Results are out! Find what you need...fast. Get quick advice or join the chat
Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

My mother is ruining my life, please help?

Announcements Posted on
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't know where to start, I'll try to keep this as short as possible.

    I'm 20. The latest thing she has done is follow me in the car when I was going to see my boyfriend. She screamed at him on the street, made me get back in the car, my dad was with her and she was telling him to punch my boyfriend in the face. Fortunately my dad isn't as bad as her, but he is becoming like her. She is very verbally and physically abusive towards me. I'm not allowed out the house without my brother, unless she is dropping me off directly at a friend's house. I have been seeing my boyfriend in secret because my brother and friends are awesome. My brother is allowed to do as he pleases, he doesn't come home for days on end and no one asks him where he is. I am working at the moment and have considered getting a car, when I told her this, she said it's because I want to f*** every tom, dick and harry. I am not allowed to wear dresses, she calls me a whore when I do. My dad told me I need to be more 'spiritually strong' since following me and told me to get rid of my boyfriend. Apparently I was seeing a boy because I have low self esteem and an idle mind. My parents are insane.

    Anyway, I am going to Liverpool uni in September, 3 hours away from home. My boyfriend really wants me to just be open about our relationship, I'm just too scared to until I'm away from home (he knows my situation, says I can move in with him if they don't accept us). My mother said she would hire a private investigator if she found out I was still seeing him. My mother says she is going to move to Liverpool with me in September

    I guess I just need some reassurance that everything is going to be ok. Thanks.
    If you get emancipated you get full loans and grants for university, you'd never have to go home again
    • 7 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by NeuralGroove)
    Your worldview is a little like that of the Spanish Catholics after the influx into Africa. The religious scripture stated that no man could keep another man as a slave. Their solution was to profess that Africans were less than human, so could be degraded indefinitely. When you say that you are driven by "empathy for fellow humans", I can't help but feel sickened by the fact that I know you consider a group of psychiatrically ill people exempt from being human, and have actively professed you see no reason why they could not be eliminated.

    I think that you over-react to my usage of words; your questions were obviously loaded and you admit as much. Posing the questions, and assuming an answer was obvious, was your own way of attempting to convince me that there was no better solution for these people, so I stand by the fact that it acted as an acid test of human worth.

    At the heart of this argument is the fact that, whilst you may believe that you can deal with 'psychopaths', you misunderstand how science works. How can you personally possibly criticise Hare's checklist or Baron-Cohen's for that matter? To revise them would require conclusive proof from meta-analyses and repeated clinical findings that your additions are more accurate. Needless to say, none of this has been done. Your 'observations' are not, in a scientific sense, empirical. Instead, they are based on a small number of your own beliefs, uninspired by the medical literature and branded with fire-and-brimstone moral condemnation.
    I don't know if anyone's told you, but "when you assume you make an ASS out of u and me". Those who propagated the slave trade were likely psychopaths. I say they are subhuman because they have a physical brain defect which transpires to their mind, resulting in the lack of emotion which keeps human conduct generally as positive as possible. Each individual psychopath has a physical illness which leads me, and countless others who have had interaction and experience with them to label them as EVIL. Until you have experienced a psychopath, you have little true knowledge on the way they operate, and how they have a malignant effect on humankind.

    I have told you already why and how I criticise those diagnostic tools. Perhaps you need to read over what I said again.

    You did not directly nor indirectly answer any questions I asked. Probably because your need to silence me, to win this little debate is more overt than your search for truth.

    My observations are applicable to every psychopath on this planet. I know them inside and out. My observations are not false, or misleading. They are not made-up, they are derived from experience and reading.

    If you're going to post again, don't make any reference to my character. Don't make any assumptions about my worldview, my beliefs etc. Tear me apart with what I have written, but you will soon find that what I have written is nothing but the truth, which you must accept should you wish to be educated on this subject.
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Samrout)
    I don't know if anyone's told you, but "when you assume you make an ASS out of u and me". Those who propagated the slave trade were likely psychopaths. I say they are subhuman because they have a physical brain defect which transpires to their mind, resulting in the lack of emotion which keeps human conduct generally as positive as possible. Each individual psychopath has a physical illness which leads me, and countless others who have had interaction and experience with them to label them as EVIL. Until you have experienced a psychopath, you have little true knowledge on the way they operate, and how they have a malignant effect on humankind.

    I have told you already why and how I criticise those diagnostic tools. Perhaps you need to read over what I said again.

    You did not directly nor indirectly answer any questions I asked. Probably because your need to silence me, to win this little debate is more overt than your search for truth.

    My observations are applicable to every psychopath on this planet. I know them inside and out. My observations are not false, or misleading. They are not made-up, they are derived from experience and reading.

    If you're going to post again, don't make any reference to my character. Don't make any assumptions about my worldview, my beliefs etc. Tear me apart with what I have written, but you will soon find that what I have written is nothing but the truth, which you must accept should you wish to be educated on this subject.
    Haha, that childish remark is made funnier by the fact that I mentioned it was you doing the assuming.

