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Why do some girls believe they should have men that they don't deserve?

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    ^^^spot on, shame I've run out of rep
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    (Original post by JD.27)
    1) But why wouldn't a girl do this? If she's not satisfied and the guy has lost his balls she would look for someone else. The same thing happens with guys who have options, once they feel comfortable if the girl doesn't keep his interest he will leave. This isn't a gender problem it's usually in the hands of the 'selector' as such, it just so happens most guys have no idea about girls and so the ball is usually in the girl's court - the roles can reverse just as easily and there's nothing wrong with it. Anyone with an abundance of options will feel entitled to get more and more picky until those options start drying up.



    2) I would say more most than some, just because at face value a girl will claim she deserves a man with 'x, y & z' doesn't mean she will feel entitled when she meets him. If he is way out of her league this will show up in the relationship very early on and she will develop a deep insecurity about it. I think you might be taking what you hear a little too literally.

    3) On the other side of it if a girl is with a guy who she deems as lesser it is only because he is enabling her to feel that way. If he wasn't less worthy he wouldn't let her think it, you can't really blame girls for thinking their bf is lucky if he's acting that way.
    You have raised good points. Thanks for your contribution to this thread. And sorry for the long post.

    1) No, there's nothing wrong with leaving/dumping someone who doesn't meet your standards. But thinking/acting like you're entitled or you deserve an amazing man when you're nothing special yourself seems absurd to me.

    Yes, it's not gender specific. But I observed/noticed this behaviour to be prevalent among the female sex than the male sex. How many times do you hear or read of an ugly guy thinking he deserves to be going out with a really fit girl? Yeah, he may want to have one, but he wouldn't believe that he is entitled to have one when he isn't the greatest in the looks department.

    2) You may be right here but you gotta remember that the amazing/brilliant men would usually avoid a relationship with these girls anyway. So even though you've made a good point, it's slightly irrelevant because it rarely gets to happen. The point is that they have this belief at most times, even though they probably will lose this feeling of entitlement when they meet their perfect guy. I might be taking what they say too litterally, but how else how am I supposed to take it?

    I'll give you an analogy. Let's say you randomly happen to meet a homeless guy on the street. For some random reason, you start conversing with each other. He then reveals how he is homeless because he has been lazy all his life. But suddenly he claims "I can't believe I'm homeless. I deserve a mansion, a BMW M5 and a billion quid in a bank." Regardless of how he may feel if he did get these things (he may randomly lose his feeling of entitlement), wouldn't you feel angry that he dare to suggest that he deserves all these luxuries when he has been lazy? It's absolutely absurd to think/act like he's entitled to all those riches when he hasn't worked anywhere near hard enough to even earn a penny.

    Likewise those girls who are nothing special. Regardless of whether they lose the feeling of entitlement when they meet "perfect" men, the fact that they would dare to have this belief beforehand is just ridiculous. To dare to think such a thing deserves a strong pimp slap imo.

    3) Again, you're right here to an extent. But that's not really the point. They rarely would get the chance to meet their perfect guy, let alone getting a relationship with that man. Most likely they'll be going out with a man they've had to compromise on. And so the guy is automatically a "lesser" man. But it still doesn't stop some girls/women (who are not amazing) from daring to believe they deserve "perfect" men. And because the guy hasn't matched her criteria of perfection (he doesn't know this of course), she automatically thinks the guy is lucky to have her or believes that if anything in the relationship goes wrong, it's automatically the guy's fault as there was no way she could possibly have done anything wrong. It's not that the guy is letting her think he is less worthy. It's that she already thinks he's less worthy at the start of the relationship (but still decides to go out with him for reasons such as social pressure or the few benefits the guy may have to offer).

    There's nothing wrong with anyone, let alone a lazy homeless person, wishing that they had a mansion, a nice Jag and millions of pounds in the bank. But to think/act like they deserve it when they are extremely lazy is just worthy of infinite facepalms. Wait, scrap that. It's worthy of infinite banging of the head on a desk. Wait, scrap that. How about they get shot for daring to believe such a thing? Likewise, men/women who aren't anything special, yet they believe they are entitled or deserve to have amazing partners. There's nothing wrong with wanting a perfect (or near perfect) partner. But to think that you deserve one if you're nothing amazing yourself? Come on. It's just absurd imo.
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    (Original post by Desperate Prayer)
    You may have a classic case of "the one and only" - less a conscious choice and more a syndrome. All women are measured against this unobtainable woman. Your psyche adapted to the impossibility of attainment with the suggestion of 'choosing' to focus on other things. I dont mean to be insulting here by the way! my ego has been forced to endure some harsh knocks, and we all deal with it differently.
    I understand what you mean. But I'm sure after you've read my other posts (where I've explained my choice on being single), you understand that this is not really the case.

