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depressed at end of first year

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    as a last resort im turning to tsr, but,

    i'm a week or so away from the end of my first year. this hasnt been the best year - i hardly spoke to my flat apart from brief conversations and the people in my block were quite unfriendly or involved in the groups they knew prior to uni. but i made friends that i am living with next year and a few from my course, more so in these last few weeks.

    my problem is that i dont feel like i am close to any one, or know half as many people as the other people i know do. I feel like i am not part of a group and am not appreciated, plus i really miss my old group of friends which was really tight knit. Lots of people i know seem to have known people anyway from their home, and my old friends seem to be having loads of fun at uni, meeting loads of new people that are all part of a close group.

    Basically i feel very lonely a lot of the time and for the past month and a bit i have been crying a lot and have felt completely hopeless, i just feel so pathetic. i cant think positively and everything down to the city my uni is in makes me upset when i think about it. Has anyone felt like this in first year and found more happiness in second year? I am planning on joining societies and getting a job next year but i am dreading not knowing whether the rest of uni will be the same as it has been.
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    (Original post by lala1)
    as a last resort im turning to tsr, but,

    i'm a week or so away from the end of my first year. this hasnt been the best year - i hardly spoke to my flat apart from brief conversations and the people in my block were quite unfriendly or involved in the groups they knew prior to uni. but i made friends that i am living with next year and a few from my course, more so in these last few weeks.

    my problem is that i dont feel like i am close to any one, or know half as many people as the other people i know do. I feel like i am not part of a group and am not appreciated, plus i really miss my old group of friends which was really tight knit. Lots of people i know seem to have known people anyway from their home, and my old friends seem to be having loads of fun at uni, meeting loads of new people that are all part of a close group.

    Basically i feel very lonely a lot of the time and for the past month and a bit i have been crying a lot and have felt completely hopeless, i just feel so pathetic. i cant think positively and everything down to the city my uni is in makes me upset when i think about it. Has anyone felt like this in first year and found more happiness in second year? I am planning on joining societies and getting a job next year but i am dreading not knowing whether the rest of uni will be the same as it has been.
    The guy who posted above me is clearly a dick. University is a time where you're finally away from your parents... for some, that's a liberating experience. For others, it just shows them how lonely they really are in the world, and forces them to deal with their place in the world.

    I think that most people who feel lonely at university just need to keep trying. There's pretty much nothing that can be said on this topic other than that. You just need to keep trying. No matter how many times you feel like you fail, no matter how many times you're rejected, knocked back, no matter how many times you sit in your room and cry yourself to sleep, you have to keep trying.

    There will be times where you will want to give up. You'll want to just say '**** it' and move back home or just wallow in your room. There will be points where you'll feel like all hope is lost, but you need to remember that as long as you keep trying, eventually there will be a breakthrough. That's not an 'if' or a 'but' statement... I say that with absolute certainty about anyone, in any position, anywhere. No matter how small one might think the odds are, people tend to underestimate the power of will.

    I myself was in a smilar position during A levels and GCSE's. I hated it. But I kept trying and I persevered, and that's all you can do.

    I know this probably wasn't what you were looking for, and your immediate reaction to this post will probably just be another sigh of desperation, but eventually (perhaps not in a week or month, or maybe even a year) you will realise that I'm right.
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    You say you've sorted your living arrangements out for next year, and you are going to live with people you like - that's great, isn't it? I would advise you to look forward, not wallow in the present.

    I'd also advise you to enjoy the time you have to yourself. You seem so socially dependent - try to be happy on your own. Do happy things. :wizard2: Take advantage of not having to talk to anyone. Daydream. :daydreaming:
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    Agree with the above. Do happy things =)
    Join clubs, societies etc which interest you to meet like-minded people.
    Second year WILL be better especially as your moving in with a group you seem to get on with. I found/find it really hard to make friends at uni. Im in the boat where i speak to everyone and then after lectures everyone just disappears and i wont hear or speak to anyone again until the next lecture. Its a downer.
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    Well it seems like you only have two choices if you want to stay and do well at university. Either learn how to cope being on your own a lot, or learn to make new friends at uni, or in your future job or societies. Good luck though, i hope you start to feel better, maybe the summer will give you a chance to catch up with all you friends from home. Peace
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    You have found people to live with next year, which not all people are able to do, so that is something to be positive about So in September, or over the Summer I would make an effort to form stronger bonds with your housemates - perhaps suggest going to visit one of them in their hometown, or maybe if you like music festivals book a day ticket together...these things generally make people feel closer to eachother. And living together in a student house, automatically gives you a social circle - you'll be cooking together, chilling, going to the pub and bars etc; and if that doesnt happen naturally, suggest it! Trust me, year 2 is a lot easier when you know who you are living with beforehand and already have established relationships with them.

    Work on building on those relationships between now and September, and you'll find how much better University life will be

    P.S You refer to your friends from your hometown, as 'old' friends; don't think like that, they are still your friends, and it will be great seeing them too over the summer. Make sure you get plenty of rest, go on a nice holiday, and you'll be raring to go again next year

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Updated: May 13, 2012
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