[Anonymous]

I don't know where to start, I'll try to keep this as short as possible.

I'm 20. The latest thing she has done is follow me in the car when I was going to see my boyfriend. She screamed at him on the street, made me get back in the car, my dad was with her and she was telling him to punch my boyfriend in the face. Fortunately my dad isn't as bad as her, but he is becoming like her. She is very verbally and physically abusive towards me. I'm not allowed out the house without my brother, unless she is dropping me off directly at a friend's house. I have been seeing my boyfriend in secret because my brother and friends are awesome. My brother is allowed to do as he pleases, he doesn't come home for days on end and no one asks him where he is. I am working at the moment and have considered getting a car, when I told her this, she said it's because I want to f*** every tom, dick and harry. I am not allowed to wear dresses, she calls me a whore when I do. My dad told me I need to be more 'spiritually strong' since following me and told me to get rid of my boyfriend. Apparently I was seeing a boy because I have low self esteem and an idle mind. My parents are insane.

Anyway, I am going to Liverpool uni in September, 3 hours away from home. My boyfriend really wants me to just be open about our relationship, I'm just too scared to until I'm away from home (he knows my situation, says I can move in with him if they don't accept us). My mother said she would hire a private investigator if she found out I was still seeing him. My mother says she is going to move to Liverpool with me in September

I guess I just need some reassurance that everything is going to be ok. Thanks.

[Shelly_x]

Why is your mother so against you seeing him?

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Shelly_x)
Why is your mother so against you seeing him?

He is white

[hamijack]

(Original post by Anonymous)
He is white

and let me guess, you're Asian, most likely Pakistani?

EDIT: I don't get why this was such a controversial point? Every time one of these threads comes up it's an Asian person almost always of Pakistani origin.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Shelly_x)
Why is your mother so against you seeing him?

And also she believes having a pre-marital relationship is wrong and is the equivalent of being a prostitute.

[senator88]

If I were you I would move out and stay with a friend or something, you are an adult and can do what you like, she has no right to dictate your life. Tell her she either accepts your decisions or have nothing to do with you

[Anonymous]

(Original post by hamijack)
and let me guess, you're Asian, most likely Pakistani?

Not Pakistani or Muslim, but yes Asian

[Anonymous]

(Original post by senator88)
If I were you I would move out and stay with a friend or something, you are an adult and can do what you like, she has no right to dictate your life. Tell her she either accepts your decisions or have nothing to do with you

I would but my friends are all at university already, I'm on a gap year, and the thought of moving out and my mother's rage at me and whoever is accommodating me is scary

[hamijack]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Not Pakistani or Muslim, but yes Asian

Ok, you're screwed until you go to uni, then just don't leave your parents your new address and you should be able to get out from under their thumb.

[tomtom415]

If you're 18 then you can do as you please. I know your parents mean a lot, but if they can't come to terms with what you want, then you have to cut them out of your life. Your parents are supposed to be supportive, not suppressive

[H.K.S]

They are prob trying to do whats best for you, see it from their point of view, they are scared of losing you so its natural for them to feel they need to be more strict on you

[CJM13]

Explain to your parents that while you understand their traditional outlook, it is an outlook that has no place in your life. Tell them they must either accept the way you are, or that you will simply break off contact when you go to university; you are free to live your own life.

If they still threaten you and are abusive then just cut them out.

[Mr.Zen]

There's this bald guy I know, with a bar code on the back of his head. I really think he would be able to help you with your situation. Would you like me to refer him to you?

[Anonymous]

(Original post by H.K.S)
They are prob trying to do whats best for you, see it from their point of view, they are scared of losing you so its natural for them to feel they need to be more strict on you

I'm sorry but I know what my parents are like, they are not just being 'strict' they are horrible, abusive and controlling. They place the importance of me remaining a virgin over anything else.

[senator88]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I would but my friends are all at university already, I'm on a gap year, and the thought of moving out and my mother's rage at me and whoever is accommodating me is scary

If they are really that abusive take out a restraining order against them or something, you shouldn't have to live like that

[littleone271]

I don't know how you havn't murdered her to be honest! What makes her think it's ok to treat you like this? She is obviously insane and you shouldn't need to see this from their point of view because it's so obvious they're being unreasonable. Is there no way you could just ignore them? To be fair seeing as you're an adult, if you moved out and stayed with a friend and your parents still bothered you then you could probably bring the police into it. Their behaviour is completely unnacceptable and you shouldn't have to put up with this so don't.

[Natasha A*]

Okay well first thing stay calm and everything will be alright. Let her do what she's doing, I come from an Indian family and my family are truly supportive of my relationship with my boyfriend of 18 months, but they weren't at first. The only thing you can do is gain your parents trust and respect. Get another sim card which can only be used between you and your boyfriend and use it when you need to contact him so you can leave your phone around with nothing to hide then she and your father will notice that you really are a good girl. Also study loads, even if you aren't in education Asian parents love it when their children study. Even if it's a general book just say I felt like learning or something...Your parents should hopefully learn to trust you and then soon in a few months emphasis on money/expenses and Uni. Asian parents hate spending loads of money and fingers crossed it will all work out and they won't bother you again about coming to your Uni. Then you and your boyfriend can live happily. By the way I'm only 17 so this is my point of view sorry if it's an immature idea. I just haven't been in your situation before as I've always been honest with my family x

[H.K.S]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm sorry but I know what my parents are like, they are not just being 'strict' they are horrible, abusive and controlling. They place the importance of me remaining a virgin over anything else.

i know you might not understant it now, but as men get older they realise they want to get married to someone who is decent and respected. your parents just want whats best for you so that you dont grown up with a bad rep stuff because they want you to have a happy life, the right guy will come along trust me.

[mandi21]

My first reaction to this was oh my goodness. If you didn't state your age I would have thought you were WAY younger!
Tbh, I don't think they should be angry with the fact you're seeing someone who is white. We live in a multi-ethnic and race society. So by them bringing you up in this country shouldn't they have accepted the fact that you were going to mix and maybe even get into a relationship with someone of a different race?
I say you just try your hardest to stick it out until you go to uni, and then do as you wish but be VERY careful about it.
Try not to be too put down by the whole thing, I'm guessing like my parents they weren't brought up here? It's very hard for them to kind of remember that they're not back home and they're not back in whatever year they lived there. They're use to the way they were brought up and that's probably why your mum is like she is? Also the fact they let your brother out and stuff probably is because he's a boy, because boys can 'defend' themselves or whatever.
My parents once said to me they had spies all around (when I was younger) I laughed at that. However, something tells me your mum may not be joking o_0 ...

[Nutty_Psychologist]

Hi OP,
I am so sorry to hear about your situation and I can not imagine what your going through. You sound like you are staying really strong though which is really good and you are sticking with what you believe in. So many people in your shoes would have just accepted their siutation but you know what you want and are sticking with it.
Why don't you think about moving in with your boyfriend until you go to Uni, otherwise it's going to really hard on you living at home for the next 3 months plus you then get to spend some more time with him.
I highly doubt she will move to Liverpool after you hun, it sounds like your Dad would probably stop he anyway. Stay strong OP, you are doing the right thing