[Anonymous]

(Original post by H.K.S)
i know you might not understant it now, but as men get older they realise they want to get married to someone who is decent and respected. your parents just want whats best for you so that you dont grown up with a bad rep stuff because they want you to have a happy life, the right guy will come along trust me.

I can't tell if you're trolling..

[pickup]

This must be awful for you but try and concentrate on your future at Liverpool. It's not long to go. Time is on your side. Before you know it you'll be away and things will look better.

Your mother is obviously very anxious about you and is showing it in a very negative way. This is though, an indication of how much she and your father love you. Maybe they haven't themselves got much experience of Higher Education and what it involves. Perhaps if you tried discussing your course with her and your father and reassuring them that you are their daughter and therefore will work hard to justify the efforts they have made for you : you want to make them proud of you etc. it might take the pressure off you a bit.

Where are you going to stay at Uni? in Hall? You'll soon make new friends, start a new life and be much more independent of your family. Plan what you are going to take, which societies you want to join. Start doing some background preparation, reading?

Many parents object to thier daughter's (and son's) choices both in friends and partners. Again this is really them being anxious.

[fatpat]

It is completely unacceptable for them to behave like that.

Could you maybe stay with your boyfriend until it's time for you to go to uni?

Are you working? If so maybe find a room in a shared house for a few months?

You needn't tell your parents, just say you're going. If they find you, and are in anyway aggressive, get the police involved.

Definitely don't tell your parents when you are leaving for uni. Maybe pack the important things you want to take and leave them at your boyfriends, then when the time comes, you can just go at anytime.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by pickup)
This must be awful for you but try and concentrate on your future at Liverpool. It's not long to go. Time is on your side. Before you know it you'll be away and things will look better.

Your mother is obviously very anxious about you and is showing it in a very negative way. This is though, an indication of how much she and your father love you. Maybe they haven't themselves got much experience of Higher Education and what it involves. Perhaps if you tried discussing your course with her and your father and reassuring them that you are their daughter and therefore will work hard to justify the efforts they have made for you : you want to make them proud of you etc. it might take the pressure off you a bit.

Where are you going to stay at Uni? in Hall? You'll soon make new friends, start a new life and be much more independent of your family. Plan what you are going to take, which societies you want to join. Start doing some background preparation, reading?

Many parents object to thier daughter's (and son's) choices both in friends and partners. Again this is really them being anxious.

Yes, I am staying in halls. I know once I'm at university I'll have very little to do with them. I just need to get through the next 3 months

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Nutty_Psychologist)
Hi OP,
I am so sorry to hear about your situation and I can not imagine what your going through. You sound like you are staying really strong though which is really good and you are sticking with what you believe in. So many people in your shoes would have just accepted their siutation but you know what you want and are sticking with it.
Why don't you think about moving in with your boyfriend until you go to Uni, otherwise it's going to really hard on you living at home for the next 3 months plus you then get to spend some more time with him.
I highly doubt she will move to Liverpool after you hun, it sounds like your Dad would probably stop he anyway. Stay strong OP, you are doing the right thing

Thank you for your support

[fuze-mo25]

the main thing you have to understand is that when they do stuff like that they think there doing the best for you even though it is counter productive. The only thing you can do is sit them down and explain to them the whole culture difference that they have to trust you.
If that fails then you really have to think for whats best for you

[Anonymous]

I know this probably yet another troll post..

But yeah, it happens believe it or not- parents can be controlling. And people saying "leave and go somewhere else"- she is 20, and a student- the chances are she has no money so where is she supposed to go exactly?

You might just have to suck it up for a while longer- stand up to her though! What she going to do? Spank your bottom for being a naughty girl like your 3 years old?

I dont think so. And if she does, I recommend calling your local mental institution

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't know where to start, I'll try to keep this as short as possible.

