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Is It better to have pressure from your family about studies etc or not?

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    Hello, basically I am doing my GCSEs at the moment and my parents dont expect anything from me, like amazing grades. They just expect me to do 'alright'. Is this good as it doesn't put pressure on me when I am doing the exams or not?

    This doesn't just apply for exams though, in basically every aspect of my life. My parents always expect good results from my brothers and not me. Is this good or bad?
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    From year 7-9, my parents didn't bother pushing me to do well in school.
    I was in the wrong "crowd" of friends and therefore, I was just mediocre...

    ...when I entered year 10, literally, my parents attitude towards my attendance/work/results changed, and they did put pressure on me. This has increased all the way to year 13 and although it can be stressful, it makes you work harder.
    My parents are always joyful when me or my siblings do well in school, so for that, I like to try and get the best results in order to make them happy/satisfied. Obviously, I do it as well to get to uni :mmm:

    They don't really push me to do extra-curricular, they push my sisters to do it though which they do.


    Oh and I slowly ditched my old friends for new better ones
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    I would say yes, but the type of pressure matters. If your parents are choosing what career path you should do then thats wrong, however if they instill the importance of education to you then thats good. I think in this country the problem is if people are born in poor backgrounds they expect the only breakthrough they can get is from shows like TOWIE or X factor. Many people also think if my dads a plumber i will end up as one as well. Education must be installed in kids life as the best way to be succesful.
    If this was the case our education system and work ethic will be a lot better off.
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    From my experience, there are a few kinds of "pressure".
    Mine's been kind of "Good Cop, Bad Cop" for me.
    Mum is nice and friendly and says she wants me to work hard, but so long as I feel I've tried my best, she's happy.
    Dad, on the other hand, always wants me to pass, not just to try, but to succeed. Yet when I was at school, he never made me sit down and revise, just shouted at me if I wasn't (which was usually when I was having a break or had just finished for the night.)
    I remember once, in 5th year, I was studying my Art History for an exam. I was sitting in the kitchen with a plate of cheesy pasta and my notes and watching Diagnosis Murder (I find that having something on in the background helps.) and he came home from work and yelled at me.

    I'd say that parental pressure is a good thing, but in small doses.
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    My parents were quite strict compared to most white parents (though somewhat lax compared to some Asian parents) and whilst it is annoying most of the time, it's done myself and my sisters a lot of good :dontknow:
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    i'd say yes. But you need to want it yourself, most importantly. You need to push yourself, go through all mental barriers and when it comes to the exam, you **** it up. You **** all over that exam paper. Then you stroll out, and get a joint.
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    I think it's better than they do - not going crazy if you don' revise every day, constantly asking you what your homework is, etc, but encouraging you and sometimes laying down the law if you're not working at all.
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    Depends on the person really, some people are okay with it, and find it motivating, whereas others absolutely hate parental pressure and work better with out it.

    Take my family for example, complete mix bag, my eldest brother has been a dork forever....... and finds it motivates him when my dad is always breathing down his spine, my other brother had some issues with it, and had a 'little episode' in his second year of college (eldest brother did well for himself and my parents expected nothing less from this brother). But after that breakdown my parents kind of eased up on me, but to be honest, I actually don't know how I feel about that yet.
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    My parents used a slightly different approach regarding school. They just used to ask me what I learned, in combo with the "how was your day" conversation, and basically got me to tell them anything interesting I learned at school, then started asking a few questions on the topic, which made me want to do my homework to learn more about it. They sort of used the approach to make me feel like I was interested in the school work, because they found it interesting, so did I.
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    (Original post by Minotauro)
    Depends on the person really, some people are okay with it, and find it motivating, whereas others absolutely hate parental pressure and work better with out it.
    This. I had plenty of friends at school who had the good kind of pressure and it helped, the good kind of pressure and it hindered, the bad kind of pressure and it helped and the bad kind of pressure and it hindered...

    Personally, no, don't like it. Hasn't worked out too badly for me.
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    Like, at the end of the exam they will ask 'how did it go?' but they wouldb't really be positive before, like my mum also said if you fail dont worry you can just redo them next year. Surely this is the wrong attitude as a parent?
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    (Original post by Minotauro)
    Depends on the person really, some people are okay with it, and find it motivating, whereas others absolutely hate parental pressure and work better with out it.

