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Why Men Cheat

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Post on TSR and win a prize! Find out more... 10-04-2014
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    #1

    I wrote this thread simply because I was bored


    DISCLAIMER
    The following is meant to be a GENERALIZATION and is in no way 100% accurate in all cases of male/female sexual relationships. I fully accept that there will be exceptions to the rule, BUT I believe that what I say is true of a good majority of male female relationships.


    The age old question. Why do men cheat?
    Why did he cheat?
    Why did he leave me for her?
    Didn’t he realise he messed up a GOOD THING

    If you haven’t been in a relationship where you (or your man) has cheated on you, then you probably know someone who has. While women do in fact engage in sexual dalliances, it is much more common that men do so. In reality, there are a vast number of reasons why men cheat, but I truly believe that it can be boiled down to a rather simple answer:
    THE DIFFERENCE IN GENDER ROLES/STEREOTYPES/NORMS BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN
    Here I’ll attempt to summarise the main aspects of these differences as to why men cheat much more than women.
    It is often difficult to tease out which behaviours are learned as opposed to which behaviours are innately present in our biological makeup. In reality, whether it is nature or nurture does not matter. Men are more likely to engage in sex, more likely to have more sexual partners, and are more likely to go outside of relationship because of sex. It is fair to say that the issue of a man cheating on a woman is a much bigger one than vice versa. I’ll only focus on the social aspects, because the genetic aspects are a bit too difficult to tease out.

    MEN CHEAT BECAUSE WE SOCIALLY LEARN/ARE TAUGHT TO DO SO
    Social pressure/learning is the basis for the vast majority of human decisions: it is why people will wear different clothes in different countries, follow certain religions, eat certain foods, observe certain social norms despite there being no actual punishments (please and thank you).Social learning is the biggest most important determinant in a person’s life, bar none.
    It is unfortunate, but the average young male is bombarded with images where male promiscuity is highly valued. This is not necessarily economically, but usually socially – e.g. a guy is a “player” or a “lad” for having as many sexual partners as possible. The social/esteem status is extremely important, because one’s social standing has a direct impact on their confidence/mental wellbeing, as well as the ability to influence their life in other areas. This aspect is both direct and indirect in terms of it’s ability to influence one’s behaviour and mentality.
    Women, unfortunately, do NOT understand this, as they don’t face the same sexual stereotypes/pressures as men. In fact, it is quite the opposite for women, who actually LOSE social value for being promiscuous. Thus, the ability/idea of them being monogamous is quite seamless as it fits in well into the general stereotypical idea of a woman

    MARRIAGE/MONOGAMY IS IN DIRECT CONTRADICTION TO WHAT HAS BEEN REINFORCED
    Unfortunately, despite the fact that men are bombarded with images of promiscuity being a positive thing, there is also social pressure to make a “choice” of long term monogamous commitment with women. There are SOME women who will be ok with the idea of sharing a man with other women. However, most will NOT. Even if the man is lucky enough to be able to have sex before the discussion of monogamy comes up, it is almost inevitable that the female will seek a committed relationship. He’s then faced with two options:
    1. Commit to her, ensuring a frequent supply of sex but going against his “true” nature that he has been taught includes promiscuity
    2. Refuse, meaning that he has to go through the unenviable task of starting from scratch with another woman
    Most men pick option one, despite the fact that in reality there is a part of them which is constantly yearning to satisfy their ego for more women. Unfortunately, there are also societal norms which dictate him “settling down” and “starting a family” in direct contradiction to the other social norms of male promiscuity.
    LOVE AND SEX ARE SEEN DIFFERENTLY BY MEN AND WOMEN
    For MOST women, the two are equated. Ergo, a woman should only have sex with someone she “loves” Sex being an intimate act should, therefore, only be done in a committed relationship/marriage.
    Men, on the other hand, do not equate the two. It is perfectly reasonable for a man to have sex with one woman, then go home to his wife/girlfriend who he truly loves. The two are not mutually exclusive, but instead two partially differentiated acts.


    TLDR:
    Men cheat because it is socially reinforced, because the human relationship system of sexual commitment/marriage goes directly against this socially reinforced promiscuity, and because men and women view sex and love differently

    (PS - didn't focus on the biological factors, only the social ones)
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Sorry for it being a bit too compact, doesn't seem like I can edit my own anonymous post? Oh well

    Comment away.
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    I am sorry I am not going to read this as it bored me after the 1st paragraph, I am just going to give you my opinion.
    If a guy cheats on a girl, that means that girl picked the wrong guy and he isn't getting "enough out of her".
    You know how girls always reject the guys are trying so hard to get them, go for guys who are subtle and "dont give a f*ck" type because they are not so boring and they represent what women call a challenge.
    Well here is your challenge- to keep him away from other women, you make that call to go out with a guy like that and you face the consequences. I had 3 serious girlfriends in my life (22 atm) and I haven't cheated on one. However girls who are I really liked and admired, tried desparately to show them that I was the "good one" etc went out with some guys and after a bit of time they are all breaking up because the guys cheated on them. Wonder why...