    You can't simply hope to brand everyone who does things that we consider harmful, unkind, even horrific as psychopaths. No, the slave trade was propagated because it was profitable, it paved the streets of London, Bath, Portsmouth and filled the plantations of the Americas. Perfectly healthy people are capable of convincing themselves that a course of action is right if it benefits them in the long run. Have you ever wondered why there is a limit to our empathy and our altruism? Robert Wright's highly recommendable book, "The Moral Animal", recounts the saying of an English evolutionary biologist that sums up this matter; "I wouldn't give my life to save my brother, but I would for two brothers or eight cousins" (as that is the proportion at which you could expect 100% of your genetic material to be carried on in them). We suspend our beautiful morality, our kindness, our empathy, altruism, friendships when necessity dictates and when it benefits us. Evolution wouldn't make an organism that was simply very nice.
    If the opportunity arises to justify using Africans as means, not as ends, for slavery, making yourself very rich and a very attractive reproductive prospect in the process, evolution mandates that we capitalise on such opportunities. A permanently principled organism is often an ill-fated one.

    I have no interest in or reason to "silence you". You sound a little like a howling paranoiac when you say that kind of thing. I encourage healthy and engaged debate on such issues, even if I vehemently oppose what you say.

    "My observations are applicable to every psychopath on this planet. I know them inside and out. My observations are not false, or misleading. They are not made-up, they are derived from experience and reading."

    This is utter nonsense. What possible evidence do you have to support your claims? Do you have any of the evidence used to justify claims like this? A backlog of case reports, meta-analyses, statistical tests to determine the range of concordance to specific characteristics? No. Don't pretend that this is at all a scientific endeavour. It isn't. Diagnoses are the realm of science. You are masquerading as a guru here, making up lists of characteristics that come simply from observations of a small fraction and then presenting it as all-encompassing facts. It is unscientific, it is misleading.

    Further even to that, science is impartial. Have you ever heard of a scientist or medic condemning those afflicted with a condition they describe? No. Because they are empathetic, impartial and are able to keep their personal convictions apart from their professional findings. Emotion is the enemy of scientific discovery. Your beliefs clearly come from whatever feelings you have about your mother. In this area, I can recognise that I can't possibly hope to completely understand your emotional state, but I'd suggest that this whole exposition, condemning so harshly a made up group of people, is nothing but a coping mechanism.

    And if you can't see that a discussion about the care of the mentally ill, the use of violence in society, trust, compassion and human emotion is fundamentally a discussion on worldview and beliefs then you need the two terms clarified for you.
    • 7 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by NeuralGroove)
    Haha, that childish remark is made funnier by the fact that I mentioned it was you doing the assuming.

    You can't simply hope to brand everyone who does things that we consider harmful, unkind, even horrific as psychopaths. No, the slave trade was propagated because it was profitable, it paved the streets of London, Bath, Portsmouth and filled the plantations of the Americas. Perfectly healthy people are capable of convincing themselves that a course of action is right if it benefits them in the long run. Have you ever wondered why there is a limit to our empathy and our altruism? Robert Wright's highly recommendable book, "The Moral Animal", recounts the saying of an English evolutionary biologist that sums up this matter; "I wouldn't give my life to save my brother, but I would for two brothers or eight cousins" (as that is the proportion at which you could expect 100% of your genetic material to be carried on in them). We suspend our beautiful morality, our kindness, our empathy, altruism, friendships when necessity dictates and when it benefits us. Evolution wouldn't make an organism that was simply very nice.
    If the opportunity arises to justify using Africans as means, not as ends, for slavery, making yourself very rich and a very attractive reproductive prospect in the process, evolution mandates that we capitalise on such opportunities. A permanently principled organism is often an ill-fated one.

    I have no interest in or reason to "silence you". You sound a little like a howling paranoiac when you say that kind of thing. I encourage healthy and engaged debate on such issues, even if I vehemently oppose what you say.

    "My observations are applicable to every psychopath on this planet. I know them inside and out. My observations are not false, or misleading. They are not made-up, they are derived from experience and reading."

    This is utter nonsense. What possible evidence do you have to support your claims? Do you have any of the evidence used to justify claims like this? A backlog of case reports, meta-analyses, statistical tests to determine the range of concordance to specific characteristics? No. Don't pretend that this is at all a scientific endeavour. It isn't. Diagnoses are the realm of science. You are masquerading as a guru here, making up lists of characteristics that come simply from observations of a small fraction and then presenting it as all-encompassing facts. It is unscientific, it is misleading.

    Further even to that, science is impartial. Have you ever heard of a scientist or medic condemning those afflicted with a condition they describe? No. Because they are empathetic, impartial and are able to keep their personal convictions apart from their professional findings. Emotion is the enemy of scientific discovery. Your beliefs clearly come from whatever feelings you have about your mother. In this area, I can recognise that I can't possibly hope to completely understand your emotional state, but I'd suggest that this whole exposition, condemning so harshly a made up group of people, is nothing but a coping mechanism.

