[Luxray]

(Original post by MagicNMedicine)

I think this type of person just tries to freeload through life, seeing if they can take advantage of other peoples' generosity for as long as they can then moving on to a different group, IMO they are mostly though not exclusively male. It also correlates with being a loser in other areas - they never take their degrees seriously if they are at uni or do well or get a good job, they are just life's chancers who float from student loans to part time jobs/benefits trying to supplement their small income with subsidies from people around them.

hmm I agree. And I genuinley think its disgusting how someone could actually use a person to such an extent when they aren't trying to solve their problems themselves. I can't imagine asking for so much money from someone else.

And about the university thing, even if the uni won't care she caa at least try using it as an empty threat?

[zara55]

(Original post by Luxray)
hmm I agree. And I genuinley think its disgusting how someone could actually use a person to such an extent when they aren't trying to solve their problems themselves. I can't imagine asking for so much money from someone else.

And about the university thing, even if the uni won't care she caa at least try using it as an empty threat?

It's the sort of thing that happens fairly often when well-off people are in a relationship with someone who sponges off them. If you are lucky enough to be the well-off person, you need to think quite hard about this kind of thing and be firm sometimes.

[flopsy89]

Can't pay his rent because of you?!! Hahaha, this guy sounds like a joke. He can't pay because of himself. He needs to take responsibility for his own finances, maybe you should cut him off completely so he can learn to look after himself.

[RobertWhite]

Seriously, why would you give someone over a £1,000 you've known for less than a year? It's pathetic. Don't lend him any more money and get what he owes you back off him. He clearly uses you for money can't you see that? Seriously, I just don't understand some people's mentalities.

[Sternumator]

How people can ask for money like that without any shame is beyond me. I would have to be going hungry before I would ask friends for money and that would never happen because I would ask my parents. I think it is acceptable to ask your parents for money before you graduate but after that I wouldnt ask anyone.

My Aunt is the worst. I havent been told the exact figure but I am pretty sure she owes the family more than 50k but that doesnt stop her going on holiday three times a year and living in a beautiful house.

I would lend friends money once but if they didn't pay me back without any bother then I would never lend to them again. Even if it is just a small amount because it annoys me when people don't think it is important to pay back. I lent a friend £4 the other day and although I have mentioned it to him twice, he hasnt paid it back. I don't care about the £4 but I won't lend him any money again because that shows he doesnt matter to him if he doesnt pay it back. Even if I was a millionaire I still wouldnt lend to him again. All my friends have a lot of money though so I have only lent people money if they have got a temporary cash flow problem rather than them being completly broke.

[DarkTitan]

lol knowing your pay dates? He'll pimp you if he had the chance.
I wouldn't expect a £1 back from him at this state, best thing to do now is to tell him he's have more chances from sucking nuts...from tescos

[TheCurlyHairedDude]

1. You're an idiot OP, who lend that much money all at once. Fair enough if you're selfless you might lend £100, but you'd wait for it back before lending any more. Your fault OP.

2. The guys a jerk "u ok to sort me out". Bloody hell, he's ****ing you in the ass and it's hurting you but you're not man enough to tell him to stop.

[OU Student]

Why would you keep lending money if you've not the last money you lent to him, back?

[MagicNMedicine]

(Original post by Sternumator)
Even if it is just a small amount because it annoys me when people don't think it is important to pay back. I lent a friend £4 the other day and although I have mentioned it to him twice, he hasnt paid it back. I don't care about the £4 but I won't lend him any money again because that shows he doesnt matter to him if he doesnt pay it back.

Exactly - a lot of people like to think small amounts come with no obligation to pay back.

Eg when the electricity bill comes in, its £24 each, so one guy gives £20 and says "I'll give you the £4 some other time". When you ask later he will say he's not got it on him. Ask again, and he's still not got it on him. Ask again, and he'll go "dude....seriously....its £4, do you REALLY care so much about that to be hassling me every bloody day?"

It's one of those small things that some people do a lot but it does make you view them negatively, a bit like the guy who always wants to share a taxi back, but never has any cash at the end of the night to contribute, so he'll "get you a drink next time" but never will. You notice the people that do that consistently.

[candyfloss2]

Thanks for all the replies.. In regards to keep lending him money it was more of a 'can you please help me out with my rent, Im going to get kicked out my flat, my parents cant give me any money as they struggle with their own finances, please please please I'l give it to you by 'x' date...' so at that point I thought ok.. to get him off my back with his sob story and the idea of him going homeless scared me so I lent him £500

Later then it was 'my student loan hasnt been paid in my account so I'm stuck with no food, no gas or elec (those top up meters) and I have no money to get to uni again I felt bad and gave him about £300 and he swore he'd give it as soon as his student loan came in...