    Just.. keep an open mind when it comes to women. they may surprise you. The world isnt black and white (there is an awful lot of grey).. but there is a potential partner for everyone.
    Indeed, there is a potential partner for everyone. But I wouldn't probably wouldn't get into a relationship with her since I'll be focused on my goals.
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    (Original post by Cable)
    Yes, it's not gender specific. But I observed/noticed this behaviour to be prevalent among the female sex than the male sex. How many times do you hear or read of an ugly guy thinking he deserves to be going out with a really fit girl? Yeah, he may want to have one, but he wouldn't believe that he is entitled to have one when he isn't the greatest in the looks department.
    That's because females tend to be the selectors. Again avoid taking it at face value, people tend to be different when they talk amongst friends. Think about the guy who claims he wouldn't sleep with a chubby girl but in reality would jump at anything that gave him the time of day. Guys have super huge egos about this stuff too and its the same in that those who talk the loudest about how they only get with fit girls tend to be the ones that don't actually get much at all.

    (Original post by Cable)
    2) You may be right here but you gotta remember that the amazing/brilliant men would usually avoid a relationship with these girls anyway. So even though you've made a good point, it's slightly irrelevant because it rarely gets to happen. The point is that they have this belief at most times, even though they probably will lose this feeling of entitlement when they meet their perfect guy. I might be taking what they say too litterally, but how else how am I supposed to take it?
    This is true but we can work it out the other way too. Using myself as an example right now I'm very focussed/ambitious/etc.etc. and have generally got my life together. Two years ago though I was only really concerned with having a good time, I was on a gap year so was out every night etc. Showed zero ambition or drive, spent all my time high or wasted and generally didn't match up to the ideals these girls had of their perfect man. Yet the same girls who thought they deserved a driven, passionate, etc. man had no problem sleeping with me and even pursuing relationships with me. If they actually did operate from the mindset that they deserved the best than they wouldn't have given me the time of day considering I was so immature.

    Not to say girls don't know what they want, just that they don't really express it very well to men (hence the nice guy whose always stuck in the friendzone). When you look at it like this it's not malicious or coming from a place of unearned entitlement, it's just not being verbalised the right way.

    (Original post by Cable)
    3) Again, you're right here to an extent. But that's not really the point. They rarely would get the chance to meet their perfect guy, let alone getting a relationship with that man. Most likely they'll be going out with a man they've had to compromise on. And so the guy is automatically a "lesser" man. But it still doesn't stop some girls/women (who are not amazing) from daring to believe they deserve "perfect" men. And because the guy hasn't matched her criteria of perfection (he doesn't know this of course), she automatically thinks the guy is lucky to have her or believes that if anything in the relationship goes wrong, it's automatically the guy's fault as there was no way she could possibly have done anything wrong. It's not that the guy is letting her think he is less worthy. It's that she already thinks he's less worthy at the start of the relationship (but still decides to go out with him for reasons such as social pressure or the few benefits the guy may have to offer).
    The only guys who will be thought less of are those who place themselves below her. If a guy acts like he won the lottery she will automatically think less of him, however most people know that the image of the ideal partner in their head is not a good point of reference when considering people in real life. A girl won't think less of her partner just because he doesn't match up to some fantasy in her mind, only if he constantly falls short of her expectations in real life and this is in his control entirely.
    As for break ups it works both ways, the girl will think she gave him all the signals and he never picked up on them, the guy will think it came out of nowhere and she just shafted him - both are correct to an extent so the idea girls don't think they did anything wrong isn't unfounded.

    Just another point to consider too is that humans naturally rationalise and feel they deserve their happy endings. Apart from people with low self-esteem everyone looks for the reasons they deserve what they want. So let's take the girl you described as 'nothing special'. She might be dull/run of the mill but in her mind she'll backward rationalise she's perfect marriage material because she's not sleeping around like some of her friends. Similarly the nice guy who hand his balls on a plate to woman will assume one day the girls that have ignored him will realise how 'nice' he is. He is equally undeserving of a great partner as he's pretty deceptive himself and isn't self-assured/secure/confident enough to hold a woman's attention, yet it won't stop him sitting on his high horse and assuming that when women want to settle down they'll pick him because he'd obviously make such a great life partner. He is also deluded.