    But fortunately after all these years I've learned a lot, now I doubt I can be the same nice guy anymore...
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    I'd be interested to see some statistics that show men cheat more than women. If you can do that, I'll be more prepared to listen to your arguments.
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    Technically girls cheat on their boyfriends all the time as they always have boys who they flirt with, give attention to, just in case when this rainy day comes, they rebound and shag them.
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by AnyRandomName)
    I'd be interested to see some statistics that show men cheat more than women. If you can do that, I'll be more prepared to listen to your arguments.
    Recent studies reveal that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship
    http://www.authorsden.com/categories...id=57&id=28879

    About 70 percent of married men admitted to cheating on their wives
    Most statistics found that about 50 to 60 percent of women admitted to having an affair


    Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/imag/Love/Che...#ixzz1v33aTkUJ

    Men are more likely to cheat than women.

    http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/c...nfidelity.html
    Done.

    May I note, I believe (though not proven, of course) that many of the cases of women cheating on men are only AFTER they have found their partner to have been unfaithful, so decide to be unfaithful themselves. I'll stress that that is a personal opinion, and certainly up for debate
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by lad-lad)
    Technically girls cheat on their boyfriends all the time as they always have boys who they flirt with, give attention to, just in case when this rainy day comes, they rebound and shag them.
    Flirting isn't the same as cheating.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Flirting isn't the same as cheating.
    Ok what have you got to say about my above post?
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by lad-lad)
    Ok what have you got to say about my above post?
    Of course it happens, and some girls DO actively fish for men as "insurance", but unless there's something wrong with the relationship, they USUALLY don't.

    Men, on the other hand, do go looking for other women even when they're in good relationships.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Of course it happens, and some girls DO actively fish for men as "insurance", but unless there's something wrong with the relationship, they USUALLY don't.

    Men, on the other hand, do go looking for other women even when they're in good relationships.
    Why are you avoiding answering to my post. The very very first post I made to your thread, can you please reply to that, I am just genuinely interested what you have to say.

    No you are wrong men don't go looking for women, who told you that? Just because girls have this jealousy superstition all the time, it doesn't mean its true. Most of "GOOD" guys, I know...shocker... really think that their girl is the one and only and don't really go looking for others.
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    If I had a nice girl who I loved I would never cheat on them and I would never 'fish' for other girls. and everytime I have split with a girl who I really cared about it has been them who has went straight off to another guy as a 'rebound' Most normal men prefer to play it cool and wait abit. Unlike girls who just want to sleep with someone else straight away to get the other guy out ther head.
    #2

    I'm male and I'm not into the whole **** as many girls as possible because i'm depressed and anxious and chasing after fickle shallow women is really not something i want to do right now. If i had a girl i wouldn't cheat on her. Well maybe i would if i valued myself. Not really sure what i'm saying now so I'll just stop.
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    Women just cheat as much, so what's the big deal?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm male and I'm not into the whole **** as many girls as possible because i'm depressed and anxious and chasing after fickle shallow women is really not something i want to do right now. If i had a girl i wouldn't cheat on her. Well maybe i would if i valued myself. Not really sure what i'm saying now so I'll just stop.
    You'd cheat on your girl if you valued yourself?
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    (Original post by ct2k7)
    You'd cheat on your girl if you valued yourself?
    I think what he might be saying is that, if he valued himself, he wouldn't be so controlled by guilt and so, if a particular set of circumstances were to arise involving the possibility of cheating, then he would put his own desires first and allow himself to live in the moment - something that he can't do now.

    I could be completely off the mark.
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    Oh, and in feedback to this thread... I think people only cheat when they're not getting something in their relationship that they need, whether that's reassurance, a more socially adept partner.... or exciting sex.

    I don't think anyone, guy or girl, cheats when they're happy with their partner. A guy just wouldn't be bothered with another girl if his one was exhausting the f*** out of him every day with really good sex.
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    We aren't really getting much feedback on our comments from the thread starter or from girls...I wonder why...haha
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    I think a lot of guys cheat because they're dishonest to themselves and they're dishonest to their girlfriends.

    Most young guys just want to have sex with beautiful women - I'm one of these guys.

    What a lot of them do wrong is get into relationships and tell the girl that they want something serious.

    I've never cheated because I've never lied to a girl. I've always been honest from the start: I don't want a relationship.

    Guys that get into relationships for sex are the worst. There is no need to lie to women.
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    I think the OP has a point with the whole marriage being a contradiction of learned behavior thing.
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    Did you ever entertain the idea that monogamy is unnatural and humans are supposed to have multiple sexual partners?

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Updated: June 20, 2012
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