The only time I realised hes taking me for a fool is when a week after everyone had received their loans he had made no contact with me, so I rang him and was like 'can you give me my money back' to which he replied 'oh right il get right on it' and didnt hear from him for another 2 days.. since then my family dog died and iv been soo distraught about it and hes basically text me saying his family dog's had to be rushed into hospital and their family cant afford the costs so he was wondering if theres any way I could help him.. bearing in mind my state of my mind that my 18 year old dog has died I couldnt bear the thought of another dog not getting treated.. however after I gave the money to him, I heard nothing of the dog and he seemed to have gone on 3 wild benders which were all plastered over facebook.. thats when i'v decided that Iv been taken for a mug..
The guy would lie to me about everything to get money off me.. Iv just got to accept hes not going to give my money back and ignore all contact; which I have been doing but it doesnt stop the emails that hes about a day off becoming homeless.. and why am I ignoring him? and he 'misses' me.....

[zara55]

(Original post by candyfloss2)
Thanks for all the replies.. In regards to keep lending him money it was more of a 'can you please help me out with my rent, Im going to get kicked out my flat, my parents cant give me any money as they struggle with their own finances, please please please I'l give it to you by 'x' date...' so at that point I thought ok.. to get him off my back with his sob story and the idea of him going homeless scared me so I lent him £500

Later then it was 'my student loan hasnt been paid in my account so I'm stuck with no food, no gas or elec (those top up meters) and I have no money to get to uni again I felt bad and gave him about £300 and he swore he'd give it as soon as his student loan came in...

The only time I realised hes taking me for a fool is when a week after everyone had received their loans he had made no contact with me, so I rang him and was like 'can you give me my money back' to which he replied 'oh right il get right on it' and didnt hear from him for another 2 days.. since then my family dog died and iv been soo distraught about it and hes basically text me saying his family dog's had to be rushed into hospital and their family cant afford the costs so he was wondering if theres any way I could help him.. bearing in mind my state of my mind that my 18 year old dog has died I couldnt bear the thought of another dog not getting treated.. however after I gave the money to him, I heard nothing of the dog and he seemed to have gone on 3 wild benders which were all plastered over facebook.. thats when i'v decided that Iv been taken for a mug..
The guy would lie to me about everything to get money off me.. Iv just got to accept hes not going to give my money back and ignore all contact; which I have been doing but it doesnt stop the emails that hes about a day off becoming homeless.. and why am I ignoring him? and he 'misses' me.....

It sounds like you need to be really firm and cut him dead - tell him the in no uncertain terms the relationship is over and there will be no more money. Sorry if that part feels hard for you, sometimes when a guy uses you like this it is hard. Have you got a friend who can be tough with him if that bit is tricky for you?

If you aren't in a position where you can easily say goodbye to that amount of money, you could also get a friend or someone you trust to insist he repay you - it's often easier and better if someone else does this kind of thing. Do you see him around a lot? Do mutual friends know he owes you a lot?

[candyfloss2]

I'm not into the confrontation stuff, I'm probably more the type who will have to let go of the idea that he will pay it back; more than anything I think it's disgusting how people can use others so much...

While I'm texting this I'v had a voicemail saying his housing company are getting tough on him and he needs to get in touch with me, utter rubbish.

I don't see him as much as I'm currently revising at home and he's still in student accommodation, he's always said that he'd be really embarrassed if I told anyone he borrowed money from me do I'v never told anyone. I guess I just have to learn from my mistake and ensure I don't get used like this again.

[Sternumator]

(Original post by MagicNMedicine)
Exactly - a lot of people like to think small amounts come with no obligation to pay back.

Eg when the electricity bill comes in, its £24 each, so one guy gives £20 and says "I'll give you the £4 some other time". When you ask later he will say he's not got it on him. Ask again, and he's still not got it on him. Ask again, and he'll go "dude....seriously....its £4, do you REALLY care so much about that to be hassling me every bloody day?"

It's one of those small things that some people do a lot but it does make you view them negatively, a bit like the guy who always wants to share a taxi back, but never has any cash at the end of the night to contribute, so he'll "get you a drink next time" but never will. You notice the people that do that consistently.

Its one thing not thinking it is important enough to remember and forgetting about it a couple of times but to give you that attitude when you ask for it would make me angry. There was one guy at school who asked to borrow a quid so I gave it him. When I asked for it back the next day he pretended he couldnt remember the whole incident, even though he obviously could, with a real 'ye but can you prove it' type attitude. It turned me from liking him to disliking him, I still don't like him now and that was 5 years ago. The most annoying part is that you did them a favour by lending it to them and instead of being greatful for that they act like a prick.

