I'd go on a lad's holiday. It's disrespectful.

It's not really disrespectful, there are various reasons a person may go to these party islands apart from sex, OP bf can still enjoy the sun, drinking and banter with his friends. I would be really upset if I got left out of a lads holiday while all my other friends are off having a laugh, op bf is probably going only because he's friends are going.

Op is just going to have to trust him and she already mentioned that he has a history of being loyal so she has no reason to assume he's going to cheat.

[Waitingname]

(Original post by sophisticated)
In reference to the bold....what more do you want?

Also, about not having had time to build trust yet...I think that's complete horse manure to be honest. As far as I can see (and as you've said yourself) your boyfriend hasnt done ANYTHING to give you reason to mistrust him. Therefore, the trust should be there, and it should have been there from the outset of your relationship. Trust is a major component of a relationship, if you're in a relationship with someone you don't trust when they haven't wronged you at all, then I think the problem here is you and your own insecurities, not your boyfriend and not the "slutty girls" in Ayia Napa.

I totally disagree with your philosophy. Trust has to be earned, not just lost. If you trust by default then you'll end up hurt.

[srsmass14]

(Original post by Wilfred Little)
My honest opinion is I'd be worried.

If he's with his single friends for a week or two, getting drunk and surrounded by women, I would worry.

I don't know why people do this to their partners. Another example of "I'll do what I want" instead of trying to compromise. If I had a girlfriend there's no way I'd go on a lad's holiday. It's disrespectful.

dude, ever single post i read of you, you sound pussy-whipped

[Wilfred Little]

(Original post by srsmass14)
dude, ever single post i read of you, you sound pussy-whipped

I'm not pussy-whipped for telling the truth.

Go read my older posts, I was called a misogynist too, how can I be both? I'd be saying the same if it was a woman going on holiday with her girlfriends.

And using the term "pussy-whipped" =

http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...2&postcount=15

http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...89&postcount=4

Do these sound like the posts of a white knight?

[Arturo Bandini]

(Original post by Wilfred Little)
lol

But why Ayia Napa? If it was a holiday based around sightseeing or doing something other than getting ****faced and partying it'd be different.

I know what goes on in party islands, I'm not having people telling me they are only going there to do this and that, or to dance and drink.

If the OP trusts him or not, it won't stop him from cheating, it just means she won't be worried when he's away. I'm just being honest. If you want to do the party island thing then you're entitled but it's not as innocent as people claim.

Go through the relationships forum, it's filled with scenarios such as "I got drunk and accidently cheated".

For what it's worth I think the OP should really have discussed boundaries before this so the situation didn't arise.

That's cos people don't generally start threads saying "I went on holiday and got drunk and didn't accidentally cheat".

It's not disrespectful at all. relationships where people stop themselves doing things with their friends that they'd do if they were single generally don't end well.

I'd go to napa for the drinking and partying and quite easily not cheat

[sophisticated]

(Original post by Waitingname)
I totally disagree with your philosophy. Trust has to be earned, not just lost. If you trust by default then you'll end up hurt.

Sure maybe it does, but how is the OP's boyfriend going to have the opportunity to earn her trust if she wants to keep him on a lead and stop him going on holiday with his friends, and just stop him from having fun in general?

Because lets be honest, by the sounds of it, she'd stop him from going on this holiday if it was within her reasonable power to do so.

All I'm saying is its pretty clear to me from her original post that she has no reason to NOT trust him. So I don't get why she's twisting her panties over this. She should just let him go and see what happens. IF he cheats, she's better off without him anyway!!

[Little Hobbit]

I wonder if there's a way OP can tell her boyfriend about her concerns without offending him or seeming paranoid? I know it's something I'd be a little worried about but would feel uncomfortable bringing it up. Guys, what would your reaction be if you were OPs boyfriend and she told you she was worried? Would you be angry she didn't trust you or would you just think she's being silly and give her a cuddle and some reassurance?

Just curious