    Finally without dragging it on too much also remember that people are massively different in the context of relationships. The girl who might not seem like much to you when she's talking about how she wants the perfect man might be very supportive/nurturing/empathetic/sexually charged/whatever else when she's in a relationship. It's hard to judge what someones value in a relationship is because everyone has different criteria they'd like to have met and you can't tell what everyone offers unless you know them on a much deeper level - so the girls you don't think deserve great men might.
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    +1, too true sadly.
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    (Original post by MancBoy)
    OP I agree with you to an extent. There are girls out there who have an absurd criteria for their partners.

    I was out the other night and a I went up to a girl who seemed interested, danced with me a bit and this was the first things she said to me (I **** you not) - 'Have you got a car?' and 'Have you got your own place?'

    I obviously avoided her because materialism really puts me off. But yes there are girls like this out there and its like 'What have YOU got?'. It also reminds me of those WAG-wannabes who hang around in clubs whoring out to footballers and millionaires.

    I think media and society is to blame. Girls from a young age dream about getting Prince Charming/Edward Cullen/Ryan Gosling/Harry Styles type of guy who also happens to have an AMAZING personality and AMAZING amounts of wealth.

    I wouldn't worry though these types of girls who delude themselves into thinking that they will eventually marry someone like this will soon face reality whether it be in a few years time or when they're 40 and end up with a normal guy. This doesn't count for all girls. there are some genuine decent girls out there with realistic criteria for men.
    The media, by and large, is always to blame because they have nothing else to do but to promote the trends and norms of the time.

    (Original post by Agenda Suicide)
    I normally hate these threads but the OP has a point. For some reason the women of this world (or country atleast) expect a Brad Pitt face, Stephen Hawkin's brains, Bill Gates money.

    When you step back you realise this attitude has prevailed because of so many desperate men. This means that they all fight over any girl, and, as a result the girls get a heightened sense of ego and self esteem. They suddenly jump above their level and this happens wide scale meaning they get a man who is "too good" for them.

    Don't back down and settle for anything less than you are worth. Girls will realise this, especially as we grow older and you have chance to improve yourself.

    Just recently my gf finished me, I gave her everything, I'm reasonably intelligent and I guess somebody who looked like her wouldn't date me if I looked completely horrendous.

    At first I thought what have I done? Where am I failing? Where am I not good enough ?

    It turns out that she realised, she thought she could do better, she can't. This is the case as you get older.

    Guess whose asked to do something one day and texts me creating conversation no matter how much I kill it off?

    TLDR: It's a young person thing, as you hit around 20 this slowly dissipates and you can get somebody worth it after girls realise that being that well make-up'd slut isn't a plus anymore.
    I experienced something quite similar. I made a fair few mistakes in my relationship, but nothing that warranted (I don't think) my ex to constantly give me the impression that she could do better. When I voiced my doubts one time, she did specifically say this. I won't make this mistake again in the future.
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    You wouldn't believe how many guys give young women the attention they dont deserve.

    I see this a lot and it makes me :lol:
    #2

    Great thread!

    I'm a female and I agree with most of your points.

    However I think the men are to be blamed for this too.They put us women on a pedestal for no other reason but looks LOOKS! over important things like intelligence and compatibility.

    I've witnessed those relationships and can't help but laugh at them and think of the guy as fool. Serious.

    For me, I think i'm amazing for specific reasons and I want the guy to be amazing for those exact reasons. I'm ambitious and I would like the guy to also be ambitious, I care about diet, health and fitness so i would also like a guy who thinks similarly. My main priority for a relationship is compatibility, I don't care how good looking, rich or whatever a guy is, if i feel we're not compatible it won't go further.

    But yes I have friends who make such demands and yet have nothing to offer but their looks. I look after my experience and enjoy keeping up with certain trends, but if a guy only falls for that or likes me for that then more fool him, right? Looks and they way a guy presents himself is only a part of the attraction, if i can see past that then so should the guy.

    Oh and also there are guys enjoy this 'chase', they get bored easily of girls with normal standards and end up cheating.
    #2

    Edit:

    I meant i look after my appearance not experience, no idea why i wrote that lol
    #2

    (Original post by Cable)
    Like I said earlier in my OP, I agree that some men are to blame for this in some way.

    But have you seen the way some of these girls act? It's like they genuinely believe they are perfect, that they can do no wrong. Like if she was in a relationship and it was getting stale or rocky, it's automatically the guy's fault and she "deserves" better. WTF?

    They genuinely think they're amazing in every aspect of their character (not just their looks) and that the guy would be "lucky" to have her. Why do they think this? Why do they act like this?
    It's because of the way they've been bought up by their parents.
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    Maybe because they're BNOCS? or not

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mf0r1uWSSY

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