    Take my family for example, complete mix bag, my eldest brother has been a dork forever....... and finds it motivates him when my dad is always breathing down his spine, my other brother had some issues with it, and had a 'little episode' in his second year of college (eldest brother did well for himself and my parents expected nothing less from this brother). But after that breakdown my parents kind of eased up on me, but to be honest, I actually don't know how I feel about that yet.
    You took the words right out of my mouth, I completely agree. It depends on the individual and how people cope under pressure, some people cannot cope under pressure and feel suffocated by, whereas other feel more motivated. My parents put pressure on me to do well and it's not just my parents, but the kind of life I lead, from all ends I receive pressure, the school I go to everyone performs very well, family friends and it's just something you have to live up to. Then again, by nature I want the same things that my parents are putting pressure on me to get, so that helps. I know some people who completely crack under pressure and cannot cope with pressure from parents, because you spend quite a lot of time at home and hearing them on your case can be overwhelming. I guess pressure is used as a form of motivation, it's good if you can get motivated by yourself, for those who can't and need help and can handle pressure, then maybe it's not such a bad thing in that instance for parents to apply pressure.
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    I think it's nice to have a haven from the world of academia to be honest. My mum is very pleased when I do well and consoling when I don't do so well. I get enough pressure at school and in my own mind...
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    A bit of pressure is good. To be honest all they should be doing is explaining to you why good grades are important and what happens if you don't get them. That way you can make up your own decision as to whether you'll try or not. Don't try hard just for the sake of parents.. because there will come a day when you have to stand on your own two feet and want to do things for yourself. Fairly young, i understood the importance of education and hence have ended up where i am today (medical student) but never once were my parents "pushy" - yes they were disappointed at some points along the way when i failed, but i wasnt treated any differently. If anything I didnt want them worrying - so as of late i dont even bother telling them little hiccups if im confident i'll rectify it in time (for example failing mocks and just generally cocking up or not having my priorites right - partying far too much etc) this is will only cause them to worry especially if they know im stressing, but so far i have always managed to pull myself together and perform pretty well come exams. I think this was good parenting on their part throughout my childhood
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    I think it depends on what you are like as a person.

    My parents have never pushed me because I have always pushed myself. They're very proud of me and what I have achieved, but they've never forced me achieve it. I think if I was lazier or less aspirational I wouldn't have done too well because my parents would've been OK with it. Despite this, I like their rather laid back attitude.

    On the other hand I think parents who are too pushy can actually end up harming their children, and making them unnecessarily miserable. I mean I know people who get home from school every day and are forced to do work even when they don't need to, people who are naturally very talented anyway and would do fine without being pushed so much.

    So it really does depends on the person, it good to strike the right balance but as you learn what your child is like you should adjust it accordingly.
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    i think everyone has different preferences.
    in my opinion i think parents shouldn't place any pressure so your grades aren't determined by how hard they push but how hard you push.
    in the end if you wanna get a good uni place and a nice job you should be able to motivate yourself
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    My parents never really put pressure on me and I think that was better. When I was doing f*** all in Year 10 my Mum pointed out to me that if I screwed up my exams I'd be hurting myself but other than that not at all. Both the 'rents went to uni and stuff so I suppose I knew that it was a good idea. Also, they're teachers so had probably seen the benefits and downsides to each approach in thousands of students, so might have made a more informed decision.

    It's never done me or my sister any harm and I think it helps that we've learnt to motivate ourselves, after all you shouldn't want something just because your parents want it.
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    (Original post by fuze-mo25)
    i think everyone has different preferences.
    in my opinion i think parents shouldn't place any pressure so your grades aren't determined by how hard they push but how hard you push.
    in the end if you wanna get a good uni place and a nice job you should be able to motivate yourself
    Not everyone has that foresight. Generally that applies for boys a lot. It also happens if you come form a **** area and so the pressure my parents put on me is very helpful.
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    (Original post by shyamshah)
    Hello, basically I am doing my GCSEs at the moment and my parents dont expect anything from me, like amazing grades. They just expect me to do 'alright'. Is this good as it doesn't put pressure on me when I am doing the exams or not?

    This doesn't just apply for exams though, in basically every aspect of my life. My parents always expect good results from my brothers and not me. Is this good or bad?
    I'm in the middle of my GCSEs too. My parents have never put a lot of pressure on me - of course they want me to do well - but I'm never told to revise etc. I do it for myself, not for anyone else, although I do want to make them happy with me. I think it's good that you don't have too much pressure, because pressure=stress which can sometimes cause the opposite of succeeding!
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    man, i remember when my parents used to sit me down and made sure i worked. then it was the telling off post year 9 when i didnt do my homework.

    I only wish they still did the same as they did when i was in secondary now im in uni...a uni students worst enemy is himself

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