[Anonymous]

Hello all,
I changed so so much in the past few years and relations with my family have gone from bad to worse. I will never get back to how they wanted me to be.
I feel like the only way to prove to them that I am a capable person, who can achieve something, is by being successful in life in the career path they don't really want for me. They actually do not believe me to be able to get into it, or have the qualities required.
Today, I reflected upon my life and came to the conclusion that my mum will never be the same again with me, because I simply refuse to conform. I do not see why I should: I became a person with no self-worth, no confidence and cannot even act independently because of her. I feel so uncapable, such a 'loser'.
ı just wanted to learn some success stories of people who had major issues with their parents, followed their guts and achieved success? Also, did relations with your parents normalize after this?
Please share your story!
Thanks

[SnoochToTheBooch]

I've got a good relationship with my family, but still wanted to comment. They think you'll fail in whatever life it is you're trying to pursue, and you think they're right. I don't think you realise how easy it can be to get what you want. As far as I can tell, most people aren't really that different in terms of their abilities. Most of getting what you want is about putting the hours in, not about having some innate property that you're born with. Most people can do most things, despite how superior or discouraging many people may act. All you've got to do is get yourself out of the loser mindset. If you think you're a loser then that's what makes you one.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by SnoochToTheBooch)
I've got a good relationship with my family, but still wanted to comment. They think you'll fail in whatever life it is you're trying to pursue, and you think they're right. I don't think you realise how easy it can be to get what you want. As far as I can tell, most people aren't really that different in terms of their abilities. Most of getting what you want is about putting the hours in, not about having some innate property that you're born with. Most people can do most things, despite how superior or discouraging many people may act. All you've got to do is get yourself out of the loser mindset. If you think you're a loser then that's what makes you one.

Thank you for your comment.

While I have finally decided to finally pursue this path, I still get a voice inside me that tells me that perhaps they are right. Even I cannot guarantee though that I will be good at it. I just enjoy it and feel that my life would be that little bit more meaningful. I really like how you believe we all have similar abilities, but I don't think so. There must be some talent/natural aptitude involved.

[Dmon1Unlimited]

i can kind of emphasise with you OP, im not exactly the pride and joy... especially my dad... apparently my whole life plan was... be social, get a girl, be good at ict, go to university (do ict or something relevant there), and then somehow get a £100,000 computing job after i left (emphasis on computers for this plan)

right now ive accomplished none of that (though i am decent at ict), not exactly the most social guy, and sometimes problems do get to me that wouldnt phase a 15 year year old, though i like to think im improving... right now im studying physics to my dads disapointment, though i am trying to get into a few computer science modules for next year. not for his sake

regarding career, i dont care about what i do as long as i like it and am satisfied with it repeating everyday, be it to do with computers, banking etc... ideally id like one where id be making a difference to the world, and making my mark in history, but thats more of a slightly failing dream

regarding my mum, i dont think shes as bothered as much, and still appreciates how difficult doing physics can be

my life is not for my parents to mould, i own my life, i will do what makes me happy, what makes me feel like i have purpose, they may want to control me, or they think they are just looking out for me, but if they cant appreciate my reasoning, well....tough luck :/

i would rather not live as a robot

[SnoochToTheBooch]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you for your comment.

While I have finally decided to finally pursue this path, I still get a voice inside me that tells me that perhaps they are right. Even I cannot guarantee though that I will be good at it. I just enjoy it and feel that my life would be that little bit more meaningful. I really like how you believe we all have similar abilities, but I don't think so. There must be some talent/natural aptitude involved.

I think what people call "natural ability" really just translates into how quickly they can pick something up. As far as I'm concerned, everything, no matter how much effort it might take to master, can be learned in baby steps. Everyone can handle baby steps, but a lot of people who don't find something comes to them right away get flustered and lose patience with it, and decide they just can't do it. Nothing is really that difficult though.

Anyway, you've only got one life, don't waste it pandering to other people's expectations. You don't want to get to your parents' age and realise you've wasted your life.