(Original post by Anonymous)
I wrote this thread simply because I was bored
The following is meant to be a GENERALIZATION and is in no way 100% accurate in all cases of male/female sexual relationships. I fully accept that there will be exceptions to the rule, BUT I believe that what I say is true of a good majority of male female relationships.
The age old question. Why do men cheat?
Why did he cheat?
Why did he leave me for her?
Didn’t he realise he messed up a GOOD THING
If you haven’t been in a relationship where you (or your man) has cheated on you, then you probably know someone who has. While women do in fact engage in sexual dalliances, it is much more common that men do so. In reality, there are a vast number of reasons why men cheat, but I truly believe that it can be boiled down to a rather simple answer:
THE DIFFERENCE IN GENDER ROLES/STEREOTYPES/NORMS BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN
Here I’ll attempt to summarise the main aspects of these differences as to why men cheat much more than women.
It is often difficult to tease out which behaviours are learned as opposed to which behaviours are innately present in our biological makeup. In reality, whether it is nature or nurture does not matter. Men are more likely to engage in sex, more likely to have more sexual partners, and are more likely to go outside of relationship because of sex. It is fair to say that the issue of a man cheating on a woman is a much bigger one than vice versa. I’ll only focus on the social aspects, because the genetic aspects are a bit too difficult to tease out.
MEN CHEAT BECAUSE WE SOCIALLY LEARN/ARE TAUGHT TO DO SO
Social pressure/learning is the basis for the vast majority of human decisions: it is why people will wear different clothes in different countries, follow certain religions, eat certain foods, observe certain social norms despite there being no actual punishments (please and thank you).Social learning is the biggest most important determinant in a person’s life, bar none.
It is unfortunate, but the average young male is bombarded with images where male promiscuity is highly valued. This is not necessarily economically, but usually socially – e.g. a guy is a “player” or a “lad” for having as many sexual partners as possible. The social/esteem status is extremely important, because one’s social standing has a direct impact on their confidence/mental wellbeing, as well as the ability to influence their life in other areas. This aspect is both direct and indirect in terms of it’s ability to influence one’s behaviour and mentality.
Women, unfortunately, do NOT understand this, as they don’t face the same sexual stereotypes/pressures as men. In fact, it is quite the opposite for women, who actually LOSE social value for being promiscuous. Thus, the ability/idea of them being monogamous is quite seamless as it fits in well into the general stereotypical idea of a woman
MARRIAGE/MONOGAMY IS IN DIRECT CONTRADICTION TO WHAT HAS BEEN REINFORCED
Unfortunately, despite the fact that men are bombarded with images of promiscuity being a positive thing, there is also social pressure to make a “choice” of long term monogamous commitment with women. There are SOME women who will be ok with the idea of sharing a man with other women. However, most will NOT. Even if the man is lucky enough to be able to have sex before the discussion of monogamy comes up, it is almost inevitable that the female will seek a committed relationship. He’s then faced with two options:
1. Commit to her, ensuring a frequent supply of sex but going against his “true” nature that he has been taught includes promiscuity
2. Refuse, meaning that he has to go through the unenviable task of starting from scratch with another woman
Most men pick option one, despite the fact that in reality there is a part of them which is constantly yearning to satisfy their ego for more women. Unfortunately, there are also societal norms which dictate him “settling down” and “starting a family” in direct contradiction to the other social norms of male promiscuity.
LOVE AND SEX ARE SEEN DIFFERENTLY BY MEN AND WOMEN
For MOST women, the two are equated. Ergo, a woman should only have sex with someone she “loves” Sex being an intimate act should, therefore, only be done in a committed relationship/marriage.
Men, on the other hand, do not equate the two. It is perfectly reasonable for a man to have sex with one woman, then go home to his wife/girlfriend who he truly loves. The two are not mutually exclusive, but instead two partially differentiated acts.
Men cheat because it is socially reinforced, because the human relationship system of sexual commitment/marriage goes directly against this socially reinforced promiscuity, and because men and women view sex and love differently
(PS - didn't focus on the biological factors, only the social ones)