    And if you can't see that a discussion about the care of the mentally ill, the use of violence in society, trust, compassion and human emotion is fundamentally a discussion on worldview and beliefs then you need the two terms clarified for you.
    goodbye.

    edit also lol... you tell me not to diagnose without due information. I tell you a personal fact in the hope you don't use it against me, and you try and diagnose me as emotionally fragile. Hilarious!
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Natasha A*)
    Okay well first thing stay calm and everything will be alright. Let her do what she's doing, I come from an Indian family and my family are truly supportive of my relationship with my boyfriend of 18 months, but they weren't at first. The only thing you can do is gain your parents trust and respect. Get another sim card which can only be used between you and your boyfriend and use it when you need to contact him so you can leave your phone around with nothing to hide then she and your father will notice that you really are a good girl. Also study loads, even if you aren't in education Asian parents love it when their children study. Even if it's a general book just say I felt like learning or something...Your parents should hopefully learn to trust you and then soon in a few months emphasis on money/expenses and Uni. Asian parents hate spending loads of money and fingers crossed it will all work out and they won't bother you again about coming to your Uni. Then you and your boyfriend can live happily. By the way I'm only 17 so this is my point of view sorry if it's an immature idea. I just haven't been in your situation before as I've always been honest with my family x
    You are a genius. You've just made the blue print to bypass every Asian parent. I know something like this would work on my parents. Lol so true. My parents love it when i revise. They treat me so much nicer

    Samsung > Apple
    • 5 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Not Pakistani or Muslim, but yes Asian
    your mum and dad want a good asian lad who can cook noodles and produce high quality dvd materials for you....
    • 3 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Mr.Zen)
    There's this bald guy I know, with a bar code on the back of his head. I really think he would be able to help you with your situation. Would you like me to refer him to you?
    i just jizzed when i read this
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Samrout)
    goodbye.
    What a highly mature, justified response from someone with a genuine point to make. I think that this point has been resolved. If you fancy it, Google Trofim Lysenko.
    • 8 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    I honestly feel for you I pray all the time that I can move out for university ( I live in london so if I get a london uni i'm screwed) because I want to explore and be away from my family and restrictions. However saying this my parents are no where near as bad as yours and are much more open and lenient and if they did that to me I wouldn't know what to do.

    I suppose you need to give your mum a reality check and let her know that she cannot control your life, your 20 you can move out now once you get your maintenance grant and you said you have a job which could support you to some extent. Parents like these need to know that they can't control their children's life and make them incompetent to live independently or with free will. Put your foot down, I know it will be hard and you can't imagine to do something like that but seriously you have to for the sake of yourself and that you only live once.

    Your parents can't dictate your life and maybe once you put your foot down: scream at them, fight with them, threaten them, show them the effect it can have on you, importantly make them realise how ridiculous and ludicrous their argument is of all the 'spiritual' crap, slam the door on their face and ignore their stupidity and walk out of the door when you feel like it- they can only keep you in the coped up house if it is your will, no one can make you do anything you don't want to and if they do it's against the damn law. For university make sure you get accommodation on campus and if your mum moves their ignore her, if she follows you scream at her in public, if they hire a private investigator then call the police.I know it sounds so extreme but that is the only way they will understand and come to cope with the fact that they cannot control you if you don't then they will continue to exert control.
    • 7 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by NeuralGroove)
    What a highly mature, justified response from someone with a genuine point to make. I think that this point has been resolved. If you fancy it, Google Trofim Lysenko.
    for now. I must write a post educating you on psychopaths since your experience with them is severely limited. My point was that the mother is a psychopath. You fail to agree despite overwhelming evidence that you reject. I will answer all of your points posed to me later on.
    • 5 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by zohaib029)
    You are a genius. You've just made the blue print to bypass every Asian parent. I know something like this would work on my parents. Lol so true. My parents love it when i revise. They treat me so much nicer

    Samsung > Apple
    Thankyou, I come up with good lies and excuses, I just can't help it. It comes naturally, I try not to use them though, as I do my best to be honest. At the end of the day, I'm only human and we all lie sometimes x

Reply

Submit reply

Register

Thanks for posting! You just need to create an account in order to submit the post
  1. this can't be left blank
    that username has been taken, please choose another Forgotten your password?
  2. this can't be left blank
    this email is already registered. Forgotten your password?
  3. this can't be left blank

    6 characters or longer with both numbers and letters is safer

  4. this can't be left empty
    your full birthday is required
  1. By joining you agree to our Ts and Cs, privacy policy and site rules

  2. Slide to join now Processing…

Updated: June 24, 2012
New on TSR

Halloween 2014

Spooky tales from this year's fright night

Article updates
Reputation gems:
You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.