I'm 20. The latest thing she has done is follow me in the car when I was going to see my boyfriend. She screamed at him on the street, made me get back in the car, my dad was with her and she was telling him to punch my boyfriend in the face. Fortunately my dad isn't as bad as her, but he is becoming like her. She is very verbally and physically abusive towards me. I'm not allowed out the house without my brother, unless she is dropping me off directly at a friend's house. I have been seeing my boyfriend in secret because my brother and friends are awesome. My brother is allowed to do as he pleases, he doesn't come home for days on end and no one asks him where he is. I am working at the moment and have considered getting a car, when I told her this, she said it's because I want to f*** every tom, dick and harry. I am not allowed to wear dresses, she calls me a whore when I do. My dad told me I need to be more 'spiritually strong' since following me and told me to get rid of my boyfriend. Apparently I was seeing a boy because I have low self esteem and an idle mind. My parents are insane.

Anyway, I am going to Liverpool uni in September, 3 hours away from home. My boyfriend really wants me to just be open about our relationship, I'm just too scared to until I'm away from home (he knows my situation, says I can move in with him if they don't accept us). My mother said she would hire a private investigator if she found out I was still seeing him. My mother says she is going to move to Liverpool with me in September

I guess I just need some reassurance that everything is going to be ok. Thanks.

I know what you're going through and it's the same case for many young people growing up in the Western world with parents who are firm on their cultural and backward beliefs. It's like "Hello this is 2012! I don't have to grow up the way you did back then." I guess the best thing to do right now is let things calm down between you and your mother with the whole boyfriend issue and try and sit her down to let her know that she is pushing you away with the way she is treating you. It's what I had to do with my mother who feared I would turn out like my sister (who did what she left like and completely rebelled). If sitting her down and talking to her doesn't work then you're just going to have to be patient and wait til it's time to leave and start your own life. Although she makes you feel your life is ruined, she is your mother and practically gave you life. It would be a terrible thing to lose her over a boy or your desires. Aim for a better relationship with your mother and being able to do what you want in life.

[pickup]

It's amazing how silly little things help.

Try making a a mark in your diary - a star or something for everyday between now and your departure and then crossing them off. You'l be seeing slow but sure progress.

You need to distract yourself from the immediate problems with your parents - just try and ride it with as little friction as possible so it doesn't wear you down.

Start making little preparations - collect your pens together, buy some paper, find out what books you'll have to buy, think what clothes you'll be taking and wearing when you're there, find out what is provided in the communal kitchen, what else will you need? Are there any magazines/ professional journals you should be reading? Have you thought about careers?

Before you know it your parents will just be old people you once lived with and you'll be able to meet them, even help take care of them with a sense of detachment from the bad things you are experiencing now.

[anonstudent1]

(Original post by Anonymous)
My mother says she is going to move to Liverpool with me in September

I guess I just need some reassurance that everything is going to be ok. Thanks.

Wtf. Are you going to be staying in halls? Hows that going to work. Honestly try and move out on your own for Uni.

[Bellissima]

this is going far enough. you need to put your foot down and learn to say NO to your mothers absurd demands. i understand you love her and don't want to disrespect her, but she is disrespecting you and she needs to learn that she cannot treat you this way. she is NOT moving to liverpool with you!

you need to sit down with her (and your brother, he sounds nice) and tell her that you love her, respect her and she is an important part of your life... but it is your life and you need to be able to live it and she can't always be there telling you what to do. you are 20 and old enough to make your own decisions. you don't want to fall out with her over this but will if she doesn't start treating you your age.

your boyfriend also needs to stop being so pushy, he sounds lovely and what's best for you... but telling your parents, the ones that brought you up and love you, something that could separate you isn't easy nor is it something to take lightly. you do need to go public about your relationship though to show your mother you have your own mind.

[cl_steele]

in the politest way possible ... tell your mum to go **** herself. this is the 21st century Britain not feudal China.

[murpo]

Why don't you just leave and never go back? Don't tell her your new address and just tell her to **** off and leave you alone? Simples!

