[Anonymous]

(Original post by NeuralGroove)
I might be becoming overly-suspicious of internet sob-stories, but is it just me, or is there usually some crucially omitted detail from these kind of tales? May I ask, has your boyfriend ever been to prison/beaten you/robbed your house to pay for heroin?

My boyfriend is 25, a teacher, has his own place, treats me like gold, has a great relationship with his family. No scary bits of info I've left out.

[rmpr97]

You're 20, you don't have to listen what she says to you. Go to uni, cut of your ties. If she follows you to uni like she said you would, take legal proceedings if you can,

[A Cat]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't know where to start, I'll try to keep this as short as possible.

I'm 20. The latest thing she has done is follow me in the car when I was going to see my boyfriend. She screamed at him on the street, made me get back in the car, my dad was with her and she was telling him to punch my boyfriend in the face. Fortunately my dad isn't as bad as her, but he is becoming like her. She is very verbally and physically abusive towards me. I'm not allowed out the house without my brother, unless she is dropping me off directly at a friend's house. I have been seeing my boyfriend in secret because my brother and friends are awesome. My brother is allowed to do as he pleases, he doesn't come home for days on end and no one asks him where he is. I am working at the moment and have considered getting a car, when I told her this, she said it's because I want to f*** every tom, dick and harry. I am not allowed to wear dresses, she calls me a whore when I do. My dad told me I need to be more 'spiritually strong' since following me and told me to get rid of my boyfriend. Apparently I was seeing a boy because I have low self esteem and an idle mind. My parents are insane.

Anyway, I am going to Liverpool uni in September, 3 hours away from home. My boyfriend really wants me to just be open about our relationship, I'm just too scared to until I'm away from home (he knows my situation, says I can move in with him if they don't accept us). My mother said she would hire a private investigator if she found out I was still seeing him. My mother says she is going to move to Liverpool with me in September

I guess I just need some reassurance that everything is going to be ok. Thanks.

godammit. I wrote a ****ing **** load post, hit the backspace and lost it. Read my thread on psychopaths. Sorry to say your mother is one. I know it's strange to recieve such a diagnosis over the internet but trust me do not be in denial about this. Face the reality, she is not the only one. Good luck

[s.aley]

what culture are you from/what is your heritage?
how long have your parents been living in england?
do you have a large or small proportion of your family that lives in england?
are your parents religious? are you religious?

maybe you should explain the importance of adapting to your immediate society. cultural identity can be retained at the same time but you need to compromise and agree on the right balance. remember, they want their way as much as you want your way, it might be easy to not think about that.

[s.aley]

(Original post by Ronove)
Some white people know what gorah means. And if you're going to be racist, do it in the language of the forum instead of trying to be all exclusive about it so the targets don't know what you're saying.

i was under the impression that gorah literally translates to white.
if it does then i wouldn't really call it racist.
not saying the people who are saying it aren't racist, but if the word means white, then thats just a way to specify white people.
its a bit like saying some one is racist for saying 'i'm looking for my friend joe he's a 5 foot 9 skinny black guy with a long afro'

[Ras17]

(Original post by Samrout)
godammit. I wrote a ****ing **** load post, hit the backspace and lost it. Read my thread on psychopaths. Sorry to say your mother is one. I know it's strange to recieve such a diagnosis over the internet but trust me do not be in denial about this. Face the reality, she is not the only one. Good luck

lol, TSR saves posts as you go along, hence "auto-saved" in the corner when you type which will restore you post when you lose it. there should be an option to bring it back up, can't remember how though

[anaplian]

I'm a white male and have been dating an Indian girl for the last few years, she grew up in Delhi and came to London for uni. Initially we had to keep our relationship secret, when her parents ultimately found out it was a bit like a bomb going off; no physical abuse but plenty of verbal.

Long story short, i taught myself intermediate - Hindi, flew to Delhi and did my best to integrate. Her parents did eventually accept me as her boyfriend and things have been decent ever since.

There are many levels when it comes to familial relationships, passing abuse off as 'culturally fixed' doesn't change the fact that it is just that, abuse. Accepting it is tantamount to participation in my eyes, this has nothing to do with with the way Indian/South Asian families 'are'. Some cultural beliefs need to be changed, and to the guys who said that gora's can't understand, i'm a gora and trust me i understand way better than you.

OP get yourself independent, it's the only way if they won't accept it.

[bahjat93]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Not Pakistani or Muslim, but yes Asian

I'm in the same boat as you sister, just tell her your moving out and will like to stay at University to pay more attention in your studies. If she moves in with you then it can seriously harm your studies .
You are 18 and if she gets "Physical" with you threaten to call the cops on her, but do it in a jokey :P.

[Iqbal007]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Not Pakistani or Muslim, but yes Asian

Guessing your Indian Hindu descent????

[A100whoo]

Lol, she wont move with you to liverpool shes chatting ****.

And no, no matter what your bf says wait till you leave to tell them

[Adam C]

(Original post by The Doggfather)
Note to others: Try not to neg me, I'm just explaining what most of us think. These are no lies or personal opinions, it's the truth even if it may disgust or frustrate you.

Okay, it's what her parents think. We understand that. Evidently however, it's not what she thinks. This being the case, why should her parents impose their restrictions on her? Why can't she do whatever she wants to?

[YBR]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't know where to start, I'll try to keep this as short as possible.

