Yes or No!? What to do....
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Yes or No!? What to do....Hi!
To keep this very simple my best friend worked abroad last summer and she is this.
She met a lad out there and they have been going out for 9 months or so.
This lad doesn't like me is and jealous, and doesn't want my best friend to have anything to do with me! We E-Mail once maybe twice a week, but we aren't allowed to chat on Skype and.....
I really want to visit her, but she doesn't want to upset him so I am banned! I've asked if I can try and explain to the boyfriend the situation, but I was politely asked not to! I am deeply upset that she she feels he is obviously far, far more important than me. Why should she favour his feelings over mine!?
Now the question... everytime I get annoyed with my best friend and tell her that it's pathetic it usually lasts for 24 hrs or so, and then I feel bad and I say let's start again, I do not want the prat of a boyfriend to ruin our friendship.
At the moment I am feeling annoyed again with the situation and I find myself wanting to tell her to forget it, I know that if I do,24 hrs after saying this I'll regret it, I cannot win!
I love her so much, but I am very upset that she cannot stand up for our friendship, and she would rather favour the possesive, nasty, selfish boyfriend. Surely it's about her finding that balance, pleasing me and the boyfriend, and if it doesn't please the boyfriend, then he obiously isn't the lad for her! She deserves much, much, much, much better!
Any advice would be great!
Thanks.Last edited by Rob_96; 20-05-2012 at 20:18. -
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Re: Yes or No!? What to do....He must be really insecure, and for him to be controlling who she sees, I can see this turning quite nasty. Could be become abusive?
You need to ask her if she values friendship over the relationship, and if it's the latter, does she know what she's getting into given what he's currently doing? -
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Re: Yes or No!? What to do....Erm, this is what you get for hanging around in the friendzone.
Be honest: she isn't just a 'fwend' to you. You'd hit it if you could, and THAT is what the boyfriend is aware of.
He's more honest about his drives than you are - and that's why he got the girl, and you didn't. He can also see right through your 'fwend' antics, because he's a guy, you're a guy, and the 'oh he's just my straight, opposite-sexed best friend' dance is getting so old - I think most people see through it.
This isn't to say you don't ALSO like her as a person, genuinely, BUT that your firendship is based in large part on your attraction to her.
And as I say, he knows that instinctively. So I understand his point of view, and it's his raw, unapologetic male-ness that she's probably attracted to herself.
So basically... give it up. -
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Re: Yes or No!? What to do....You're calling him possessive, nasty and selfish... yet you admit you have feelings for her. Given the chance you probably would get with her.
It's normal for him to feel skeptical that a straight 'best friend' would want to make so much of an effort to stay friends with a girl and want to Skype / talk to her so much.
Meet other girls, and try to move on.Last edited by SweetsAndSugar; 20-05-2012 at 22:51. -
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Re: Yes or No!? What to do....(Original post by The_Jammy_Witch)
Erm, this is what you get for hanging around in the friendzone.
Be honest: she isn't just a 'fwend' to you. You'd hit it if you could, and THAT is what the boyfriend is aware of.
He's more honest about his drives than you are - and that's why he got the girl, and you didn't. He can also see right through your 'fwend' antics, because he's a guy, you're a guy, and the 'oh he's just my straight, opposite-sexed best friend' dance is getting so old - I think most people see through it.
This isn't to say you don't ALSO like her as a person, genuinely, BUT that your firendship is based in large part on your attraction to her.
And as I say, he knows that instinctively. So I understand his point of view, and it's his raw, unapologetic male-ness that she's probably attracted to herself.
So basically... give it up.These.(Original post by SweetsAndSugar)
You're calling him possessive, nasty and selfish... yet you admit you have feelings for her. Given the chance you probably would get with her...
He knows you'd escalate things with her if she let you. He's just not naive that's all.
Obviously she will care more about what he wants then you:
Boyfriend/Girlfriend > friend.
Time to find a new girl.Last edited by TheInformer; 20-05-2012 at 23:33. -
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Re: Yes or No!? What to do....Ah, the friend-zone.
I share the sentiments of some of the other posters here. You're jelouse because you aren't with her, and are going under the pretence of wanting to just be her friend. He's seen strait through that.
Time to be more honest about your intentions when you meet girls in future.
If you were gay, it'd be a totally different matter.Last edited by Alpharius; 21-05-2012 at 20:24.