They should be apologising that they forgot and asking if you have change for a tenner. The other day my Dad was training for a marathon, instead of carrying a drink around he buys one from a shop but its a pain to have your wallet on you so he just takes 50p. He got to a villiage shop about 15 miles away, put a can on the desk but realised he accidently put a 10p in his pocket. The shop keeper said take the can and drop the money off when youre next passing. Being a shop in the middle of nowhere and somewhere you would never be passing, my Dad drove 15 miles the next day just to pay back the 50p. Thats what everybody should be like. The shop keeper helped him out a lot because otherwise he would have been really thirsty and miles from home so the shopkeeper shouldnt lose money over it, even if it is only 50p.

There is only about 3 people I will make bets with because of this. Getting loans repaid is bad enough but getting back gambling debts is 10x worse.

[michael321]

(Original post by candyfloss2)
Thanks for all the replies.. In regards to keep lending him money it was more of a 'can you please help me out with my rent, Im going to get kicked out my flat, my parents cant give me any money as they struggle with their own finances, please please please I'l give it to you by 'x' date...' so at that point I thought ok.. to get him off my back with his sob story and the idea of him going homeless scared me so I lent him £500

Later then it was 'my student loan hasnt been paid in my account so I'm stuck with no food, no gas or elec (those top up meters) and I have no money to get to uni again I felt bad and gave him about £300 and he swore he'd give it as soon as his student loan came in...

The only time I realised hes taking me for a fool is when a week after everyone had received their loans he had made no contact with me, so I rang him and was like 'can you give me my money back' to which he replied 'oh right il get right on it' and didnt hear from him for another 2 days.. since then my family dog died and iv been soo distraught about it and hes basically text me saying his family dog's had to be rushed into hospital and their family cant afford the costs so he was wondering if theres any way I could help him.. bearing in mind my state of my mind that my 18 year old dog has died I couldnt bear the thought of another dog not getting treated.. however after I gave the money to him, I heard nothing of the dog and he seemed to have gone on 3 wild benders which were all plastered over facebook.. thats when i'v decided that Iv been taken for a mug..
The guy would lie to me about everything to get money off me.. Iv just got to accept hes not going to give my money back and ignore all contact; which I have been doing but it doesnt stop the emails that hes about a day off becoming homeless.. and why am I ignoring him? and he 'misses' me.....

Tell him to pay you back, and keep hassling him, and don't take "no" or another sob story for an answer. That probably won't work, but it might get him to shut up with his whining.

You almost certainly won't get your money back by legal means, and even then even the fees of a small claims court would cut into your damages, which probably wouldn't be paid anyway.

Conceivably you could get the money back by some cunning scheme or other which plays to his greed. On student loan payday you could concoct some story that your money hasn't come in and you need a large loan but you'll pay him back with a fair bit extra a couple of days later (then obviously you don't pay him back). But that's rather unlikely to work...

This dude is clearly a dick but you have been rather daft. Which I say not to rub salt in the wound, but to encourage you to be very wary in future; there are lots of people willing to take advantage of nice people. As a rule you should never lend to friends unless they really are true, LONG TERM friends whom you have known for a long time; even then you should definitely get a written, signed agreement and preferably some kind of email trail as well, and pay them by bank transfer (traceable); and even THEN you should not loan large amounts of money. Given that you seem quite a nice person, think of it this way - do not do for others what you would not have others do for you. Clearly you would not like your friends to follow you around dispensing cash like an ATM, so don't take **** from others who want you to do that for them.

[M1011]

Either this is a joke or you are an idiot.

Why the hell would you keep giving them money?

[candyfloss2]

It's not a joke, I'v responded to why I'v given money on more than one occasion.. Surely it would be ludicrous to create a thread about something like this for a joke?

[MagicNMedicine]

Why is this guy in so much financial trouble? Loads of people without much money manage to get through uni and pay their rent, bills etc.

How many hours does he currently work in his part time job?

[AliceStrawbs]

Man up and tell this guy no. Don't be a doormat. If you don't feel you can make friends with someone big who will.

[adam271]

Turn it around on him, make up lies and beg for money off of him. He will either pay you back or stop asking for money.

[meenu89]

(Original post by candyfloss2)
It's not a joke, I'v responded to why I'v given money on more than one occasion.. Surely it would be ludicrous to create a thread about something like this for a joke?

To be blunt, he shouldn't be your problem OP.