[Beebumble]

Honestly my opinion is: Move in with your boyfriend and have no contact with your mother until she learns she has to accept you're an adult who can make her own decisions and have adult relationships with whoever you want or risk loosing you altogether.

[NeuralGroove]

(Original post by Anonymous)
.

I might be becoming overly-suspicious of internet sob-stories, but is it just me, or is there usually some crucially omitted detail from these kind of tales? May I ask, has your boyfriend ever been to prison/beaten you/robbed your house to pay for heroin?

[TM94]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't know where to start, I'll try to keep this as short as possible.

I'm 20. The latest thing she has done is follow me in the car when I was going to see my boyfriend. She screamed at him on the street, made me get back in the car, my dad was with her and she was telling him to punch my boyfriend in the face. Fortunately my dad isn't as bad as her, but he is becoming like her. She is very verbally and physically abusive towards me. I'm not allowed out the house without my brother, unless she is dropping me off directly at a friend's house. I have been seeing my boyfriend in secret because my brother and friends are awesome. My brother is allowed to do as he pleases, he doesn't come home for days on end and no one asks him where he is. I am working at the moment and have considered getting a car, when I told her this, she said it's because I want to f*** every tom, dick and harry. I am not allowed to wear dresses, she calls me a whore when I do. My dad told me I need to be more 'spiritually strong' since following me and told me to get rid of my boyfriend. Apparently I was seeing a boy because I have low self esteem and an idle mind. My parents are insane.

Anyway, I am going to Liverpool uni in September, 3 hours away from home. My boyfriend really wants me to just be open about our relationship, I'm just too scared to until I'm away from home (he knows my situation, says I can move in with him if they don't accept us). My mother said she would hire a private investigator if she found out I was still seeing him. My mother says she is going to move to Liverpool with me in September

I guess I just need some reassurance that everything is going to be ok. Thanks.

Okay. What?

She after Sherlock Holmes?

[rainbow.panda]

If she is following you about everywhere and threatening your boyfriend wouldn't that be classed as harassment? You could go to the police and take out a restraining order on her (and your dad if necessary). You are a grown woman and an adult in the eyes of the law, you should not have to put up with this kind of behaviour.

[SpicyStrawberry]

You're an adult and your parents have no right verbally or physically abusing you or your boyfriend. You are entitled to a life of your own, if your parents cannot accept that you are an independent woman who can look after herself the fault lies with them and not you. I'd say move out and enjoy yourself, your parents are supposed to support you, not dictate your whole life. Not to mention that they are a pair of racists.

[someonesomewherexx]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't know where to start, I'll try to keep this as short as possible.

I'm 20. The latest thing she has done is follow me in the car when I was going to see my boyfriend. She screamed at him on the street, made me get back in the car, my dad was with her and she was telling him to punch my boyfriend in the face. Fortunately my dad isn't as bad as her, but he is becoming like her. She is very verbally and physically abusive towards me. I'm not allowed out the house without my brother, unless she is dropping me off directly at a friend's house. I have been seeing my boyfriend in secret because my brother and friends are awesome. My brother is allowed to do as he pleases, he doesn't come home for days on end and no one asks him where he is. I am working at the moment and have considered getting a car, when I told her this, she said it's because I want to f*** every tom, dick and harry. I am not allowed to wear dresses, she calls me a whore when I do. My dad told me I need to be more 'spiritually strong' since following me and told me to get rid of my boyfriend. Apparently I was seeing a boy because I have low self esteem and an idle mind. My parents are insane.

Anyway, I am going to Liverpool uni in September, 3 hours away from home. My boyfriend really wants me to just be open about our relationship, I'm just too scared to until I'm away from home (he knows my situation, says I can move in with him if they don't accept us). My mother said she would hire a private investigator if she found out I was still seeing him. My mother says she is going to move to Liverpool with me in September

I guess I just need some reassurance that everything is going to be ok. Thanks.

First Year University of Liverpool student with extremely controlling parents.PM me if you wanna talk.

[xHuStLeR23]

How do they control you when you are at uni?