I'm 20. The latest thing she has done is follow me in the car when I was going to see my boyfriend. She screamed at him on the street, made me get back in the car, my dad was with her and she was telling him to punch my boyfriend in the face. Fortunately my dad isn't as bad as her, but he is becoming like her. She is very verbally and physically abusive towards me. I'm not allowed out the house without my brother, unless she is dropping me off directly at a friend's house. I have been seeing my boyfriend in secret because my brother and friends are awesome. My brother is allowed to do as he pleases, he doesn't come home for days on end and no one asks him where he is. I am working at the moment and have considered getting a car, when I told her this, she said it's because I want to f*** every tom, dick and harry. I am not allowed to wear dresses, she calls me a whore when I do. My dad told me I need to be more 'spiritually strong' since following me and told me to get rid of my boyfriend. Apparently I was seeing a boy because I have low self esteem and an idle mind. My parents are insane.

Anyway, I am going to Liverpool uni in September, 3 hours away from home. My boyfriend really wants me to just be open about our relationship, I'm just too scared to until I'm away from home (he knows my situation, says I can move in with him if they don't accept us). My mother said she would hire a private investigator if she found out I was still seeing him. My mother says she is going to move to Liverpool with me in September

I guess I just need some reassurance that everything is going to be ok. Thanks.

your mum is a nutcase, sorry. she isn't being a mum to you at all. honestly, you're of age aren't you? the PI she is hires is going to be guilty of STALKING. check your legal rights; you have plenty.

err about the spiritual thing, your parents seemed to have been living in the wrong gospel. don't let that affect your spiritual life and if the church they go to is responsible for this wrong teaching, by all means, LEAVE and find another. please please please. don't let them confuse terrible parenting with God's words.

if you're really worried get your bf to learn some martial art to defend himself (and potentially you) from whatever psycho PI she may send to him. honestly the PI would have to be either psycho too or a very lousy one in bad need of business if he were to take up such a job

ps. oh okay I see the whole race factor thing now. tell her it's the 21st century and GET OUT OF THE HOUSE TO LIVERPOOL! and kick her out of the dorm there.

[TheProdigy2k9]

(Original post by hamijack)
and let me guess, you're Asian, most likely Pakistani?

Why would you just assume that she's Pakistani? Stereotyping or what. It's not just Pakistani girls that face situations like this.

[Indian_Prince]

interesting.... well to all those asians saying she should be ashamed and stuff... for what? shes in love with someone, love is a uncontrolled emotion/feeling and if the man trully loves her and she trully loves him then whats your problem with it?

Anyways... forget the relationship, main thing is the abusive mum, you'll have to stand your ground and make it clear that you will not tollerate abuse to such an level, she is your mother and so has a right to tell you whats best for you but her method is wrong. You can try and sit down with her and have a talk, she might become extremely abusive, just walk away and cool down, youll be off to uni soon and yeh the whole private detective thing is bull, and even if she does, whats she going to do? come to the halls and beat you infront of everyone? yeh right.

[patrickinator]

Racism works both ways.

[greenblueandorange]

(Original post by pickup)
This must be awful for you but try and concentrate on your future at Liverpool. It's not long to go. Time is on your side. Before you know it you'll be away and things will look better.

Your mother is obviously very anxious about you and is showing it in a very negative way. This is though, an indication of how much she and your father love you. Maybe they haven't themselves got much experience of Higher Education and what it involves. Perhaps if you tried discussing your course with her and your father and reassuring them that you are their daughter and therefore will work hard to justify the efforts they have made for you : you want to make them proud of you etc. it might take the pressure off you a bit.

Where are you going to stay at Uni? in Hall? You'll soon make new friends, start a new life and be much more independent of your family. Plan what you are going to take, which societies you want to join. Start doing some background preparation, reading?

Many parents object to thier daughter's (and son's) choices both in friends and partners. Again this is really them being anxious.

Her parents' actions are not indicative of their love for her. From my personal experience, I doubt that her controlling parents (mother particularly) love her because they're putting her through so much of stress and pain.

OP, you just have to take charge of your own life because people, who dictate how one should live one's life and who try to force the said "rules of life", don't necessarily love the individual. Think about what the Taliban does everyday. Just because the Taliban doesn't know each individual that it controls on a personal level doesn't stop it from controlling the people it controls. Another point that I want to make is that your parents don't have your best interest at heart here. That is, unless your parents "allow" your brother to do whatever he wants to do because they neglect him. I don't think that's very likely because it sounds like his needs are being met, while yours aren't. I got issues with my parents too and I realized that it's best to get a job and move out for good (or at least "let" them pay for my College tuition lol, unless I change schools, for which they probably won't pay :/).

[thetopnotch]

OP, have you talked to your brother about what's going on? Could you get him to talk to your parents?

[hamijack]

(Original post by TheProdigy2k9)
Why would you just assume that she's Pakistani? Stereotyping or what. It's not just Pakistani girls that face situations like this.

True, but every time I see one of these threads it always turns out to be an Asian-Pakistani girl. It's not a stereotype, it's just a prediction based on previous experience.

[sabre2th1]

Her being against the relationship because he is White is stupid and due to the deep-rooted racism that needs to be extinguished from the Asian community.

However, her being against your pre-marital relationship is understandable.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by thetopnotch)
OP, have you talked to your brother about what's going on? Could you get him to talk to your parents?

My brother is 23 and has established his freedom from an early age, he has tried telling my parents to allow me my freedom but he has to say he is with me when I leave the house. He's been great being my alibi so far, but it's coming to a point where he's had enough now too. My mother phones him telling him to prove that he's with me, swearing etc, he doesn't get any phone calls otherwise. He's had a girlfriend who is mixed race for 2 years now, my mum has found valentine day cards, cigarettes etc in his room but she does nothing to stop him going out. I suppose I should have established my freedom at an earlier age too..